


From two broken families to a whole one

by Taruolento



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 108,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taruolento/pseuds/Taruolento
Summary: A story from Buck and Eddie's point of view, of how their relationship developed from the start to this day.
Relationships: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 184





	1. Gratitude and admiration

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is going to be... a long... long... long story. I started to write it, just to kill some time and it sort of escalated fast. I can't tell yet how many chapters there's going to be, but I'd guess about 15? Depends how long chapters you guys want. Please leave a kudos and comment, so I know if it's worth keep on posting. I appreciate every one of them! I hope this work gives you some happy times during these not so happy times.

When Eddie arrived to L.A. for good. He was petrified. His father's words echoed in his mind: you're in over your head, Edmundo. And then his mother's: don't drag him down with you, Eddie. There was a painful knot in his guts that refused to go away. His parents had been disappointed at him and told him he couldn't make it alone with Christopher, but Christopher... was all he had. And his son was over the moon.

Chris had been sound asleep for hours, but the moment they passed the L.A. sign, the kid had woken up like he had never been tired at all. Eddie glanced at his son, who was now glued to the window and screamed in delight whenever he saw something that caught his eyes. The sound made Eddie smile and the feeling in his guts loosened a little. But he couldn't help but wonder, was he really dragging his son down with him? Was he going to be a bad father and eventually make Christopher turn out like him? Could he really be able to balance between work and raising Chris alone? He already knew his abuela couldn't take care of Chris forever. What if he wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage and would lose the house? All those things kept going on and on in his head and he didn't know who to share them with. The only thing Eddie was sure about, ever since Chris had told that he missed him all the time, was that he needed to try.

The house seemed huge and empty. Like they were two tiny people, trying to fill that enormous space. They had only a week to set things to their rightful places and settle down, until his apprentice program would start at 118. Eddie had met the captain two times before, and the man had seemed very kind and competent, but even though the captain had told him that they had a great team, Eddie couldn't help himself for being nervous. He wasn't very good with strangers, especially ones who he knew needed to like him, so he could advance in his career.

So, on top of the stress of moving to a completely different state, trying to figure out his kid's care all by himself and starting in a completely new job with new people, Eddie wasn't very pleased to bump into Evan Buckley, aka Buck. The guy was arrogant and way too proud of himself. At first, Eddie couldn't understand that captain Nash had hired this guy to be part of his team, but then one of the firefighters, Hewie, had come to talk with him and told him that Buck was going through some personal stuff with his girlfriend leaving and he was really a great guy, once you got to know him. So Eddie tried his best to ignore the dirty looks and snarky comments Buck gave him. After all, he had gone through worse than that.

Buck had felt something twist in his guts the first time he laid his eyes upon Edmundo Diaz. He had told himself it was only jealousy and boy, did he have things to be jealous about: Eddie was handsome, wise and collected and Buck was only one of those things, especially not collected. He had always done things the way he had felt like doing and not really thought through what the consequences was. It had bit him in the ass more times than he could count for. He hated the fact that Eddie could just walk into the station and be perfect at everything he did, when it had taken so long for others to look at Buck as their colleague. 

It wasn't long until the jealousy changed to admiration. Buck had been impressed by Eddie's courage and skills during the grenade dissemble and what made Buck look up at him even more, was that the man acknowledged him as his colleague after only one day at working together, even though Buck had acted like a jerk towards him. It made him realize just how much of a bigger man Eddie was compared to him.

”You can have my back any day.” Eddie had told him, making something warm fill Buck's chest, feeling proud of himself, which he rarely did, for real.

”Yeah.” Buck had replied, until he realized he wanted to say more, but the words were lost and his tongue was suddenly tangled, so he mumbled the words he managed to get out of his mouth: ”Or you know, you could... you could have mine.”

Eddie had snorted and they had shook hands on it. After that, the two were like glued to each other. For the rest of the night, Buck and Eddie were just talking to each other about their experience of becoming a firefighter. Bobby observed them from afar, with a fond smile on his face. He was glad that the two got along so well. He had hoped Buck would find a close friend for himself. Maybe Eddie could be that to him.

Learning that Eddie had a son, made Buck look up to the man even more. He loved kids. Having a family was something Buck had never thought about. He became from a broken family and he still considered himself too young to even think about having an intact family of his own. But as he watched Eddie getting up from his car and run inside the school to hug his son after the earthquake, Buck felt a warm longing in his heart and he knew that's what he wanted for himself in the future: family.

But Buck couldn't help to wonder where Christopher's mother was. But Eddie was a private person and he didn't tell you things without asking and Buck... well, he didn't dare to ask. He didn't stop wondering why it made him feel uncomfortable being the first one to ask about Eddie's ex. So, when they had the job to release the young woman from the car's back-pipe, Buck noticed the way Eddie avoided the single woman's hitting attempts. He glanced at his friend, who refused to meet anyone's eyes. The curiosity took the better of him and he thought this would be the perfect opportunity to ask Eddie about his situation and avoid the straight question about Christopher's mother.

”Hey, so, is your son really the reason you don't date?” Buck started silently the moment the two were parted from the rest of the group.

”That, and... they weren't my type.” Eddie just shrugged it off, staring meaningfully at Buck, but before their eyes could meet, he looked away.

Type? Buck's mind was racing. That woman had been hot and she also had a kid, what part didn't Eddie like? Maybe she seemed a little bit too pushy and not someone who would be ready to commit for a longer relationship. That had to be it.

”Not mine either. Not anymore.” Buck had Abby, so he was with Eddie on this one. The sentence made Eddie laugh. ”But I'm talking in general.” Buck kept pushing a little, he wasn't going to let this chance slip by.

”It's complicated when you have a kid.” Eddie did it again, avoiding a question and leaving Buck hanging. 

”Come on, that's a weak excuse.” One could say that Buck was begging for it, so he couldn't be mad as Eddie pushed back:

”You live in your invisible girlfriend's house...” Eddie finally turned to look at him. ”...and you're telling me about weak excuses?” Of course Eddie left out the fact that he was still hanging on his invisible wife, but that was a completely different matter... right?

Buck knew he should've been insulted by Eddie's words, but as he looked at Eddie smiling, he just couldn't. Then Eddie's phone rang and Buck could hear from his voice that something serious was up.

Buck had told Bobby that he would accompany Eddie to the hospital. Just so he could keep the rest of the team informed if something happened. 

”Ah, who is this?” Eddie's aunt was looking at him... oddly. Buck couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something fishy about the way she acknowledged his presence. 

”This is Buck. We work together.” Eddie introduced them.

”I thought you just dressed alike.” She seemed a little disappointed. Buck just put it to his wild imagination. Maybe she was just joking around, so he smiled to her words.

Pepa turned to look at Eddie with her 'oh, I know what's going on' look and Eddie quickly averted her eyes. He wasn't in the mood of explaining himself to her and certainly not in front of Buck. But her look changed to serious as she started lecturing him about leaving Christopher to abuela's care.

”I know. I know and I'm sorry.” Eddie knew he had been avoiding the problem and now it was slamming right to his face. ”I'm trying to find some permanent help, but it's just too many forms to fill out. It's worse than the V.A.” 

Buck listened to his words carefully, feeling bad for the man and his son. Eddie's life was so much different than his. His mind started work overtime of how he could be at help, but that line of thought was interrupted as Eddie's aunt started to talk about his ex, which peaked at Buck's curiosity again.

”I can't believe your gringa ex stuck you with this.” She said with venom in her voice. Buck was surprised there had been so much drama going on.

As told, Eddie was a private person and he quickly glanced towards Buck, not liking that he was hearing the conversation. ”I'm not stuck, Tia.” He wasn't actually lying, he wasn't stuck but in a deep water, moving slowly forward. Too slow.

”Do you have to go back to work?” The words made Eddie cringe. ”Ah, and you're not stuck. I'll keep him tonight, but you need to get this figured out.”

”Daddy!” Christopher had just now noticed his dad and the sound made Eddie's gloomy heart jump and he quickly ran to hug him.

”Must be rough.” Buck said as he looked at the two, needing to talk with somebody so he could at least lighten his own heart.

”Raising any child alone is rough. My nephew is a saint.” Tia answered.

Buck believed her every word, making his admiration towards the other man grow even more.

”What am I going to do, Buck?” Eddie's voice was stressed out as hell as he talked to Buck through a phone.

”Shit.” Buck cursed. He had just sat down to his car when Eddie had called and said his aunt couldn't take care of Christopher before afternoon cause she got a call to work and there was no one else who could look after his son now and their shift was starting in an hour.

”I mean, I can't take him with me to work.” Eddie stood outside his own vehicle while Christopher listened to music at the back seat. ”I'm so gonna get fired.” He sighed in frustration and paced around the driveway.

”Why not?” Buck's voice made him stop.

”Why not what?” Eddie wished Buck could see his baffled look right now to make the other man know how confused he was.

”Why can't you take Christopher to work? If we're lucky, there won't be any calls all day and we can just... hang around.” Buck sounded like all Eddie's problems were solved by his idea.

”Yeah, _if_ we're lucky and I seriously doubt that. I wouldn't be able to take him to calls. That would be too traumatizing for a kid.” Eddie tried to be the sensible one in this.

”What kid wouldn't love to drive inside a fire truck? He could stay there if it was a bad call or watch from the side. You said yourself that your aunt can take him in the afternoon.” Eddie could hear the smile on Buck's voice and he had no energy to deny the only possible solution to the problem. ”Fine, but I'm sure Cap will kill me.”

”No, he won't. Trust me on this.” Buck dismissed his worry and hang up.

The whole team had fun as they teased Christopher and let him tease back as they sat at the couch on the second floor. Eddie had almost forgotten that Bobby had yet to come to work, until his words made him look up and see the captain standing there beside them.

”What's this?” Bobby was smiling, but Eddie didn't know if it was a polite smile or a genuine one. ”I don't remember asking the chief for reinforcement. You any good with the hose, kid?”

”I can try!” Christopher laughed.

”I'm so sorry, Cap.” Eddie got up from his seat and was ready to pick up Chris. ”My aunt's trying to get off work early, but until then... I didn't know where to take him.” He didn't actually think Bobby would be mad at him, but he was more ashamed of not being able to combine his work and family life.

”Yeah, you did: right here. Buck gave me a heads-up. I already cleared with the chief.” Bobby explained and nodded towards Buck.

Eddie looked at his friend, feeling enormous gratitude towards him. He had really saved his day. And they didn't have to wait and fear if someone in the department would complain Christopher being there, since the chief already knew and accepted it. Eddie smiled at Buck and would've thanked him, but the alarm prevented him from doing that.

Eddie knew Buck had been wrong of them being lucky and he dreaded what was going to happen, but when he saw Christopher's excited face, he knew it would be okay. 

They did a quick car crash call and Christopher got to explore the fire station. His son was over the moon as everybody showered him with attention and gave him special treatment. One of his favorite part was gliding down the fireman's pole. That was one thing Christopher talked about for months after that day. Eddie's aunt came to pick Chris up as soon as she could and once his son concentrated on walking forward. Eddie felt the enormous relief wash over him, almost making him cry. He turned around to give Bobby a tight hug. Already, he felt like the man was like his second dad or a mentor, who had all the answers in the world.

Maybe, Eddie wasn't so unlucky after all: he had the best team to work with, who would even welcome his kid with open arms. It made him feel gratitude for the first time since his abuela broke her hip.

That night Buck explained Eddie's situation to Maddie. Hoping that his sister would be able brainstorm with him and find some kind of solution for Eddie's problem. 

”The requirement are all different. You can apply for one and it can disqualify you from another. It's a whole, giant bureaucratic mess. I can't get my head around it.” And boy, had Buck tried to get his head around it, but he had to throw down the towel on his part. 

”I was a nurse, remember? The only people who truly navigate a bureaucracy are the people who work inside it.” Maddie told him, but she didn't have the answers for Eddie's situation either.

”It shouldn't be that way, though.” Buck felt so mad that a single parent had to practically seek for help, when it should be the other way around. ”Eddie is wondering how to take care of Christopher and Christopher is feeling like a burden on his dad.” He continued as he made his way to the living room.

Christopher had told Buck that he knew he made his father sad. Buck had asked him why and Chris had explained that he had seen Eddie walking in circles outside of the car that morning. Buck couldn't help but wonder how much kids knew, even though grown ups tried to hide things from them. He didn't quite know how he should've replied to Chris.

”Eddie doesn't feel that way, does he?” Maddie followed him to the doorframe and leaned against it. 

”Not even a little.” Buck was still mesmerized of how Eddie could handle it all by himself. ”He loves that kid like crazy. He's a really great dad.” He sat down and started to eat.

”So, does this boy-crush on Eddie mean that you're finally ready to move on from Abby?” Maddie couldn't help but tease her brother. He seemed to idolize Eddie like crazy. The man had been all they had talked about the whole evening.

”That's cute.” Buck only responded dryly, not knowing that the topic would come up again many times in the near future.

Buck was about to change the subject back on helping Eddie, but Maddie's revelation of finding her own place, made Buck's line of thinking change directions. Having his sister around had eased the loneliness Buck had felt after Abby had left. Now, he felt it was creeping back inside and he didn't like it at all. He wanted to be the supporting brother and be happy for his sister, but he couldn't hide the disappointment from his face. He wished Maddie could stay, just a little bit longer.

Buck tried to hide the excitement and the smile that threatened to creep on his face as Eddie looked around Abby's apartment.

”I thought you said we were going to help your sister move. Doesn't look like she's packed anything.” Eddie turned to look at Buck with confused frown on his face.

”Oh, this stuff is Abby's.” Buck answered honestly. ”I lied about the whole moving thing. I mean, my sister is moving, it's just she doesn't really have that much stuff.”

”What's going on, Buck?” Eddie felt uneasiness travel down his spine, certain that Buck had arranged something he wasn't going to like about. He wasn't a fan of surprises.

”I asked you here because there's someone I like you to meet.” Buck couldn't hide the smile anymore and Eddie's disbelieved face didn't help the matter. 

”You didn't set me up, did you?” Eddie felt the urge to curse and wanted nothing more than to walk outside the apartment. He wasn't in a mood to go through some stupid blind date and then find an excuse to dump the poor woman as she wasn't something he was looking for. Even Eddie didn't know what he was looking for and he certainly knew Buck didn't know ether, or if he did, he certainly wasn't able to give it to Eddie.

”No, just... trust me.” Buck explained, still amused of Eddie's pissed off look. ”This woman is exactly what you need.” 

Like on cue the door was being knocked on and Buck almost jumped in excitement. He was having fun teasing Eddie and see his reaction, but more than that, he wanted to see Eddie's reaction when he would see Carla. 

”She's here.” Buck walked to the door and Eddie mustered his best 'polite, but no' face.

”Buckaroo!” 

”Carla!” Buck held out his hands to the woman who walked inside.

Eddie could hear their exchange to the other room and he had no idea what was going on. 

”Eddie, this is my friend Carla.” Buck closed the door and introduced them. 

”Nice to meet you, Eddie.” Carla offered her hand to shake Eddie's.

”Likewise.” Eddie spoke so politely that it almost surprised Buck.

”Carla is L.A.'s finest home health care aid.” Buck finally explained and Eddie felt like a fool for giving Buck such a dirty looks earlier. ”She has years of experience navigating giant bureaucracies and I thought she could help you figure out how to get Christopher what he needs.” 

Eddie couldn't help but stare at Buck. He felt so much gratitude towards him to the point he feared he would never be able to pay him back. Buck was something special and Eddie feared his feelings showed through his face.

”I'm red tapes worst nightmare.” Carla joked, making Eddie look at her. ”I'll get you through this in no time.” She promised and Eddie felt like crying, since he had had no one to lean on during the months in L.A. in this subject. ”Now let's go sit down and see what you're working with. Besides that perfect bone structure.” She muttered the last part as she made her way to the familiar living room.

Buck couldn't help but agree with her.

After Eddie exchanged contact info with Carla and they said goodbyes to her, Eddie turned to look at Buck. There were few feet separating them from each other and Eddie shook his head in disbelief. 

”I told you to trust me.” Buck smiled his wicked grin.

”You got me there.” Eddie finally let out the nervous laugh he had been holding during the whole staying in Buck... no, Abby's apartment. ”Buck...” Eddie paused to find the words, but there was only one thing he thought he could say. ”...thank you.” He walked across the room and gave Buck a tight hug.

”How can I ever repay you for this?” Eddie said as he broke the hug. 

”Don't worry about it.” Buck shrug it off, like it was no big deal, but it was huge for Eddie.

”I'll find a way someday.” Eddie swore and pointed his finger at Buck.

Buck just laughed and shook his head. ”I'm just glad everything's going to work out with you and Christopher. That kid really deserves the best.”

”I know.” Eddie muttered and was mesmerized of how much Buck cared for his kid, even though he had met the boy only few times. 

Buck was glad to help someone move on with their lives, since he... he was stuck in an empty apartment and he didn't quite know how to move on. He wished someone could show him the way, but his worries were little compared to the ones Eddie had. Buck had been more than happy to think about someone else's problems and just forget about his own. But now that there was nothing to worry about... his own thought started to go round in circles.


	2. Tripping between emotions

Pizza on a sofa wrapped in plastic... Buck couldn't understand why moving was so stressful for Maddie. They had gone furniture shopping and she had three guys carrying all of them inside. All she had to do was to decide where to place them. But Buck guessed that was the difference between the siblings, Buck hardly stressed about anything, but Maddie managed to get nervous from many different things, or so Buck thought to himself.

”Let's give it a one more try.” Eddie suggested and Buck had to agree, otherwise his sister would probably murder him to her doorstep.

”Turn it to the left...” Buck tried to instruct Eddie, but the couch was stubborn as... ”No, no, to my right.” 

Eddie bit down his lip so he wouldn't say some collected words to Buck and instead did as he suggested. In the end, they had to squeeze the thing inside by moving it inch by inch. Buck feared the plastic would rip and end to Maddie's new couch having a tear, but they managed to push it in without causing any permanent damage.

”Finally...” Buck sighed and saw that Eddie was thinking the same thing. They carried the couch to the living room, where Maddie and Chim were casually chatting, like helping them hadn't even crossed their minds.

”Thank you guys for helping me on your day off.” Maddie knew the look on Buck's face meant that he was pissed to work while others didn't do anything, not like she and Chimney would even be helpful since they couldn't all carry the couch inside.

”Don't worry about it.” Eddie said and took the pizzas from her hand. ”Plates?”

”Countertop. Kitchen.” Maddie replied and Eddie made his way there.

”Beer?” Chimney asked then.

”Also, kitchen, fridge.” Maddie smiled to him and Chim followed on Eddie's footsteps.

Maddie turned to look at her brother with a bright smile. ”He is so cute.” She pointed towards the kitchen, hoping that Buck would tell her that Chimney was still single.

”Yeah, he gets that a lot.” Buck looked towards the kitchen, not noticing the wide smile that had appeared on his face. ”You should meet his kid, though.”

”Wait, Chimney has a kid?” Maddie was surprised. The man hadn't said a thing about it while they were talking.

”No, I-I thought you meant...” Buck trailed off, glancing towards the kitchen again where Eddie and Chim were opening their beer bottles.

Maddie shook her head and headed to the others. Buck could be so confusing sometimes.

”Chimney?” Buck muttered to himself. He had been certain that Maddie had talked about Eddie. Buck had never looked at Chimney and thought he was cute. Then he started to wonder why he looked at Eddie and thought so, when he hadn't thought the same about any other friend of his. It was confusing the hell out of Buck.

From that moment on, Buck started to ponder about his own thoughts and feelings. He knew he looked up to Eddie and he knew he liked to spent time with him and that they liked the same things. But there was something more, Buck had known about it for a long time, but he had never poked those feelings. Buck liked women, the only relationship he had had been with a woman, but Buck also remembered thinking if he also liked men back in college. He had blamed it on a phase. That's what everybody went through, didn't they? 

The following day, they had the chopper incident, where Buck got to carry Taylor Kelly to safety from the morning show's crashed helicopter. It was rare to be able to save public figures. The thought alone made Buck stammer a little. It didn't help the matter that she was really beautiful. Buck hadn't known he had been listening to such pretty woman's voice every morning for the past year.

”Wow, it's weird to see that voice come out of a face.” Buck started and wow, how rusty he was on this. He needed to get back on shape, if he ever... Buck silenced the thought. 

”Thank you?” Taylor said, clearly wondering if that had been a flirt or not.

”You have helped me beat traffic in this city more times than you will ever know.” Buck decided to forget his earlier statement. Not that he wanted anything to happen with her, but he just didn't want to leave her to think that he was horrible at flirting. She was a celebrity after all.

”You might want to Uber tomorrow.” She smiled then and Buck knew he had succeeded. He only then noticed the two women, Hen and Athena, staring at him and they quickly moved on to their tasks as they realized he had noticed them.

Buck was washing the fire engine, when he heard a familiar voice and saw the familiar red hair. He abandoned the car and walked to Taylor Kelly, positive that she was at the station looking for him.

”What are you doing here?” Buck asked as he was close enough for her to hear him.

”You can just call me Taylor.” She replied, even though he didn't call her by her name, but Buck didn't even think about that. ”How was your drive in? Did you miss me?”

This time Eddie started to pick on the conversation and he looked at the pair, feeling something turn in his guts and he knew exactly what it meant. He abandoned his workout and made his way to the pair.

”My morning definitely wasn't the same without you.” Buck was proud to feel that his talent of talking to women wasn't lost as the words fell smoothly from his mouth. He fell easily to his old habits and started to flirt with her. Too easily. Like he was trying to prove something to himself. That became clear to Buck as he heard Eddie's voice:

”Hey, how are you feeling? Any side effects after the crash?”

Buck felt his stomach turn and suddenly his heart beat a little faster. He looked at Eddie who walked to them and as their eyes met, Buck quickly averted Eddie's eyes. Why was he feeling this way? He turned his attention back at Taylor and pushed those thought deep inside. He concentrated on her ginger hair, which was beautiful and long and to her eyes, which stare back at him with longing. That was what he wanted and needed, he told himself. He was just confused... that's all.

Both Eddie and Buck frowned once they heard that Taylor was coming to shoot a document at the station. Eddie sided with Cap and wasn't pleased to think that cameras would follow them around and someone would ask questions about their work and most likely about their personal life as well. But Buck was happy. He had always wondered what it would feel like to be famous and this way he got to spend time with Tayl... Buck had to slap himself mentally. He was with Abby and... his eyes wondered towards Eddie, but he quickly looked away. Buck took a deep breath and the smile that had been forming to his lips after hearing about the filming, started to disappear. This wasn't such a good idea after all. He could almost picture himself being filmed, as he either replied with stupid lines to Taylor's questions or stared after Eddie. Why was he thinking he would be staring at Eddie? Eddie was his friend. He was with Abby. Nothing was wrong in his life.

Taylor had spend only three days of filming in the station, when they got the delivery from someone, most likely one of the people they had saved recently. Buck did a tiny happy dance as he saw the delicious looking fudge neatly placed inside a box with a ribbon on the lid. Eddie couldn't help but smile and shook his head to the sight. Buck took a bite from the piece he had picked up and sighed in ecstasy. It was too good. Sweet, nutty fudge, almost fresh from the oven. After taking only one bite, he took a second piece to his other hand, he just had to.

Eddie swallowed. His throat felt suddenly very dry. He walked beside Buck to taste the thing himself, when Buck turned his back on him and headed to talk with others. Eddie looked after him for a moment with a frown on his face. He had gotten a feeling that Buck was, for some reason, avoiding him. But it had to be just his imagination.

Chimney wasn't too pleased as he arrived from doing a great job and found the box empty. He looked at his teammates with horror written all over his face. 

”Chim, you missed out.” Buck sighed and quickly ate the last bite, as if Chim would charge towards him and steal it from him.

”Is that chocolate?” Chim could only stare at Buck.

”Mmm... fudge with nuts.” Eddie mumbled from beside Chimney. Buck walked pass them, purposely avoiding being too near to Eddie.

Soon, the sirens went off. Taylor followed them to the car, but as Chim told her that the captain would sit this one out, so did she. Neither one of them questioned why as they drove off. A drive, that Buck and Eddie had only hazy memories about.

Buck had to sit next to Eddie. He was the last one to arrive to the truck. Otherwise he would've probably picked the front seat. He pretended to look outside to the view... which was fine, but nothing spectacular. At first his mind was working at full speed, adrenaline pumping in his veins for not knowing what was waiting for them at their destination and for trying not to think about his friend sitting so close, only inches separating them and as the truck rocked occasionally, their knees hit together. Then, slowly, his mind started to calm down and his thoughts became slow and in the end Buck just stared outside with a blank expression.

Eddie on other hand felt really bad. He started to sweat the moment they left the station and then his eyes started to tear. 

”Man, allergies are going crazy today.” He said over the sirens and he didn't even have allergies.

Chimney looked at him and frowned, but he didn't question him. 

”You, too, huh?” Buck was suddenly very close to his face, their shoulders touching. ”The index wasn't elevated this morning. Think it's a new kind?”

”New kind of what?” Eddie had no idea what Buck was rambling about, but that wasn't new. From that moment on Eddie's memories started to become a little hazy.

”Of pollen.” Buck said like it was the most sensible thing.

”A new kind of pollen?” Chim couldn't believe what Buck had just made up. Maybe he had just been left out from an inside joke those two had. Then his eyes slowly fell to Eddie who was staring at his hands like they had just frightened the hell out of him.

”You're not feeling this, Chim?” Eddie asked, still staring at this clenched hands.

”No, I do not.” A voice said at the back of his mind that something was wrong with these two, but he had no idea what would've caused it. He felt fine.

”I can see the pollen.” Eddie muttered once he finally looked up from his hands. Buck didn't seem to hear a word they had said after he had stopped talking and just stared at the wall of the firetruck.

”I can hear it.” He suddenly said with a baffled face. 

Chim was sure he had been left out from a joke and frankly, he couldn't care less. It didn't sound fun anyway. Hen was almost asleep at the other side, not caring at all what the boys were rambling on about.

Chimney was the first one to walk in the assembly hall and he soon found the victim, with a high heel stuck on her face. He had always known those were secretly weapons. Maybe someone had created them so women would always carry around something to defend themselves with. He slowly guided the woman to sit down, waiting for her to pass out at any given minute.

”Diaz, Buckley, let's go!” He shouted as he turned around and saw his teammates nowhere to be found. Which was weird, usually they followed close behind.

Both, Eddie and Buck were still standing at the doorway, staring at the tiny size women. They were like fairies. 

”Did these beauty queens shrink, or are we suddenly giants?” Buck asked as he looked around. Feeling suddenly that something inevitable had happened and they could never return to their normal sizes again.

It took a moment longer for Eddie to register what Buck had said and he gasped in fear as well.

”Can someone please bring the rest of my gear?” Chim shouted over the crowd. He had it with the two slopes who didn't do their jobs.

”I think he means you, guys.” Athena looked at the boys with raised eyebrows.

Buck suddenly lifted his head and for the first time seemed to acknowledge her presence there. ”Hey, Athena. They're like the tiniest ladies I've ever seen.” Buck had no idea why Athena wasn't as bummed by seeing the women. Then he lifted his hand to show her the space between his fingers. ”Teeny-tiny. Just...”

”Excuse me?” If this was such some stupid joke Buck had made up, she was ready to kick his ass. What worried her was that even Eddie seemed to space out next to Buck.

”So tiny.” Buck continued, not at least bit of threatened by Athena's murderous look.

”Henrieatta!” Athena suddenly saw her friend at the hallway, staring at a mirror. 

”'Thena!” Hen gleamed as she saw her and Athena knew for sure that something was going on. ”Oh, 'Thena you smell like love.”

Eddie was backing away from the scary little women and was almost attacked by balloons, so he started popping them. Buck looked up, still waiting to see those fairies to start flying.

”Chimney! Need you over here!” Athena had had it. She wasn't prepared to deal with three dozed firefighters, so she called for backup.

”Where the hell is my lido...” Chim paused as he saw his co-workers. This was too weird. 

”We got a problem here. Your guys be tripping.” Athena explained.

”What? Guys, look at me.” Chimney couldn't believe it. ”You know where you are?”

”We're everywhere, man.” Eddie said from between the balloons and Chim knew Athena was being serious. 

”They're on drugs.” Athena said bluntly, feeling the crowd stare at them. She hoped this wasn't going to cause too much trouble for the station.

”Oh my god, it's the brownies.” Chim suddenly remembered them as he hugged Hen, who had just collapsed to his arms. ”We got a new patch today. We've been getting a lot stuff ever since the earthquake.”

”You guys eat that stuff? We throw it right into trash.” Athena was horrified. Whenever they got a delivery of something to eat, the first thing she thought that it was poisoned and it went straight to trash or sometimes even to lab for analysis. She hadn't even thought about eating that stuff. 

”We're firefighters, everybody loves us.” Chimney tried to defend himself. It wasn't like he was the only one eating them. Her boyfriend was the one who had said it was alright.

It didn't take long for their backup to arrive and she had all the three cuffed for their own protection. They didn't know what they had taken and how much, so there was no way to be sure that they wouldn't try and harm themselves or others.

”What's going on? I don't like this.” Eddie, a full-grown man was crying as the officer was putting him the handcuffs. Athena sighed.

”Ooooh, you made him cry.” Buck smiled widely. Glad that he wasn't the only one who feared Athena, but then he forgot to stare at Eddie.

”Alright guys, just breathe, okay?” Athena mustered all her strength to stay calm. She glared at Buck, not understanding how the boy could still be joking even when he was too high for his own good. ”You're gonna be okay. Somebody dozed you with hallucinogens.” 

Buck finally looked away from Eddie and to Athena. 

”We don't want you to hurt yourself or anyone else.” She continued and felt her nervousness rise as she couldn't get hold of Bobby. 

”Yeah, I like that idea.” Eddie's insides were crawling with anxiety and fear. It was too much for him to handle. 

They were escorted to a police car and soon the trio sat in jail. Eddie was leaning against the wall, still concentrating on breathing, just like Athena had told him to. Buck sat beside him, as close as possible and stared between Eddie and Hen. Hen in the other hand was staring the two and was giggling on time to time. 

”Hen, darling, let's go home.” Karen had arrived to the station to pick up her wife. She had dropped Denny off to their babysitter, so he didn't have to see his mom like this.

”No, no, no!” Hen tried to protest, but still smiling. ”I want to see what happens next.”

Karen frowned. ”What do you think is going to happen?” She then asked, but didn't expect to get an sensible answer.

”Those two looks so good together. I want to see them kiss.” Hen laughed, but then started to cry. ”I know they love each other.”

Karen glanced towards the boys who were still at the same position and didn't seem to understand what was going on around them. ”Hon', will you come with me if I promise to tell you what happens between them?”

Hen stopped crying and seemed to ponder for a moment before smiling again. ”Okay, sweetie.”

Karen turned up her nose for the mushy nickname they had never used before. ”Right...” She sighed and helped her wife get to her feet and escorted her out. ”Have fun, boys!” She called out to the remaining lawbreakers.

Buck finally looked away from Eddie and smiled dumbly at her. ”Bye-bye!” He called happily and then turned towards Eddie again.

It took four hours until Maddie could come and pick Buck up, since she had been caught on her shift and Eddie didn't have anyone who could come and collect him. Carla was taking care of Christopher and she didn't let the boy see his dad dozed up and his abuela and aunt were in Texas.

During those hours the two men had time to sober up. With Eddie it started with a hell of a headache. It started to throb in his head as his breathing calmed down, little by little. Buck started to get sleepy. His head started to go up and down as he dozed. Sooner than later he just fell asleep and his head dropped to Eddie's shoulder. Eddie glanced at his friend and sighed. This day had turned out to be one of the worst days of his life. His hands were still cuffed and the steel was digging to his skin, his head was killing him and all he remembered from the last hours of his life, was the overwhelming fear. Then he heard Buck mumble something in his sleep and Eddie gave up. He carefully placed his head against Buck's and closed his eyes, hoping that pain in his head would ease with some sleep.

The loud creak of the jail's door startled them both and Buck sat up quickly. He frowned and looked around, not quite sure where he was and why. His eyes then landed on Eddie who was rubbing his eyes tiredly. 

”Evan...” Maddie muttered as she stepped in. ”Are you feeling okay?” She walked to sit beside her brother.

”Maddie...? What the hell happened?” Buck was feeling okay, if the cuffs in his hands didn't count. At least he was feeling much better than Eddie, who looked pale and there was a deep frown between his eyebrows.

”Do you remember the fudges you ate at work?” Maddie asked and looked between the boys.

Buck had to think for a moment, before the sweet taste of the fudge came to his mouth and he smiled. ”Yeah...” But then he started to put two and two together and the smile disappeared. ”There was something in the fudge?”

”Yeah... ” Maddie sighed, horrified that someone could do something like that, but at the same time she thought it to be kind of funny. She had wanted to be there and see how her little brother had acted. Sadly that wasn't the case.

”Can I leave too? I have the most horrific headaches of all time.” Eddie muttered beside Buck.

”I can look after him too.” Maddie told the officer who was watching them from the door.

Soon, they were out of the uncomfortable cuffs and sitting at the back seat of Maddie's car.

”Do you remember anything?” Buck asked from Eddie, who seemed to start feeling better after Maddie had gave him some aspirin. 

”Ummm...” Eddie had to search his memory before he could answer. ”I remember some weird lines flowing outside and in the assembly hall there had been, like lights glowing on the ground and...”

”Little people?” Buck asked and Eddie nodded.

Maddie was watching them from the rear mirror, her mouth slightly open. ”You got to be kidding me...”

”I think they must've been kids, but...” Buck tried fiercely to remember, but it all seemed so hazy in his mind.

”Well, I'm never eating another brownie again.” Eddie murmured and it made Buck laugh.

In the end both Eddie and Buck ended up staying at Maddie's, sleeping on her folded couch, which was a little too small for two grown-up men, but they passed out almost immediately. Maddie watched them carefully and then took out her phone and snapped a picture. She send it to her little brother right away, smiling brightly. She would enjoy teasing him later. She also shared it with one other person, who she had heard was the only one left without a brownie. 

' _Just to make up for not getting any brownie._ ' She wrote along to the picture.

It didn't take long for Chimney to reply. ' _Cute. I can use this as a weapon later._ '

' _I knew you would like it._ ' Maddie smiled as she replied, putting an smiling emoji after her text. ' _Have a good night._ '

' _Night!_ '

Maddie put her phone down and turned off the lights. She wouldn't admit it, but having two men in the house, made her feel safe. That night she slept like a log.


	3. Past ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some finishing touches to the first two chapters. I wanted to make the story flow a little better. There aren't any major changes, mostly adds about Eddie's point of view. Go check them out if you like. Hope you have enjoyed the story so far!

If someone had asked Buck if he had ever experienced a paranormal occurrence. Buck wouldn't hesitate to tell them about the day near Halloween when they had a call to save a hiker after he had fallen from a cliff. He also knew Eddie would laugh to him if he knew that.

Buck never said no to rope climbing. That was what he loved about this job. Every day was different and he got to experience some crazy things. Things that some people could only dream of. Eddie wasn't such a huge fan of climbing down the cliff. It wasn't like he hadn't practiced it or that he was afraid of highs, it just wasn't something he was very good at and he didn't care for it much. So, he let Buck go down first. He watched as his friend prepared the gears to start climbing, his eyes wandering a little lower than necessary. But then his attention turned to make sure Buck found a secure footing as he started to climb down. 

”All right, big jump, Eddie. Come on.” Buck explained what was coming, making sure it wouldn't surprise Eddie. He was an apprentice after all. 

The climb down felt like an eternity for Eddie, but he refused to think too deeply on it. He had gone through worse than this. It felt still good to feel solid ground on his feet once his legs touched the rocks. For a moment they looked around. The shore was full of different sized rocks, which could easily hide a person to their nooks. 

”Buck, Eddie, you guys see anything down there?” Bobby's voice reached their ears through the radio.

”No.” Buck replied, looking around the ocean. ”Just a million dollars view.” The sun was shining bright and the water was glistering. Almost romantic, he thought but buried that line of thinking the moment it had popped to his mind. He glanced towards Eddie, who was busy examining the area.

Eddie wasn't so interested about looking around the view as he noticed skeleton remains under one of the rocks. ”Cap, found something.” 

”Is he our hiker?” Bobby asked.

Eddie crouched down to see better. Buck jumped over the rock and leaned down beside him to see what it exactly was that Eddie saw. The skeleton was trapped under the rock and had a ring around of it's fingers. Buck found an backpack and started to rampage through it. 

”A hiker.” Eddie confirmed to captain. ”Don't think it's the one we came looking for. It's human remains, Cap. Skeletal remains.” 

"All right, we'll flag it, but don't disturb it. We'll call it in." Cap ordered.

”Unless...” Buck had duck out an smartphone, looking meaningfully at Eddie.

”What? You think ghost called 911?” Eddie didn't even try to hide his smile. Buck could be such a dork, but that's why everybody loved him.

”I'm just saying.” Buck turned to look at the remains, like it would suddenly stand up and walk off by itself.

”Help!” 

They suddenly heard a cry of help. It couldn't come too far away. Buck would never admit it to himself, but he startled, just a little, as he heard the scream while he was staring at the skeleton.

”Okay, so no ghost.” Eddie joked, making Buck smile dryly at him. 

They quickly made their way across the outcrop to find the person who was calling out to them. They found a young man with an open fracture on his tibia and a bleeding wound on his forehead. He was in pain and most likely had a severe concussion. 

”Easy, buddy, we're here.” Eddie reassured him as he was the first one to reach him, Buck close behind. They quickly informed the captain and prepared to wait for the basket to lift the guy up.

”How did you find me?” The hiker suddenly asked.

”It wasn't easy.” Buck said truthfully. ”You weren't on long enough for them to ping your phone.” 

”On with who?” 

Buck glanced at Eddie, his suspicion rising, but the other man was busy searching something what they could use to support their patient's broken leg. ”With, uh, 911.” Buck then answered. 

”I dropped my phone when I felt over. I didn't call 911.” The victim explained, making shivers go down Buck's spine. Both Eddie and Buck shared a look.

The place was perfect for Christopher. Eddie was always a sensible person and never let his hopes too high up, but at the end of the tour at Chris' possible new school, Eddie felt like he could let his guard down, just a little bit, to feel that burden been lighten from his shoulder. But just when he was about to smile a little more freely, he was hit back down again:

”The only thing left would be the family interview.” 

Eddie's mind paused. What interview? He thought this was it. ”I'm sorry?”

”Christopher's terrific. We have your information. All we need now is to meet Mrs. Diaz.” The school's principal said with a smile, but Eddie knew she had doubts until she could meet Chris's mother. ”That won't be a problem, will it?” That sealed the deal. Eddie knew it would be a problem for them if there was no Mrs. Diaz to interview.

”No... of course not.” Eddie managed to blurt out. He had hoped he could avoid the question. That they would just assume that he had divorced and had the custody of Christopher or... something. But, instead of lying, Eddie had said 'of course it wouldn't be a problem'. His mind was screaming at him. Christopher hadn't even seen his mom for two years and now Eddie needed to bring her back to their lives, just because some stupid school assumed child had to have two parents.

”No, it's definitely a problem.” Eddie said as soon as the principal was out of their hearing range.

”Look, I know Christopher's mother is a touchy subject with you, but I'm sure if we just explain the situation to Principal Summers we can find a work around.” Carla told him, sure that Christopher getting into the school wouldn't fall to that. ”Do you have a copy of the custody agreement?”

Eddie feared it would come to that. ”There isn't one.” He confessed, feeling again, like a bad parent. ”We're still married.” Telling it to Carla, that he had a wife and not an ex, was as hard as he had thought it would be. He felt ashamed of living without Christopher's mom for two years and still be married to her. Having no other life aside of his kid, was something Eddie avoided in the conversations with others, but also in his own mind. Now it was time for him to face it.

”So it was a ghost.” Buck spoke almost carefully, like the ghost would walk in from the front door and posses the house at any moment. They were at Abby's apartment and had ordered some Chinese food and planned to watch some ridiculous movies, like a Naked Gun or something else they had laughed their asses off when they were kids. 

Maddie poured herself a glass of wine and frowned at her little brother. ”Why are you whispering and what did I just say?”

”Yes, but your tech guy says it was some kind of glitch in the system.” Buck had told this over and over to himself, to Eddie while they had been climbing up the cliff and to the whole team (and Eddie again) how he was confident that it had been a real ghost who had made the call. Especially now when he had heard that the tech guy hadn't been able to pin point the reason for it.

”Turns out a bunch of the calls had weird static.” Maddie explained to him.

”Okay, so how do you explain that it was the exact same call?” Buck wasn't going to let this one go.

”I said it sounded like the same call.” Maddie quickly corrected him. ”A lot of these calls sound the same.”

That was a weak excuse, Buck thought. ”Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, but we both know a ghost called 911.”

”Okay.” Maddie mocked him, but didn't say another word, not wanting to talk about this the whole night. ”You know, I keep thinking about the wedding ring. I mean you saw it, right?”

Buck frowned as he put his chopsticks into his mouth and took the food to his hands so he could carry them to the table. He tried to figure out why Maddie was asking him about a dead guy's wedding ring. 

”How many times someone was waiting for news.” Maddie could picture a woman sitting alone in a dark house, waiting for the phone to ring. 

”I heard somewhere a person is declared legally dead after they've been gone for seven years.” 

”Yeah, I think you have to sign like, a petition or something.” Maddie searched her mind for information. She was certain she had read about it somewhere. ”God, that is so awful. Having to admit to the world that you've lost hope.”

”Well, seven years is a long time.” In Buck's life seven years felt like a lifetime. At that point one would believe to think that their loved one wouldn't be returning anymore. ”Probably lost hope way before that. No one can wait forever.” He had no idea he was walking into a trap as Maddie suddenly fixed her stare at him. Buck hadn't realized he had just exposed himself and looked around the apartment while he had spoken, but Maddie had paid attention.

”Yeah, hope is a tricky thing.” Maddie agreed and looked at Buck intensely. ”It keeps you going for a while, but... at some point if what you're hoping for is never gonna happen... then it's just holding you back from your life.” Maddie knew she had to push Buck to get him to understand his own situation. A situation everyone, except her little brother, saw from the outside: Abby was never coming back for him. What Maddie didn't know, was that she would have to go through this conversation all over again in about a year.

”Yeah, but it's hard to know though, right?” Buck had caught on what she was talking about. ”If you're hanging on too long or... if you're giving up too soon.”

”I think you do know.” Maddie replied, her heart breaking for her little brother. She knew he had never loved anyone like he had loved Abby and it made her sad to think he hadn't had the chance to explore his feelings longer.

Buck looked slowly down at the table, deep in his thoughts.

Maddie shook her head. ”It just may take you some time to admit it to yourself.” 

Buck stayed silent.

For days Eddie had postponed to call Shannon. He had picked up his phone and scrolled down to her name for multiple times a day, but he had always chickened out at the very last second. When he finally managed to push the call button, his insides panicked and screamed for him to end the call, but he couldn't turn back.

Eddie had expected her to sound... surprised perhaps? But she didn't. Instead, she sounded... doubtful. Like she was questioning Eddie's motives for calling. As he explained the situation, there was a long silence at the other end of the line. He had to call her name twice, thinking that the line had been cut, when she spoke again. This time her voice was shaking a little. Eddie wasn't sure why. 

Eddie had met Shannon in the college. They had sat beside each other in the English class and Eddie had stared at her so much, that he almost failed the whole class for not paying attention. Eventually, at one of the parties, he had had the courage to talk to her and they moved quite fast after that. She and Eddie had been an book example of an on-off relationship and even their friends didn't always know when they were together and when they had broken up. Eddie always saw it that they had never really understood each other. They always had to explain one another's thoughts and feelings, to make the other understand their point of view. In the end Shannon had gotten pregnant and Eddie hadn't hesitated to ask her to marry him. For a while it had been good, very good, but then he had left for Afghanistan again, Shannon gave birth to Christopher and the long distant calls weren't very good to keep up relationships. Then she left. Leaving only a note to his nightstand and Christopher with his father, who he really didn't know. Eddie had been shocked.

As Eddie went to open the front door, he had to give himself a moment to collect himself. He had to harden himself for not letting her under his skin as fast as he had in the past. Then he took a deep breath and opened the door. Shannon stood there, smiling at him, Eddie felt himself smiling back. This was going to be hard, he thought to himself. He gave her a polite hug and let her in.

Shannon wanted to see Christopher's room and Eddie almost forgot that she had been gone from their son's life for two years, without any contact at all. But when she asked if she could see Chris, Eddie build the defenses up so fast that he could literally see the perplexity on her face when he had turned around so fast. 

Then she pulled out the 'mom card', twice: ”I'm his mom.” and then ”My mother was sick.”

Eddie had heard them so many times and still he couldn't wrap around his head how she could just leave them behind. Leave Christopher behind.

”But we expected you to come back... and you didn't.” Eddie's words were spoken calmly, but in the inside it was pure turmoil, he still hadn't forgiven her.

Then the blaming started: ”You could've come with me, but you didn't want to leave Texas and your parents and your sisters and... at least not until it was something that was important to you.”

She kept on raging and Eddie was baffled of how fast they fell back to their old pattern.

”That's not fair. I was trying to do what's best for Christopher.” 

”Right, because Eddie always knows what's best for everyone.” Shannon attacked right away. ”I mean, God forbid you stop for a second and actually ask them what they need.”

Eddie suddenly felt like he was being pushed against the wall, not literally, but mentally. Like she had done for so many times in the past and he was furious. ”What did you need that I didn't give you?” He raised his voice and asked as Shannon turned to leave. He had no idea where this was coming from, again.

”You!” She spat out as she turned around to face him. ”I needed a husband and a co-parent. And instead, all I got was a life alone in Texas with the baby and you on another continent. I needed someone to have my back.”

”I always had your back.” Eddie lowered his voice. He had always supported her, sided with her against his parents. Even after she had left them, he had told his parents it wasn't her fault. What more could he have possibly done?

”No.” Shannon shook her head at him. ”You were in Afghanistan.” With that, she walked out, slamming the door shut behind her.

Eddie felt like all the weight of the world had landed on his shoulders once more and he felt betrayed by her, yet again. She wasn't going to go to the interview and now Christopher wouldn't get that place because of her grudge. But he also blamed himself. He hadn't been around when Chris was younger. He was the reason their relationship had surged down so bad, that Shannon hadn't found any other way than to leave him. Now the one who would suffer from both of their mistakes was Christopher. One more thing was added on Eddie's list of the ways he had let his son down.

Later that day, Eddie talked to Carla about his and Shannon's fight. She called him out immediately, pointing out that he had moved to L.A. right next door to her, almost. Eddie declined, which was the truth, he didn't want Shannon back, he wanted his family back. Christopher deserved to have a mother. He did know where Shannon lived and he had moved as close as possible, so that they wouldn't have to drive through the whole city, if she ever wanted to be part of their lives again. That was something Eddie could admit.

”Hey.” Eddie said, as he got up from the car.

”Hey.” Shannon replied simply, both calmed down after the fight.

”School called to tell me about your appointment. Thought I head over.” Eddie explained his presence outside the school's parking lot as she had just come out of the interview.

”Well, don't worry, I didn't tank the interview, okay?” She half joked and half snapped at him for keeping taps on her. ”Least, I don't think I did.”

”I'm sure you did great.” Eddie proceeded to forget her snarky remark. ”I appreciate it. Christopher will too.”

”That's why you're here? To pass along thank you's from my own son?” She said angrily and was about to open her car's door, when Eddie pushed it shut.

He looked around to make sure no one from the school staff was around to hear their argument. It wouldn't look good on their resume.

”When you left... I understood.” Eddie told her. He wanted to make peace, so he tried to understand her and she hoped she could try and understand him in return. Like they had done many years in a row. ”I tried to. And you were taking care of your mother and I was trying to take care of Christopher and... and we just drifted further away from each other. But I always thought you'd come home. Maybe we'd have a chance to make things right. But you didn't... So, I guess, I-I just... I need to know: why?” He wanted to understand.

”I didn't know how.” Shannon admitted. ”The longer I was gone, the harder it was to come back. To face you and to face Christopher and...” Then her voice broke. ”...he must hate me.” 

Eddie felt his heart sink. ”What are you talking about? Why would Christopher hate you?” Eddie was sure some other kid would feel that way if their mother left from their lives for two whole years, but Christopher couldn't.

”Because I did this to him!” Shannon was now crying. ”I have relieved every moment of that pregnancy so many times just trying to figure out how it happened and what I did wrong. And I thought I could make up for it, so I did all this research: finding new treatments and different therapies. But it was still so overwhelming and exhausting and I just... needed a break. So, then the mother who hurt her kid left him. I'm sorry.” She whispered and Eddie wrapped her into his arms, offering comfort. 

”You didn't do anything wrong.” He had no idea she had felt that way, making him feel guilty now. They just hadn't understood each other. They never had.

The only communication they had been good at... Eddie then kissed her, to make her feel better and to make himself feel better. 

From Eddie to Buck, Carla felt like she had to hold their hands and escort these two through life. People never truly grew up, did they? She wondered, but at the same time knew both of the boys had come a long way in the past month.

”Okay, Buck, you know I don't do sides.” She told Buck as they sat down on the couch in Abby's living room. ”I love both of you.”

”Yeah, but you know her, alright, honestly maybe even better than I do right now.” Buck needed to talk about this to her, needed to know if he was going to be the biggest prick in the world for even considering about leaving Abby. But he was forgetting her. She was like some kind of a ghost haunting him through memories. Memories which seemed like a dream and were fading day by day. There were some things Buck had forgotten: like the exact color of her eyes and the smell of her skin.

”I, uh, haven't spoken to her in weeks.” It was his first time admitting that to anyone. It had been over three weeks, almost a month since their last call and the reception had been so bad that they had ended it only after five minutes. ”The gap between talks keeps getting longer and conversations shorter. There's this voice in my head keeps on saying... 'Move on, Buck. She's never gonna come back'.” He felt guilty by even saying it out loud.

”She still cares about you.” Carla consoled him and it confirmed Buck what he had been fearing. She still cared, but didn't love like she used to. ”She's just not ready to come home yet. At least not to this one.”

That sentence was like sharp knives were pushed through Buck's heart. Had he been so oblivious not to see that Abby wasn't planning on coming home... ever. That he was just some past life that was fine to just leave behind. 

”Her brother's been after her, you know, to come stay with them for a bit. And truthfully I think it'll be good for her. I mean, she need to go and dip her toe in the real world. So, you know, she doesn't have a fear of being pulled under by all these memories.” Carla tried to soften the blow. She knew she shouldn't be the one to tell this to Buck, but since Abby had clearly been avoiding to tell the truth to Buck, she thought it to be her responsibility. 

”Yeah, tell me about it.” Buck understood, or at least he tried to understand. ”Everything in this place is hers. She feels less and less a part of it every day. See, this whole time I felt like I was being haunted by this memory of her but maybe I'm the ghost. Lingering here when I should've moved on a long time ago.”

Carla understood, both of them.


	4. Moving on

Eddie wasn't scared of guns. He had used them more times than he could count for. He had been in an army. He knew exactly what damage a gunshot could do, but still, he wasn't scared of guns. But he was scared of the ones holding the gun. This time it was a woman, suffering from some serious middle age crisis. She seemed desperate, but not so desperate, that she could actually shoot Buck, who was standing arm-length away from her. But Eddie couldn't know how much this woman had used guns. She could accidentally fire it and would do massive damage to Buck. Eddie thought about the possibility of jumping behind her and force the gun from her hand, but there were too many buts in that plan. First of all: he was the only one holding Buck from falling. Second: the woman could panic and pull the trigger, which would make him guilty of causing Buck's death. If, by some miracle, Buck would survive that gun wound, he would fall to his death in the middle of a highway since he wasn't there to keep Buck up. Those worst-case scenarios ran through Eddie's mind as he followed helplessly from above as the scene folded out.

Athena was commanding the woman to put down her gun. Slowly, she seemed to realize what she was doing and lowered the gun.

”I don't wanna hurt anybody! I just can't handle being ignored anymore.” She yelled down to Athena. Eddie sighed in relief, but they weren't finished yet. 

”I know exactly what you mean.” Buck's voice surprised Eddie and he tried to look at his friend's face to see what he was thinking, without changing his position too much, so he would be ready if Buck fell.

”Oh, come on! Yes, I'm sure you get ignored all the time.” The woman complained loudly as she looked at Buck and Eddie knew exactly why. He had no idea how Buck was planning to get out of the situation without her shooting him now. Their lives could not be compared together. He almost shouted at Buck to keep his mouth shut, but Buck was already continuing.

”You have a Norman. I had an Abby.” Buck started to explain and Eddie calmed down to listen. Buck had told all of them in the morning that he had moved out of Abby's place and send her a letter. Eddie didn't know why he had been so surprised. He had waited for Buck to realize that his so-called-relationship was over, but he had still thought Buck would do something drastic: like jump into a plain and go see her. But he had been surprisingly calm and... grown up about it, making Eddie proud.

”You think that you have something... something special, you know?” Buck tried to make her understand his side. ”She's the one. So you wait and then, at one point, it hits you: you're alone. Sh-she's not coming back. You're just there to collect the mail and it is piling up, right? And then-then you realize: ”You know what? It's over.” You just need to face it and move on.”

Eddie listened at Buck's speech and felt a bang of... jealousy perhaps. He had no idea Buck had felt so deeply about Abby. Sure, cause of all the storied he had heard of Buck's previous encounters with women, Eddie knew Abby must've meant something more, be special, but never this special. Buck had let go of her just a moment ago, but he was still healing and was going to be healing for a long time.

Then Norman arrived and after a short conversation, something seemed to snap in place inside the woman as she suddenly went limb and took a shaking breath, like she had been holding it through it all. Eddie smiled to himself, wishing all couple's could appriciate each other so it wouldn't come to... this. He thought back to Shannon. They had so much history together, but could the good things overcome all the bad? He just wasn't sure. He took a look at Buck once more, who was now holding the woman close, grounding her. Buck needed time... and someone even more special than Abby... or Eddie.

”I think I want to go down now.” The woman whispered, like she was suddenly scared of highs. 

Buck slid his hand carefully down her arm to the hand where she was still holding the gun. He took it from her and guided it behind his back, to his other hand before reaching up to give it to him. Eddie took it quickly but carefully and opened the clip to check if there was any bullets in and found one. One that could've caused a huge damage if being fired. He emptied it to his pocket. Knowing that the police would want to take it for evidence. 

After that, Eddie threw harnesses down to Buck, who helped the woman to put them on and they lifted her up, back to safety. Too bad her and Norman's reconcilation wouldn't lead to a happy ending, since she was going straight to jail. But maybe she could get out soon.

”Well done, Buck.” Eddie patted his friend's back and then gave him a quick hug, to let Buck know that he was glad that he was okay. ”And I'm sorry.”

Buck frowned at him. ”Sorry? About what?”

”That I didn't know you were suffering so much.” Eddie explained, but Buck still seemed loss. Then Eddie nodded towards the edge of the bridge and finally Buck seemed to understand. ”I just want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to...”

”You're my man?” Buck asked with raised eyebrows.

Eddie laughed. ”Me and I can offer you a beer sometimes.” He wanted to ask if Buck could make it tonight, but he already had another plans.

Buck nodded with a wide smile. ”Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.”

Buck knew getting over Abby wasn't going to be easy, but he had done some of the work while still living under her roof, slowly letting go. So, when the captain asked what he had said to the woman, Buck answered how he felt: everything's going to be okay. 

Buck had expected for Eddie to ask him to a beer until the end of their shift, but when they were ready to head home and that invitation hadn't come, Buck wondered if Eddie had meant that he should ask for his company. So, when they were walking across the hall, Buck turned to Eddie and said:

”I could use a beer right now.” 

Eddie looked up at him and seemed a little surprised and then... disappointed?

”I would love to, Buck, but I already have plans tonight. Shannon wants to talk about Christopher and I don't think I can turn her down.” Eddie seemed truly apologetic and Buck understood, but he still felt a little disappointed.

”Oh, okay, some other time then.” He answered quickly, not wanting to sound too down.

”Hey, I can crap a beer.” Chimney's voice made Buck turn around to face him.

”Great! The usual?” Buck asked and Chim nodded at him.

Eddie looked between the two and smiled. Knowing that Buck was in good hands and had someone to talk to. ”I'll be going then.” He said and hurried to his car, not wanting the disappointment of being left out show on his face. He had to think about his family first, everything else came second. Buck had to come second since there was no way he could ever be the first.

”The world looks so different now that I'm single again.” Buck had wanted to talk about his thoughts all day, but their job had gotten on the way. But now there was nothing but time and he couldn't be more excited to tell all about it to Chimney.

”Buck, you've been single for months.” Chim had no idea why the boy was so excited. 

”Yeah, only circumstantially.” Buck hurried to reply so Chim wouldn't dig deeper into that. ”I know Abby's been gone for a while, but in my head we've been together this whole time. But now I'm out of her place...”

”And living on my couch.” Chim couldn't help but retorted. He didn't mind of course, but he couldn't understand why Buck just couldn't search an apartment of his own before shutting Abby's door for the last time and fucking leave the keys in the inside. 

”Which I-I really appreciate.” Buck wasn't sure if his friend was mad at him or not, since he was staring at his phone, like nothing else interested him. 

”Happy to help.” Chim told him, but still didn't leave his eyes from the phone. ”Even though I didn't initially think you were just coming over to watch the game.” 

”I'm just... I'm nervous, you know?” Buck told him the truth. He hadn't expected to be on this situation... since he had met Abby. And if some lingering looks towards Eddie didn't count. 

”Are you afraid to get back on the horse?” Chimney finally put down his phone and looked at Buck with annoyingly wide smile on his face.

”I don't want to revert back to being Buck 1.0. I-I know I'm single Buck again, but I want to be single Buck 2.0.” Buck tried his best to explain. ”Like, if I'd come here with Abby, I would never have noticed that blonde over there, licking the salted rim of her margarita glass wile she maintains strong, intimate eye contact.” As he talked, Buck felt his need grow a little but that was the old Buck.

”Okay, is that really happening?” Chim looked the way Buck was staring and was blown away of how quickly Buck could get a woman. It must be the looks, Chim thought a little bitterly.

”Say I go over there, right?” Buck continued to talk. ”I-uh-I talk to her, I make a joke, she smiles, we both laugh, our shoulders touch, there's a moment, I lean in a little closer, she doesn't resist.”

Chim wondered how far Buck could go on with this. He did have an ability to lengthen all his stories.

”One drink, two compliments later, we end up in bed together having totally meaningless sex.” Buck finally ended his ramble.

”Yeah, that does sound awful.” Chimney tried his best not to sound too jealous.

”I just... I don't want to be that guy again.” 

”So, don't be.” Chim said it, not understanding why it was so hard for Buck and Buck wondering why Chim made it sound so easy.

”What can I get for you?” The waitress interrupted their talk. Buck ordered two beers, but his suspicion rose as Chim ordered chardonnay.

”Who's the wine for?” 

”Maddie. She was parking.” Chim answered casually, like inviting the other's sister to a men's night out wasn't odd. 

”Uh, you invited my sister?” Buck looked confusingly between Chim and Maddie, who had now appeared and made her way through the bar to them.

”Hi!” Maddie sighed happily as she sat down beside Chim. ”Sorry, I'm late. I don't know why I get on the freeway. I always regret it.”

”Because, you are an eternal optimist, that's why.” Chimney answered to her, sounding... too sweet and oddly like he knew Maddie, when they had met only... once? ”Are you hungry?”

”Yes, should we get that thing we got last time?” Maddie answered and tossed her back across the table and to the empty space beside Buck.

Buck couldn't believe this was happening. Don't get him wrong. Buck loved his sister and she was great company, but... Buck just did not want to talk about his thoughts on his love life while his sister was sitting across from him. 

”Uh... last time?” They must've met more than once. What was happening between his sister and Chimney? Buck was soooo confused. 

”Thank you!” Maddie ignored her brother as the waitress brought her the chardonnay and Chimney ordered them Celine... something, which probably was that thing they had ordered last time, whenever the hell that was.

Suddenly he was jingling glassed with the pair in front of him, feeling awfully lot like a... third wheel. He wished he had someone to talk to as these two talked to each other almost nonstop. Buck glanced at the empty seat... or what had used to be an empty seat, but now a place for his sister's purse, and wished Eddie could've come with them. He would have someone to talk to. For a moment he thought texting him, but as he was picking up his phone, he remembered Eddie was seeing Shannon. He put the phone down and glanced towards the bar, where the blonde was still eyeing him. Buck looked away and took a sip from his glass, trying to get invested on the other's conversation. He feared to be turning into Buck 1.0 or that Buck 2.0 would never find what he was looking for. 

Later that night, as Buck was listening Chim and Maddie singing a duet, he knew he needed another drink. He made his way to the bar, but before he could even order anything, the bartender already placed a glass of bourbon in front of him.

”Uh... what's this?” He asked in confusion.

”Bourbon, neat. The lady said real heroes don't drink pale ale.” The bartender nodded towards the other end of the bar and Buck saw the familiar red hair again.

Taylor Kelly smiled to him and took a drink from her glass. This had to be destiny, Buck thought or was he being too cheesy because the two singing the duet had an effect on him? Either way, Buck thought there would be no harm of talking to her.

”I see Chimney's got a girlfriend.” Taylor smirked as she looked at the two.

”No. No, he does not. That's my sister.” Buck explained. 

”Oh, sorry.” She apologized but still smiled. ”They're kind of good.”

”Yeah, I know, right? It's a... it's weird.” Buck saw that they looked good together, but he had never expected for Maddie to date his friend. He didn't even want to go to his fear of those two dating and Maddie leaving Chim heartbroken. ”So, what's a fancy TV reporter like you doing in a badge and ladder joint like this?” He really needed to think about something else right now.

”Stalking you, of course.” She said plainly and for a moment Buck thought he should run as far away as he could from her, but then she laughed. ”I'm kidding. The station right around the corner and I like to keep my ear to the ground. What about you? You come here a lot?” 

Buck knew that was a picking up phrase and he felt his nervousness fade away. ”I used to... or places like it. I haven't for a while.”

”Why?”

”I was in a pretty serious relationship, but that's over now, I guess.” Buck explained, shortly as possible.

”You're not sure?” Taylor clearly didn't understand.

”I'm-I'm pretty sure.” Buck hurried to say. ”I'm actually thinking about dipping my toe back into the dating game.”

”Just your toe?” 

”I'm just trying to be responsible and well-behaved. Take it slow and do it right.” Buck didn't know who he was trying to convince, her or himself. Either way, he was failing and bad. He did want those things, but she was just... too hot to ignore. Or maybe she would understand and build their relationship slowly.

”To restraint.” Taylor lifted her glass and smiled.

”To restraint.” Buck echoed, raising up his own glass.

And then they ended up having sex in the bathroom. God, he hated the 1.0. Buck.

The following day Buck felt ashamed. More ashamed than he had felt in a year. He put the lack of thinking and sleeping with Taylor to alcohols fault. He thought he could do better, but instead he had acted like a jerk. Throughout his whole day off, he thought about apologizing to her, but it took him to six p.m. Until he managed to press send and asked her to meet up with him. The reply came almost immediately and she asked him to meet her behind the TV station's parking lot and so Buck did.

Taylor's face was mix between confusion and disappointment as she learned that Buck had come over just to apologize. 

”I'm a grown woman, Buck.” She then said, feeling like laughing, but she didn't want to chase the guy off, not when he was so good looking and the sex had been awesome. ”And, I'm the one who send you the drink, remember?”

”Fair enough.” Buck felt a little embarrassed now, thinking that he had somehow lead the scene last night, but not realizing that was something they both had wanted. ”I guess, I can take karaoke bathroom off my bucket list. So, you wanna grab a drink.”

Buck refused to fall to misery. He managed to tell himself that perhaps, this wasn't the Buck 1.0. but 2.0. whose start was just slightly different to what he had thought it would be. They had started fast, yes, but so had many other couples in the history of mankind. It didn't mean it was doomed to fail, right?

”Some other time, maybe. I got a piece I got to cut. The Burbank library is getting a new mural.” Taylor refused his offer and started to walk away.

”Yep, have a good night.” Buck sighed. Guess he had been wrong. He wasn't used to being dumped and was surprised to see how much that stung.

”What about a news van?” Buck had just turned to walk to his car, when he heard Taylor call out after him, making him stop. ”Where's that on your bucket list?”

Buck tried to resist. He truly did, but somehow they ended up making out at the back of the van, but ironically, fire disturbed their time together and he was kicked out before Taylor and her co-workers headed out of the parking lot.

”Call me?” Buck regretted immediately saying those words. Making him seem way too desperate and he cursed in his mind.

”Wait, a news van?” Buck regretted also telling about it to Maddie, who, as he knew, wasn't going to appreciate the story. 

They were at Chimney's and Buck had wished to talk about this only to Chim, but it seemed Maddie was everywhere where Chim was these days. He could've waited until later, when Mads was forced to leave so she could sleep in her own bed, but after waiting for two hours, Buck gave up, wanting to confess to someone.

”Don't other people use that? What if you get caught? She could get fired.” A knock on the door interrupted her for a moment as she retrieved the Chinese food they had ordered. She couldn't understand how her brother could be so careless and insensitive.

”Your brother sure did.” Chim didn't understand how Maddie could forget that, but Buck's glare at him made it clear. ”Oh, he didn't tell you about the time he stole a fire truck from work so he could have sex in it?”

Buck tried to find a way to stop Chim, but he knew it was impossible, so he just sat back on his chair and waited for the nagging to begin. And Maddie's face told it all: she was shocked and disturbed, making a disgusted noise.

”Thank you for that.” Buck was surprised that his sister didn't want to touch the subject, but he hadn't wanted her to know and ruin his image of her innocent little brother. But then again, maybe it was already ruined.

”Anytime, roomie!” Chimney chirped at him, making Buck know that he did it on purpose.

”Damn it! They didn't put it in here again.” Maddie suddenly groaned as she searched the plastic backs. 

”Ta-da!” Chimney took something from one of his kitchen cabinets and put it on the table. 

”You made me hot mustard?” Maddie asked, deeply moved.

”I just can't anymore with the whole sad face every time they forget it.” Chim explained, like it wasn't a big deal.

Buck, once again, studied the pair's interaction, his suspicions rising again. He remembered wondering their relationship at the bar too, but the alcohol had made those thoughts a little dim in his mind.

”Anyway, uh, why so much food?” There was everything in the kitchen. Buck didn't complain, but he was a little confused.

”Uh, it's Buffriday.” Maddie replied.

”Buffet Fridays.” Chimney continued, again with the odd couple communication. ”It's the one day we indulge your sister's complete inability to choose what she's in the mood for.”

”Yeah, so we order everything.” Maddie smiled.

”And, because your sister's hatred for leftovers, I don't have to buy groceries. It's a win-win situation.” Chimney explained as they walked to the living room.

”Uh, let's go back to you stealing a hook and ladder for a hookup.” Buck knew Maddie would come to that, but with the most 'Chimney like' custom there was.

”It's your fault.” Buck got up from the dining room table and joined them, pointing a blaming finger at his sister. ”You know, you always told me to go after what I wanted. Be confident. Girl's aren't scary.”

”Um, you were eleven. Don't you have impulse control?” Maddie couldn't believe her little brother had come from being that innocent wide-eyed boy to fire truck stealing sex-addict.

”And not sure that's the problem.” Chimney corrected her.

”All I'm saying: she's beautiful, she's cool and then she left me standing in a parking lot.” Buck still couldn't quite believe that had happened.

”Yeah, I'm feeling this is a little more karmic. Chickens coming home to roost.” Chimney started to talk.

Buck had no idea what the man was talking about, thinking that he had lost his mind. He glanced towards his sister, who to his surprise didn't look at least a little bit confused.

Chimney laughed loudly, but then got serious and pointed a blaming finger now at Buck. ”You've been Bucked! Buck 2.0. has found himself Buckette 1.0. Dude, you're dating yourself.”

Buck could only shake his head to Chimney's 'so called' wise ideas. ”We're not dating, okay?” He corrected, but then looked between the two. ”But you two are. You guys are... dating each other.”

Maddie burst out laughing, while Chimneys smiled with his mouth full. 

”That's crazy. We're...” And which Chimney started...

”...friends...” Maddie continued...

...and then in unison: ”...who hang out.”

”No. Y-you're always talking or texting each other. You sing karaoke together. You do Buffridays, you finish each other's sentences.” Buck couldn't believe these two didn't see what was going on. How could someone be so oblivious, that they didn't notice what was going on right in front of their noises and inside themselves. He didn't know how long he could handle watching them dance around each other like this. It was driving him crazy. Buck had no idea that was exactly how everyone thought about him in the near future. ”Guys, come on, you're a couple! When-when did...”

His rambling was cut short as he noticed an unknown caller was trying to reach him. He got up and answered his phone. It was Taylor, who wanted to see him. Coffee, she said, but Buck was sure that wasn't what she was looking for from him. So, he had to decline.

”Being Buck 2.0. sucks.” He complained to the couple at the living room after ending the call.

Maddie looked at him with pitty, but a the same time she was proud of him. She also knew he would find someone soon, who would fulfill every void in his life. Well, perhaps not every void, they did come from the same family, but at least most of it was enough.


	5. Dream of a family

In the end, after a week of living under the same roof, Chimney kicked him out. Buck had been surprised and a little hurt, but he had also said that he would move out as fast as possible, and for... reasons... Buck hadn't searched himself a new flat. So, back to live with his sister he went and she greeted him with a knowing smile, like she had seen this coming.

”Looks like you're stuck with me again.” Buck attempted a joke as she opened the door for him, but he knew the situation wasn't ideal. ”Sorry...”

”I'ts okay.” Maddie would always welcome her little brother with open arms. In the end, she had been the one to barge in the first time around. ”I have a new air-mattress waiting for you.” She had purchased the thing a day after Buck had announced that he had moved out of Abby's place.

”You saw this coming?” Buck asked as he stepped in.

”You didn't?” Maddie looked at him with raised eyebrows. Her brother was so oblivious sometimes.

Buck didn't have to answer, since she already knew it. He looked at the mattress and thought things could be worse... maybe.

Thing did get worse. Right before Christmas. They were having annual toy drive at the fire station, where they sold cookies and received no longer needed toys from families and put them to reuse, to give the toys a new life, helping poor families at the process. Buck was probably the only one who went overboard with this, wearing an elf hat, tuning up the Christmas' music and singing along with every song, even though he couldn't remember all the words. Eddie couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. He seemed like a little kid sometimes, which wasn't always a bad thing. 

It was Eddie's turn to handle the toy table, when he saw a familiar face.

”Shannon?” Eddie was taken aback to see her standing there with the toy fire truck in her hands. ”What are you doing here?” 

”You won't answer my texts or return my calls.” Shannon started with a low voice, which always meant that she was pissed as hell and would soon raise her voice if he wasn't going to listen to her.

”This is not the place.” Eddie replied quickly and faked a smile to a father who handed him an used toy.

”Maybe it's the perfect place.” Shannon only said and Eddie knew she was ready to cause a scene. ”We can actually have a conversation that doesn't end up with us in bed.” 

Eddie could feel both, Chim and Buck's eyes on him as they turned to look at him. This is exactly why couples didn't suddenly show up on each other's workplaces... even though they weren't even a couple.

”Follow me...” He then said and headed towards the locker room, refusing to meet his co-workers eyes, knowing full well that the irritation of the situation showed on his face.

Buck shared a look with Chimney before trying to concentrate on what he had just been doing, but he seemed to have forgotten all about it. Eddie was sleeping with Shannon? He knew they hadn't talked much lately, but he had been in the impression that their relationship was completely platonic. Shannon had left Eddie alone to raise a child for two years. How could Eddie forgive her so quickly? Buck knew he wouldn't have. Wouldn't he?

”I can't do this here, not now.” Eddie warned Shannon the moment the door closed behind him. He wasn't in the mood of having a fight in the middle of his workday.

”Than where and when?” Shannon insisted and Eddie knew she had the right to be mad at him for not answering her, but this wasn't the place.

Eddie noticed that the second door was also open, so he quickly rounded Shannon to close it.

”It's been almost two months and right now, I feel even further away from him and from you than I ever did when we weren't speaking.” Shannon sounded desperate. ”Are you ever going to let me see Christopher?” 

And there they were, the words Eddie had dreaded to hear. The subject he had been avoiding ever since she returned to their lives. He just wanted what was best for Christopher and losing his mom two times, wasn't it.

”Of course.” Were still the words that came out of his mouth. ”Eventually...” He hoped the fought was over and walked to the door.

”Does he know that I'm here?” Shannon then asked, now realizing that her son knew nothing about her. 

”I didn't want to confuse him.” Eddie spoke the truth. Christopher wouldn't understand why he couldn't see his mom, even though they were now living in the same city. ”Not until I was sure.”

”Of me?” Her voice rose again and Eddie let go of the door handle. ”Because, you seemed pretty sure when we started having sex again.”

”Is that how you see this? As some transaction?” Eddie couldn't believe she used sex as a weapon against him. Like he had been the only one wanting it. He could also play that game.”You slep with me so I let you see Christopher?”

”I thought it was a reconciliation.” Shannon lowered her voice, blaming him, when they haven't even talked about their so-called relationship. ”Right up until the moment... you hid me from our son.”

”I didn't know what else to do!” Eddie snapped and realized again that they were in his workplace. ”I didn't know what else to do.” He repeated but with much lower voice.

”I'm the one who screwed up, the one who left. I know, I don't get to have a say.” Shannon said, defeated. ”So, I'm following your lead. But... where are we going?”

Eddie didn't know an answer to that question himself. So how could he give her one? He felt like the bad guy for keeping a mother away from her son.

”When will you be able to forgive me?” Shannon asked then.

”I can forgive you.” Eddie could answer to that, even though he knew she wouldn't like what he was about to say. ”I'm just no sure I can trust you.”

That was the most biggest problem with their relationship. Him forgiving Shannon wouldn't affect Christopher's life, but him trusting if she could stay... that made the difference.

Everybody at the station noticed Buck's good mood disappearing for the rest of the day. Especially Chimney saw how Buck did everything in a hurry and sloppy, like he did when he was extremely nervous. He faked a smile to the visitors and almost glared a woman, who dared to take two cookies for herself and only one to her son. 

”Buck?” Chim watched the scene for a while, before he had to ask what was going on. ”What's with you?”

Buck only looked towards him in a hurry and frowned before continuing to pack the toys. ”Nothing's wrong.”

Chimney sighed. Maybe Buck was mad at him for kicking him out of his apartment, but he just couldn't stand his messiness and loudness for another minute. ”Clearly, something is wrong. You've been acting weird for hours now. You even stopped singing along with the Christmas' songs.” That clearly meant more than anything else.

Buck stayed silent, he hadn't really thought where his faul mood was coming from, but then it hit him: Shannon. Or more precisely: Shannon having sex with Eddie. Shit... Buck thought and tried to concentrate solemnly on working, so he wouldn't have to think about that... image, which slowly tied a knot to his guts. Why was he reacting this way? Eddie hadn't showed any interest towards him and was clearly straight, so why was he pining after him and being jealous. This wasn't like him at all.

”Look, if it's about the roomie thing...” Chimney kept on pushing.

”It's not...” Buck paused, realizing he started with too much annoyance in his voice, so he had to stop and calm himself down. ”It's not about that, Chim. Just-just don't worry about it. I'm just... hungry, that's all.”

Chimney looked at him for a moment longer before nodding in defeat and going back to his tasks.

”Eddie is sleeping with her, but he's lying about it.” 

Chimney regretted immediately of asking if Buck knew about Eddie and Shannon, since the boy started to ramble about it like it was personally insulting him.

”It's like he's having an affair with his own wife.” Buck had been dying to talk about this to someone and after hours of sulking at work, he felt like bursting if he didn't get those thoughts out. ”You don't think that's weird?” 

”I think it's none of our business. Now can we please focus on the trees?” Chimney tried to calm him down. He wanted to concentrate on arranging a surprise for Maddie. That's why he had asked Buck to join him, since he knew better what Maddie liked. ”Now, how exactly pissed off is Maddie? Should I be shopping for a six-foot apology or a 12?”

”Uh... pissed off at you for what?” Buck had no idea what Chim could've done to piss his sister off, when they weren't even dating, which Buck seriously doubted.

”For kicking you off of my couch and onto hers.” Chimney explained, making Buck know he was part of the reason, thus also responsible of doing something to help Chim.

”It's an air-mattress, and she's fine.” Buck couldn't believe Chim would go through such lengths to calm Maddie down, even if she had been mad. ”If anything, I should be the one to hold a grudge, which I will if you don't hurry up and pick a tree already.”

They were walking in circles and Buck had no idea how he was supposed to help Chim, since all the trees looked the same. He'd rather talk about what had happened at work than spending hours shopping Christmas trees, even though he loved Christmas. 

Buck's gaze was caught by Chim's phone and he couldn't believe his eyes. ”Wait, are you seriously googling Christmas trees?”

”I want to buy Maddie a gift and I want it to be perfect.” 

”I'm gonna go find someone to help us.” Buck needed to get away from this place. ”You stop overthinking and just pick one.”

The surprise itself was a huge failure. Both, Chimney and Buck were shocked to see Maddie's reaction. But Buck was more shocked to see that Chim was happy to return the tree and all the decorations that they had spent hours to buy. He had put so much thought and effort to this, so why was Maddie being such a bitch about this? She used to love Christmas, just like he did.

”What are you talking about? You can't return a tree.” Buck tried to talk some sense into him. ”Hey, come on, you always loved Christmas, right?” He had to ask. Had to make sure that he hadn't remembered wrong, since it was so long ago they had spent a Christmas together. ”Ornaments, stockings, cookies. You made your own bows.”

”Yeah, I'm not really feeling the holiday this year, okay?” Maddie tried to explain as quickly and clearly as she could, but Buck still couldn't understand that she didn't want to go through this conversation. Even Chim shook his head behind her and gestured for him to stop before it was too late.

”Well, no. No, it's not okay.” Buck felt his annoyed mood return from earlier that day. Was he asking too much for his sister to at least look at all the things they had brought? ”Come on, what's going on with you?”

”I don't want to talk about it.” She had to raise her voice and spell it out for him. Buck was worst at understanding small gestures and innuendos.

”Guys, it's fine.” Chimney tried to calm things down and picked up the tree. ”You know what? I'm just gonna take away the evidence before uh... this turns into a crime scene, okay?” He wished a little humor would snap the siblings out of it, but in vain.

”So you hate Christmas now?” Buck knew in his head that it wasn't Maddie's fault and it was wrong for him to snap at her, but he was so pissed off. He was pissed at that shitty guy who she had married and had broken her so bad that she couldn't even enjoy something as beautiful as Christmas. He was pissed that this year's holidays would be hell, when he had looked forward to it for a month now. ”Something else I can thank Dough for, huh?”

”No, I don't hate Christmas, but I'm starting not to like you very much, okay?” Maddie snapped again, wanting nothing more than these two idiots out of her apartment, especially Buck. ”Just let it go.” She said as she walked to the kitchen, leaving Buck standing there.

”Maddie?” Buck wasn't going to let this go so easily and he followed her.

”You can't come into my house Buck and act this way.” She scolded him, frustrated that he was still pushing her.

”'Come into my house'? I'm your brother!” Buck couldn't believe what she was saying. He was living there as well. ”You just barged into my house a few months back, remember? And because you are my sister, I didn't turn you away. And-and you, not even in a subtle kind of way told me that Abby was seeing someone else.”

”That is completely different!” Maddie yelled at him.

”Oh, so when you say things it's okay, but heaven forbid if I say something that you don't like: this is the result!”

”Get out of my face or I slash that mattress of yours, so you'll have to sleep on the hard floor!” Maddie took a bread knife from the kitchen counter and started to march towards the living room.

”Don't you dare!” Buck knew she meant business. She had once cut his favorite teddy-bear's head off, just because he had eaten the last cookie that she had reserved. Buck ran after her and tried to yank the knife from her hands and she tried to struggle free from his hold.

Then they both stopped and looked at each other, realizing such how dangerous this was. Slowly, they both let go of the knife and it clattered to the floor.

”Oh my god...” Maddie sighed and looked at the item on the floor, like it had already killed someone. ”Buck, I'm so sorry, I know you wanted to surprise me, but...” 

Buck was ashamed now, not understanding how they could turn into fighting children over stupid Christmas decorations. ”No... I'm sorry. I-I... we never should've brought...” Only then Buck looked around to see where Chimney was, but the man was long gone. ”Chim?” He walked to the door, but it was already closed and the tree stood at the middle of the pavement for someone to pick up.

”I think we both need some rest.” Maddie said behind him. ”Don't worry. I'll call him in the morning and tell him that we're okay, so you don't have to go through that conversation at work.”

”Yeah...” Buck rubbed the back of his head, feeling a headache starting. This had been a long day. Unfortunately, he couldn't sleep. His thought wondered back to the events of the day, especially the bad ones. Buck sighed in frustration and covered his face with the pillow, like it would help him stop thinking. It did not.

The next morning Buck left for work an hour earlier than he was supposed to. But he did that so often that it wasn't out of character for him. Being at the fire station just made him feel good. Like he had a purpose in his life. He had barely slept at all and his foul mood had followed him from the previous day. 

As Buck wandered tiredly through the gateway and towards his car, he seemed to be waken up as he saw something standing on the pavement: the Christmas tree. It stood there alone and as Buck rounded it, he noticed a piece of paper, barely hanging on in the wind, which said 'free tree', but no one could see it when it was half torn off. Buck took the paper in his hand and grumbled it to his pocket. Then he sighed and looked at the tree from up and down, before picking it up and finally heading towards his car. 

Eddie was surprised to hear the door bell rang, since he hadn't expected anyone to visit. Carla had already picked Chris up and the only one he thought could be behind his door was Shannon and he wasn't in the mood to start his day with a fight. So when he opened up the door, he had the most annoyed expression on his face, which changed to confusion when he was greeted by a Christmas tree.

”What the...?” Eddie only managed to mumble as he looked the thing up and down.

”Surprise!” Buck suddenly peeked from behind it with a huge smile on his face.

”Buck? What... where... why?” Eddie didn't know where to start.

”It's a long story, which I promise to tell you once we go to the station, but I thought you might need a tree.” Buck told him.

”I...” Eddie let out a laugh. This was something he really hadn't expected. ”Thanks, Buck, but we already have a tree.”

”Oh...” Buck felt his heart sank for not being able to help the Diaz family in the matter. Of course Eddie had bought a tree long ago, since he had a kid who probably had insisted on it the moment November turned to December. 

”But the one I bought... or the one Chris picked up... is a little too big to our house. It kind of... folds from the middle since it can't stand straight.” Eddie started to explain with a soft smile on his face, which always appeared when he was talking about his son. ”So I think this is better in the inside and I can take that monstrosity outside.”

Buck had been staring Eddie as he had been talking, his smile growing back little by little. ”Fantastic! Let me help this inside then.”

It took them a while to maneuver the tree Buck brought inside and even longer to get the bigger one outside.

”Well, that is a big tree...” Buck sighed as they finally managed to arrange it so it wouldn't fall to the ground. 

”Told you so.” Eddie muttered, wondering if Chris would be mad at seeing the tree he had picked outside of the house, but he could make up a convincing story why it had been moved. ”Hey, there's something I've been wanting to ask you.” Eddie suddenly remembered and turned to look at Buck.

”Go ahead.” Buck nodded and folded his arms, fearing a little this would be about Eddie and Shannon's relationship.

”Would you like to come with me and Chris to see Santa tonight? I promised to take him, but it would be dull just the two of us. We could do some shopping at the same time.” Eddie spoke, hoping that his own excitement of spending time with Buck didn't shine through his words.

A huge smile appeared on Buck's face and he nodded eagerly. ”I'd love to!”

When Eddie had asked him to join him and Christopher to see Santa, Buck had been thrilled at first, but then he wondered if it was a good idea after all. He wanted to ask why he hadn't asked Shannon, but something held his tongue. Maybe last night's fight with Maddie had made him a little more thoughtful about what he said out loud.

So, after long day of searching a woman's noise, they picked Chris up from his aunt and drove to the park. Buck sat down to the edge of the fountain and watched as Eddie made his way to the line with Christopher, feeling a smile creep up to his face. Eddie seemed to have a short conversation with his son, until he straightened and headed towards him.

”I offered to wait in line with him, but he said this is private.” Eddie explained as he sat down next to him and took out his phone to catch the moment. ”Christopher!” He yelled and waved, so that his son would look at their direction. Christopher smiled widely at them.

”I really admire that kid.” Buck said, wishing everybody could be like Chris. ”I love the way he always wants to do everything on his own.”

”Yeah.” Eddie laughed freely. He had always told Chris that he could do anything, but words alone wouldn't make the difference, the urge itself came from Christopher and it made Eddie proud. ”So...” Eddie's voice suddenly changed and Buck knew he was going to change the topic. ”... not gonna say anything?”

”About what?” Buck pretended that he didn't know what Eddie was talking about, not wanting to give himself away like that. He waved his leg a little nervously, slightly touching Eddie's with his and as the other man didn't seem to mind, he let their knees rest together. Like the touch could make everything better. It did reassure Buck.

”You know what about.” Eddie only replied, still keeping his eyes on Chris.

Buck thought about yesterday and how shitty it had made him feel and how he had complained about it to Chim, when he remembered what he had said and Buck decided to go with that. ”I figured it was none of my business.” He replied, trying to sound casual, like Chim had said it when he hadn't thought about it too much like Buck had done.

”It's not.” Eddie agreed, but Buck knew he wanted to talk about it.

”That's what I'm saying.” Buck said then, happy that he was succeeding of hiding the turmoil inside of himself. He wished Eddie would look at him, but instead he was staring at the side of the other man's face, making it impossible to read Eddie's reactions, except to see when he was smiling and when not.

”It just kind of happened, okay? It's not like I planned it.” Eddie didn't know why he had the urge to explain himself to Buck. It's not like they were dating or anything like that, but maybe there was still that hope that if there ever was this glimpse of a chance that Buck liked him, he wouldn't push him off by fooling around with Shannon. Shannon who was his wife, how messed up was he? Eddie was careful not to look at Buck, fearing that his facial expression would betray him and show Buck his inner thoughts. He thought he had heard some tension in Buck's voice, but maybe he was only imagining it, since he couldn't look and make sure, but he tried to steal a quick glance which didn't get him nowhere.

”I never said you did.” Buck started to feel a little better about the situation. Not that he was happy of Eddie sleeping with his ex, but because of the way Eddie needed to explain the situation to him. Buck couldn't be sure that he was reading him right, but he still felt a little warm inside.

”I only reached out to her, because I needed her help getting Christopher into his new school.” Eddie continued to ramble, which was uncharacteristic of him.

”Totally understandable.” Buck agreed again.

”We just kind of... ended up in bed.” Eddie was still surprised of how ashamed he was of admitting that he had had sex with his wife, but he partly blamed Shannon, since she had brought up the idea that he was only after sex and didn't care about her feelings.

”These things happen.” Buck nodded along, remembering his still quite fresh encounter with Tyler... twice, which he hadn't planned at all. The thought made him realize that maybe he and Eddie weren't so different after all. ”It's not like you're breaking any commandments. You guys are still married.”

”Yeah...” Eddie finally looked at him, briefly, but still it had been a look. ”I'm sneaking around behind my kid's back with his mother.” The realization suddenly hit him. The situation was totally absurd.

”Christopher doesn't know?” At that moment Buck was certain Eddie wasn't fully committed to Shannon.

”I don't know what he knows.” Eddie shook his head a little. ”These kids sense things, right? The other day, I made her sneak out so he wouldn't see her there.”

”Trying to protect your kid.” Buck understood. ”I mean, she ran out on him, right?”

Eddie was silent for a moment. ”I ran out first. I ran out on both of them.” He then confessed. He had never NEVER said it out loud, but ever since Shannon had told him that he hadn't been there for her, he knew it had been true. He was ashamed of it, but what was done was done. ”See, when Christopher was first diagnosed, I was in Afghanistan. Right at the end of my tour. Instead of going back home... I reenlisted. I told myself it was to pay the bills.”

”But you were running away too?” Buck said out loud the sentence that was left hanging in the air.

”Yeah, but I got to pretend it was for a noble cause. Serving my country. But when Shannon broke, nobody thought she was a hero. She just got called evil.” Eddie felt slightly better to be able to tell about this to someone, someone he trusted that wouldn't judge him.

”And now she wants back in his life?” 

”Yeah.”

”So, why don't you let her? Seems like she's back in yours.” Buck had been slightly happier to know that the thing with Shannon hadn't meant so much to Eddie that he had originally thought, but he also knew the Christopher needed his mom. And Eddie needed someone to share Christopher's care with. And maybe it was time for him to take a step back. It wasn't like anything could've ever happened between him and Eddie. The last day only made Buck realize that thinking that way would ruin his life and ruin their friendship and he didn't want to ruin any of those.

”That's... that's what got me confused. Would I be doing it for Christopher or for me?” Eddie had been going around these thought for days and he had felt like exploding sometimes. ”I guess sex complicated everything.”

”You said it, brother.” Buck couldn't help but laugh. Just like he had thought: he would ruin their friendship if he kept thinking they could be more and being Eddie's friend meant too much for Buck.

”How'd it go, pal?” Eddie asked as they noticed Christopher being escorted from the Santa's by one of the elves.

”It went great.” That wide smile made Eddie's heart melt. Being a kid was the most simplest times in life.

”So, what'd you ask for?” He tried to inquire so he could get Christopher what he had wished for.

”Can't tell. Santa said he'd work on it.” Christopher smiled slyly and Eddie cursed in his mind, thinking that there had to be a way to know so the Christmas wouldn't be ruined for his son.

”Oh, man...” Buck sighed beside him.

Eddie glanced at Buck, seeing that wide smile, full of affection, before picking up his son. ”Let's go.”

Christopher groaned as his father took him into his arms and Eddie echoed playfully. Buck couldn't help but laugh, knowing that he had made the right decision. He was about to follow them, when he heard a woman's voice behind him.

”You two have an adorable son.” The elf was smiling widely at him and for a moment Buck didn't know how to react. Should he tell her the truth and deny it or...

”Umm... Thank you.” Buck decided to play along, to fool himself for one last time, before his Christmas spirit was over and he would return to the normal life. He was surprised of how good it felt and he skipped quickly after Eddie and Chris. He thought about telling what the elf had said to Eddie, but... this was his dream.

Eddie felt the rare calmness as he was crouching beside Christopher's bed in the dim lighted room. After the rush of the day and stress about money, relationships and... pretty much everything an adult could stress about, this was always his getaway, just sitting there with his son and feeling everything else fade away just for a moment.

”Dad? Is Santa real?” 

Christopher's question made him wake from his thoughts. He had thought Chris was already sleeping, but it seemed he still had something on his mind.

”Is Santa real? Why?” Eddie had no idea why Chris was thinking about that right now. Then he frowned. ”Did someone say he wasn't?” He suspected someone at Christopher's class or... Buck. That man had some serious troubles keeping his inner-thoughts as his inner-thoughts. But Chris stayed silent. ”What do you think? Do you think he's real?”

”Wh-when you were gone, I asked Santa for you to come back, and you did.” Christopher whispered, like he was afraid to say it out loud. Like his dad would disappear if he did.

”When I was in Afghanistan?” He asked and Christopher nodded for an answer. Eddie didn't know if he should feel touched or ashamed, but he felt them both. He had to collect his emotions before he was able to answer to his son. ”You know, buddy, Christmas wishes aren't like birthday wishes, yeah?” Eddie realized this might be the opportunity to find out what Christopher had asked for Christmas present, but he had to place his words carefully. ”You can say them out loud and they'll still come true.”

”I asked him to find Mom. Will he?” Christopher said hopefully. Eddie had waited for something like that, but it still made his heart break to see how much Chris still missed his mom, no matter how long she had been gone.

”He's sure gonna try.” Eddie swallowed back the tears and carefully caressed his son's head. He couldn't promise Chris that present, not yet.

As Christopher finally fell asleep and Eddie made his way to his own bedroom, shutting off the lights as he went, he knew Christopher's wish had sealed it. He had to let Shannon back to his life, no matter how scared he was. But something was still holding him back. He watched at the screen of his phone and was about to send a text to Shannon, but at the last minute he turned it off and placed the phone down. 

”I'm gonna cry. I-I know I'm gonna cry.” Buck said to the headphones, already sounding a little too emotional. ”Those soldier reunion videos on YouTube always gets me.”

Eddie couldn't help but smile at Buck's statement. He could be so emotional sometimes and Eddie loved it. They were driving through the city with sirens on as they tried to get the soldier who had helped them at car crash to see his daughter singing in her school's Christmas celebration. Eddie felt proud to be able to do this, small, but important task to his fellow comrade. And right before Christmas as well.

As they entered the hall and the soldier went to hug his family, Eddie wished with all his heart that this could be them: his family reuniting once more. He imagined Christopher's face lit up with happiness and he knew Shannon would be ecstatic. The only regret he felt right at that moment, was that they hadn't had this kind of reunion when he had returned from Afghanistan, but that was in the past and it was time to look into the future. He had the chance to fix the family he had broken.

He was so absorbed in his own imagination, that he didn't even notice Buck crying beside him, wiping tears from his face. Eddie's eyes also filled with tears and he couldn't wait to get home and hug his son.

At six a.m. Christopher nearly jumped out of bed and as fast as he could without crouches, made his way to his father's bedroom, but he had already gotten up. Chris was surprised, Dad rarely woke up at his day off earlier than him. He made his way to the living room, expecting to see his Dad there and give him a big hug, but he wasn't there either. Even the presents were gone from underneath the small Christmas tree. As he was ready to start panicking, Christopher noticed the arrow which had been taped to the floor and pointing towards the front door. His excitement rose again and he quickly headed to where the arrow told him. 

At the front yard waited the biggest and prettiest Christmas tree Christopher had ever seen. That alone had made him smile, but when he saw his mother emerge from behind it, that smile grew even bigger. 

”Mommy! Mommy!” He yelled, almost crying from happiness.

”Merry Christmas, baby.” His mother whispered into his ear as she hugged him. ”I missed you so much.”

”I missed you too.” Christopher told her and she picked him up and whirled around. 

Christopher saw his Dad leaning against the doorway. ”I knew Santa could do it again.” 

Eddie blinked back the tears. He regretted for making Chris miss his mother for so long, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that something bad was going to happen. He knew it was his broken trust for Shannon talking, even though he had tried so hard to fix his line of thinking. But now Chris and Shannon were reunited and he had to live with the consequences. Eddie shook back the thoughts and crossed the space between him and his family and went to hug them, placing a caring kiss into Shannon's hair. He had to wish everything was going to be fine. There was no other way around this.


	6. Time for healing

Buck had always wondered, how he would act if someone he knew had an accident and he was the one who arrived to the scene first. He had once asked Bobby how people in this line of business usually reacted and Bobby's answer was: he didn't know. He had said it depended on people and no one knew how they would react until they were in that situation themselves. One thing Bobby did know, was that it depended on how close the person you had to save is to you. 

But Buck did everything by the books as he found Chimney bleeding on Maddie's doorstep. He called 9-1-1, added pressure to the wound with a cloth, checked his pulse and talked to him. Then his memory blanked. Right after Chim mumbled that Maddie had been taken. Buck knew exactly who would've done this. If it wasn't for him keeping Chim from not bleeding to death, he would've ran to the house and searched his sister. But he had to wait. The four minutes felt like an eternity as he waited, feeling the warm blood soaking through the clothe and hearing his own heartbeat in his ears. The moment the paramedic replaced Buck's hand with his, he got up and ran to the house, shouting out Maddie's name.

The door was open, which was the first sign that things were seriously wrong, but Buck didn't want to believe it. He headed inside and straight to the second floor, but it was empty. The whole house was empty. Maybe she hadn't come home yet. Maybe she was safe in her car, jamming to a radio-song and would soon curve into the yard. Then Buck's eyes landed on the coffee table. All Maddie's stuff was there: her keys, her bracelet and even her phone. She had been home. That's when he had to face the reality: Doug had found her.

Eddie had just fallen asleep. He hadn't slept well the previous night and the sleep deprivation caught up with him. Christopher had been out with his mom during the day and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. The phone's vibrating against the nightstand stirred Eddie from his sleep, but he was too tired to see who was calling, so he just took a better position and fell asleep again. But the persistent noise kept on going and eventually Eddie groaned in discomfort, rubbed his eyes and fumbled to see the phone. At first he couldn't make out who the caller was, his eyes were too heavy, but then he made out the first letter 'B' and knew immediately who ti was and Buck never called in the middle of the night.

”Hi, Buck, what's...” He didn't even have a chance to finish his sentence when Buck interrupted him:

”Eddie, it's Chim...” 

Eddie knew from the sound of Buck's voice that something was terribly wrong.

”Calm down, Buck. Tell me what's wrong.” Eddie was wide awake now and he searched his clothes at the same time as he listened Buck speak.

”I found Chimney stabbed at Maddie's doorstep... and Maddie she... she's gone.” Buck's voice was trembling and Eddie felt his guts turn. What the hell had happened?

”Wait, is Chimney okay and what do you mean Maddie's gone?” Eddie spoke fast, but calmly, trying to make Buck understand that he needed to explain the situation more clearly.

”They are taking Chim to the hospital, but Doug found Maddie.” Buck's voice had now slowed down, but he still sounded nervous.

”Did he do something to her? How is Maddie?”

”I don't know.” Eddie heard Buck's voice crumble a little, then he heard him take a deep breath to calm himself. ”She's gone, the apartment is empty and all her stuff is here. He found her.”

”I'll head over there. Don't worry, Buck, everything's gonna be all right. You hear me? I'm coming as soon as I can.” Eddie needed to get there to calm Buck down and see the situation himself.

”Okay.” Buck's voice was more calm than at any point during the phone call.

Eddie had just gotten fully dressed and was about to head to the entrance, when he remembered Christopher. He stopped at his son's doorway and went through all the people who had taken care of him to figure out which one he could leave Christopher in the middle of the night and as fast as he could.

”Okay, Buck, where are you now?” Eddie said to the phone.

”At Maddie's, but I'm going to head to the hospital soon.”

”Okay, can you get a lift from someone? I'll come straight to the hospital. I'll just have to drop Christopher off.” Eddie explained and for a moment there was a silence in the line. ”Buck?”

”Yeah... yeah. I need to...” With that, Buck hang up.

Eddie looked at the phone in disappointment, but he quickly dialed Shannon's number. She was the only one who he could think of. Abuela needed her rest, his aunt was out of town, he didn't want to bother Carla at this hour and Shannon lived at the same direction where the hospital was.

As Eddie arrived to the hospital, he looked and saw the first familiar face: Hen.

”I got here as fast as I could. How is he doing?” He asked the moment he saw her. She looked tired, but not broken, so Chimney had to be alive.

”Alive, but he got punctured lung and a lacerated stomach.” Hen explained and god was Eddie glad that he had ran to her first, since she knew exactly what she was talking about. 

Eddie sighed, this was bad. ”Is he in surgery?” 

”Not yet. He lost a lot of blood.” Hen said and Eddie knew it wasn't a good thing. ”But as soon as he's stable, they'll prep him for surgery.”

”Who would do something like this?” Eddie remembered Buck saying that someone had taken Maddie, but who? Her ex-husband? Hen shook her head. She was as lost as he was.

Hearing Eddie's voice calmed him down, not completely but it still did. It was something about the knowledge that he would come to support Buck, that made him feel safer. 

”Okay, can you get a lift from someone? I'll come straight to the hospital. I'll just have to drop Christopher off.”

”Yeah...” Buck didn't know who he could ask for a lift. Athena had arrived soon after the paramedics, but she was busy talking to the criminal detective by the doorway. Then he saw Bobby walking through the gateway and a wash of relief went through him. Athena must've called him here.”Yeah... I need to go.” Buck mumbled to the phone. As he hang up to Eddie, he saw that Bobby had noticed him. 

”Buck, how are you?” Bobby asked right away and placed a comforting hand to his shoulder. 

”I'm fine...” It touched Buck that Bobby would worry about his well-being in this kind of situation, but it wasn't him he should be worried about.

”Bobby, I think Doug, Maddie's ex, has taken her and he stabbed Chim, because he tried to stop him.” Buck spoke fast, but calmer than how he had talked to Eddie earlier.

”Okay.” Bobby nodded firmly and then started to search around, as if looking for someone.

It felt good to see that Bobby believed him right away.

Bobby's eyes seemed to find who he was looking for and he made his way to Athena. Buck didn't know if he wanted him to follow, so he took a couple hesitant steps after him, but then stopped, rubbing his hands nervously together. Bobby seemed to exchange few words with Athena before turning to the detective who she had been talking with. Soon, both of the men walked to Buck.

”This man says you have some information of whoever did this.” The detective said with a serious voice.

”Yes, I-uh... I was the one who found the victim and...” Buck didn't get the chance to finish, when the man already interrupted him.

”Was the victim conscious? Did he say anything to you and what's your name?”

”Well, he mumbled something about Jason... and I'm Buc- Evan Buckley.” Again Buck was interrupted.

”Hey! Josh! Look up Jason's name on the victim's belongings.” Then the detective turned to Buck again. ”I'll get my boss here to talk with you since you're our main witness. Just a minute.” Then he disapeared inside.

”Any word from the hospital?” Athena asked from beside Buck and he looked at her direction, but she was staring at Bobby.

”No, still nothing.” Bobby sighed and leaned against the wall. ”I called Hen and asked her to go there to check on Chim's condition.” He then explained to Buck.

Buck swallowed, not wanting to think about how close of dying Chim must be right at the moment, hanging between death and life. He had one purpose and it was to find Maddie.

”I called Eddie earlier, he is going to the hospital once he drops Christopher somewhere.” Buck told him and Bobby nodded, glad that Hen didn't have to be alone there.

”Which one of you is Evan Buckley?” A middle aged detective interrupted them as he stepped to the doorway.

”That would be me, sir.” Buck spoke out, not quite sure where the sir came from.

”You were the one who found the victim?” 

”Yes and my-my sister, Maddie Buckley, lives here but she's missing and all her belongings...” Buck felt his frustration rise once he was, yet again, interrupted.

”Yes, yes, we heard all that from the 9-1-1 dispatch. Do you have anything else you didn't say to them?”

”Well, I know who did this: Doug Kendall. He's my sister's ex-husband.” Buck hurried to say, as if the detective could leave him hanging there if he didn't answer him quick enough.

”Where does he live?” 

”In Pennsylvania, I think.” Buck knew he and Maddie had lived there, but who knows if the man had moved after she had left him.

”Right.” The detective seemed to mull for a moment. ”What's his name again?”

”Doug Kendall.” Buck spoke the name out slowly, like he was trying to make the name burn into the detective's brain. ”He told Maddie he would kill her if she left him. He did this.” Buck couldn't understand why this man wasn't already running around and yelling Doug's name, making sure every cop in the city were looking for him: shutting down streets and stopping cars before they could leave the area.

”You said he lives in Pennsylvania?” The detective seemed to think for a moment again. ”He knows she was here?”

”No, she-she...” Buck had no idea how Doug could've found Maddie, but he didn't have the time to figure that out either.

”She was filing for divorce. That could've put her back on his radar.” Athena's voice rose above his. She knew if they couldn't give the detective a reasonable conserne that Doug had been able to track Maddie down, it would take longer for them to start searching for him.

”Well, we'll take a look at him, but before your friend lost consciousness, he said he was attacked by a Jason Bailey. Either of you know who that is?” The man looked between Buck and Bobby, who looked at each other, but both of their faces were as clueless as another.

”I don't think so.” Bobby shook his head. He had tried to search his memory to find if Chimney had ever talked about any Jason, but it didn't ring any bell.

Without saying anything else, the detective turned around and headed inside and at that moment Buck remembered Chimney saying that he had met a new friend at the Christmas tree shopping.

”Wait.” Buck quickly followed the detective. ”Wait. Hold on, detective. I know he had a new friend. Some guy he was... he was playing pool with. I never met him, but now I know why, you know, 'cause it was Doug. He got close to Chimney so he could get close to Maddie.” 

Buck paused for a moment, to let the man tell him his thoughts, but he stayed silent. Buck had to look at Athena and Bobby in disbelief. How could this guy not believe what he was saying. ”You don't believe me? Chimney's phone is right there. Check for yourself.”

Buck ran towards the phone, ready to take it to his hands and pass it to the detective, but he stopped him with a raised hand.

”The phone's locked.” The detective said quickly, exhausted by Buck's meddling. ”Can't open it without the victim's consent.”

”They'll subpoena his phone records, but it'll take time.” Athena explained to Buck as she saw his shocked expression. She knew how he must've felt, knowing his sister was in danger and wanting to do everything to help her, feeling completely loss and useless, but he also needed to know that the police was doing everything they can to find Maddie.

”Maddie doesn't have time, okay? Come on, Doug did this!” Buck snapped. His voice echoed from the gateway's walls as he shouted. He couldn't believe that in a situation like this, the police couldn't pass some stupid phone's security cautions. Maddie was out there, scared and suffering and they needed to help her. She was going further and further away from them. ”He almost killed Chimney and... and he could kill her next.”

”But he didn't.” This time it was Bobby, who tried to calm him down.

”Bobby...” Buck needed Bobby to support him. Needed him to understand that they had to do something now and not just talk, but that was exactly what Bobby was doing: talking and Buck couldn't handle it right now.

”Buck, just listen to me.” Bobby quickly took hold of Buck's shoulders as the boy tried to get away from him. ”Buck, maybe you're right. It's Doug. And he found out where Maddie was, he came here, and he hurt Chimney. But Maddie's not here, and if all he wanted to do was kill her...”

Bobby paused for a moment, to let that thought sink into Buck's brain, to make him realize it himself.

”Then, I would've found her too.” Buck said, defeated. 

”And you didn't. She was alive when he took her, and that's what were gonna to hold onto right now.” Bobby continued and patted Buck on the shoulder, glad that he was able to fill some hope to him.

Buck knew Bobby had point and the thought calmed him down a little, but he still had the urgent feeling of doing something to find Maddie. His eyes landed on the phone on the ground and after a moment of hesitation, he decided to take matters into his own hands. ”Umm, I-I.. Can I change my shirt? It's covered in...” He asked, voice failing a little, but that was all part of his plan. He pointed at the blood stains on his shirt and the detective gave him the permission to go inside and get changed. 

A police officer accompanied him as he walked inside and to his bag, which was still laying at the entry where he had first left it after coming to live with Maddie. He hurriedly took off his shirt and handed it to the officer, who carefully put it into a bag. Buck took the first shirt he could find and headed outside again. As he neared the gateway, he could see the three people being in a deep conversation and as Athena talked to the detective, Buck quickly crouched down and took the phone from the ground, hiding it to his jacket.

” Hey, Cap, I need to go to the hospital. I-I want to see Chimney.” Buck said quickly to Bobby, wanting to get out of there as fast as possible. He still waited for someone to call after him and accuse him of stealing the phone, but that didn't happen. As Buck sat down at the front seat of Bobby's car, he was able to let out the breath he had been holding. He held tightly onto the phone under his jacket, all the way to the hospital, knowing that he was holding what might be Maddie's last chance in his hands.

”Have you heard anything?” Bobby asked the moment he saw Hen and Eddie at the hallway.

”Still nothing...” Hen said sadly and then looked at Buck, who was hovering behind Bobby, looking like a scared child. ”Buckaroo...” She went to hug him, knowing just how hard it must've been for him to find his friend like that.

”Hi...” Buck whispered to her and hugged her back, but only briefly. Then his eyes stopped at Eddie's, who stared at him, eyes full of concern. Something twisted in his guts, but Buck blamed it to the stress of the day.

”You okay?” Eddie asked as Hen stepped aside.

”I, umm... I'm fine.” Buck nodded, trying to sound confident, but he knew he failed miserably. ”I-I need to use the bathroom...” He waved his finger around so someone could confirm where it was.

”I think it's right down that corridor.” Bobby pointed him to the right direction.

”Thanks...” Buck told him before swiftly walking away, afraid to look back and see their doubtful faces. 

It didn't take him long to find Chimney, since he had spent too much time in this hospital. So he knew exactly where the bathrooms were and he knew exactly that the closest were at the same direction as where the E.R. patients were being held. For a moment Buck just stood there, staring at Chimney at his unnaturally pale friend at the hospital bed. He took the phone from the pocket of his jacket and hesitated for a while. Should he violate his friend's privacy? But then he thought Chimney would want him to do anything to find Maddie and keep her safe. They were practically dating, right?

Buck looked around before walking to Chim. ”Sorry about this, buddy.” He apologized, but just when he was about to reach out and take Chim's hand, a nurse came running to him.

”You're not supposed to be in here.” She said and walked to his side.

”Oh god, please don't let him die!” Buck pretended to cry out loud and crouched over Chimney's unconscious body, at the same time pressing his finger at the phone.

”You have to go back to the lobby. Sir, you need to leave.” The nurse insisted and took hold of his jacket, surprisingly roughly, clearly not doing this for the first time. ”No. Sir, you have to go.”

”Okay, I'm going. I'm going.” Buck backed away and lifted his hands up, trying to calm her down. He looked at the, now open, phone with a smile on his face. Was he clever or what for managing to do this. But that smile died down soon, when he heard Athena's voice:

”Detective Marks didn't believe me. He said no one could be that stupid. I said, 'You don't know Buck.'”

In the end he lost the phone and his freedom. He was taken to one of the hallways with a police officer standing there and monitoring all his movements. It was a personal hell for Buck, for not being able to do anything else but think and thinking wasn't what he liked. Acting was what he did best and now it had been taken away from him, because of some stupid little law that didn't let police check Chim's phone before someone from the office had approved on it.

Buck mulled over those thoughts until he saw a movement from the corner of his eye and he resisted the urge to sigh out loud. Eddie was the last person who he needed to give him a lecture. Even less with that all-knowing-smirk on his face.

”So, that was a bold move.” Eddie sighed as he sat down next to Buck. He wished he had gone straight to Maddie's instead of the hospital, so he could've talked some sense into Buck. But then again, even Bobby hadn't been able to do that.

”Yeah, yeah, I know.” Buck mumbled, but still a smile crept to his lips. ”'What were you thinking, Buck?' I already got an earful from Athena.”

”I know what you were thinking. I got sisters too.” Eddie did know why Buck would do it, but it didn't mean it had been a wise thing to do. ”Still not sure how you thought you were getting away with it.”

”I wasn't worried about that.” Buck said with low voice, but then he suddenly straightened and whispered as loud as he dared so that the police wouldn't hear him. ”Police have all these rules, you know? Rules that are gonna get Maddie killed. But I'm a civilian. Those rules, they don't apply to me, right?”

”Then why are you in hospital jail?” Eddie countered and Buck fell silent, only now realizing his situation. Eddie felt sorry for him. Buck's eyes were red and it was two a.m. And none of them had slept at all, but Buck had his sister to worry about above Chimney. Eddie couldn't even imagine how he was feeling.

”I told Maddie...” Buck finally said and Eddie looked up at him. ”I said that she didn't need to keep on running, that she could start over here, that she would be safe.” He paused for a moment and lowered his voice again, like a confession, like a lie he only now realized had been a lie. ”That I would keep her safe.”

Eddie shook his head and swallowed. The day had been long for them all and he felt tears rise to his own eyes as well.Buck leaned against the wall, slightly touching Eddie's shoulder, but he quickly moved away from the touch. He couldn't stay there, since Eddie wasn't the one who could comfort him.

”This isn't your fault.” Eddie told him, needing Buck to understand that none of this was his fault. He had did the best he could to keep his sister safe and she had been happy because of him.

Buck looked like he could explode at any moment. He leaned against his knees and stared ahead of himself. Eddie knew he didn't believe in his words, so he continued:

”What if she had kept running? You think he wouldn't have found her? Only then, she'd be alone.”

”She's alone now. With him.” Buck knew Eddie tried to make him feel better, but it was useless when he couldn't be there for her.

”I spoke with detective Marks.” Athena suddenly said beside Buck. ”He's not happy with you.”

Buck tried to explain himself, but she cut him off mercilessly.

”You broke chain of custody. You unlocked Chimney's phone without his permission. Marks can't use any of it.”

”I'm sorry, okay? I was trying to help.” Buck felt a huge wave of self-hatred collide in him. He had ruined the last chance of finding Maddie.

”Okay, let's go.” She then said after exchanging looks with Bobby. ”The car's out front.”

Eddie felt grateful to know that Buck had such influential friends who would do anything to help him, too bad that Buck couldn't see it, not yet. 

”You're arresting me?” Buck couldn't know any other way for this day to go any more wrong.

”Not yet, but the night's still young.” Athena retorted and headed outside.

Eddie had to bite his tongue for not smiling at her comment. He looked up at Cap and then at Buck, to see the realization sink in. Buck stood up so fast that he almost slipped over and quickly followed Athena.

”Uh, where are we going?” 

”To find your sister. If Doug is Jason, this phone is how we find him. But we gonna need a little help.” Athena explained.

”You said we couldn't use it.” Buck was confused.

”I said Marks can't use it. This isn't my case. I'm just a concerned friend of the victim.”

”Thank you...” Buck couldn't describe how grateful he felt at her at that moment, but luckily she seemed to understand and nodded with a smile. 

”You think they'll be okay?” Eddie asked as Bobby sat down next to him, to the bench Buck had occupied just a minute earlier.

Bobby sighed, but then nodded. ”They are both too stubborn to not to be. I think they make a good team.”

Eddie smiled to that, but it faded soon. ”But you're still worried?” He asked then and Bobby nodded for an answer.

”I think we both are.” Bobby said then and smiled a little. 

Eddie smiled back, although he thought he sensed a deeper meaning in his words, but he didn't have the energy to dive into that. They still had a long night ahead of them.

The drive after Maddie continued on for eternity. The night had stepped aside and daylight was filling the streets, but Buck barely noticed it. He heard Athena talk to the detective, but he didn't pay attention to what she was saying. He could've slept, but he didn't even think about it. His mind was somewhere else entirely and not in a good place.

”You're awfully quiet over there, Buckaroo.” Athena said then, to get Buck's attention.

”When we get there...” Buck had to search for the words. The words he didn't want to say out loud, but he had to know what Athena thought, but at the same time he was scared to know. ”...what-what do you think we're going to find? I mean... he threatened to kill her, almost did kill Chimney. What if...”

”No.” Athena said firmly, but gently. She heard that Buck was starting to ramble, like he did when he was nervous and thinking too much. She didn't want to let him go there. ”My gut is telling me not to count your sister out just yet. Maddie didn't just rebuild her life. She rebuild herself. Doug may have her, but I don't think he has any idea who he is dealing with now.”

She was lying. Athena knew better than that. She had seen too much to believe in her own words. People who she had thought would up live anything and then they had been in a wrong place in a wrong time and their life had ended with one maniac pulling the trigger. She didn't know what kind of person this Doug was. She didn't know how far he was willing to go to keep Maddie by his side. She had faith in Maddie's judgement, which would help her survive longer than someone else, but all it took was one step further from the edge from Doug and Maddie would be gone. But Athena would never say this to Buck. He needed to have the hope, so he could keep on going. She had faith in Maddie and she hoped it would keep her alive until they got to her.

Buck fell back to silence, but soon the vibration of his phone woke him up a little. He saw a message from Eddie: _Chim is at the surgery now. No word from the doctor yet. Where are you?_

 _We just passed Olancha. No sign of Maddie. Hope Chim'll be alright._ Buck texted slowly at first, but then he started to pad the phone a little more faster.

Athena side glanced at Buck and smiled a little to herself when she saw a small sign of relaxing from the boy. She stepped a little more harder on the gas pedal, not too much to startle Buck, but enough to get a little more speed. She knew Doug would've done so too, but not too much so he wouldn't get caught by speeding. Even though Athena didn't know the man, she was certain he was no stupid. 

And unfortunately, she was right. Since they found the phone Doug had used from a random truck-driver's vehicle. Doug was ahead of them, way ahead of them now. 

Eddie was exhausted, but he knew so was everyone else, they just didn't show it. Hen tried to keep up the spirit and told them stories about Chimney. Eddie couldn't believe this was the first time he had heard about them and laughed until his eyes were wet. Bobby paced around: at one moment he was listening to their conversations and at other, he was talking to a nurse or just walking along the corridors. If Eddie didn't know the man, he would've said that Bobby wasn't nervous at all, but his actions spoke differently.

Eddie felt he got a text message and expected a reply from Buck, but instead it came from Shannon. He had to look at the clock to see that it was already seven a.m., but still not a normal time for Christopher to get up. But it seemed he was, since Shannon wrote that their son wanted to come by to the hospital.

Eddie rubbed his eyes and got up from the couch. Taking the coffee Michael had brought with him and walking outside, at the same time lifting the phone to his ear. It only ringed twice before Shannon answered.

”You can't bring Christopher here. It's not a place for a kid.” Eddie couldn't believe Shannon even thought about it.

”I know, but he keeps insisting.” She replied and Eddie could hear his son's voice from the background: ”Is it Dad? Tell him I want to come and say hi to Chimney.”

”Well, you just have to be firm about it.” Eddie said, knowing that Shannon still had the habit of giving in on every demand Christopher thought, thinking that it would somehow make up the time she had been gone.

”Eddie...” Shannon's voice got a little tense, but Eddie wouldn't budge on this.

”Chimney is in the surgery right now and we have no idea if he's going to make it or not.” Eddie started to explain, but Shannon hurried to cut him off.

”You can't say that! You have to be positive for him.”

Eddie sighed. He wasn't in a mood to explain his words to her. ”I'm being realistic. I don't want Christopher to remember the moment he heard Chimney is dead for the rest of his life and see all my friends cry.” He left out: to see me cry. Eddie glanced through the window and saw all his co-workers gathered around, who looked like a doctor in his white jacket.

”Look, Shannon, I need to go. Say hi to Chris for me.” Eddie hanged up and hurried inside, just in time to hear: he pulled through just fine. He felt like a huge burden had been lifted from his heart and he had to take a deep breath, feeling like he hadn't been breathing ever since Buck had called him last night.

”Thank you so much.” He heard Bobby say to the doctor and everybody scattered around and went to their seats. 

”Hey, Cap, what did the doctor say?” Eddie quickly went to Bobby. ”I was outside talking to Shannon so all I heard was that Chim's okay.”

”She said that Chimney had massive rupture in his abdomen, but luckily the pierced lung wasn't as bad as they thought, so his breathing was fine during the surgery. He still gets blood transfusion and he's in the recovery room right now. It would seem that he's going to wake up in a few hours.” Bobby was smiling, relieved, but Eddie could see that there was still concern behind his eyes and Eddie knew why. They just had to wait for news.

Eddie send a message to Shannon: 'You can bring Christopher over. Chimney's out of the surgery.'

It didn't take long for her to appear with Christopher, with a huge pizza box in her hands.

”You brought pizza?” Eddie asked as he met them at the parking lot.

”Obviously.” Shannon smiled widely. ”There is one more at the back of the car, so do you mind?” She waved her head towards her car.

Eddie quickly took the rest of the food before crouching in front of Christopher. ”Hey, buddy? You had fun with your Mom?”

”Yeah! She made me pancakes with whi-whipped cream.” Christopher smiled widely, knowing that pancakes weren't an ideal breakfast in his father's mind.

Eddie looked up at Shannon, who just smiled innocently at him. Yet another example of giving Christopher anything he asked for.

”Really? Well, then you don't need any chocolate bars from the vending machines.” Eddie laughed to his son's fake dissapointment face. ”Let's go inside. There's Bobby and Hen, who really love to see you.”

”Okay! Can I see Chimney then?”

”Not yet, Chris. He's still sleeping.” Eddie ruffled his hair, glad to have such a considerate son.

Christopher was able to sit down for half an hour, until he started to fidget nervously. Eddie knew he had extra energy in the mornings and wished there was a play room somewhere close for the kids. But Shannon had gone to the bathroom and Eddie didn't want to leave if Chim waked up soon, so he had to get Chris something else to do.

”Do you want to go search for the vending machine?” Eddie asked from him and Christopher nodded eagerly. ”Okay, let's go then.”

He stood up and waited patiently for Christopher to collect his crouches and getting up from the chair. Shannon would've already helped him, but Eddie knew it was best to let the boy do it himself. Not that he always wanted to, usually he did, but because it was the only way he learned to do things by himself and it helped him develop his mobilization.

”Can I do it myself?” Christopher asked once they saw the machine at the corner of the waiting room.

”Sure you can.” Eddie smiled as he picked up his wallet and gave his son a couple coins. ”This will get you whatever bar you need, but only one.” He lifted up his finger, to make sure Christopher listened to him.

”Only one.” Chris echoed and off he went.

For a while Eddie looked after him, but when his boy got to the machine and started to choose, he turned towards Hen to strike a conversation. Christopher was a bright boy, but there was one thing he sucked at: choosing between things he liked. So, Eddie knew it would take him awhile.

Eddie swore he looked away only for a few seconds, but when he looked back again to see what Christopher was doing, the boy was already gone.

”Chris?” Eddie called out, over the other voices in the room, but there was no answer. ”Christopher?” He started to walk to the vending machine and looked around, but didn't see his son anywhere.

”Hey, have you seen Christopher?” He asked from his co-worker, who had just stepped outside the bathroom.

”Um- yeah... He was walking through that corridor.” He pointed towards where he had just come from. ”He said hi to me, so I thought he knew where he was going.”

Eddie cursed under his breath and half walked, half ran down the corridor. He looked through every open door and wondered what would've been the one that had drawn Christopher's attention, but he already had a hunch. He almost ran to the room where Chimney was being held and sighed in relief once he saw Christopher sitting on the chair beside Chimney's bed.

”Chris!” He lowered his voice to make sure the boy understood that it wasn't okay to run away like that.

”I'm gonna say no.” Bobby said, as he stood in the middle of the room. 

Eddie didn't know what he was talking about. He stepped inside and only then noticed that Chimney was already awake.

”Welcome back, man.” Eddie felt a rush of relief wash over him and he smiled widely at his friend. Chimney looked pale and seemed to struggle to stay awake, but still smiling. ”We were worried about you.” He said and leaned against the chair's back rest, where his son was sitting at.

”I wasn't worried.” Bobby smiled dryly from the other side of the bed. ”I'm starting to think he's invincible.” 

”Like a superhero?” Christopher asked, excitement clear in his voice. Eddie knew he was already picturing himself telling his friends at school that he knew a superhero.

”Yeah, just like a superhero.” Bobby confirmed.

Eddie stared at Bobby, making him know that had been the lamest thing he had heard from Bobby for a while. He then looked at Chim, to see how he reacted, but the poor man was nearly out of it again.

”Okay, buddy. Let's let Chimney rest.” He helped his son to stand up. ”We can visit him later.”

”Don't eat the meat-loaf.” Christopher warned Chimney.

”No?” Chim somehow managed to stay awake for a moment longer to hear what Christopher had to say. 

”That's how I lost a tooth.” Chris explained. Both Eddie and Bobby tried to hide their laughs.

”Thanks for the tip, buddy.” Chim groaned from his bed.

”Let's go.” Eddie whispered to his son and started to guide him outside.

”Have a good rest.” Chris told Chim, knowing full well that after surgery, you need a lot of rest to get better.

”Where were you? I looked everywhere for you?” Shannon almost shook him from the collar as she saw them come back to the waiting room.

”Sorry, Shannon. Chris took off, by himself.” Eddie lowered his voice again and Christopher giggled and quickly made his way to sit down next to Hen for shelter.

”Chris...!” Shannon sighed and looked after their son in shock.

”He really wanted to see Chim.” Eddie smiled then, not having the heart to be mad at the boy. ”He's awake now.”

”Oh my god, that's great news.” Shannon sighed and ran a hand against his arm. ”Is he doing fine?”

”Yeah, I think so. He's in pain and obviously needs more rest, but he was determined to have a conversation with Chris.” Eddie smiled towards his son, who was most likely, judging by the happy expression from Hen, explaining that Chimney was awake.

They sat down again and as Hen hurried to see Chim and everybody slowly clearing since their workmate seemed to recover okay.

”I don't think I brought enough.” Shannon said and looked at the empty pizza box behind them.

”No, you brought everything I needed.” Eddie couldn't care less, since he was busy observing Christopher with a soft smile on his face. Someone had given him a deck of cards and was clearly imagining to play with someone, muttering to himself as he threw the cards on one of the chairs.

”Missed the whole day with him.” He sighed then and rubbed his eyes. He had only one day off and tomorrow he would have to take Christopher to school and would see him only at night. As much as he loved his job, this was the downside of it. 

”I know, that's why we came.” Shannon smiled, clearly knowing that Eddie had though she would bring Chris here to get bad memories. Eddie felt a little bad for it. ”Well, that and I remember what it was like to live in a hospital: uncomfortable chairs, terrible food.”

Eddie realized this was bringing bad memories for her. ”You don't have to stay. I mean, if you have stuff to do...”

”No. I'm good here.” She said firmly and placed her hand on his.

Eddie smiled a little. They hadn't spent any alone time together since their fight on the fire station. So Eddie had no idea where their relationship stood or if there even was a possibility for one. Maybe this was Shannon's way to tell that she was willing to try.

Buck felt like he could pass out at any minute. This was way too much for him: the waiting and suspense. They had just found Maddie's note from the gas station's bathroom. A possible lead, but Buck couldn't quite believe it would lead anywhere yet. The phone had struck him down hard and now Doug had killed a man. 

His phone made a noise in his pocket and he quickly checked it. It was a message from Eddie: 'Chim woke up, but fell back asleep again. Christopher had a chat with him about hospital food.'

A ghost of a smile appeared on Buck's lips. He was relieved beyond measure to know that Chim had pulled it through and he could imagine Christopher sitting beside his hospital bed, legs hanging from the edge and that wicked smile over his face.

”Let's move, Buck.” Athena made him look up from the phone and he quickly followed her. ”Like I said, Buckaroo, Doug has no idea who he's dealing with right now. Otherwise he would've checked the bathroom before leaving.”

Buck nodded, hoping that Athena was right. Who was he kidding, Athena was always right... right?

An hour later they got a report from abandoned rental car and soon after that from gunshots being fired at one of local rental cabins, which were supposed to be empty. Buck knew it had been Doug and Maddie, but as they got there, they found no one. Yet again. All Buck could think about if was Maddie hurt. She must've tried to escape, thus the gunshots from the gun Doug had stolen from the gas station's owner. But where had she run to? They hadn't seen anyone over the way here and it had been the only road leading to this place. Wouldn't a driveway be the most sensible escapere rout?

”I got blood out here!”

A woman officer's voice stirred Buck's whole body and he started to ran as fast as he could. He needed to be faster than Doug. He needed to keep his sister safe. He didn't even hear himself shout out her name. It was a miracle that he was able to follow the footsteps on the mostly melted snow with the amount of speed he was running, but soon he saw Maddie staggering towards him.

”Maddie!” He shouted, at the same time relieved, but scared, waiting for a gunshot to come from behind any of those trees or Maddie collapsing from the wounds she got.

”Buck?” Maddie's voice was so fragile, unlike anything Buck had ever heard. She must've been so scared. ”Buck!”

Buck ran straight to her as she collapsed into his arms. ”Hey, I'm here. I'm here.” He soothed her and wrapped his arms around her firm but gently, not knowing where she was hurt.

”I didn't give up.” She cried to his shoulder

”You did so good.” Buck didn't know how he was able to speak. He was on verge of crying. All the adrenaline that had pumped through his veins through the whole day seemed to disappear and he couldn't even stand anymore. He was so exhausted. They both were.

It was a long drive to the hospital, but neither of the Buckleys didn't care. They were happy to be safe, to be heading home. Together. 

”Almost there. You're doing great.” Buck encouraged Maddie, holding her hand tightly.

”I'm tired.” Maddie closed her eyes, just for a moment. She was so tired.

Buck felt panic rise in his guts and he looked up at the paramedic. The man only looked back at him and Buck knew what he was expected to do: keep his sister awake.

”Hey, Maddie, I know you're tired, but I need you to keep your eyes open for me. You know the drill.” He rambled, since that was the only thing he could do. He carefully caressed the side of her face, to let the touch ground her to this moment.

Maddie blinked her eyes open and concentrated on his voice. She did know the drill. She needed to stay awake, no matter how tired she was.

”Yeah, just like that.” Buck encouraged her again. ”Hey, you uh... you think you had a hard day? Athena and I have been running all over the state looking for you. I wasn't dressed for snow.”

Maddie laughed to his joke, just like he had hoped she would. ”Me neither.” 

”Athena said she, uh... she'd call Bobby. Let everyone know that you're okay. They're gonna be so relieved. Chimney, Chimney most of all.” Buck told her, wanting her to think happy things like her friends, who were all waiting for her, but instead Maddie started to cry.

”Chimney's alive?” She managed to ask then and Buck mentally slapped himself for not realizing that she thought he wasn't.

”Oh my God, Maddie, no, yeah, Chim-Chimney's alive. He uh... he made it through.” Buck didn't know what else to say. He hadn't been there to see Chim wake up but Eddie had told him that he was going to make it. ”You both did.” He added, like he had only now truly realized it himself. Both Maddie and Chim were okay. They were going to be fine.

Buck held on Maddie's hand through out the whole ride, comforting her, but at the same time comforting himself. Needing to feel that she was alive. Her physical wounds would heal soon, but the other scars... it would take long before she could be intact again, but at least Doug would never touch her again. Buck wished he had had the chance to beat up the guy himself, but what matters most was that he was gone for good. 

Eddie leaned his head against his hands as Bobby told them that Maddie was okay. He hadn't let himself think how things would be if things had gone wrong, but now everything was alright. Tomorrow wasn't going to be normal, far from it, but it would be all right. One day they could put this all behind.

”Is Buck with her?” Eddie stood up from his chair and headed to Bobby.

”Yeah, they are taking her to the nearest hospital. Hour and a half away from here.” Bobby told him, smile on his face and this time it reached his eyes as well.

”Good.” Eddie said and looked over to his son who was playing with his mother.

”Take a day off tomorrow.” Bobby suddenly said. Eddie looked up at him in confusion. ”This has been a long day for all of us and I think we all need a day or two with our loved ones.” He reasoned and nodded towards Christopher.

”Yeah... I think you're right.” Eddie smiled, feeling the exhaustion creep up on him.

”Besides...” Bobby paused for a moment before he smiled again. ”I think Buck needs someone to pick him up tomorrow. Doubt he wants to stay there for longer than necessary.”

”I'll be your man.” Eddie patted Bobby on the shoulder, knowing that the man would've gone to be there for Buck himself, but he had his wife to spent time with and he wanted to look up for Chim as well.

”Do you want to go for a trip tomorrow, Chris?” Eddie asked from his son as he walked over to him.

”To Disneyland?” Christopher asked in delight

”No, not Disneyland.” Eddie had to crush his dreams. ”Do you want to go see Buck?”

”Yes! Buck!” Christopher shouted, almost as delighted by seeing his friend than going to Disneyland.

”Umm...” Shannon shifted in her chair, feeling like she was left out. ”Do you need company, or...?”

Eddie looked at her and shook his head. ”No, I don't think so, but maybe we could have a brunch together?” 

”I'd like that.” Shannon smiled.

Eddie picked up his son and hugged him tightly. He buried his head to his son's shoulder for a moment, embracing the gratitude he felt at that moment. Everything was going to be all right. He just had to give everyone some time. To Chim, to Buck, to Shannon and to his family. Everything was going to be all right.


	7. Losing the dream

For two weeks Maddie lived in a hotel that was close enough of her work, so she didn't have to drive through the whole city. Even though she wasn't allowed in there yet. Buck had insisted that she shouldn't be alone and so she had let him stay with her for couple of days, but kicked him out when she was starting hate her little brother more than like him. She loved him, but god was Buck able to drive you up to walls. She had been fine living with him in her apartment, but a small hotel room was just too much.

Buck had stayed at Eddie's for one night, before going back to the crime scene. Fortunately for him, the blood stains had been scrubbed off and all the police tapes and evidence tags were gone. It was like nothing had ever happened, but everything was still fresh in all their memories. 

After spending few days alone in Maddie's house, Buck knew he had to find himself a place of his own. But he wondered how Maddie was ever able to move back in. So, instead for himself, he started to search a place for his sister. He could stay here with all the bad memories, but Maddie surely wouldn't want to step inside the door ever again.

But he had been wrong...

”Nice. You should totally rent that apartment.” Maddie said as Buck showed her the places he had found from his phone. They were having breakfast in the coffee house near the hotel she was staying in.

”M-me? Wh-why... why would I...?” Buck was surprised.

”Because I have my own apartment.” Maddie answered simply. ”You sleep in my dining room.”

”You don't think it's weird?” Buck put the phone down slowly, examining his sister's face carefully to see if she was serious about this.

”Yes. That's why you should get your own place.” Maddie replied, but Buck could hear that she was nervous and he tilted his head a little to let her know that she couldn't fool him. ”Okay, fine. It's a little weird to go back to my apartment, but I'm not just gonna force myself out of it because of... one bad memory.”

She didn't say, because of Doug, but Buck knew that's what she had been meaning to say. It was another cue that she wasn't okay. So, he felt like his oblication to bring the subject up, even though he knew Maddie was avoiding it. ”Maddie...” He started with a calm voice and locked his eyes with hers, to make sure she was listening to him. ”You can't do this alone. You need someone to talk to.”

Maddie sighed and looked outside the window. God, how much the world out there scared her, but she wasn't going to let it get to her. Not anymore. She had choose the fear of facing the world alone, to fear of Doug. But she had loved Doug and sometimes he had been safe. ”I must go see my therapist.” She then admitted. ”I'll go to my support group, but I have to start putting little pieced of my life back together, and work is a very big piece.”

”It seems like, maybe, you're moving too fast.” Buck spoke carefully, thinking his every word, not wanting her to snap at him. ”You need time to heal.”

”I've been healing. For weeks.” She countered, clearly annoyed by his innuendo. ”I'm sick of resting, I'm tired of talking about my feelings and I just want to go back to the real world.” 

”Even if you're not ready?” Buck asked, straight. Because he knew she wasn't ready.

”Once my life is normal again, then I will feel normal again.” Maddie tried her best to explain Buck where she was coming from. She knew Buck couldn't do anything to stop her from moving back to their apartment or going to work, but she wanted for him to understand. She just wasn't sure if she was trying to convince more herself than Buck.

As calm and collected Eddie was, always thinking rationally and never taking unnecessary risks, Eddie lost it all once a kid was in danger. So, when he learned that a young boy was trapped in that burning house, he had to act. 

The incident with the laboring woman still fresh in his mind, didn't ease his need to help the child, who meant everything to their parents. Eddie still remembered watching the crying new born baby and thinking how horrible it would be for him to lose his mother, never even getting a chance to know her. He also remembered the first time he had seen Christopher. He had been so tiny and that feeling of taking him in his arms for the first time, was something nothing could compare to. He wasn't there when Chris grew up, which he would always regret.

Then they found out the mother had been lost, Eddie had to look away to not start crying, as the father had put the baby to his dead mother's chest. And the feeling when he felt the steady beating on his fingertips as he checked her pulse, was amazing.

”That was a miracle.” Buck had said and as Eddie turned around, he saw Buck's bright smile. Hen had collapsed and struggled to breathe through the shock. Buck turned to comfort her and Eddie placed his hand on his shoulder, needing to ground himself, to feel something steady against his palm.

After the roller-coaster of feelings, Eddie didn't think twice of saving that kid. So, when the ladder broke under Buck and he was left hanging, Eddie started to climb the gutter to the second floor.

”Oh, hey, Eddie! Eddie, what are you doing?” He heard Buck's voice, but didn't have time to react.

Buck looked at Cap, expecting him to order Eddie down, but Bobby just watched him climb.

”If I ever did that, you would yell at me.” He had to say, feeling like he wasn't trusted enough for that kind of stunts. And again, Bobby just looked at him, not daring to say a word.

Eddie climbed right to the top of the building. Buck felt his stomach twist uncomfortably as he watched Eddie balance his way to the window. He tied a rope around the chimney before jumping through the glass inside the house, disappearing from their sight.

Eddie shouted out the kid's name as he crawled through the rooms. The smoke was thick and the heat was getting unbeareble. Finally, he found the boy collapsed on the bathroom floor. He quickly ran to him, taking of his gloves off to check his pulse.

”Cap, I got him. Alive but unconscious.” Eddie's voice on the radio made Buck a little calmer. ”I'm prepping for evac.”

Then another explosion shook the house. Both, Bobby and Buck, tried to shelter themselves from the heat wave that crushed pass them.

”Cap! Negative on evac. Pinned down shout side of the house.” Eddie's voice once again came through, sounding like he could barely breathe. 

Buck felt his stomach drop. He headed to the truck, even though Hen tried to stop him. ”I'm gonna take an extinguisher! And if I can make that jump, I can help Eddie!” Buck knew it was mission impossible, but he just couldn't stand and watch them burn alive.

He started to climb the ladders again, when Bobby stopped him. At first, Buck was about to ignore his command, but then he heard the same noise the Captain did. Buck had to jump down and take shelter with the others.

Eddie was shocked to hear that the planes were coming. He tried to confirm it from Captain, but got no response. He knew he had only seconds to react, so he lifted the boy to the bathtub and covered him with his own body, sheltering him from the upcoming wave of water. He had never seen those things putting down flaming forests himself, but he knew it would come down with a massive pressure. And it did. For a moment Eddie was certain they would drown in that bathtub or that his spine would snap by the massive crash of the water.

”Eddie, do you copy?” Bobby called out to the radio once it was safe to get out from under the fire trucks. He didn't get a respond, but they already saw him coming out of the front door with the kid in his arms.

Eddie laid the boy down and for an agonizing second it seemed like the kid wasn't going to wake up, but he soon took a deep breath and was welcomed back by his father and sister. Eddie felt Buck slap his shoulder and then squeeze tightly, congratulating him for a successful saving operation. 

”What's up with the spider-man routine?” 

”I don't know, I just did and prayed a lot.” Eddie croaked out. His throat still dry from all the smoke and his body exhausted by the ordeal. But it was worth it.

”Yeah, it looks like someone was listening.” Bobby patted his back as well.

They fell back to the same pattern. Like they always did. But maybe this time things would go better. Like Carla had said, they had both grown. Christopher had grown and he loved to have both his parents around. Why would they go wrong?

”What are we doing?” 

Shannon's question was something Eddie had been avoiding. He thought they could just live day by day and only think about what they relationship had become later. 

”What do you mean?” He asked, knowing full well what she meant.

”I need to know what you want.” Shannon continued.

”I want this.” Eddie waved around. This was perfect. His family in a beach, together. ”A nice day on the beach with my son and his mother.”

”Okay, so...” Shannon let out a small laugh. ”...is that what I am to you? Christopher's mother?”

Eddie groaned in frustration. That's not what he had meant and again, they didn't understand each other. But Shannon quickly continued:

”Because if that's what it is, it's fine. I just... I need to know.”

”Shannon... I don't know.” Eddie scratched his head. He enjoyed spending time with Shannon, but something kept him back. ”These last months have been good. Really good. I don't know. Guess, I'm just waiting for a sign. Something to know... which way to step.” Should it be this hard?

There was a small silence and then Eddie's world turned upside down with one small sentence: ”I think I might be pregnant.”

”Are you serious?” He had to sit up, otherwise he felt like he couldn't breathe.

”My period is late... almost a week now and...” Shannon explained, but trailed off.

”Have you done a test?” Eddie glanced towards Christopher to make sure he didn't hear their conversation.

”No... not yet.” She said with a little smile. ”But I'm going to buy one tomorrow.”

”Why not today?” 

Shannon shifted nervously. ”Please, don't push me Eddie.” The relaxed and lazy atmosphere of the beach, changed immediately.

”Okay, whenever you're ready. Just... let me know right away, okay?”

”Would you be happy though?” Shannon looked at him, straight in the eyes.

”You know I love kids. It's just... I didn't think we would be ready yet.” He had to pause for a moment to collect his thoughts. ”But whatever you decide, I'll be hundred percent with you, okay?”

”Okay.” She then smiled, a little confident this time and turned to look at their son again. 

Eddie felt his heart beat fast against his chest. This could turn into a catastrophe.

Eddie needed to tell about it to someone, but he didn't know who. Normally, he talked almost about everything with Buck, but this... He wasn't comfortable sharing this kind of information with him. Buck was, after all, still Buck and as much as Eddie had kept himself busy thinking about other stuff, Buck was still there. He didn't want to disturb Chimney either, since he was still recovering from the stabbing. Not physically, but mentally. Hen had enough of her plate with her work and family, so the only one Eddie could disturb was Bobby. But he also wanted to talk to him about the way Chimney was bossing them around after Bobby was released from his duty for some time.

”I don't know, Cap. Another baby? I mean, are we ready for that?” Eddie felt relieved to be able to talk to somebody about it, although he felt a little intrusive coming to Bobby's house without invitation.

”Were you ready the first time?” Bobby asked right away. He always knew what to ask or say.

”No.” Eddie confessed and Bobby nodded for an answer. ”I knew I loved her, but I didn't think I was ready to get married.”

”If you two do decide to have another baby, you'll figure it out. We already know you're a great dad.” Bobby reassured him.

”I guess the question is: can I be a good husband?” Eddie looked down at the table, tired of even thinking about that.

”That is a question. Are you ready to ask it?” Bobby leaned back in his chair and smiled at him.

Eddie knew that was all the advices he could get from his captain, the rest, he would have to figure out on his own.

”Thanks, Cap.” He said as he got up from his chair. ”It was good talking with somebody about this.”

”You can always come to me.” Bobby said without hesitation. ”I'm just... surprised you didn't talk to someone else about this.”

Eddie fell silent, he didn't know what to respond to that. They both knew Bobby was talking about Buck. ”Well.. I didn't want to bother...”

Bobby silenced him by lifting up his hand. ”It's none of my business. I just think you should have a conversation with him.”

”Okay...” Eddie nodded and looked away from Bobby. Feeling like another weight had been landed on him. Why was it so hard to tell Buck about a baby? Buck loved kids. He would be thrilled.

Buck was checking the ladder. It had become one of the things on their daily checklist, since the last one broke during the gas fire. Everything seemed to be in order and he was just about to back off and jump down, when he heard Eddie starting a video call with Shannon and he stopped.

”We just had lunch with your... abuela.” Shannon's voice rang to his ear. ”And now, we're going to get some...”

”Ice cream!” This time it was Christopher. The boy's voice made him smile. God, how he missed that kid's positivity.

”Ice cream? Well, I do not envy you putting him to sleep tonight.” Eddie said then. 

”When I call you later to complain, just don't say 'I told you so.'” Shannon said.

”Alright, I promise.” Eddie paused for a moment. ”I love you.” He then said, the words felt somehow foreign in his mouth. He was used to saying that to Chris but to Shannon... The only thing he knew was that they had to be there already. If Shannon was pregnant, he couldn't be afraid of saying those three little words to her.

”I love you.” Was the reply and Buck could see Shannon sending Eddie a flying kiss, which he replied.

Buck took a deep breath before jumping the rest of the way down and forcing a big smile on his face. ”When's the wedding?” 

”We're already married.” Eddie said, even though he knew Buck was only teasing him. ”Wait. We don't have to get married again, do we?”

”Talk to Bobby.” Buck really didn't know anything about marriage, but most of all, he really didn't want to talk with Eddie about his marriage to Shannon. ”Maybe he can get you guys a discount.” He joked before hurrying away.

Eddie gave him a fake laugh and once Buck was gone, he started to think about their marriage. If they were going to have the baby, wouldn't it be nice to renew their wedding vows or something? The thought of having a family again made Eddie smile. It would be everything he had wished for and everything Christopher needed.

So, right after work, he called to the panoramic restaurant he knew would be romantic and went to buy an expensive box of chocolate for Shannon. 

”I love these!” Shannon smiled widely as he gave the box to her. ”So, is this some kind of Forrest Gump reference? 'Life is like a box of chocolate?'”

”Life is like a vat of molten chocolate.” Eddie couldn't resist to say it, when he reminisced the day they had: getting a grown ass man out of the vat of chocolate, but of course Shannon didn't get the reference to that, so he tried to find a sensible way to add the sentence to what he thought about their relationship, which was much harder than he had anticipated. ”Sometimes you... you fall into it, it drags you down, but it's warm, you know?” God, even he didn't know what he was saying and judging by the look on Shannon's face, she didn't know either. ”It is... and it's... it's sweet.”

”This is a very weird metaphor.” Shannon whispered, giving him the permission to stop.

Eddie shook his head, trying to forget everything he had just said, so he could concentrate to why they were there and he took hold of her hand. 

”When you came back into our lives, I was so glad.” Eddie hated talking about feelings, but he knew it had to be done. ”I knew Christopher missed you, but I... I didn't think I realized just... how much I did too.”

”Eddie, uh...” Shannon needed to stop him. She knew what he was about to ask of her and she knew they weren't ready.

”Please, just let me say this.” Eddie pushed on and Shannon didn't have the heart to order him to stop. ”We were so young the fist time. Young and not ready. But we had this amazing kid.”

Shannon felt tears fill her eyes. They really did have the most amazing kid. Maybe they could work things out.

”Being his dad has been the single greatest joy of my life. That little boy has thought me more about being a man than war ever did.”

Shannon had only then realized that Eddie loved more of the idea of a family than he loved her. Eddie loved their son like crazy and that love reflected on her since she was meant to bring happiness to Chris's life. She loved his kind heart that asked her to marry him, just because it was the right and sensible thing to do, but she couldn't pin him down like that. Not anymore. They weren't good for each other.

”You're a good dad. You're a great dad.” Shannon wiped the tears away, not wanting to hurt Eddie, but she knew she had to. Again.

”Well, if I am it's because... he deserves it.” Eddie smiled, that proud smile he had reserved only for his son. ”But he deserves his mommy too.He loves his mommy. So do I. I want us to be a family again. I wished for a sign... and I got one.”

She had to say it. ”I'm not pregnant.” Like she had expected, the words caused the warm and loving look to disappear. Eddie wanted a family, but she wasn't the one who could give that to him.

”What?” Eddie leaned back in his chair, clearly shocked.

”I'm not... pregnant.” Shannon repeated to make it truly sink in. ”I freaked out and I freaked you out too, and I'm sorry. That's got to be a relief, right?” She knew Eddie wouldn't be doing this if he hadn't thought she was pregnant. 

Eddie took a long gulp from his glass of wine and then shook his head. ”It doesn't change a thing.” He tried to convince her and himself to think that.

”It does for me.” If she was ten years younger, she would've fallen right onto Eddie's lap, just because of that speech. But she knew better than that.

”What?” Eddie frowned, not quite sure where this was coming from.

”I wrote this letter a few years ago, right after I left.” Shannon had never thought she would tell this to Eddie, but she knew she had to explain her side. ”Or actually, after I... didn't come back. To Christopher. Trying to explain why I couldn't be there and I figured that if, for some reason, I never found my way back that he'd want answers. And he needed to know that it wasn't his fault. That his mother didn't leave because she didn't love him. She left because she did. I never send it, obviously. When I found out today that I wasn't pregnant, I took that letter out. I read it. Eddie, I never want to have to send that letter.”

”Why would you ever?” Eddie didn't know why she wasn't willing to try. Weren't those two years apart enough? Why couldn't they just be a family, like Christopher deserved?

”Because, if I try to do this again, before I'm ready, there won't be a second chance. I can't fail him again, or you, and I won't.” She just wasn't ready. ”I'm still learning how to be someone's mother. And after that, maybe I can learn how to be someone's wife.”

”We're still married.” Eddie said. She was still his wife, no matter how much she thought she wasn't ready for it or that she wasn't good enough.

”I think we should get a divorce.” Shannon said, the thing she should've said right at the beginning of the meal, but it had been so much harder than she thought it would be. She had been the one to raise Eddie's hopes of her staying and now she had to crush his dreams. It felt horrible.

Eddie couldn't believe his ears. He had imagined he'd had his family back in one piece after that night, but now he felt it all crumble around him. He had let himself imagine this perfect little life with Shannon and Christopher and the new baby, but now it was all slipping away from him.

The day after that, Shannon was gone.

Buck remembered the feeling of seeing Shannon lying there. He had felt his stomach drop and the enormous grief towards Eddie made him speechless. He had looked over at Eddie and as Eddie looked back at him, Buck knew he had read from his face that something was seriously wrong. He had tried to stop him. He had called out his name to snap him out of it. He had grabbed his shoulder, but Eddie had pushed him away. 

If Eddie's life had crumbled around him the other nigh, now it was crashing down on him. The only thing he was glad about, was that he got to say goodbye to Shannon. But then there was Christopher. As Eddie sat behind that ambulance, watching Hen and Chim intubating his wife, he couldn't think about anything. He had no idea how he could tell his kid that his mother would never come back. He didn't know the answer even when he stood in front of the yard and looked at Christopher standing at the steps. Fortunately for Eddie, he had found the letter Shannon had talked about. It helped him to explain on her words, why she couldn't be there anymore. They had both cried.

All Eddie remembered from the hospital, was his co-workers eyes, full of pity. He hated that. He remembered Buck's hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't look him in the eye. Knowing that those blue eyes were also filled with pity as well. Then he had seen Bobby. His captain had been the only one, who knew what he had lost. He hadn't lost only Shannon, he had lost the mother of his child, his chance for having a family and the baby. That baby had never been anything physical, but for a moment, it had existed in his mind. It had been in his imaginations of his family having dinner and putting two kids to sleep. Now it was all gone and Bobby was the only one who truly understood. He had gone through that himself.


	8. Healing

The next two weeks went by in a blur. Bobby had told Eddie to take some time off from work, even though, after being away for only two days, he already had wanted to go to back. But he had to be with Christopher, to make sure his son was okay. His days were filled with taking care of Christopher and trying to figure out something to do for both of them, other than wallow in misery. 

After Shannon's funeral, his parents had told him they would come over to his house. He had tried to tell them he would be fine, but they emerged on his doorsteps a day later and brought together the whole family. To arrange a party to celebrate life, like his mother had put it. Eddie welcomed it, knowing that Christopher would be delighted.

If Eddie had known their ulterior motives, he would've said no to the whole party. So, when his mother sat across from him and started to ramble on of how he was now a single father and how he was working long hours, Eddie felt his insides boil. The fight they had had just before he moved here was still fresh in his mind. He didn't want to go through that again.

”Is that why you all flew in here, huh? Not for the funeral, but to bring us back? Was that the plan?” Eddie knew they had hated Shannon for leaving him and Christopher alone, but everything he had gone through and everything he had learned from Shannon's reasons, he wasn't going to stand for this. 

”Yeah, and we can help you, and Christopher would be close to family and you could have a life there.” His mother continued, trying to reason with him.

”We have a life here, and a family.” Eddie pointed towards his aunt and abuela, who were both sitting beside him. They were the only L.A. Family here, otherwise he would've pointed to his co-workers as well. He had done just fine even before Shannon had come back, so he knew exactly what he was getting himself into.

”Thank you, Eddie.” His aunt said with stunned expression. She seemed as upset as he was. ”We are sitting right here.”

”I won't uproot him again.” Eddie tried to swallow his anger. He glanced towards his son and felt his chest tighten by the sight. Christopher was sitting with his cousins, which usually made him so happy, but now he was sitting in silence, barely eating anything.

”Christopher hasn't been here long enough to put down roots. He spent the first six years of his life in El Paso, with us.” Eddie shook his head once his father started to talk. He couldn't deal with this right now.

”Being with me is what's best for Christopher.” He glared at his father and then his mother, making them know that this was not an option and he wouldn't change his mind. He knew where he belonged. He knew what he wanted to do with his life and being at 811 was just that. ”I chose this life for a reason.”

”You can choose another one.” His father still continued, stubborn as he was.

Eddie didn't even dignify to answer to that question, cause he knew he would lose his temper and he didn't want to show that side of himself in front of Christopher. So, he took a swig from his beer bottle and waited for the conversation to change.

”They want you back to Texas?” Buck looked shocked and Eddie shrugged his shoulders.

”I told them it would never happen, but you don't know my father. He's as stubborn as a mule.” Eddie complained, but he was secretly glad that they could have something else to talk about than Shannon's death or funeral, at his first workday after the leave.

”I think it shows how much they care about you.” Hen said then, almost carefully, once she saw how upset Eddie was by the subject.

Eddie let out a fake laugh. ”Yeah, right...”

”No really.” Hen continued. ”They wish to see you and Christopher more. Every parent wants to spent time with their child, right?” Eddie was a father himself, so he should see their side on this.

Eddie thought about that for a moment and then gave Hen a small smile.”Guess you're right.”

”Well, but... that... still doesn't mean Eddie should move.” Buck stammered and looked at Hen like she had just bought Eddie a one way ticket to Texas.

”I'm not moving.” Eddie clarified. ”I like it here and if they want to see us more often, then they should come and visit more often.”

”Exactly!” Buck echoed with a satisfied smile. ”By the way, I'm going to go check the penthouse tonight.”

”That did look amazing.” Hen smiled widely. ”I wish I was ten year younger so I could move there myself.”

”Well, hate to break it to you Hen, but you're not.” Buck teased her, but then went to hug her. ”But you're welcomed to visit anytime.”

”Oh, how sweet of you.” Hen said dryly and shooed him away. 

Buck grinned at her as she left to go home and took his phone from his pocket, starting to text with someone.

”Who are you talking to?” Eddie had just put on his shoes and closed his locker, when he saw Buck smiling to himself as he wrote.

”Oh, ummm...” Buck looked up from his phone like he had been caught red handed. ”No one.” He then said, like he was embarrassed to tell him.

”Hey, I might be fresh widow, but it doesn't mean I'll start crying if someone is having a life outside their work.” Eddie lifted his eyebrow at him and smiled, a real smile after a long time. It felt good to tease Buck a little.

”Well, I've been kind of... going out with Ali.” Buck finally admitted. ”She said she wanted to come with me to check the apartment.”

”Ali... Should I know who that is?” Eddie tried to remember, but the name didn't ring any bells.

”Uh, she's the woman who we saved from that high rise after the earthquake.” Buck explained and as he had expected, Eddie's face was stunned.

”You really have some problems, if you asked her number after that.” Eddie couldn't believe his ears. He had heard... stories of Buck's date life from the others, but he had thought he had changed.

”It's-it's not what you think!” Buck quickly rose up to protect himself. ”She actually called me and after a not so good day... I thought, what the heck, and we had fun. Ended up talking for hours.”

”Oh...” Eddie only let out a weird sound as he picked up his phone and headed towards the door. Just when he was almost out of the locker room, he turned around and gave Buck a wide smile. ”I hope you get that apartment.”

”Thanks, man.” Buck returned the smile and lifted his hand for goodbye. 

Eddie left him wondering if he had said or done something wrong. But Eddie had said it himself, that it would be okay to have a life outside work. Buck wished he could help Eddie somehow to feel better, but he didn't know how. He had tried to lend a listening ear, but Eddie didn't like to talk about Shannon, so there was only little he could do than just wait for it to get better.

The apartment was amazing. Buck couldn't believe he could afford a place like this now. He and Maddie had lived their whole childhood in a... not so nice neighborhood. But, he was able to sleep only one night in his bed upstairs, when the explosion happened.

Eddie remembered the moment they got a call from Bobby, who was still off duty. He remembered thinking it was weird. Why would he try to get hold of them through dispatch? Before Chim could get an answer for what it was about, the ladder truck Buck had been driving after them, exploded. For a moment, none one of them could react. They just stopped and stared at the burning ladder truck behind them. But where was Buck and everybody else?

Buck couldn't remember much about the moment it had went off. He had had nightmares after it, feeling the pressure which blew him out of the door and then everything went black. The next thing he remembered was the crushing pain. He couldn't even see anything but black when the pain had already overwhelmed his senses. Every tiny movement he made, was pure agony.

As he laid there, he was sure he had a concussion, the whole surrounding was a blur. The only thing he saw was someone walking closer, a kid, with explosions wrapped around him. Buck's mind tried to make some sense to the situation, but his head hurt too much.

At firs they saw nothing but smoke. Before it could disappear, they got an order to get behind their fire truck. Eddie and Hen tried to get a peek to the scene from behind it as Chim got in contact through the radio. They learned there was a young man, who had tied explosions around himself. Soon, they could see the boy standing in the middle of the street, not saying or doing anything, just standing, like he was waiting for something. Then they saw people lying on the street. Their co-workers were there, probably dead or fighting for their lives.

”Dispatch, this is Captain 118. What is the plan? I've got people dying in the street.” Chimney tried again to get a proper view of the situation. All he got was an order to hold their position.

”Give me the captain!”

All three of them turned to look at the scene, when they heard the boy yell out. 

”Where's the captain?” The boy shouted again, but then neared one of their co-workers, who crawled in agony. 

Chimney knew he had to move.

”Cap! Cap!” Eddie tried to stop him, knowing it would be a suicide mission, but Chim didn't listen to him. 

”I'm the captain, okay?” Chimney lifted up his hands and walked closer to the boy. But it was Bobby the boy wanted and like on cue, Bobby Nash was there.

Buck trailed in and out of consciousness, but once he heard Bobby's voice, he sharpened. He tried to get up, but something was keeping him down. God, he was exhausted. He could barely breathe.

”He's got parents, a sister, a girlfriend and he never did anything to you.” Bobby was talking to the kid. ”He wasn't even a firefighter when you father burned down that restaurant.

Buck barely understood what he was saying and then they started fighting over the button, which, if pressed, would kill them all. That much Buck understood and he closed his eyes and readied himself for the last explosion, but it never did. 

”Still with us, Buck?” Buck could hear Chimney's voice. 

”Buck, how we doing?” Hen asked, she had ran as fast as she could with her first-aid kid to him.

”Kind of numb.” Buck managed to reply, his own voice sounding foreign in his ears. The pain was gone now, which he knew was much worse than than feeling the pain. Buck felt like trailing off again.

”Skin is cold and pale.” Was that Eddie's voice? 

”Just hang in there, Buckaroo.” Chim again.

”Hang on, Buck.” And Eddie. Buck tried to concentrate on their voices, so he could stay awake.

”Let's try to lift this!” Chimney ordered everyone to lift that ladder truck.

Buck could feel Eddie and Hen take hold of his arms, preparing to pull him from under that thing as fast as possible, but the truck was too heavy. Buck yelled out in agony, when the truck was lifted, making his leg's bones and muscles move and again when it was put back down on his already crushed leg.

”Hang on, Buck.” Eddie felt sick to hear his friend scream like that and he looked at Buck's leg. He couldn't see how bad it was, but he assumed it was in a really bad shape considering the weight of the ladder truck. The frame seemed to have cracked, which was probably a good thing, since the whole weight on Buck's leg would've been even worse.

”She's too heavy.” Bobby shook his head, but clearly trying to think of a solution.

”We got anything on this truck we can to use for leverage?” Eddie suggested. That was the only way to get that thing off from Buck.

”No, we need more people.” Bobby said and looked around. Like counting the people around them.

”I'll radio again.” Chimney knew if they had to wait much longer, Buck's leg and worst of all Buck himself could be lost. But before he could even finish his sentence. Chim saw all the bystanders running towards them.

Eddie felt a huge wave of relief to see all the people coming to help. They had nearly lifted the truck before, but now they had to succeed. He took a hold of Buck's hands and Hen prepared the board. 

”One, two, three...” 

Once he saw the truck lift such so much that Buck's leg could get free, he pulled as hard as he could. ”We got him! We got him!” He repeated over Buck's screaming. Buck was holding onto his hands so tightly that Eddie almost shouted along him, but he knew he's pain was nothing compared to the one Buck was going through right now. ”Alright we got him out!”

Buck screamed again, his vision once again going black, but then he heard Eddie's voice and he forced himself to take a deep breath. He was still in agony as his leg was being supported and he was pulled and turned, so that he could be transported to the hospital. As he was finally lifted to stretchers, he saw Hen on his left and Eddie on his right. His head felt dizzy and he searched for something to hold, when his hand found Eddie's and he squeezed it tightly. It helped him focus and not pass out. Eddie locked eyes with him and nodded, glad to be able to help Buck even a little bit. He was damned if he was going to lose Buck today. He had just lost Shannon and losing Buck would be too much.

At the lobby, Buck was taken from their care and wheeled right into the trauma ward, leaving all three of them just standing there, knowing that they couldn't follow. 

”It's gonna be all right, Buckaroo!” Hen called after him.

”Hang in there, Buck!” Eddie knew he had been ranting that sentence for million times that night, but he didn't know what else to say. He didn't believe it would be all right. Buck's leg had been crushed by a ladder truck, for god's sake. But he couldn't say that it was hopeless either. The doctors were good at what they were doing and Eddie had high hopes that Buck's leg could get better, but only after long rehabilitation. 

One by one, their adrenaline started to wear off and they sat down. Bobby and Athena came in soon after them and Athena brought them coffee immediately. Eddie thanked her even though he didn't feel like he wanted to have anything inside his stomach. The fear of throwing up was too great, but once he took the first sip, he realized that was exactly what he needed.

Maddie and Ali, who Eddie now remembered much clearly after seeing her face once more, came in half an hour later. They didn't get to see Buck before he had been taken to the surgery, so all they could do was wait.

Carla send him countless messages, asking how Buck was and he tried to answer as well as he could, but he didn't know any better than she did. She was watching over Christopher that night, but the boy had already went to sleep. 

Eddie didn't have anyone else who could watch over Christopher. He knew Carla wanted to come and stay with Buck and so did he, but it was best for him to keep Christopher home in his own bed. So, Eddie promised that once he heard how Buck's surgery went, he would go back home and Carla would stay with Buck. It would also be better for Chris to hear of Buck's accident from him. Chris loved Buck like crazy and Eddie knew it would be hard for the boy to deal with so soon after losing his mother.

It took four hours, until the doctor walked in and told Maddie that the surgery had went better than he had anticipated, but he still couldn't say how well Buck would recover. It was up to him mostly. Eddie was just relieved that Buck was all right, everything else would come after.

When Buck woke up, at first, he didn't even know where he was. For a split of a second, he thought he was in his new apartment, staring at the white ceiling, but the smell was different and he felt exhausted. Not just mentally, but his whole body was screaming. He turned his head and then he saw Carla.

”Welcome back.” She said. But what was she doing there in his apartment?

”Carla?” He managed to croak out. His throat was dry as a desert. ”You're here?”

”Of course I'm here.” She only smiled at him. ”If I see my friend on the news being crushed by a fire truck, I'm here.”

That's when Buck remember and he looked down at his leg in fear. He forgot the dryness of his throat and the pain he was in. All he thought about was that his leg had been crushed. His leg, which he needed to for work. His leg, which allowed him to do the best thing in his life, was now crushed. He couldn't breathe.

”Okay, okay, Buckaroo. All right. It's gonna be okay.” Carla tried to calm him down. ”It's gonna be okay.”

”Is it?” Buck couldn't believe her. His leg had been crushed by a ladder truck. How could it be okay? ”Did you speak to the doctor? Did he say how the surgery went?”

Carla wanted to tell him that he would be good as new, but she knew she had to be honest with him. ”Just that you made it through and you're now the proud owner of one titanium rod and four beautifully cobalt-chromed screws. You were hoping for something more?”

”Before they wheeled me in, he... he said he didn't know how it was gonna go.” Buck's memory was hazy, but that had struck out. Even in that dozed state of mind, he had felt the fear in his guts.

”You'll walk again.” Carla knew that much and she wanted to fill Buck with the positivity to pull through this.

”Yeah, he-he said that... he said he was pretty confident about that. He umm... he didn't know if I would ever... work again.” Buck didn't want to cry, but he could feel the tears rise to his eyes. His work was everything to him and as he watched Carla, he knew before she could say a word, that she couldn't promise him that. He felt his heart sank.

”Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that it's gonna be all right.” Carla told him. ”But I don't think you need to be borrowing trouble. Not yet. Let's just take this moment and be glad that you're alive. Ali seems nice.”

Buck had to process her words for a moment. ”You met Ali?”

”So, we're into brunettes now?” She teased him with a smile. Thinking about the two brunettes Buck now liked.

”She was actually blonde when I met her.” Buck almost laughed, but then he thought it would hurt too much, and gave up on it. 

”So we're just gonna cover the waterfront.”

”Carla...” He was laughing now and yes, it did hurt.

Like on cue, Ali walked in to the room and Maddie followed her. It was nice being surrounded by people who cared. Her kiss grounded him a little bit to the moment and made him forget his stupid leg. But only for a moment.

”Hey, Buck!”

Buck heard Christopher's voice, but he couldn't see him. His back had been aching, so he had lowered the head of his bed to its lowest, making it impossible for him to see to the door with his leg still raised.

”Hey, buddy!” Buck called out and searched for the bed's remote. ”Could you come a little closer. I can't see you. Is your dad with you?”

”I'm here.” Eddie's voice reached his ear, confirming his presence. 

”Great. You can help me search the remote.” Buck had no idea where he had tossed it earlier.

”Is it this one?” Chris was now standing beside his bed and held out a black remote controller.

”I think that's for the TV.” Eddie answered to his son. ”It should be white, right?” He clarified from Buck as he searched his bed for the thing.

”This one!” Chris now held up the right remote, but at the same time pressed one button to make the bed starting to rise.

”Uh... Hold on, Chris. Give it to me.” Eddie quickly took the remote from him and put the bed a little lower, so Buck's leg would be in a right position. ”Here.” He said and gave the remote to Buck.

”Thanks.” Buck was relieved to be able to talk to them more normally when he put himself to sit down.

”How are you?” Eddie sat down to the chair beside the bed and looked Buck up and down, as if judging if he was completely broken.

”I've done better.” Buck grunted, as he tried to arrange the pillow behind his back.

”Sorry, we couldn't stay last night. I couldn't get anyone to take care of Christopher.” Eddie glanced towards his son, who was now busy searching children's programs from the TV. 

”It's okay. Carla stayed for a while, but Maddie and Ali were here until I fell back to sleep.” Buck told him and smiled when Christopher laughed to something.

”Good to hear.” Eddie smiled as well, but then his face turned serious. ”How are you really?”

Buck shifted in his bed again, clearly getting nervous by the question. ”The leg is killing me. I'm in a pretty good morphine right now, though, but I can't move this damn thing... so...” He waved towards his plastered leg.

Eddie was about to open his mouth to say something, when his son suddenly interrupted him:

”Buck! I brought you a get-well-soon present.” Christopher crawled to the bed, even though his father tried to stop him.

”It's okay, Eddie.” Buck hurried to say. Christopher knew how to be careful, so he wouldn't hurt his leg. ”You brought me something? I really didn't expect that.”

”Of course! When someone is in the hospital, you'll always have to bring something to make them feel better.” Christopher said firmly, clearly mimicking what his father had told him at some point.

Buck glanced towards Eddie, who only shook his head slightly, but with a fond smile on his face.

”Here.” Christopher had taken a picture from his back bag and a box of chocolate and gave them to Buck.

”Oh, chocolate! That'll help me get back in shape.” He glanced meaningfully towards Eddie, who smiled a little ashamed. ”Thank you so much, buddy.” Buck turned his attention to the card, where he stood in front of a hospital together who seemed like Christopher himself and... Chimney? Chim as the last person he expected to see in that card.

”I am on the right.” Christopher then explained and pointed out the shortest guy on the row. ”Chimney's in the middle and you are the one in left.”

Buck could hear Eddie let out a little laugh then. ”Will you tell Buck why?” 

”Because I'm still the one who leads on who has had most surgeries in their lives.” Christopher was smiling his, a little proud, smile.

”That's right!” Buck went along and said the words with impressed tone. ”How many have you had?”

”Three.” Christopher told him, smiling widely.

”Why don't we...” Buck started to say and looked around before taking a pen from the table. ”...write the amount of surgeries on each one of us.” He was silent for a moment as he wrote the number three under Christopher. Then two under Chim and one on himself. ”Tadaa! So, whenever one of us gets another surgery, you can correct the number here, okay?”

”Yeah!” Christopher was laughing and Eddie couldn't help but smile at his son's happy face. 

Eddie knew Buck had had at least one surgery before this. He had told him once that his thumb had broken when he was a kid and since he hadn't let the doctor touch it for days, it eventually had to be operated. But, Buck was clearly deliberately leaving himself behind, in case he would have another surgery, which Eddie hoped would never happen.

Buck started to feel sleepy. He laid his head against the pillow and closed his eyes, just for a second he thought. Just as he was drifting off, he felt something being tossed to his stomach. He opened his eyes and looked down to see a single key on the blanket. He was suddenly wide awake.

”What...?” Buck took the object into his hand and looked up at Eddie, who was only smiling down on him.

”Bobby gave me an idea to exchange keys, in case something happened again to either one of us.” Eddie explained and Buck nodded in understanding. Rotating the key in his hands as he stared at it. ”Or, I can come to your aid if you fall with your crutches.” Eddie continued and smiled smugly.

”Oh, that won't happen. I think I'm at good enough shape to keep myself from falling, thank you very much.” Buck narrowed his eyes at his friend. ”It's a good idea, but I don't have mine with me.” Buck told him, wishing he could have access to his belongings, but they were locked into a cabin for the time being.

”It's okay. You can give it later.” Eddie said as he picked Christopher down from the bed. ”I think it's time to go, buddy and let Buck get some sleep.”

Buck was about to protest. He wasn't sleepy anymore, but the look on Eddie's face told him that he wouldn't hear any of his complains and probably hinted that he looked like he needed to get some rest.

”Thanks for stopping by.” Buck said instead and smiled as he watched Christopher walking away, his father watching closely as his son went. 

”Bye, Buck! Remember, that crutches are easy to use or I can teach you.” Chris called from the doorway.

”I'll hold you to that!” Buck shouted after them and took a better position in his bed. He started to feel sleepy again and he squeezed the key in his right hand as he fell to restless dreams.

A new ladder truck, Bobby back as a captain and Chimney back as a paramedic... Things seemed to turn out fine. 

”But admit it, you do miss Captain Hann just a little.” Chimney tried to get himself some point of his duty as a captain, but neither Hen or Eddie were willing to give that to him. Not after the torture they had gone through.

”Not even a little.” Hen huffed, knowing that her friend wouldn't take offence on her comment. ”Things are finally getting back to the way they should be.”

”Almost...” Eddie said then. One big part was missing: Evan Buckley. It would be odd coming to work and not listen to his endless rant about... something. Or, on a tired morning, feel the energy of Buck being translated to you and making you wake up even before morning coffee. They would have to be without Buck for months and already, on the first day, Eddie missed his friend. Don't get him wrong, Eddie did love spending time with his other co-workers as well, but they all had their best buddies: Hen had Chimney and Bobby was the captain, so he really couldn't be anyone's best buddy at the moment. Eddie's theory sucked a little, but he knew it would get a little bit lonely without Buck there.

Buck looked wistfully at his bed upstairs. He realized he would have to settle to his couch for the next months... how nice. He had never even slept in it, but he already knew his back would be killing him after the first nigh on it.

”Lesson learned. Never sign a lease, if you intend on being crushed by municipal equipment.” Buck was bantering with Ali, who had picked him up from the hospital. It felt good to be out of that place, from being a prisoner of the hospital room. But Buck knew already, that he would soon be a prisoner of his own apartment, but at least there was some calm and quiet in here. What Buck didn't know, was that he would be sick of that calm and quiet atmosphere in less than a week.

”Uh, or a better idea?” Ali took the crouches from him as he sat down. ”How about not get crushed by municipal equipment?” She then suggested and leaned in to kiss him.

”So, have you thought about what's next?” She asked, once she pulled away. ”Once you take this thing off?”

”Why? Did the doctor say something to you?” Buck felt his stomach turn. Had the doctor talked about his situation to her and not tell him the truth? Was it so bad he couldn't go back to work? All the questions ran through his head and Ali clearly saw them as she hurried to reply:

”No.” She said firmly and shook her head.

”I-I don't know... you know. I guess, a lot of physical therapy and then...” He didn't get the chance to continue, when Ali spoke.

”You'll probably want to just get right back out there.” She looked away from him when she spoke and Buck could see that she was being unconformable by the idea.

”Yeah, of course. I mean... what else?” He didn't understand why it would be a problem for her. Being a firefighter was his life. It was what he did and she knew it the moment they had met each other. Why would it be a problem now? ”What? Come on, what's going on?”

”I watched you almost die.” She said then, but that wasn't good enough for him.

”Yeah, but I didn't.”

”But you could've.” She kept on insisting, making the horrible feeling of being crushed under the ladder truck emerge to Buck's mind and the thought of losing his job, making him snap.

”But I didn't!” 

”I know, I...” Ali tried to calm him down. ”I know. Thank God. Look, I...” She got up from the couch. ”It's not like I didn't know you were in a dangerous line of work...” She kept talking as she made her way towards a chair to get him a blanket that rest on it. ”...when I met you ten stories up of a collapsing high rise.”

”Exactly.” Buck had to say. He still had no idea what the problem was.

”That was one day. One day of my life, Evan.” Ali tried to explain herself to him. ”It's every day for you. I'm just starting to really understand what that means.”

”So-so, you want me to quit my job? That's what you're asking me to do?” Because Buck knew what the answer would be if she did: no. Absolutely no. He would never do that. Not for her, not for anybody.

”No, I would never – I would never ask you to do that. Listen.” She quickly cut him off, not wanting him to get the wrong impression. ”I know it's who you are. I'm just not sure...”

”If it's what who you are...” Buck then realized what she was trying to tell him and that thought wasn't any better than the previous one. He didn't want to cry, but everything that had happened in the past few days seemed to crash down on him. The accident, the surgery, the uncertainty of his future, the sleep deprivation, the drugs and now Ali breaking up with him. It was all just too much.

”Hey...” She leaned down again and caressed the side of his face. ”I don't know yet. Okay?” She wanted to be honest with him. She had been thinking about this for days, ever since the accident, but she hadn't come any closer to the conclusion. All she knew was that she liked Evan, very much, and she was willing to try and get used to the idea that someone you cared about would always be out there, risking his life.

Buck watched in agony as Maddie took the scissors out and started to cut his work uniform's other leg off. If that wasn't bad enough she then placed the scissors down and started to rip the pieced of fabric off from each other, the sound screeching to Buck's ears.

”Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, be careful.” He tried to stop her, but Maddie only turned to look at him with unimpressed glare.

”Were you gonna sew these two pieced back together?” She asked, knowing that her little brother had no idea how to use a needle and even less patience to do that. Besides, it would look terrible even done by a professional. ”I don't think so.”

”Doesn't mean you had to rip them.” Buck didn't know what else to say back at her. Then she lifted the trousers up and Buck knew he would never look good in that party. Even Maddie's own face was filled with doubt. ”Uh-huh, looks terrible.”

”It's gonna be fine, okay?” She tried to reassure him, but the damage had already been done. ”We're just gonna tuck it in the top of your cast. I don't even know why I'm taking you. You shouldn't be on your feet.”

”Well, this is more important.” Buck said as he corrected his position, feeling the stiffness of his leg starting to bother him. He wouldn't miss Eddie's graduation for the world. ”If I break anything else, they can fix that, with the other stuff.”

”Wait, what other stuff?” Maddie asked as she continued with the trousers.

”They want me to have another surgery.” Buck admitted. He had tried to avoid even thinking about it, but he knew he had to tell her about it at some point. ”Doctor wasn't happy with what he saw on the X-rays, so he wants to go back in, replace the rod and do some bone grafts.”

”Well, do they think it's a delayed union or nonunion? If it's just healing slower than expected, you could just wait a few weeks.” Maddie tried to talk some sense into him, but as usual, Buck was too impulsive to even consider that possibility.

”I'm not waiting.” He said firmly. ”The sooner I have the surgery, sooner I can go back to work.”

”So the doctor does want you to wait.” Maddie could read her little brother like an open book, but sometimes it wasn't a good thing. She tried to figure out a way to get Buck wait just a few weeks longer before deciding what to do.”You should listen to him. We're talking about your health. Your ability to walk. We're talking about the rest of your life.”

”No, being a firefighter is my life!” Buck snapped and Maddie had seen it coming. She knew he was tired of the situation and wanted nothing more than to get his old job back, but another surgery wouldn't guarantee that. 

”It is the only thing I have ever done that was important and that mattered, okay?” Buck couldn't understand why it was so hard for others to understand. Ali had left because of that and the only thing he wanted was for Maddie to understand him. Without that I-I don't have...”

”You... will still be Buck, okay?” Maddie sat down on the floor to get closer to him. She did understood, but she wished Buck would understand that being a firefighter wasn't all that he was. ”And we will all love you. There are lots of other important things that you can do with your life.”

”No.” Buck only said. He didn't even want to consider anything else. He would rather... He just wanted back to his work. To be able to work with his team. To eat the delicious food Bobby made, to joke around with Chimney, to talk about life with Hen and be able to work like a same mind together with Eddie. He wouldn't give that all up. ”No, I've already made my choice.” It was a leg with all the possibilities there was, or no leg at all.

”People assume, we choose this life. I'm not so sure. Sometimes, I think that this life chooses us. For those that who answer the call, there can be no doubt, no equivocation. It's not just the lives we of those we serve that depend on us, but our own. The lives of our fellow firefighters and first-responders. Today we welcome into those ranks a new brother. After a year of hard work and dedication, I am proud to officially declare that your probationary period is at an end. Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department, Firefighter Diaz.”

”Thank you, sir.” Eddie shook hands with the Captain, an embarrassed smile over his face. He wasn't used to being the center of attention like this, but he was glad all his closest family members and friends were here to share this moment with him. Most of all, his son.

Buck held back his tears as he clapped along with the others. He wasn't sure why he was crying. The harsh reminder of his uncertain future was right there at the back of his mind, but at the same time he was extremely proud for his friend, for achieving so much, after losing so much. Yet again, Buck could only look up at the man and hope he could do the same in the near future. 

Eddie's smile faltered, when he saw his son get up from his chair and starting to walk towards him with his yellow helmet in his hands and without his crutches. The pride and joy almost made him cry and he resisted the urge just to run to his son and give him a huge hug right there, but he knew Christopher must've waited for this moment to be able to give him his helmet, so all he could do was wait with a lump in his throat. He glanced at the other people in the room and a small smile appeared on his face, when he noticed the expression on Buck's face. The man looked like he was about to burst to tears at any minute as he watched Christopher walk with proudness in his eyes and a wide smile on his lips.

Eventually, Eddie couldn't take it no longer and he slowly walked to his son, crouching a little, so he could talk to him. ”What do you got for me, son?”

”I got your helmet.” Christopher whispered to him.

”Yeah? My helmet?” Eddie picked up his son and gave him a huge hug. Nothing made him happier than him. 

Chris pulled away just a little so he could say: ”Congratulations, Dad.”

Eddie smiled happily and hugged him even closer, wishing that everybody wouldn't be able to see that he was almost crying now. ”Thank you so much, Christopher.” He told his son, voice breaking a little.

The rest of the day went by fast. Christopher entertained people with his stories and was clearly thrilled to have all his relatives around him. Eddie saw even in his dad's eyes something, that resembled pride, as he gave Eddie a hug. He had half expected for his parents to start that conversation about moving back to Texas at some point of the day, but they didn't mention it at all.

Buck had promised to stay on his chair as much as possible, when Maddie had agreed to take him with her. But once her eyes were fixed more on Chimney than him, he quickly got up to his feet and headed to Eddie. He was damned, if he wasn't able to congratulate his best friend while standing.

”Hey, you're up!” Eddie smiled widely as Buck made his way towards him. ”How should I hug you so you won't fall with those things?” He laughed ad Buck considered which crutch to abandon.

”Screw this.” Buck laughed with him and tossed the crutch on his right hand to lean on the nearest table, so he could wrap his arm around Eddie for a proper hug. ”Congratulations, mate. You deserve this all!”

”Thank you for not smoking me out of here a year ago.” Eddie joked and felt Buck shake his head.

”No, we're not going there.” Buck laughed as he pulled away. ”Oh, almost forgot.” He then put his free hand into his pocket and before Eddie could see what he had taken out, Buck took hold of his other hand. Eddie could feel something against the palm of his hand. He took hold of it and Buck withdrew his hand away. As Eddie opened his palm, he saw a key lying there. ”I promised I'd give it to you.”

”Yeah, I totally forgot about that. Thanks.” Eddie smiled and tug it to safety into his breast pocket.

After a moment of silence, Buck realized he had been staring into Eddie's eyes a moment longer than was necessary between two friends and he started to look around. ”So, where's the cake?” He only then realized that he and Eddie were now both single, but both still healing, physically and mentally.

”I'll get it for you, when you get your ass back on the seat.” Maddie's voice came from behind him and Buck quickly took his other crutch and did as he was told. Knowing that he wouldn't hear an end of it after the party, but it had been worth it.


	9. Never stop trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this's going to be a long chapter, but I really didn't want to cut this from the middle since it's so distressing and I wanted to end it to a happy note. Once again, enjoy and thank you all for the kudos! They're so amazing!

Buck worked hard, really hard. He went through his second surgery a week after Eddie's graduation party. Month after that, the stupid plaster was taken off and he was able to start his rehabilitation, slowly of course, but Buck did everything by the book and just as he was told, just to make sure. And his doctor was proud of his progress. The first X-rays after the surgery, made him feel like he had just won in a lottery. His leg looked much better now than after the first surgery. Buck was able to see light at the end of the tunnel. He was determined to follow on Eddie's footsteps and turn his loss to victory. Until... the embolism happened.

He had felt fine, or more like amazing, after he had been able to pass the physical exam with a top score and then having a dinner at Athena and Bobby's together with Maddie. He didn't even notice the balloons hovering over he railing as he stepped in. He was too busy telling about his day to Athena and only when he heard the shout: surprise, he looked around in shock, almost having a heart-attack, to see all his friends there with huge grins over their faces.

”Did you do this?” Buck turned to his sister and of course she had done this. 

As he made his way towards the crowd, Eddie was the first one to step forward and gave him a huge hug, with Bobby close behind. Buck couldn't be happier. He hadn't seen all his friends for a while, so it meant so much to him to see them all here. But now he knew why they all had suddenly turned down all their plans with him, just they could make this night a little bit more special for him. 

The night was warm and not at all as hot as it had been only couple days earlier. Which suited just fine for a outdoor party with barbecue and great atmosphere. Buck was busy talking with Bobby and Athena and their plans for the future. 

”Buck?” Eddie suddenly placed a hand on his shoulder. ”Can you come with me? Chris has something for you, which he wants to give it to you himself.” 

”Yeah, of course.” Buck quickly followed Eddie to the side, where Christopher was already waiting with something that looked like a card in his hands. ”What do you got there for me?” He asked and Christopher turned the card around to show it to him.

”Wow, thanks,buddy” Buck crouched in front of the boy and accepted the card from him. On it was clearly a picture of him and Chris together. ”Wow, this is great!”

”It's you and me.” Chris said, almost shyly and Eddie smiled behind him. His son had put a lot of time and effort to that card, only letting him help a little with the writing. He didn't even get to sign the card together with Chris, but it was fine.

”Oh, and what's that?” Buck pointed to the... thing which was between him and Chris.

”It's a surfboard, right?” Eddie asked from Chris, who only smiled widely.

”He's obsessed.” Buck laughed. Christopher had seen a document of surfers and that was all he had been talking about for the past month. Buck swore he learned everything he now knew of surfing from Chris.

”Yeah.” Eddie agreed, quite fed up with the thing himself, but he would never say it out loud.

”Dear Buck, you are an awesome firefighter. Love, Christopher.” Buck read the text out loud, touched by the gesture. This kid was amazing and Buck couldn't even believe of how much he had learned to care about him. ”Very sweet, Christopher. Thank you.”

”How do you say, Chris?” Eddie knew his son was a little embarrassed and getting tired, since he was only smiling to Buck.

”You're welcome.” Chris said then and Buck gave him a hug.

”What is it like to get back to work next week?” Eddie asked from him then and Buck had to think for a while, since he was too embarrassed to say how much it meant to him.

”I'm just so glad to be able to get out of that apartment and do something with my life.” Buck laughed in relief. 

”Yeah? It's not been easy for you.” Eddie's smile faltered a little. ”I'm proud of you for fighting to this point.”

”Thanks.” Buck smiled widely as he held on Chris' card delicately, afraid of wrinkling it.

”And I'm glad to have you back. I'm sick and tired of Hen and Chim's inside jokes.” Eddie laughed and glanced towards their friends to make sure they hadn't overheard him. He was only half joking about the thing.

”Oh yeah? Well, you have never been one to understand much over jokes.” Buck had to tease him a little, since Eddie could be quite a stick in the mud sometimes.

”Are you talking about me?” Eddie looked at him, faking a shocked expression. 

”Please, don't fight.” Christopher said then with a tired voice.

”Oh, _mijo_ , we're not fighting.” Eddie laughed and picked his son up. ”Should you get some rest with Carla? She promised to read you that new book if you get tired.”

”The one about surfing?” Chris asked then perky, like the tiredness had just disappeared altogether.

”The one about surfing.” Eddie confirmed and rolled his eyes to Buck over his son's shoulder. ”Chris, will probably tell you all about it later, but I took him to surfing lessons. That's just how obsessed he is.” He then turned to walk inside the house.

Buck swallowed his laughter. He couldn't help but admire the way Eddie encouraged Christopher to try new things. He really was a great father. Buck carefully placed the card to his jacket pocket before joining the others. He saw Bobby placing his plate on one of the tables and not talking with anybody, so he quickly made his way to him and pulled him a little further away from the others.

”I-I just wanted to thank you.” He started and Bobby just shook his head, being all modest, but Buck wasn't going to let him get off that easily. He really wanted to make sure how much Bobby had done for him in the past few months. ”Thank you for being there, you know, for the surgeries and the rehabs. I uh... I know I wasn't always the easiest person to be around.”

”Oh, my God.” Bobby rolled his eyes, but quickly patted his shoulder. ”No, you weren't that bad.” 

Buck laughed wholeheartedly and started to continue: ”You should...” He then coughed. Suddenly feeling like he had slime in his lungs or something. ”Ex-girlfriend, sorry...” He tried to clear his throat.

”Hey, she just wasn't the right fit. You'll find someone new.” Bobby reassured him.

”Sorry...” Buck still kept on couching. He really needed something to drink to get this feeling back down, but it felt like something would soon burst out of his throat. 

”You okay?” Bobby asked with a worried tone.

”Yeah, I...” For a split of a second, when he swallowed it down, he was sure the feeling would be gone, but it came back much worse.

Eddie was talking to Karen, trying to comfort her as she kept talking of how wonderful kid Christopher was and almost cried at the same time, when he heard the loud coughing. He glanced towards the sound and saw Buck. He was about to turn back to conversation, when he realized that he wasn't fine. Was he choking on something?

Buck felt like suffocating, he felt something liquid like rise to his mouth and as he coughed again, he felt something warm on his hand. He looked down at it and saw red and then he tasted the blood in his mouth. A panic struck him, what was wrong with him? He looked up at Bobby and tried to take a breath, but he couldn't breathe, the blood was choking him, then everything went black.

”Buck!” Bobby shouted out his name and quickly crouched over to him, checking his breathing. 

”I'll call 9-1-1!” He heard Maddie shout.

”Buck!” Eddie now ran towards them and crouched on the other side of Buck. ”Is he all right?”

”He struggles to breathe. Let's turn him.” Bobby replied and they quickly put him to his side.

”Is that blood?” Eddie asked as he got a better look at his friend. Knowing, that it was never a good sign for someone to be coughing blood.

”Yeah.” Bobby was acting calm, but Eddie could see he was worried as well.

Fortunately the ambulance arrived quick and the whole party scattered around. Eddie wished he could've gone to the hospital, but he had to watch over Chris, who had luckily been sleeping when Buck had fainted and didn't have to see the episode. 

”Maddie, Maddie!” Eddie managed to take hold of Maddie's arm while holding sleeping Christopher in his arms at the same time. ”I know you're worried, but can you let me know what's wrong with him?”

”Sure.” Maddie said firmly and squeezed his hand reassuringly. She really had the talent to sound calm and collected in any situation, even though her little brother was being wheeled to ambulance. 

”Thank you.” Eddie gave her a tight smile and watched after the ambulance for a while.

He then felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and knew who it was before even turning around, Bobby smiled at him as well.

”He's going to be fine.” Bobby said, like Eddie was the only one needing support at the moment. ”Look what he's gone through in the past months. This is only a minor set-back.”

”Yeah...” Eddie nodded, but they both knew that will-power alone, didn't make anyone invisible. 

”When did your leg start bothering you?” Maddie was close of snapping at her brother, but barely managed to hold it in. She was so mad at him for not getting to the doctor sooner and just pushing on even when he wasn't all right. Did she had to worry about him for rest of her life like this? Probably yes.

”Like a day or two ago.” Buck answered, already annoyed of the conversation. He really didn't want a lecture right now. ”Maddie, I-I was not ignoring this, okay? I-I didn't know what it was. I thought I had a leg cramp or something.” He knew he was making excuses, since he knew it had been bad, but he had told that to himself for the last couple of days, that it was nothing. Maybe he had managed to convince himself as well.

”Yeah, well, you need to be more careful.” She now snapped. ”Because, if this had happened when you were alone... you could've died.” She didn't want to think about that, but she needed for Buck to understand how bad the situation was.

”But I-I didn't. I just passed out...” Buck tried to calm her down.

”Yeah, just passed out after vomiting up blood.” Maddie clarified, sick and tired of Buck diminishing his health.

”What? I don't... I don't remember that. I vomited up blood?” Buck tried to search his memory, but the last thing he remember was Bobby asking if he was okay and he felt like something was coming up his throat.

Maddie just nodded for an answer, glad that he was finally getting it.

”At Bobby and Athena's house?” Buck clarified.

”Yes...” Maddie sighed.

”Oh, no...” Buck was worried of how much he must've scared Christopher. Then he realized how horrible it was that Bobby had been there to see it. He felt like this was not the end of his lecture.

And he had been right. As he ran into Bobby on the hospital's corridor the day after, he was prepared to his lecture. But what he hadn't prepared himself for was a desk job. Buck couldn't believe his ears. That was something he would never want to do for a living. And Bobby knew that, but still he was ready to sit him down and wait for others to do the work. 

”Now, listen, Buck, I...” Bobby tried to explain where he was coming from, but Buck wasn't going to hear it.

”Out there...” Buck pointed outside this retched place, at the same time trying to search for the words that would explain to Bobby how sick he was of the situation. ”... in the world, helping people. That is where I belong. That is where I have spent five months to fighting to get back to. And now you're going to tell me I-I can't?”

Bobby waited patiently for Buck to finish. He knew the kid had to blow off some steam and if it had to be him taking the blow, then he was going to. He felt so bad for Buck, knowing just how much he had worked to get to this point, but Buck's health had to come first. He wouldn't risk Buck's life just because he felt sorry for him. His job was to be a captain and he would stand behind his decision, no matter what Buck said to him.

”Listen, Buck, I know this is hard, but at least light...” He tried to reason with him. To make Buck understand that this was only temporal situation and if he wanted to work, then this was the only way. But as Buck always did when he was upset, he didn't want to listen.

”No, I don't want light duty, okay? And... and neither would you.” Buck knew why Bobby would want to suggest this. He really did. And in the end it had been the higher-ups in LAFD who had made that decision for Bobby. But it had to be his decision, right? He was the one who decided if he was ready for work or not. Not Bobby or anyone else. He would not just sit back down and wait another five months before he was allowed back to his old job.

Bobby didn't know what else to say, so he waited.

”No, they are not putting me behind the desk.” Buck paused for a moment. His mind trying to wrap around the decision he had to make. Which he was forced to make. ”I quit.” He had never thought he would say that. Never. But enough was enough and with that, he walked away, leaving Bobby standing there.

Eddie was shocked to hear what Buck had said to Bobby. Not that he hadn't been willing to start a desk job, but that he had actually said that he would quit his job entirely. That was something Buck had been fighting for months to get to and now he was quitting. He just couldn't wrap his head around it. Eddie had been so shocked that he forgot to chop the vegetables Bobby had given him. 

”I think, he just needs to look forward and not roll in his own misery.” Chimney said as he picked up salad ingredients.

”But forward to what?” Hen asked and looked between the three. ”I mean, we all had lives, jobs before we entered the Department. And we have things outside of it. What does... what does Buck have?”

”Buck has us.” Bobby said firmly as he placed the pie, he had just taken from the oven, to the counter. ”Even though, he might not believe that right now.” 

Bobby looked straight at Eddie, like he was addressing those words to him. So, he gave Bobby a little nod, knowing what he meant by that. They had to be the life raft for Buck, even though he wasn't willing to reach out to it himself yet. He knew he had a secret weapon, which would make Buck hold out to that raft: Christopher. Eddie knew his son meant a lot to Buck and that bond would help Buck out of the deep water. He was sure of it.

One would think Buck would suffer a heart attack, when he thought he was alone in his apartment and then someone came and pulled the covers from around him. But as Buck startled awake, he recognized Eddie's voice and scent. He barely made out his frame with his sleepy eyes as the he stood next to his bed, most likely waiting for him to get up.

”Oh, why, man? Come on.” Buck groaned out and quickly dragged the blanket back, to shelter his poor eyes from he blinding light. He heard footsteps round the bed and Eddie sigh out in frustration. 

”Because it's morning and you have things to do.” Eddie said and once more, cruelly tossed the blanket aside.

”No. I really don't.” He started to gather his blanket around himself again.

”You need to get out of this house and take a walk around the block and get some fresh air.” Eddie's voice tightened and yet again, he pushed the blankets away from him.

This time Buck sat up in frustration. What the hell was wrong with this guy? It seemed Eddie wasn't going to let it go, since he stayed beside the bed and just stared at him. ”Why? What's the point?” He said annoyingly and finally got up from bed and headed downstairs. All Buck wanted to do was to dwell on his own misery. What was it to Eddie?

”Well, the point is, your life isn't over just because you're not a firefighter.” Eddie told him and followed Buck downstairs. He knew this was a huge blow for Buck, but he also knew that he couldn't just lay on the bottom of his bed for eternity. Besides, it wasn't like Buck couldn't ever bee a firefighter again. He just needed some break.

”Says the firefighter.” Buck said sarcastically as reached the end of the stairs. He wasn't in the mood to listen Eddie's pep talks. He headed to the kitchen and started to search for a clean mug, so he could drink coffee, but even that seemed like an impossible task.

”You know, that blood clot could've almost killed you. But it didn't.” Eddie lingered at the top of the stairs. He didn't like the way his voice had sounded. He didn't want to show how badly Buck had startled him. ”You have your whole life ahead of you, so why don't you just take it as a win and stop feeling sorry for yourself.” He joined Buck in the kitchen, challenging him with his stare.

Buck had never felt as annoyed towards Eddie as he did at that moment, if their first meeting didn't count. Should he be sorry for not having the positivity like Eddie did, or jump in joy when he had to lose his dream job?

Eddie realized his words didn't have any effect on Buck. Or at least not that kind of effect he had hoped for. Buck gave up on the coffee and was about to head back upstairs, when he heard a familiar voice coming from his living room:

”Hey, Buck!”

”Hey, buddy!” Buck peeked to the living room, where Christopher was sitting on his couch. He hoped the boy hadn't heard him being so grumpy. He felt a little embarrassed. Why didn't Eddie tell him he had Christopher with him? ”Uh, what are you doing here?”

Eddie couldn't help but notice Buck's tone of voice changing immediately to lighter as he spoke to Chris. He knew he was being unfair to Buck for suddenly dropping Christopher off, but he also thought it was the only solution to get Buck something else to think about than his own misery.

”He's hanging out with his Buck today!” Eddie declared, grunting as he lifted his son up for a hug. ”Because I have to go work today.” He then continued, talking to Buck. He wished they could've spent a day together, but this was a perfect excuse to get Buck spent some time with Chris.

”Where's Carla?” Buck really didn't feel like watching over Christopher, no matter how much he loved that kid. But he knew Eddie had set this up purposely, when he saw that self-conscious smile on his lips.

”She went to Morongo!” Christopher announced.

”So take him out, have some fun. Maybe you'll learn something.” Eddie said, getting a murderous look from Buck, but he didn't care. He stood beside Buck and lowered his voice. ”He never feels sorry for himself.” Then he turned towards his son again and lifted his hand for a goodbye. ”Love you, buddy.”

”Love you, Dad!” Chris called out after him.

For a moment Buck just stood there, staring after Eddie, not quite knowing what he was supposed to do now or what Eddie had gotten him into. He had never spent any alone time with Christopher. Then he sighed in defeat and turned towards Chris.

”So what do you like to do for fun?” He asked, settling on that Christopher could decide, since he had no idea what to do with him.

Christopher was silent for a moment, clearly thinking the something what he really liked and Buck sat beside him. ”I love the Ferris wheel and merry-go-around.” 

”Amusement parks?” Buck raised his eyebrows, acting all surprised. ”Well, I happen to know just the place.” He rubbed his chin absentmindedly and then stopped. ”Just... let me shave my beard first.” He quickly got to his feet and headed upstairs.

In the end they had some amazing time together. Buck felt like he was a little kid again, running from ride to ride, enjoying the happy atmosphere of the park. They took funny photos on the photo-booth. Buck decided he would give them to Eddie, or maybe keep one to himself, after the end of the day. He couldn't resist to send him a photo of him and Chris having a banana cake together, already forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at his friend. Buck even managed to forget his leg and the fact that he wouldn't go to work tomorrow, or any other day. But then he heard the fire sirens and it all came back to him. Paramedic had come to revive a mascot, who apparently had a heatstroke.

”Are you okay?” Christopher asked, even a kid noticed his foul mood.

”The universe is mocking me.” Buck replied, feeling like there was no escape from his thoughts. ”Let's go feed the fish.” He took the bear they had won from the shooting game and lifted it on his shoulder.

Christopher had said he wanted to go see the ocean and feed the fishes. Maybe he could even see a surfer or two. As Chris stood on the bench and looked down from the railing, Buck had sat down and held tightly on the back of the boy's shirt, so he wouldn't fall to the water. They didn't see any surfers. The waves weren't big enough, Chris had known.

”You ever think about what you want to do with your life? What you want to be when you grow up?” Buck asked from Chris. Kids always had an answer to everything. He didn't expect Chris to solve his problems, but he liked to hear what the boy had to say.

”Astronaut or a pirate.” Chris said after careful thinking.

Buck resisted the urge to smile. ”Some good choices.” He nodded along. ”Cool outfits, too.”

”No, wait. A firefighter!” Christopher then said with a wide smile. 

Buck let out a laugh. ”Yeah, me too. But Chris, if those career paths don't work out, umm... I hope you do find something you love. You know, something you're good at. That makes you feel like you matter. Something you could do forever. Because when you do, it's gonna tell you who you are. And it's gonna show you the rest of your life. And that is the best feeling.” He paused for a moment, feeling his emotions rise, so he had to swallow them down. ”And I hope you get that. And I hope you get to keep it.”

”You're gonna be okay, kid.” Christopher said then and reached down to caress the side of Buck's face. 

Buck could imagine Eddie saying that to Chris whenever he had hurt himself or was feeling down. This kid would have a bright future ahead of him. Buck knew it. Then his eyes were caught by the water, or more like the lack of water. He had to stand up to see better: the shoreline had moved further away. Which could mean only one thing. Buck felt a cold chill run down his spine. This wasn't good. Then he saw what he had expected to see: a huge wave coming towards them.

Then he acted: he took Christopher into his arms and started to run as fast as he could, away from the docks. The sirens started to wail at the same moment. 

”Run!” He tried to shout to everyone else, who were still staring at the phenomenon. ”Run! Run! Go!”

But Buck knew he couldn't outrun the massive speed of the water. So when he reached the first game booth, he put Chris inside it, close to the wall, so the wave wouldn't hit him so hard. He turned around, just in time to see he wave hit the first buildings. The sound of broken glass echoing around him. He was just in time to jump behind the booth as well, ordering Chris to take a deep breath, when the wave of water washed over them.

Buck tried his best to shelter Chris from the impact of the wave. He held as tightly as he could, feeling his own back hit something hard multiple times. Then the swirling started, tossing them left and right, up and down, until he couldn't make out where the surface was. At some point Christopher slipped away from his grasp. He tried to desperately to reach out to him again, but in vein. He couldn't see anything and heard only the sound of water muffling everything else. The torture seemed to last forever. He felt the air in his lungs run dry. He couldn't breathe. He was panicking, searching anything around himself to hold on to, but found only water. Then his face rose upon the surface and he took a deep, desperate breath.

Buck saw a some kind of line above him and he quickly took hold of it, so the constantly moving water wouldn't pull him back under. The salt water was stinging in the cuts and bruises he had got, but he couldn't feel any of it. The only thing he was concerned about, was Christopher.

”Christopher!” He shouted. The sound of cars' burglar alarms howling all around, made it impossible for his voice to reach out. ”Christopher! Christopher!” He kept on calling out his name. He had to find Chris. He had to.

”Buck! Buck!” 

Buck was sure he heard Chris' voice from somewhere. He looked around once more and saw the boy hanging onto a electricity pylon down stream. 

”Chris! Just... just stay there! I'm coming!” He shouted, hoping that Chris had the strength to hold on just a little bit longer.

Without thinking any further, Buck let go of the line and started to swim towards the boy. The current was strong and tried to pull him under water, but he managed to keep his head above the surface. But it made impossible for him to steer where his was swimming. Soon, he noticed it was leading him too much to the left. 

”Grab my hand! Christopher, reach out! Grab my hand!” Buck tried to reach his hand as close as possible to the boy, so he could take hold of his hand, but it didn't work and the water kept carrying him away. ”No, Chris! Chris! Chris! Stay there!”

”I can't hold on!” Christopher shouted, clinging to the pole as tightly as he could.

”Just hold on, Christopher!” Buck tried fiercely to figure out how to get back to Chris, but his own body was already exhausted. He swam to the nearest thing that floated, just when Chris's hands slipped and the water started to drag him along. Buck felt his heart cease in his chest. He saw Christopher's tiny hands on top of the water and quickly dived to catch him. 

”Right! I got you! I got you, I got you.” He kept repeating like a mantra, once they were both above the water. 

It took all his power to stay above the surface, so they just had to let the flow of the water decide the way for them. Maybe it was the universe mocking him again or something else, since a sunken fire truck was the first thing, that was sturdy enough and above water, which they came across.

Buck summoned the last of his strength to get Christopher on top of it and climb after him. For a moment they could only lie there. Buck had never been so exhausted in his entire life, but he was relieved that Christopher was there next to him, safe and sound.

Eventually, Buck felt like he had the energy to sit up and he held Christopher tightly to his side. He was still exhausted and frightened, slowly calming down from the fear of losing Chris.

”You good, Chris?” He asked from him, certain that the boy would be close to crying of the startle that he had gone through.

But instead, Christopher just said brightly: ”Yep. I took surfing lessons.”

Buck let out a relieved laugh. ”Oh, well, maybe you can teach me.” He took a couple more deep breaths, before loosening the hold on Chris. ”All right, I'm gonna take a look around and see what I see.”

Buck lifted his head and scanned their surrounding. He saw no one around, so it might take a while for the rescue to come. The only fear he had, was the after wave, which would push over them and most likely put them once more to the mercy of the water.

”I guess we're gonna have to hang out here a little longer.” He told Chris.

”We have a fire truck.” Christopher didn't seem even a little bit concerned, only glad that they could now pretend to be real firefighters.

”Yeah, we do.” Buck agreed, but before he could once again relax, he heard someone call out for help. He stood up quickly and saw a woman holding onto a building. ”Chris, um, I need yo to sit right here for me. You promise me?”

”Yeah.” Christopher said firmly, excited to see Buck, the firefighter, to save someone's life.

”Okay, right here, right here.” Buck repeated and Chris nodded for an answer.

Eventually he had to rescue over six people on top of that truck. He sat back down in exhaustion, beside Christopher. After catching up his breathe, he realized that he should take Chris's attention away from all that was happening around them. He then saw a surfboard floating by. 

”I spy with my little eye...” Buck started and glanced towards Chris. A wide smile had appeared on his face. ”...something that makes people float.”

It didn't take long for Christopher to spot that board and he beamed in excitement. ”A surfboard!”

Buck laughed. ”Exactly!”

”Is it my turn?” Chris turned to look at him and the boy nodded, looking at the water again with a concentrated frown on his face. ”I spy...” He started, but paused for a moment. ”...with my little eye, something that hurts the eye.”

Buck was totally lost. Hurts the eye? He looked around for a moment, when he had to close his eyes as a blinding light reflected from the building opposite of them hit him. ”The sunlight?” He asked and Christopher nodded in agreement. A clever kid, Buck thought.

”I spy with my little eye, something that... moves people around.” Buck continued.

”Umm...” Christopher looked for a moment. ”Oh, a scooter.” He then said, like it had been the dumbest and easiest thing to see. 

”Yeah, nice one.” Buck laughed again. ”Okay, genius, your turn.”

”I spy... a shopping cart.” Christopher then said bluntly. Getting a little bored of the game and thinking he could spice it up a little.

”What? No, come on.” Buck tried to protest, but his laugh gave him away. ”Hey, that's not how the game works. You can't just yell stuff out.”

”But yelling stuff out is the fun part!” Chris shouted in delight. 

Buck shook his head, this kid was something else. ”You amaze me, buddy.” He then told Chris, knowing that the boy should hear him say it. 

”Why?” Christopher asked, not understanding what Buck was talking about.

”I got some bad news at work the other day, and I didn't wanna get out of bed for a whole week.” He explained. ”But you, after the day you had, here you are, with a big smile, bustin' a gut. You never gave up. Even when that water was rushing over you back there. You just kept on swimming.”

”Like Dory?” Chris asked then.

”Yeah, like Dory.” Buck agreed. It seemed like so long ago, when they had last sat down to watch Finding Nemo together: him, Chris and Eddie. It had been... three weeks, perhaps. ”And not just today, but everyday. You never say no, you never complain. How... how do you do that?” Buck started to think he was more of a whining baby than Christopher was, and he was supposed to be the adult. He really didn't feel like that after this morning. Throwing a tantrum at Eddie, who had nothing to do with his embolism or the fact that the LAFD wouldn't let him back to work.

”Well, I complained once, but it didn't work.” Christopher told him.

”So what did you do?”

”Just kept on swimming.” Chris was talking about the moment he had been hanging onto that pylon. He had told Buck he couldn't hold on. He had wanted to go home, but then he was forced to swim and he had.

”Like Dory.” Buck said with a smile. Then he suddenly heard the other people on the fire truck starting to whisper and look towards where the water was coming from.

As Buck watched to the same direction, his first instinct was to make sure Chris wouldn't see them: bodies floating pass them. 

”I... I spy with my little eye...” He picked Christopher up and turned his back to the sight, placing the palm of his hand against the boy's face, so he wouldn't even accidentally look towards the bodies. ”...something that is high.”

”A street sign?” Chris asked.

Buck hadn't even looked to the direction he had turned Christopher to and glanced over his shoulder to see what he could make up. ”Uh, no, higher than that...” He pointed towards the sky before sparing a glance towards the dead people. One had stopped against a clutter of items, but slowly continued along with the stream.

”A bird?” Chris asked then and Buck nodded.

”Yes, a bird. Did you see it?”

”No.” Christopher only answered. Damn, this kid was smart.

”I don't know what I'm going to tell your father.” Buck said as it was safe to let Chris sit properly on the ceiling. ”You know, I take you out one time and... look what happens.”

”You saved me.” Chris said, confused of why his father would be mad at Buck for that. ”And you saved them.” He looked at all the people around them.

”No, we did that together.” Buck told him. They were, after all, firefighters together for one day. Just like old days, Buck thought, only with different Diaz. ”Me and you, make a great team.” He pointed between them and then lifted his hand. ”Give me a high five, I'm proud of you, really.”

Christopher slapped his hand multiple times, before reaching his hands up to give him a hug. ”Thank you, Buck.”

”Thank you.” He said back, really meaning it. At that moment, it felt like Chris had saved his life. He made Buck believe that he could fight for his life, for his career. To what he wanted to be.

Suddenly the rush of water, started to rise and the truck seemed like it was moving, not much but a little, by the force of it. At the same time all the clutter that had gathered around them, started to move as well. Buck looked at its direction, and knew that once all that hit them, it would probably give the fire truck a great impact. So he told everyone to hold on to something and he hugged tightly on Christopher, to keep him safe, when he heard the cries for help. More people were swimming towards them.

Buck rounded to the other side of the truck to help them climb up. Just when he was about to hoist up a man, the whole fire truck shook violently and he heard Christopher's voice let out a yelp. Buck felt his heart stop and he quickly turned around to see where Chris was, but the boy was nowhere to be seen.

”Christopher!” Buck yelled and hurriedly staggered to where Chris had last sat. He kept on shouting his name and tried to see where Chris's head would pop up, but he couldn't see the boy. Could he had hit his head when falling to the water? Had the current been so powerful that he couldn't get up anymore? Buck had no other choice but to blindly jump into the water and dive, hoping to see at least a glimpse of Chris underneath the water. The stream carried him fast away from the fire truck, but he didn't even understand to be afraid of his own life. Christopher was all he needed to find. Nothing else mattered.

The stream carried Buck to a shallow water, deeper on the inland. He didn't stop to catch a breath. He just stood up and started to search, screaming Christopher's name, until his throat was sore and barely a sound came out. How could he lose Chris like that? He should've been more careful. He should've hold on to his hand and not let go. He needed to find Chris, or Eddie would be broken beyond repair. 

He tried to ask around if anyone had seen a boy that looked like Chris, but no one had seen him. His vision blurred for a moment, and he thought he was about to pass out, when his eyes focused on glasses floating on the water. Christopher's glasses. Buck's whole world stopped.

Eddie smiled once he got a message from Buck: Full stack. Then I think the movies. Under it was a picture of Buck and Christopher eating a huge cake. It seemed that Buck wasn't mad at him anymore, for dragging his ass out of bed early in the morning and leaving Christopher with him.

”Any word of how Operation Buck up Buck is going?” Hen had asked as they had finished putting out a flaming food stall.

Eddie picked up his phone and showed her and Chimney the picture. He was not concerned that Buck hadn't texted him anything since the morning, thinking that the two were probably in the movie-theater. 

”By now Chris has come down from a serious sugar high, and Buck is regretting his life choices.” Eddie told them. He could already imagine Buck trying to figure out a way to get grumpy Christopher to settle down and watch the movie through. He shouldn't feel like laughing to that, but he did. He had been there himself many times before.

Then a message popped up to his cellphone's screen: tsunami warning. 

”Hey, did someone leave a hydrant open?” Bobby called out, when the water on their feet started to raise to their ankles. 

”I don't think it's a hydrant, Captain.” Eddie told him, feeling his heart sink. This was bad.

The whole city was a disaster. They just floated around with their boat from one accident to another. From a crashed boat to a Ferris wheel. Bodies were floating all around. Eddie tried to check pulses from as many as he could reach, but they were all gone.

They stumbled upon a lonely firefighter: Lena Bosko. She had been on call on the pier, just when the tsunami had struck. Eddie couldn't even comprehend, how she managed to carry out her duties so calmly, without knowing where her grew members where and what had happened to them. 

After they retreated to dry land to get a small break, Eddie dig out his phone to check if Buck had called him, but there was nothing. Not even a message. He couldn't help but start to worry for a little, but he pushed the feeling down. If Bosko could do her job, knowing that her friends were in serious danger, he could manage with his job, knowing that Christopher was in best hands he could be during a natural disaster. Besides, they had been in a movies, far away from the pier... right? Besides, Chris was probably more worried about him than he was of Chris. 

”Who you calling?” Lena examined him.

”My son.” Eddie told her as he searched for Buck's number with his wet-suit on, making it a little bit difficult. ”Lost his mother a few months ago, don't want him to worry.”

Lena didn't say another word, and just waded further away to get him some privacy.

Finally he managed to press a record button to send a voice message: ”Hey, Buck, it's me. I just want you to tell Christopher I'll be a little late picking him up, got our hands full hear. It's good thing you're missing it. Hope you guys are having fun.”

Buck had wandered for hours. He was soaking wet, bruised and exhausted, but he didn't care. He made his way to one of the emergency refugee camps, one of the many. He reached out to a woman, who was clearly working there, but she couldn't find Chris from her list.

”You may wanna check over there at the black tent.”

Those words were like a punch to his guts. Buck carefully looked over at the black canvas, almost afraid to even look at it. 

”Isn't that the...?” He breathed out and looked back at the woman.

”The morgue.” She answered before excusing herself.

Buck turned towards the black tent, or more like a shed and took a few hesitant step towards it, already seeing the bodies lined up, covered only by black and white blankets. But he stopped, not able to go there. He couldn't let himself think that Christopher was among them. He just couldn't. He needed to keep on looking, to keep on searching.

Buck asked the people closest to him, if anyone could lend him a phone. To his surprise, the first person he asked, willingly gave him his phone, not even asking who he was about to call. Buck didn't hesitate to dial the only number he had committed to his memory.

”Hey, it's me.”

”Buck? Where are you?” Maddie answered and he could hear concern in her voice. ”I don't, I don't know this number.”

”I borrowed someone else's phone.” He told her, but that wasn't important. ”Maddie, I need your help.”

”Okay, tell me what's wrong. Are you hurt?” Buck felt a wave of relief to hear Maddie's confident voice on the other end of the line. He was so lost and didn't know what to do next.

”Eddie dropped Christopher off with me. He- he thought, you know, doing some activities with him would get me out of my apartment... out of my head.” Buck felt his voice crack, but he had to continue. ”Maddie, I brought him to the pier.”

”Oh, my God! You were there?” Maddie had an assumption to where this story was going, but she didn't want to believe in it just yet.

”And I had him. All right, Mads?” Buck's voice broke then. He was the reason Christopher was gone now. ”I had him. I kept him safe. We were uh... we were on top of the ladder truck, then the water receded.”

”Okay, you're not answering me. Are you injured, bleeding?” Maddie knew Buck would care about everyone else's safety before his. So she knew he would avoid telling her the truth and she feared that he was hurt and because of his medication right now, would have internal bleeding or something.

”No, it doesn't matter.” Buck insisted. ”Don't you hear what I'm saying? Christopher... is gone. I've checked the emergency refugee camps at the Promenade, at the high school...”

Maddie had to close her eyes, to steady herself, so she could think clearly and give Buck the advises he needed. ”Okay, did you check the VA hospital? The Command Center, you know, on Sawtelle?”

”I'm here now and he...” Buck shook his head and then petrified, when he saw Eddie talking to one of the volunteers on the steps of the building. Buck couldn't breathe. Then Eddie turned and started to walk to his direction. Buck rushed behind the nearest tent, to hide himself. ”Oh, God, no!”

”What?” Buck's voice scared Maddie.

”Eddie's here.” Buck told her. 

”Does he know what happened?” She inquired and Buck feared that she might try to direct the conversation this way. ”Evan, you have to tell him.”

Buck was silent for a moment. He didn't know how he could do this. He didn't want to be the one to destroy Eddie's life. ”How?” He asked from his sister. ”How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?”

”No, no, no! He's his father!” Maddie tried to get Buck into his work-mode, when he would be able to tell a family member the truth about what had happened during an incident. ”Okay, you have to tell him that Christopher's missing.”

”No, Maddie, I need to keep on looking for him. I need to find him.” Buck wasn't going to do this. He wouldn't do this.

”Look, you are in no condition to go looking for Christopher by yourself.” Maddie told him firmly, hearing from Buck's voice alone that he was exhausted and most likely hurt, maybe not badly but surviving a tsunami was no playing matter. ”I'm coming down there.”

”No, no... Maddie! Maddie!” Buck tried to say, but Maddie hang up on him. Shit! He needed to get to her before she could find Eddie, he needed to... 

”Buck? Wait, what are you doing here?” Eddie had hardly recognized his friend as Buck stood there silently, looking like he had been dragged to hell and back. ”Are you okay?” He then looked Buck's body up and down, noticing the bruises and cuts all over him, the blood thinner medication causing internal bleeding, rising Eddie's concern. Then he realized Christopher wasn't there with him. ”Wait, where's Christopher?”

”Eddie. Eddie!” Buck interrupted his rant. He didn't have time to answer to any of Eddie's questions. His mind was blank and he knew it shouldn't be. He needed to have an answer for Eddie. He needed to open his mouth and tell him that he had lost Chris and it was the hardest thing he had ever had to do, just to open his mouth and start talking... seeing the realization on Eddie's face. 

Eddie's eyes stopped to the glasses hanging on Buck's neck. ”Why do you have his glasses?”

Buck looked down. He had forgotten about them. He needed to tell Eddie what had happened. ”We um...” He managed to say, his voice breaking already. ”...me-me and Christopher, we were... at the beach... and um...” Buck saw Eddie's eyes glass over as he looked pass him. ”...and listen to me, okay? I-I swear to you... I-I tried...” The lump on his throat made it almost impossible to speak. He took the glasses off his neck, but didn't know what to do with them, so he hesitantly gave them to Eddie, who just stood there, staring into the distance and Buck knew he was about to break and would never be the same again. 

Eddie couldn't look Buck in the eye. He just couldn't. His whole world just stopped existing. It felt like everything had slowed down and he was spiraling down, not able to stop. He couldn't breathe, or move, or say anything. 

”Eddie, I don't know how to say it... um... he... he just vanished...” Buck continued to explain, not knowing where to stop or if Eddie was even listening to him. Then the broken expression suddenly melted away from Eddie's face and he looked somewhere pass Buck.

”Christopher...?” Eddie mumbled and started to walk pass him.

”Hey...” Buck thought that Eddie had lost it, that he was now hallucinating and seeing Chris somewhere. He wondered if he should stop Eddie. To stop him from doing anything stupid, but he just stepped aside. 

”Christopher!” Eddie was certain that the child a woman was carrying out of an ambulance, was Chris, but the voice was the confirmation that he needed to get running to him.

”Dad!”

”Oh, my God!” Eddie sighed and hurriedly took Chris into his arms, holding him close. He felt his knees gave out and he had to put Christopher on the ground and kneel on it himself. Only now he remembered to breathe, and felt like he could choke with every breath of air he took. ”Thank you. Thank you.” He slurred to the woman and kissed his son's forehead, to make sure that he was really there and was okay.

”You're Buck?” The woman asked.

”No, I'm his father, Eddie.” He mumbled. Not stopping to wonder why she would mistake him for Buck.

”He was looking for Buck.” She said then and Eddie saw Christopher look towards Buck with a small smile.

Buck couldn't do anything but to stare at them. He was relieved beyond measure. Christopher was safe. Then his legs started to feel weak and his whole body started to shake. He had been standing only by the mere adrenaline going through his body and now his body gave up. He managed to breathe, but he only took a few superficial breaths. Feeling like he was about to burst into tears.

”Buck, what happened to you?” Chimney was suddenly there, standing in front of him with Hen and Bobby by his side, but Buck was too happy to say anything to them. 

”Hey?” Bobby asked and then followed Buck's gaze to where Eddie was still kneeling in front of Christopher. ”You two okay?”

”Yeah, we're great...” Buck managed to say, before his legs gave out. His friends caught him before he could fall to the ground and dragged him to sit down to the nearest bench. 

Buck tried to concentrate on breathing, but it was hard. He just kept repeating to himself that Christopher was okay. He was okay and everything was fine. It didn't matter that his body was exhausted and bruised, for as long as Chris was okay.

Eddie slowly rose to his feet, feeling like his knees would carry him this time. He then picked Christopher up and they made their way towards Buck and the others.

”Buck, are you okay?” He asked once they reached them. His own voice was hoarse and he still felt the fear going through his body, but it was nothing compared to Buck's situation.

”I'm fine... I'm fine...” Buck repeated and then looked at Chris. ”How are you, buddy?”

”I'm fine too.” Christopher answered and then leaned forward in his father's embrace. Eddie frowned a little but crouched down, so that Chris could reach Buck and caress the side of his face gently. He felt tears rise to his eyes again and tried fiercely to blink them away. The same happened to Buck.

”You need to rest, kid.” Chris said then, like a comforting father to a son, before clinging to his father's neck again.

Buck let out a suppressed laugh. ”Yeah... yeah... I guess I do.” He felt like he could breath more freely now and he took deep and slow breaths, which his lungs demanded.

”Buck!” Maddie suddenly ran to them from the inside and knelt over her brother. ”Are you okay?”

”He's going to be fine.” Chimney stepped to her side and placed a comforting hand to her shoulder. ”He's just exhausted.”

”Can I?” Eddie said then, addressing his words to Hen, who quickly stepped aside to let him sit next to Buck. He started to feel the exhaustion catching up with him as well. 

For a long while they just sat there in silence, trying to collect themselves. After an hour waiting, they managed to get a doctor to check the two men and Christopher up. Both Eddie and Buck got some sedatives to calm their nerves and Chris got a full checkup in case of fractures or internal trauma, but the boy seemed fine, if couple of bruises didn't count.

They didn't talk much during their time there and once they got an permission to leave, Maddie insisted that Buck would come over to her house, so she could watch over him. 

”What about you, Eddie?” Chimney asked from their friend, knowing that there was no one waiting for him at home.

”Eddie can come over to our house.” Bobby suggested, but Eddie just shook his head.

”No, I think we need to get home. Christopher needs his own bed.” He said and ran a hand through his son's hair, seeing that the boy barely even stayed awake. 

”We can't just let you be alone tonight.” Bobby tried to protest.

”Well, you two can sleep over at our house.” Eddie then looked over at Buck and Maddie. Knowing when the Captain thought something wasn't right, it would be nearly impossible to turn his mind and he really didn't have the energy to even try that.

”Yeah, we can do that.” Maddie smiled at him and then checked her brother, who only nodded. Already dreaming of a soft bed. It didn't even matter where he had to sleep, if he just got to sleep somewhere. He was only glad Christopher was okay, that Eddie was okay. Nothing else mattered. Buck still wasn't concerned about his own health.

The tsunami made Buck doubt about his future and his dreams. All he had ever wanted, was to be a firefighter, but after losing Christopher... he felt like he wasn't worthy of that title. If he couldn't keep his best friend's son out of danger, how could he expect to do that to others. But what else Evan Buckley could possibly do with his life? Buck had no idea.

A knock on the door, distracted him from his thoughts and he was more than surprised to see Eddie standing there with Christopher, knowing that Eddie had a shift today.

”Hey, Buck.” Chris greeted him with a hug, before walking inside like he owned the place. 

”Hey-hey, buddy.” Buck would've smiled to that, but right now he was too busy staring at Eddie with a confused smile on his face.

”Good morning, Buck.” Eddie only said and walked in as well. Like father, like son. ”Okay, there's a morning snack and midday snack, two coloring books and a bunch of Legos. Between us, he's never built anything that kinda looks like anything. He just liked sticking things together.” Eddie lowered his voice, so that Chris wouldn't be able to follow. ”It's right there, buddy.” He pointed towards the living room, so Christopher would go and sit down. ”There's 20 bucks for pizza, and if I were you... I'd eat a couple extra slices.” Eddie had noticed how thin Buck looked these days. He hadn't probably eaten properly or exercised. ”You look like you're wasting away to nothing.”

”Eddie...” Buck tried to cut the other man's rambling, but he just kept on going.

”I will say honestly, you being laid up is working out for me. I mean, you're no _abuela_ and you're half a Carla, but you'll do in a pinch.” Eddie meant it as a joke, but Buck wasn't laughing, or even smiling.

”You want me to watch Christopher?” Buck asked as he walked closer to Eddie, like he had just lost his mind by dropping his son over.

”It's easy. He's not very fast.” Eddie only smiled dryly.

”After everything that happened?” Buck still couldn't believe Eddie would trust Christopher with him. Why would he? He had lost his son in a middle of tsunami. Nearly killed him. 

”A natural disaster happened, Buck.” Eddie finally looked at him properly and lowered his voice to make Buck know, that he wasn't amused by his insecurity. 

”I lost him, Eddie.” Buck insisted.

”No. You saved him.” Eddie countered and Buck had no idea where he had got that from. Eddie hadn't been there. ”That's how he remembers it.” Eddie pointed towards Christopher, who was now watching TV and not hearing or seeing anything else. ”And now, it's his turn to do the same for you.” Eddie knew Buck needed saving. He knew all the thoughts that must've run through Buck's mind while he was sitting alone in his apartment, not eating or sleeping.

”I was... I was supposed to look out for him.” Buck was eaten alive by the guilt. He still remembered the horrible feeling he got when Chris had fell to the water. He still saw nightmares about that moment every night.

”And what? You think you failed?” Eddie raised his eyebrows in amaze. He hadn't realized that Buck had so little experience from taking care kids, so he didn't know how hard it could be. ”I failed that kid more times than I care to count, and I'm his father. But I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do too.” Again, his parent's words echoed through his mind and like he had swore on that day, he swore again that he would always love Chris enough to never stop trying. Even if he was dragged down, he would do all he could to keep Chris above the water. Just like Buck had done.

Buck still looked doubtful, so Eddie placed his hand on his shoulder and locked eyes with him, to make sure he was listening to what he had to say: ”Buck, there's nobody in this world, that I trust with my son more than you.” And that was the truth. He really had been joking earlier and he felt a little guilty for turning that knife on Buck's wound and make him feel bad. 

Eddie then patted Buck's shoulder, before walking to the living room. ”Okay, buddy, gotta go.”

Buck just stared in front of himself. Only smiling when he heard Chris make a little sound of protest, when his father hugged him. 

”Love ya, have fun.” Eddie told Chris and let him watch the TV again. 

”Love you.” Chris said back and quickly absorbed back to the show.

”Maybe try going to the zoo this time, something inland.” Eddie joked again once he walked pass Buck to the door.

This time all Buck could do was let out a laugh. The guilt eased a little and he slowly started to concentrate on what was going on around him. 

”Oh, umm...” Eddie suddenly stopped by the doorway. ”Thank you, for not giving up.” He had been thinking about all the things Buck had gone through. That thank you meant a lot of things: thank you for being here to watch over Christopher, thank you for not giving up on searching for him when he was gone and thank you for not giving up on your own life. With that, Eddie closed the door.

For a moment longer, Busk just stood there, staring at the closed door. Still a little confused of what had just happened. Only Eddie could turn his life upside down with just one short visit. For a brief second, Buck remembered the deep brown eyes look straight at him. He felt his heart skip a beat, but quickly shook it off. It was just gratitude he felt. There could never be more.

Buck then looked over at Christopher. The boys was looking back at him, probably wondering why he was just standing there. He then joined Chris, sitting down on the coffee table.

”Hey, Chris.” Buck greeted him properly and got a wide smile back, making him laugh. He ruffled the boy's hair, realizing that Eddie had been right. He did love this kid, more than he had even thought he would.


	10. Pulled apart

Buck had felt the thrill as he watched his coworkers rush inside the building to evacuate it. He was able to imagine himself in there as well. He had truly missed this feeling. All the noises and smells of the fire trucks, made him feel like home. Others weren't as pleased with him being their supervisor on the evacuation trial, but Buck didn't care, he liked to tease them a little. Especially Bobby, who had first told him he should go with the desk duty, so here he was. 

”I learned one thing from the tsunami: it's that I don't quit. I fight. I'm gonna keep on fighting, until I get back to where I belong: with my team, putting out fake fires like this one.” Buck explained at Bobby, who resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

”You're enjoying this way too much.”

None of them enjoyed the fire drills, not even Bobby, but he had to act like it was something very important to go through as his duty as a captain. But he knew the day was bad once he saw that Buck was evaluating them and he knew that the day was even worse, when people fell on the stairwell, while Buck just made annoying noises beside him. They were so going to flunk this.

Eddie couldn't believe that he could get any tired than this. He never yawned. Never. But today he had yawned like ten times already, feeling like his jaw could crack every time, and the day was still young. He was just talking to Chimney about the effect the tsunami had on Christopher, when Hen interrupted their conversation:

”Careful, guys. Hall monitor's here.”

”You guys paint?” Buck strolled along between the fire trucks.”Why does the place look smaller?”

Eddie was glad to see Buck here brightening up their day, his tiredness forgotten.

”I think your head just got bigger.” Chim joked and boy, had Buck missed even Chimney's dry humor.

”So, Fire Marshal Buck, decides to drop off his report in person. Is that a sign of maturity?” Bobby questioned from behind Buck. ”Or is it just revenge for all the times I've written you up?”

”Actually, you passed.” Buck told him with a smile and gave the report to Bobby. ”I bumped up the numbers, got fancy with the math.”

Eddie had to check the paper himself. ”You don't know math.” He then said, amused even by the thought of it.

”Which will be my excuse, if anybody calls me out on it.” Buck told him, seemingly proud of himself. ”Uh, speaking of, did any of you guys get a call from that lawyer?”

”The ambulance chaser?” Hen asked, still amused by the eagerness of the guy, who chased after the people who had fallen at the stairwell.

”He wants to talk to me about the building violations.” Buck had feared he had been the only one. Not really wanting to go and talk to that guy at all. ”Think somebody might be suing them.”

”Yeah, he was passing out cards like candies.” Chim said and shared a look with Hen.

”Hey, Diaz!” They all turned towards the woman's voice calling out to Eddie. ”I need a spot over here.”

”Got you!” Eddie replied and then clapped Buck's arm. ”Hey, good to see you, man.” 

Buck watched Eddie jog to the woman firefighter at their gym, not remembering ever seeing her before. He felt something sting in his guts, but he told himself it was just his insecurity of his work. ”Uh, who... who's that?” He then asked from Bobby.

”What?” Bobby had been so absorbed to the report, that he had no idea who Buck was talking about.

Hen and Chim quickly excused themselves, not wanting to be part of this conversation.

”Her name is Lena Bosko.” Bobby then explained, not believing that his workers would just leave him in trouble like that. ”Her station was smack in the middle of the impact zone and her crew was temporarily reassigned, so I brought her over here.”

”You replaced me?” Buck asked with betrayed voice.

”What? No.” Bobby had seen this coming, but he knew he needed to act confused, or Buck would get the wrong impression.

”Then what's that right there?” Buck's eyes was caught by a huge tape over his name sign at the equipment shelf, where only a letter B was left from his name and the rest was covered by Bosko.

”Buck, relax.” Bobby would've laughed, if Buck wasn't so serious about it. ”I promise you, your place will still be here for you when you're ready.”

”Cap, I'm ready now.” Buck couldn't believe he had just said that. He had been ready for six months.

”Buck, listen to me...” Bobby started, but the alarm cut him off. ”We will talk soon.” He then patted Buck's chest for encouragement before heading to the fire truck.

Buck could only stand there and watch as his friends left to do their job. The job he loved so much, but couldn't be part of it. As the fire trucks curved out of his sight, Buck strolled to the shelf and looked at the tape covering his name and he ripped it off, crumbling the piece into a ball in his hand and threw it to the nearest bin. No Bosko would ever replace him... right? Or maybe he was replaceable. The Cap just didn't want to admit that to him yet. Even Eddie had hurried to help his new best friend or... Buck really didn't want to go there.

”And who's protecting you?”

Those words sank to Buck's soul. The insecurity, the mistrust, the longing back to his work, all seemed to uncover in front of the lawyer. It felt like he had knocked the air out of his lungs and Buck had to swallow for a moment, before he was able to answer.

”Yeah, I can take care of myself.” The answer was no. Of course he wouldn't sue the LAFD. He didn't want to burn down the bridges that would carry him back someday. But there was a seed of doubt in his voice, the one that gnawed him from the inside. The one that told him that they would never let him back. But Buck wasn't going to let that voice determine his decisions. 

”Watch.” He only said and get up to leave, but took only one step before turning around. ”You know, the city that you're trying to make look bad is not some corporation. Those city employees, those firefighters, that you can't wait to smear are heroes. So you wanna know who's got my back? They do. See, they're more than co-workers or friends, they're my family. There's nothing stronger than family.”

With that, he walked out. Sure that he would hear about that guy sooner or later, but hoping he wouldn't. What Buck didn't know, was that he would soon be the one to smear his family and would regret it for a long time after that.

Buck had been invited to Bobby's house for dinner, which he was glad to receive. It was always nice to have a great meal with the two people he looked up the most. He was also relieved that he got to tell somebody about the meeting with that lawyer and complain about the way he had tried to get him to talk shit about the LAFD.

”Please, the nerve of that guy. To think that I would turn on my friends? Uh-uh.” Buck shook his head as he kept on rambling, not noticing the way Bobby was acting, like he was nervous about something. ”I missed your cooking, Cap.”

”Well, I miss your eating. Never have to worry about leftovers.” Bobby smiled dryly at him.

The conversation turned to his health, once he declined the dose of spinach, which wasn't a good combination with blood thinners. Buck had waited for it to come up, so he could recommended the idea he had got after leaving the lawyer's office to Bobby.

”Hey, that... that lawyer, he did get me thinking. There's strength in numbers, right?” Buck glanced at Bobby, already waiting in anticipation for his proud smile that he had figured out a way to get back to work. ”Maybe I could get everyone to sign a statement of support, or something, to show the higher-ups that... that you guys don't think I'm liability.”

But instead of agreeing, Bobby's voice warned him: ”Buck...”

”They'd have to listen, right?” Buck kept on pushing, not wanting to hear what Bobby had to say. Of course it was the Captain's duty to stand behind the higher-ups, but the others would still sign it.

”I want you to listen to me.” 

”If you told them that I was ready. I mean, these dumb-asses they would... they would have no right to keep me...” 

”I'm the dumb-ass.” Bobby raised his voice, so that Buck would listen to him. He didn't meant to tell this to Buck like this, but he kept on talking and he had to stop him.

Buck froze and he turned to look at Bobby. It took a while for the information to sink in. ”Uh, what?”

”You're not ready.” Bobby told him the truth, but he also knew that Buck wasn't willing to hear that. ”That's what I told them when they asked.”

”Would anybody like any corn bread?” Athena offered the plate to Buck, wanting desperately for the two of them to turn their attention to something else, although she knew it would be in vein. Their fun dinner was over.

”You're the reason they won't let me back?” Buck asked. He couldn't believing his ears. Why would Bobby do this to him? He was the one person he trusted the most.

”The medication is the reason.” Bobby knew Buck would take this the wrong way. He didn't want him to come back to work when he was danger to himself. 

”Bobby is just worried about you, Buck, that's all.” Athena voiced out his thoughts. ”We all are.”

”I thought you were on my side.” Buck looked at Bobby, like he had just back stabbed him the worst way possible. ”I thought you were my friend.”

”I am your friend.” Bobby told him. ”I am also the captain of almost twenty other firefighters whose life and safety depend on the decisions I make, and I can't put them at risk. If you're not operating at 100 %...”

”I am at 100 %!” Buck banged the table, making the forks and knives cling. He felt like he was ready to tear his eyes out by the frustration. How could Bobby not see, that he was ready to do his work full time. One medication wouldn't slow him down. ”I... maybe even more, you know? I-I've never felt... so good.”

”Buck, I know you went through a lot in that tsunami and maybe you feel like you can survive anything.”

”Anything...” Buck echoed and looked at Bobby with wide eyes. ”Like a knife in my back?” He stood up and turned towards Athena. ”Athena, I just wanna say thank you for inviting me. I'm sorry, I-I gotta go.”

Buck averted Bobby's hand, that tried to stop him and rushed out. ”Buck, hold on!”

”You don't have to leave!” 

Buck heard Athena's voice, but he didn't stop. He didn't want them to see how close of crying he was and he certainly didn't want to see Bobby's face right now.

Bobby cursed under his breath, knowing that it would take ages for Buck to forgive him and see his point of view. All he could do was to wait for him to calm down, and he knew Buck would calm down, eventually. Oh, how wrong he had been.

Eddie had just put Christopher to sleep. Trying to read his favorite book about penguins, but the little penguin diving into water had made the smile on Chris' face to disappear and Eddie had quickly searched another book. It seemed to take ages, until Christopher finally dozed off, clearly fighting the sleep for as long as he was able to. Eddie gently put his son to a better position on the bed and tugged him in, leaving the nightlight on, which Chris hadn't used for over three years.

Eddie didn't close the door fully, but left it ajar, in case Chris had nightmares and he could hear them to the rest of the house. He entered the kitchen to get himself a piece of bread, when his phone rang. 

”Hi, Buck, what's up?” Eddie answered, glad that Buck had called. He really wanted to tell him about their visit to the psychiatrist, but before he was able to start, Buck started to ramble.

”I just came home from Bobby's.” Buck explained, still upset from the betrayal he had learned. ”He... he told me that I couldn't get back to work just because of that stupid medication. He had even told the higher-ups that it's not a good idea. Can you believe it?”

Eddie rubbed his tired eyes, knowing that there wouldn't be a chance to discuss about Christopher's trauma with Buck when he was this upset and he also knew what was coming once he told what he thought, but he wanted to be honest with him. ”Buck, I think he has a point...” He started, but Buck cut him off. 

”You too?” Eddie could hear the hurt in Buck's voice.

”I haven't said anything, but think about it: if you'd get hurt on the job, it would be twice as dangerous for you when you have the blood thinners. Bobby doesn't want that responsibility to himself and neither one of us wants to see you d...”

”So that's it? It's extremely rare to get hurt so badly on duty and that's the only reason you got? I could get hit by a car tomorrow on my way to grocery store.” Buck's voice was shaking now. He was so angry at the LAFD, at Bobby and now at Eddie for standing by Bobby.

”Buck...” Eddie didn't have the energy to have this conversation at this hour and by phone. ”I... can we continue tomorrow? I had a rough day. Maybe you could come ov...”

”Oh, you think you had a rough day?” Buck let out a dry laugh, this time riling Eddie up. ”I got to go.”

Eddie cursed silently when Buck hang up on him. He didn't know then, that the phone call would be the last he got from Buck in for a very long time. For a while Eddie just paced around the kitchen, trying to calm himself down, when he heard Christopher's voice coming from the doorway:

”Dad?”

”What are you doing up? You okay?” Eddie hurried to his son and crouched in front of him, taking hold of his shoulders.

”I woke up, and you weren't there...” Chris started to explain, fear in his voice.

”It's okay. You can sleep in my bed tonight.” Eddie ruffled his hair and smiled to him, before picking him up and carrying him to his bedroom. The bread left forgotten on the kitchen counter.

Buck was still furious the following morning. He hadn't slept barely at all and his mind kept on repeating what Bobby had done to him. He wanted to be a firefighter. He needed to be a firefighter. He just didn't know how to get from his point, sitting on his kitchen, to fight beside his friends to save peoples' lives. The gap seemed enormous and he tried to find a way around it. The only solution he could find was suing the department. That meant eating up his words which he had said to the lawyer, but at this point, he didn't care. He just wanted his job back. No LAFD or Bobby could stop him.

And that's exactly what Buck told the lawyer.

”But if you don't win, not only will you never work as a firefighter in Los Angeles again, I doubt any department in the country will hire you.” The lawyer said, making sure Buck knew what he was getting himself into.

It took Buck aback a little. If this was going to backfire, he would never be a firefighter again. ”They'll see me as a squeaky wheel?”

”Or worse.” The man nodded. ”You see, once the potential employer perceives you as a litigious liability, it is impossible to un-ring that bell.”

”Not if I win.” Buck clarified. ”Then I'm back at the 118, a-a firefighter.” If he wasn't going to be a firefighter in 118, he didn't want to be a firefighter anywhere else either. They were... had been his family.

”You should also be aware, that during this process, it's best to have no contact with anyone from or tangentially connected to your station house. That means: no texts, no calls nothing that could compromise our case.” The lawyer continued, knowing too many cases where someone related to a case had talked the other down from suing, or the one suing had been blabbing about their plans to others and thus destroyed the whole process.

Again, Buck had to think about it. He hadn't prepared to be apart from others because of this, but then again, they weren't that close were they? His workmates visited him time to time, but mostly he had been alone in his apartment, so this wasn't such a big transformation, wasn't it? It would be only temporarily and then he could see them almost every day. And in the mean time, he doubted they wanted much to do with him.

”I'm not sure we have much to say to each other right now anyway.” Buck said. Remembering the call he had had with Eddie last night. Still not quite believing how easily his best friend had taken Bobby's side on this. ”I'm alone in this fight.”

As Eddie tugged Christopher in that night, he noticed his drawing on the wall of their family. A drawing Chris had made shortly after Shannon had come back. That's when Eddie noticed that the Shannon in this drawing looked awfully familiar to the one he had drawn in the psychiatrist's reception. Eddie walked to his bedroom to find the picture and realized they indeed were the same. His worry grew even more.

”Christopher?” He turned towards his son, who had now sat up in his bed. ”Is this mom?”

”Hey...” Eddie rushed to his son's side as he stayed silent and only looked away. ”Is that who you've been dreaming about?” 

Christopher nodded for an answer.

”Why didn't you tell me?” Eddie touched his son's face, trying fiercely to understand.

”I don't wanna make you sad.” Christopher whispered, making Eddie's heart sink. He quickly hugged his son.

”There's nothing wrong with being sad.” He then told Christopher. ”I loved your mom and I miss her, probably always will. But... we still got each other, which means we're going to be okay.”

”Okay.” Christopher agreed and they shared a smile. ”I love you, Daddy.” Chris whispered to him as they hugged again.

Eddie felt like someone had tied his insides to a knot. He felt so bad for being the cause of Christopher shutting himself. But he was also glad he now knew what was going on in Chris' head. But he was no closer of fixing this, to make his son feel better.

Eddie couldn't believe Buck would do this. That he would go this far to get his job back, if he ever even could get it back after all this. It made him mad from the start, but it made him furious later, when he sat opposite of Buck in that conference room.

”You were a field medic?”

”Doesn't qualify me to comment on Buck's medical status.” Eddie replied, trying to keep his anger at bay, but he knew Buck could hear it from his voice. ”It does make me understand the chain of command.” He couldn't help but sting Buck a little. ”And if Cap says he's not ready, he's not ready.” 

”Were you ready, firefighter Diaz?” The lawyer crossed his arms and looked at him pointedly. ”To return to work after your wife's death?”

Even Buck was taken aback by that question. He had told that in confidence to the man and now it was slammed to Eddie's face. That was not what he had wanted. The same happened with Bobby and Buck felt like he had just stabbed Bobby's back ten times, instead just once.

”That's my business.” Eddie somehow managed to say with a straight face. 

”It's also your Captain's business. He never suggested you take some time?” The lawyer kept on going and Eddie felt the anger inside him blow over. ”See a counselor?”

”He wasn't there at the time.” Eddie knew what that slime-back was trying to do. To make Bobby look bad and he wasn't going to let that happen.

”'Cause he was suspended.” The lawyer raised his voice, so that the recording could get it. ”Do you have any opinion about your Captain's alcoholism and the relapse he had a year and a half ago?”

For a moment, Eddie just sat there, gaping at the lawyer, until he closed his mouth and Buck could see the tension in his jaws. ”That was before I got here.” Eddie only said dryly, looking straight at Buck, making sure the other man knew just how disappointed he was in him right at the moment.

Eddie was worried sick after dropping Christopher off with his friend, Dillon, for a sleepover. He had send an email to Dillon's mother and told her everything she might need while Christopher was there: his allergies, what to do if he had nightmares and a huge list of numbers she could call if something was wrong. Eddie had absentmindedly added Buck's number in there, but quickly erased it after a spell-checking.

That, and the raw memory of interrogation by the lawyer (because that's exactly what it had been), was enough for Eddie to feel like punching someone and when a guy accused him of parking to a handicap space without a reason, he had just snapped. And got himself arrested.

Eddie tried to prove himself it was no big deal. That the guy had had it coming, but a voice in the back of his head kept nagging at him, telling him he had crossed the line, but he smothered that voice. He didn't know who to call to bust him out of the jail. He didn't want Bobby or his family to know. Hen and Chim were way too close to their Captain and he feared calling them would eventually backfire when Bobby heard about it. The only number he thought would work, was their newest member: Lena Bosko. She even promised to keep it as a secret.

”When is Buck coming for a sleepover?” Christopher asked from the backseat once Eddie picked him up the next morning. He hadn't slept at all and hadn't prepared himself for this conversation.

”Uh... I don't know, buddy.” He decided to answer, hoping that Chris wouldn't think about it too much.

”Can't you call him and ask?” To Eddie's misfortune, Christopher kept on going.

”Maybe not now. Me and Buck haven't talked for a while.” Eddie was too tired to think that his answer would only lead him to more questions.

”Are you two fighting?”

”No.” Eddie heard his own voice rise and he quickly collected himself. ”No, Buck is just busy at the moment, so he can't see us for a while, okay?”

”Okay...” Eddie could hear the disappointment in Chris' voice and he glanced to the rear side mirror to see his son stare outside the window with a solemn expression.

Eddie cursed in his mind. This was all Buck's fault, making Christopher unhappy. His son hadn't had nightmare for weeks, but he feared all that was going on would trigger them again. His mother leaving, then her death, the tsunami and now Buck leaving them. It was all too much for a eight-year-old boy.

A few days after that, all that had happened didn't help control Eddie's slash out to Buck at the grocery store. He had just told Lena about the prosecutor dropping the charges against him for punching that guy, when he heard an awfully familiar voice. Eddie felt the hair on the back of his neck rise up. He was not in the mood of seeing Buck right now.

The meeting started with Bobby and went on and on, and every time Buck heard his lawyer talk and every time he looked at his friends on the other side of the table, he felt like he was pushed more to the ground. He could barely look them in the eye.

He wanted to make it up to them somehow. He needed to know that they weren't as mad as he thought they were at him. So, he almost sneaked inside the grocery store where the team usually did their midday shopping, to ”accidentally” bump into them. And at the fourth day, he managed to do so. The first two days he had been out of luck and the third he had been too nervous to walk from behind the shelves to meet them. 

But at the fourth day, he managed to do what he had planned to do. He only needed an excuse to be there, which he hadn't planned at all, cause he was being an idiot... again. After putting away the... dog something thing, Buck knew he had to get to the point.

”Listen, I-I came here to apologize.” He looked over at Eddie, needing to see his reaction, but was met only by a cold stare. Buck's eyes wandered pass Eddie to Bosko standing beside him. He quickly looked away back at others. ”Okay, I-I never meant for things to get so out of hand with the lawsuit and...”

”Yeah? What'd you think was going to happen?” Eddie was sick and tired to hear Buck's excuses to his own screw ups. He never thought things through and it always backfired on him and he still never learned. How much of an idiot could someone be not to understand when to stop. ”The lawsuit is bad enough, but you told your lawyer everything about us, personal things.”

Bobby looked between the two, wondering if he should step in and stop them. This really wasn't the place to have an huge argument.

”You're supposed to be truthful with your lawyer.” Buck replied, again with the excuses, making Eddie even madder. ”Why are you so pissed at me?”

”Because you're exhausting!” Eddie snapped and walked to Buck, trying to make him understand how much he had really screwed up. That crawling back to them with his tail between his leg wasn't going to work. Not for him anyway. ”We all have our own problems, but you don't see us whining about it. No, somehow we just manage to suck it up. Why can't you?” Eddie looked Buck up and down, challenging him to reply with some stupid remark. Buck could only stare back.

”That's kind of harsh.” Chimney stepped in, almost carefully. ”It's not like the guy asked to be crushed by a ladder truck.”

”No, but he filed a stupid lawsuit and now I can't even talk to you because of it.” Eddie continued with the same passion, pointing between him and Buck. ”You know how much Christopher misses you?” This time he saw something that resembled regret in Buck's eyes. ”How could you? You're not around.”

”I-I didn't realize that...” Buck had missed spending time with Eddie and Chris, but he really hadn't known that Chris would ask about him. Buck couldn't help but feel like he had destroyed something between him and Eddie. ”Maybe I can come and visit Christopher. You know, the lawsuit doesn't prevent that.”

”No, it prevents me from reaching out to you.” Eddie didn't realize he had just told everyone that he had missed Buck and that bringing up Christopher had been mostly only an excuse to make Buck feel bad about himself. ”I couldn't even call you to bail me out of jail.” The moment he saw Buck's confused stare, Eddie realized he had spoken too much. He glances towards Bobby, who was reflecting Buck's stare. ”If... that was something that happened.” He tried to correct his mistake, even though he knew it was already too late. But he blamed Buck on that too.

”What? What are you talking about?” Buck had no idea where all this outburst was coming from. He didn't see anyone else lashing out to him the way Eddie did. ”Look, man, why can't you see my side of this?” All Buck had wanted, was some support coming from Eddie, but he got nothing from his so-called best friend. 

”'Cause that's all you see!” Eddie stepped right in front of Buck to confront him even more, when he heard loud noises coming from the outside, making them all turn around to see what was going on at the parking lot.

”Someone should stop them.” Hen said as she saw two drivers trying to crush each other's cars over a parking spot. 

”These two? Or those two?” Chimney asked pointing between Buck and Eddie and then the pair on the parking lot. 

”Let's go!” Bobby took the lead and walked outside.

Buck was yet again left to the outside, only following for the others to do their work. This hadn't gone how he had planned, but he hoped it would be the start to get everyone to forgive him. But he wasn't sure if Eddie would ever be able to forgive him. Not the way he had reacted. Buck didn't know why, but even the though of it made his stomach turn to knots.

Buck was surprised to get a call from Bobby and even more surprised to hear him invite him with the team to an anger-room. He knew the lawyer had told him not to get in contact with the others, but he was sick of being apart from them. Sick of being alone all the time, because Maddie didn't count. She visited him often and sure they had fun together, but there were things Buck didn't wish to talk to with his sister and sometimes, well, she could be really annoying. Plus it didn't really help that she probably shared everything with Chimney.

”My house, my rules.” Bobby had said after he told Buck that the chief was letting him back to duty. The high of finally getting what he wanted, turned to concern. He knew Bobby would get back at him somehow after the stunt he had pulled, but with what and how long? Buck didn't know. But then he realized he owed that, not only to captain, but to everyone else too. He would return to work and do as he was told for as long as they forgave him.

Buck had been nervous of seeing Eddie that night, but his best friend (if he even could call Eddie that anymore) was nowhere to be found. When he had asked about it, Lena had only said he was busy and for a moment, Buck wondered why Eddie had told Lena that he wasn't coming. Buck almost send him a text asking what he was up to, but knew Eddie would rather keep his distance at the moment. Even after all the smashing in the anger room, Buck still couldn't sleep the following night. His stomach was still knotted up and he just waited for the alarm to go off, so he could face Eddie and his work again.

Eddie had always liked boxing, even as a kid and in army, he had been taught a lot of different combat skills. So, he wasn't a newbie for fighting. For the first time Lena introduced him to the fighting ring, Eddie had been hooked. All that he had build up inside of himself, disappeared the moment the fighting started. And he made good money out of it. He was in a good shape, but often much shorted compared to his opponents, but his past was his advantage which the people betting didn't know about and it worked just fine for him. The only worry was the time after. Once the battle was over and he held the money in his hands, he felt the rush disappear and the weight land on his shoulders once more. The bruises he could explain. He worked in a dangerous job after all and knew how to avoid punched to his face. 

Buck was thrilled to walk back to work. He smiled from ear to ear and almost skipped as he passed the fire trucks, already waiting to get in and on to action. 

”Hey, man, how is it going?” Buck greeted his co-workers as he ran into them. Most of them only glanced at him and then turned back to whatever they had been doing, but Buck didn't think twice about it. Only when he reached the middle of the hall, he stopped as he realized no one was there to greet him back to work. No one was glad to see him.

He made his way to the locker room, feeling the excitement wear off and irritation settle on its place. 

”Welcome back.” 

Buck turned to see Hen standing at the doorway. He smiled wryly as he continued to correct his shirt. ”You are the first person to say that to me. Starting to feel like, I should've brought a sweater, 'cause I am definitely catching a chill.” He joked, but he saw in Hen's expression that she knew that he was down about this.

”You got friends here, Buck.” Hen smiled at him. ”But they all feel like they gotta follow Cap's lead. He's still...”

”...not in a congratulatory cake and banner place yet.” He finished her sentence and Hen nodded along.

Then she handed him a small box. ”Hey, red velvet. It bleeds when you cut it.” She explained, even though Buck knew very well what red velvet cake was, but Buck laughed anyway. It represented way too well the back stabbing they had done to each other.

”I missed you guys.” He admitted, only wishing that everyone else were here with her. He then realized he hadn't heard from Hen for a really long time. ”Hey, how is that uh... baby-making going? You and Karen knocked up yet?”

”Um... it's... a long process.” Hen replied, not wanting to start complaining about it to Buck just yet. ”It's more twist and turns than you might expect.”

Buck knew she was leaving him out of it, but it was okay. It was her personal business and he would hear about it eventually. 

”It's good to have you back.” She then patted his shoulder and got up to leave to her duties. 

”Thanks, Hen.” Buck was glad that at least Hen was ready to forgive him. ”For this and... for not feeling like you need to follow Bobby's lead.”

”I march to the beat of my own drum. Always have. You should too.” She told him, letting him know she would always have his back when he needed to do what he needed to do.

Buck smiled, finally feeling like he hadn't screwed up his own life completely by following his dreams. They walked outside just as Eddie crossed the hall, looking like he hadn't slept in weeks and that someone had beaten him up only recently as he had a huge contusion at his elbow. Buck felt concerned, but tried to hide it behind the humor:

”Whew, dude, you okay? That's a monster.” 

The little good mood Eddie had in him that morning disappeared the moment he heard Buck's voice. He saw Buck in work clothes, which must mean that he had gotten what he had wanted, by dragging the Cap and everyone else down with him. 

”Just roughhousing with my kid.” Eddie lied. He wasn't in a mood to talk with Buck right now.

”Were you playing with hammers?” Eddie knew Buck was onto of the few persons his lies wouldn't fool, but he didn't care what Buck thought. 

”Nothing you need to be concerned about.” He only said with his best disinterest voice, hoping Buck would get the hint.

Buck stared at Eddie in horror. He had expected him to be angry, maybe say something nasty to him again, to clear the air and they could be back to work like normal. But the dismissing was something he hadn't expected and it hurt, deep in his chest, like the hammer had been pointed at him.

”Welcome back, firefighter Buckley.” Chimney's voice cut through Buck's wondering mind and he shook hands with his friend as their captain stood beside Chim, not saying a word.

”Thanks, Chim. Glad to be back.” Buck managed to force a small smile to his face. 

”All right, now that we got that out of the way, morning briefing...” Bobby said then, clearly giving Buck cold treatment like the trend was, but the sirens cut his speech. 

Buck almost jumped in excitement, not realizing how much he had missed that sound and was about to run to the fire trucks, when Bobby stopped him: ”Buck, you're man behind today.”

”Umm... I'm not going with you guys? Cap...” Buck asked, even though he knew perfectly well what the Captain had meant, he just wanted an explanation.

”My house, my rules, remember?” Bobby repeated his earlier words. ”You stay put.”

Buck could only stand there and watch as the others left, again. He felt like he was back in time when he found out Bosko had replaced him. He wondered if this was better than sitting at home. He had to, yet again, remind himself that he needed to play along with everything Bobby had planned for him.

'Fuck this...' Buck gave up on that idea the moment Bobby presented him the Halloween apples, all lined up and in order by allergies. He really hated his job. 

”And who are these for?” Buck asked once Bobby finished his rambling and lifted up the smoking detectors that were laying there next to the apples. ”Kids allergic to fun?”

”Those are for the parents.” Bobby said with a straight face and took the alarm away from him, like he would break it otherwise. ”Also, there should be some pamphlets about basic fire safety that should be in the closet.”

”Exactly how long are you gonna keep on punishing me?” Buck had already learned his lesson, so this was unnecessary in his eyes.

”You know, Buck, someday you're gonna figure out when to stop pushing and learn some patience.” Captain only told him, not making him feel any better in the situation. ”I hope we're both alive to see it.”

”You know, being stuck here isn't actually the end of the world. It just feels like it, Buck. Trust me, I know.” Chimney, who had overheard the whole conversation then walked to him. 

Buck only laughed slightly, clearly not believing him.

”No, I do!” Chim insisted. ”My first few months here, only time I saw the outside of this building, was at the start and end of my shift. On my way in, on my way out.”

”How did you cope with it?” Buck was already full of this treatment and knew he would go insane if he would have to go through this for months.

Chimney left out a laugh and looked around, like he was reminiscing that time. ”Cleaning every inch of this place. Learned where everything was, how all the equipment worked. Set a new world record for getting in my turnout gear.”

Buck resisted the urge to moan out in agony. He would never do that.

”And eventually, someone took pity on me and they let me outside.” Chimney only continued, ignoring Buck's facial expression. 

”So, basically, suck it up and be patient?” Buck shortened the story to one sentence. ”Just like Bobby said.”

”You know, Cap's not always wrong.” Chim told him and then pointed to the smoke detectors. ”Though he is about these smoking detectors, nobody's gonna want these tonight.”

”No, but I'm gonna hand them out anyway.” Buck said dryly, but he knew that's exactly what was expected from him. ”Captain's orders.” He mock saluted.

”See? It can be taught.” Chim said, too proud of himself if Buck was asked.

”In fact, I'm gonna go find those pamphlets.” Buck smiled a huge fake smile which disappeared soon, making Chimney laugh. 

Buck had always loved kids. Or, so he had always thought. But when he was bickering with a snotty little brat in a jail costume, who tried to take more candy than the others, Buck realized he certainly didn't love all kids. Especially this one, who questioned his profession. Eddie had once told him that he loved Christopher, not all kids. Buck understood now why. 

”Mom, look, the real firefighters are here.” The noisy boy said to his mom, as the rest of the team arrived from their latest call.

”Oh, my gosh. Is he trying to get more candy out of you?” The brat's mom arrived to his rescue.

”No, he uh... he's fine.” Buck lied with a fake smile. ”In fact, why don't you take a smoke detector. Keep him safe until his parole hearing.” He couldn't resist the urge to make a snarky comment to the brat's mother, even though he knew she wouldn't get it, but it made him feel a little better and he wanted to show Bobby that he was doing his stupid job as well as possible, as the captain walked by.

”Nice work, Buckley. Keep it up.” Bobby called out to him, not making his efforts in vein.

Buck nodded at the cap, before noticing Eddie walking among the kids. ”Oh, E-Eddie!” He quickly called after him, really wanting to talk to him. ”Umm...you wanna gim... give me a hand with all this?”

To his relief, Eddie actually stopped and turned to look at him, but then shook his head. ”No, you got this. You're 100 %. Lawsuit proved that, right?” 

Buck felt his heart sank with the way Eddie looked at him. Like he meant nothing to him. Buck had to swallow down the lump that had emerged to his throat. He could, somehow, handle the shitty jobs Bobby would throw at him, but Eddie being mad at him... that was just too much.

Eddie did the best he could to avoid Buck through out the day. He made sure he knew where Buck was every moment of the day, so he didn't have to run into him. As Buck was tending the snack table at the back of the station, Eddie went to snatch himself a treat, once Buck was somewhere else. The only two times he was forced to confront Buck, was when Buck had asked his help clearing the table and right at the end of their shift, when Eddie made his way to the locker room and didn't pay attention. Of course, just then, Buck had to walk towards him and there was nowhere to hide or any excuse to turn his direction. It was just the two of them, as others were upstairs or had already left. 

Eddie buttoned up his shirt and Buck was carrying what was left from the Halloween decorations in a box. Eddie only glanced at him, acknowledging his presence, but wasn't going to say anything to him.

Buck slowed down his walking as they passed each other and put the box to the nearest table. ”So, that's how it's gonna be now?” He raised his voice, making sure Eddie heard what he was saying. ”You're just gonna uh... keep on ghosting me. 'Cause Halloween is over, just so you know.”

”I don't know what you want from me, Buck.” Eddie turned around to face him. Finally giving up. He knew he had to talk to Buck eventually. ”Forgive, forget, make you feel better about what you did?”

”I just want you to talk to me.” Buck spoke the truth. He didn't expect for Eddie to forgive him, but the cold treatment was too much for him to handle. But Eddie only laughed dryly and turned around to leave again. ”Even if it's just to say that you're still mad.”

”I'm not mad.” Eddie denied Buck's assumption and turned around again. ”I'm...” He had to pause and really think how he was feeling, cause mad wasn't enough to describe how he felt. ”When you decided to sue the department, to make Cap the bad guy, did you ever stop for a minute to think what that could do to us?” He empathized the last word. They had had so much fun together: having movie nights together with Chris and talking about what was going on and off from work. Then the communication had just stopped and Eddie hadn't known what to do. The expression on Buck's face, gave him the answer he needed. He really hadn't stopped to think.

”I just.. I-I needed my job back.” Buck stepped forward, needing for Eddie to understand. Breaking their relationship was something he had never wanted. ”I missed... I missed being here. Being part of the team. I never meant for anyone to get hurt.” He really meant that. He had tried to get a pay back for Bobby and Bobby alone. Eddie had annoyed him, sure, but he had never meant for him or Christopher to suffer for the lawsuit.

”Lotta 'I's in there.” Eddie sighed in frustration. Buck was master at looking everything through his own eyes, and only through his own eyes. He was exhausting, like he had said earlier. Not always, but at times like this. He saw that his words had an impact on Buck, cause he lowered his gaze to the floor in shame. It made him feel a little better, but his voice also betrayed his line of thinking, because it softened, just a little bit. ”You actions, your choices, they impact the rest of us. That's what it means to be a part of a team.” He understood what Buck tried to say. Eddie had missed that ever since he had left the army and found a new one here. Buck just didn't understand what it meant to be part of it. It couldn't be 'I' anymore.

”You're right.” Buck nodded and finally looked at Eddie in the eye. His words had hurt, but Buck knew he had been selfish. ”I didn't think about what could happen. I was mad at Bobby for not letting me back.” Buck's voice started to tremble with the emotions that swirled inside of him. ”I was mad at-at you guys for moving on without me. I was mad that there was nothing I could do about it. And I just... I just wanted to...” He stopped to find the words, when Eddie finished it for him:

”...punch someone?” 

”Yeah, a little.” Buck admitted. ”But I get it. And I really am sorry. Whatever it takes for you to forgive me...”

”I forgive you...” Eddie let out a sigh. He understood why Buck had did what he did all along. He had been mad for Buck for not thinking how it would affect everyone else. ”Also what it means to be part of the team.”

Buck felt a huge weight being lifted from his heart and he felt a relieved smile starting to creep its way to his lips and he had to look down to not let it show, but the way Eddie fidgeted around made him look up at him and just let the smile show.

”This... just don't do it again.” Eddie hated that smile. He hated the way it transmitted its way to him as well, making him lower his seriousness earlier than he had planned. 

Buck smiled his usual broad smile then and lifted his hands up for a hug. Eddie stepped forward immediately, clapping Buck's hand before hugging him. He hadn't prepared to the impact, which hit his ribs, making him grunt in pain and with an instinct, he quickly stepped away from Buck. 

Buck looked at Eddie in concern. He was about to ask what was wrong with him, when Bobby interrupted him, calling out his name. Before he was able to stop him, Eddie was already walking away.

”Candy details all wrapped up, Cap, and I gave away all the smoke detectors.” Buck told the Captain, but couldn't help but glance after Eddie. Wishing he'd have the chance to talk to him before he was able to leave.

”Listen, Buck, I've been thinking.” Bobby came to stand in front of him. ”Why don't you go home.”

”Home? I...” Buck felt his stomach drop. Was Bobby kicking him out? After all that he had been through... no, after all that they had been through. ”I still have co-couple hours left on my shift.

”I don't wanna overtax you your first week back.” Bobby explained. 

”I stood behind a table and got bullied by children.” Buck couldn't see how that was overtaxing.

”So, you earned a few hours off. Good work today.” Bobby said with a smile. He had a hidden agenda. He had seen the way Eddie had changed in the past week and the way he had made up with Buck. Wishing that Buck had the sense to go and talk to Eddie, as the other man's shift was about to end. He would've faced Eddie himself, but he knew the man liked to keep secrets, like he did, and would not open up to him until he was in the breaking point. Buck was the only one who could make him open up at least a little bit and that's exactly what Eddie needed right now.

But Buck didn't see Bobby's gesture as a good will one. He felt like he had been tossed aside, once more. For a moment he just tried to clear his head, before realizing he needed to talk to Eddie. He walked quickly to the locker room, but the other man had already picked up his clothes and left. Buck cursed silently. He picked his phone and was about to call him, but decided against it. Eddie was probably tired after the shift and needed a good rest especially with the way he was. Buck would be able to talk to him tomorrow.

But Buck didn't make home quite as fast as he had planned. As he stopped to tank his car, he noticed the woman with a huge bruise on her forehead and her eyes glassed over. And in, or more likely through, her windshield was a man, who wasn't a Halloween decorating but alive.

Buck had to cut in front of her car to get her to stop and helped the guy while calling 9-1-1. He didn't even notice the cuts he got from the broken windshield until one of the paramedics pointed out that he was bleeding. A lot. So, as he told them he was on blood thinners, he was taken to the ER to be patched up as well. He messaged Bobby that he would have to take it easy on the next day as well, since his hands might be a little sore. It wasn't something he did gladly, but knew it would make the Captain look at him in more bad way than earlier if he just showed up to work next day with bandaged hands. But of course, Bobby had to come by himself.

Buck explained him the situation, and he winced as Bobby said: ”It's cause you jumped in there and saved him. Probably didn't even occur to you to worry about yourself.”

Buck cursed in his mind. He shouldn't have told Bobby anything. Now he was confident that Buck would only danger himself and others at work and would never let him back on his real duties.

”Yeah, I know, I know, I didn't think. Just rushed in like I always do.” Buck told him. Tired of this conversation. ”I guess, it's like the uniform is my costume. You know, I-I put it on and suddenly I'm brave, and I'm-I'm strong. I make a difference.”

Bobby only nodded along, but he didn't seem mad, so Buck continued.

”Feels like without it I'm not much of anything.”

”Buck, you saved two lives without the uniform. It's not a costume, it's who you are.” Bobby's words confused Buck. Was he saying what he thought he was saying?

”Does this mean that you're ready to let me back for real?” He tested the ground, already fearing the answer.

”Doesn't matter if I'm ready. You are.” Bobby smiled reassuringly to him. ”It's time for me to get out of your way.”

With that, Bobby turned and was about to walk away, when Buck stopped him.

”Hey, Bobby, um... are you hungry?” Buck wished nothing more than to have some time alone and just talk about everything that they had gone through in the past month and the night had been long. ”Maybe I could buy you a breakfast. Be nice to catch up.”

”Yeah, it would.” Bobby agreed with him.

Buck felt like peace settled inside him. Like all the wanting and grief for getting back to work and hurting his friends was only a far memory. One he still needed to remember, but he could still leave it there, where it belong. Behind himself and keep on moving forward.


	11. Growing back together

A young Bobby on skates. Buck hadn't imagined anything so funny for a long time. He lived for this kind of stuff. And to think that they almost missed the knowledge in the first place. It was only when Chimney questioned Bobby's knowledge of figure skating, that they learned their Captain had been a Twin Cities Junior Pair Champion three years in a row. 

”I always thought you were uh... hockey player, Cap.” Eddie couldn't imagine Bobby figure skating delicately around the ice. He just couldn't. While Hen wasn't sure she had heard correctly and Chimney was in too much of a shock about the information to even make a sound. Buck waited patiently for Eddie to finish his sentence and for Bobby to speak. He wasn't going to blurt out the first thought that crossed his mind. 

”Who says you can't do both?” Bobby asked. He looked straight at Eddie when he talked, making him feel like he had a double-meaning in his sentence. Then Bobby just shrugged and walked pass them to get out of the stage.

All four of his team members just stared after him. 

”We'll google for photos later.” Buck promised, mostly to himself. He needed to see that.

Chimney waved his finger at him, memorizing it himself, as they started to walk after their Captain. Hen and Eddie shared a doubtful look before following the others. Buck almost causing Eddie a heart attack for losing his balance on the slippery ice, only just so managing to keep himself standing. This idiot. The last thing he needed was to fall and hit his head while on blood thinners. Buck really didn't know how to be careful.

Googling didn't help. Buck and Chimney had been devastated to find that there was no photos of Bobby and his partner: Heidi Shathsky. As Chimney moaned in frustration and went back to his work, Buck wasn't going to let it slide so easily. He had the means to find out at least something about Bobby's figure skating past. So, he went to Facebook and searched for Heidi. Luckily for him she had an unique name, although he didn't know how to pronounce it, but he managed to find her fairly easily. She was now married and seemed to have two grandchildren. He hoped she had some old photos stacked up.

Exactly two days later, Buck parked his car behind the station and opened his truck, smiling to himself. This was going to be fun. As he reached out to pick the object wrapped in paper, he heard a car honk. Confused to who would honk to him from a new, shiny jeep like that, he soon saw Eddie jump out of the driver's seat. 

”Whoa, nice truck.” Buck marveled Eddie's new car. ”Is it rental?”

”Nope. All mine.” Eddie only smiled smugly, confusing Buck. He hadn't been able to resist the urge to honk as he had seen Buck bent over to drag something out of his truck. 

”I-I didn't know you were getting a new ride.” He had known from a start that Eddie didn't have much money to spent. He was raising a kid alone in a detached house and with the school, insurances and loans, it seemed impossible or at least crazy to be able to buy a truck like that. Even Buck would wince if he went out to buy a beauty like that.

”Yeah, well, the AC crapped out on the old one. Again. Christoper and I were sitting in traffic. Sweating in traffic. Saw this dealership. Thought, why not?” Eddie wasn't technically lying. The AC had broke down a couple of times in his old car. Nothing too serious or troublesome.

”A total impulse buy?” Buck questioned. ”Not like you, at all.”

”Maybe it should be.” Eddie only smiled. He knew Buck could never guess where he got his money from and he was in too much of a good mood to let his interrogation ruin his day.

”Well, I remind you that of next time you're begging for extra shifts to cover the payments.” Buck joked at him, and Eddie started to feel like he needed to change the subject and fast. Luckily he didn't have to think for long when his eyes landed on the weirdly shaped object on Buck's hands.

”What's this?”

”This...” Buck let out a laugh. He had waited for Eddie to ask about it. ”This is epic. I found Heidi Shatsky.” Buck laughed maniacally as they entered the station. Eddie shaking his head, but he couldn't help but smile along.

After they changed into their uniforms, they made their way upstairs, waiting patiently for Captain to arrive. Both Chimney and Eddie burst out to laughter as they unwrapped the life-size image of young Bobby in his winning pose. 

”What...” Eddie had to take a deep breath to compose himself. ”What's with the hair?”

”I know!” Buck cracked up with them and all the others started to gather around them. Only Hen was missing. Buck felt his heart flutter as he watched Eddie laugh. He had missed that sound.

”This is epic.” Chim echoed Buck's earlier words as he picked up his phone put his camera ready. ”I'm going to get Cap's reaction on tape.”

”Warning! Cap's on the way.” Eddie then said and he put the image behind their backs and quickly stood close to Buck, so Bobby wouldn't be able to see what they were hiding.

”Morning, folks!” Bobby called out as he stepped up the stairs, not noticing the weird way his underlings were acting. ”First up, water-heater went out last nights, but they are sending someone to fix it. Until then, you might wanna brace yourselves when you hit the shower. We're also changing the lunch schedule...”

”Tan-da-da-daa!” Eddie couldn't take it anymore, so he stepped aside to reveal their master-piece to Bobby. As Eddie kept making showoff sounds, Buck made his own winning pose beside the image and Chimney quickly lifted his phone up to catch Bobby's reaction.

”Captain Robert Nash...” Chimney started dramatically until pointing to the image and shouting excitedly. ”...this is your life!”

”Oh, my gosh.” Bobby couldn't help but laugh to the blaster from the past. He looked so smug on his costume and skates. ”Where did you get that?”

”Heidi says hi. She's gonna email you later. She didn't wanna ruin the surprise.” Buck told him in delight. Bobby should've known Buck was the one to go this far to tease him. 

”I think we all had a little surprise this morning.” Chimney started to talk. ”Not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't... that hair!”

”Yeah, Cap, what is this look? Is this some kind of Travolta thing?” Eddie questioned then. He had tried hard to figure out the source of that hair cut.

”Not Travolta. Bowie.” Bobby explained in disbelief. 

Buck and Chim turned to look at the hair, trying to imagine it on Bowie, as Eddie only side glanced at Buck.

”Ziggy Stardust?” Bobby tried then, but Chimney disagreed.

”This feels a little more like Siegfried and Roy.”

”Sorry, I'm late, I had to take Denny to school...” Hen had finally arrived, but stopped as she saw the image of a little Bobby in her view. ”What did I miss?” She couldn't believe something like this happened just when she was late and she was never late.

Bobby just waved his hand at her, so she wouldn't say anything more about his amazing hair cut. ”Okay, for anyone who isn't fired...” He looked pointedly at Buck. ”I will not be cooking today. We're having a special guest chef at lunch.”

”Uh... no pasta Thursday?” Buck sounded way too disappointed at that.

”Not today.” Bobby told him and then revealed that Athena was coming over to make them her specialty. 

For a moment longer Buck felt bummed out for not being able to get pasta tonight, which he had been waiting for ever since he had come back to work, but then he decided that Athena's cookings were almost as good as Bobby's, so he wasn't going to miss out on much. She just sometimes didn't use quite as much salt to what Buck was used to. 

As they had sat down around the table, Bobby at the head, Buck next to him as his right hand man and Eddie beside him, Buck reached out to take the salt shaker. Suddenly, Athena stopped talking and he felt all eyes on him and he froze in the middle of it. He glanced towards Bobby, who slightly shook his head. Carefully, like Athena would attack him from across the table, if he didn't do it slowly, Buck put the shaker back down. Chimney resisted the urge to laugh out loud.

”She's been cooking at home too. Every meal's has been a feast.” Bobby praised his wife proudly.

Eddie bumped their knees together under the table, to make Buck feel better. Buck turned to look at him in agony. He really didn't like when Athena looked at him like that. It was still painfully clear, that even though he may have had maid up with Bobby, Athena was still mad at him.

”Have you ever considered being suspended forever?” Eddie suggested then, taking the spotlight from Buck, so he could be at least a little bit on ease. Buck smiled at him knowingly, grateful that Eddie had his back. 

Eddie looked at Bobby and saw the disappointed look, which clearly said he was spending too much time with Buck. ”Not that your cooking isn't good, Cap.” Eddie quickly tried to cover himself.

”Well, I like both of your food, equally.” Buck then said with a humble voice and Eddie stared at him under his eyebrows. He had just saved his ass and already Buck was throwing him to the wolves.

”Oh, I'm not liking it. I'm loving it.” Hen continued, like it was a competition of who got to Athena's good side. ”So, when I go back for seconds, ya'll better watch out for you fingers.”

The whole table started to laugh out loud, remembering the ice skating accident only few days back. Soon, they would have to search for their own fingers from under the table. 

That night Buck had invited Chimney and Maddie for a dinner. He had asked Eddie and Hen too, but both of them had declined. Eddie mumbled something about picking Christopher up, even though he knew better than anyone that Chris was always welcome to Buck's. He had felt a little sad, since he hadn't seen Chris for a while and they still hadn't sat down and talked about what was going on in their lives.

Chimney had same kind of worries, since he told them that Hen was clearly hiding something from him. Buck could relate to the problem.

”I'm not sure she's talking to anybody.” Chimney said to Maddie, knowing that Hen usually told him all her secrets, so it was unlikely that she could talk about her problems to anybody else.

”There's definitely something going on with her.” Buck agreed, remembering her avoiding to tell him about her life while he had been gone. ”Eddie too. Hey, you guys think it's the Santa Anas? I mean they... they make people act weird, right?” He had just read about the effect that weather changes had on some people.

Maddie and Chim exchanged a look as they cleared the table. 

”I definitely don't think it's the wind.” Maddie laughed, making Buck pout for her making fun of his theory. It could be possible. ”Wait, you know what? Maybe it's something personal, she doesn't feel like sharing.”

”No way.” Buck said then. ”If we didn't tell each other everything, what else would we do in a 24-hour shift?”

”Yeah.” Maddie only agreed, although she was certain Buck was the only one who told everything about his life to everyone, while other's listened with their own secrets. ”Okay...” She then took a glass of wine in her hands and faced her little brother.

”Hey, you don't have to.” Chim started, but Maddie raised her hand to comfort him.

”It's fine.” She said and looked at Buck. ”Uh... I am back in therapy. Uh, mandated by my boss this time.” She didn't want to worry her brother, but she knew she had to tell him at some point, but the frown on Buck's face told her that she had made him worry.

”Uh... did something happen at work?” Buck asked then, glancing at Chimney, not understanding why he knew about this and he, as Maddie's little brother, hadn't even heard about it.

”A woman filed a complaint against me. She said I was stalking her.” Maddie started to explain. ”I think stalking is an overstatement.”

”But... it's true?” Buck asked, knowing just how eager his sister was to help other people, even when they didn't want her help. She used to bug him a lot when he was a teenager, trying to mind his own business sometimes.

”This woman called 9-1-1, and Maddie thought she was in trouble.” Chimney then continued. ”So she just tried to help her.”

”Yeah, she didn't want my help, because she thinks I'm a crazy person who invaded her privacy. Maybe there's a lesson in there...” She looked meaningfully between the two. ”...for the two of you.”

”So, what do you think is going on with Eddie?” Chimney asked from Buck, who shrugged for an answer.

”I really don't know. But maybe I should ask him.” Buck answered, not quite sure if Maddie had meant that he should stalk Eddie to find out what he was up to, or just sit down with him. The latter was easier said than done, since Eddie wasn't willing to just sit down with him for a conversation.

Eddie knew he had gone too far, as he saw his opponent lying on the ground, suffocating to his own blood. He did his best to keep the guy alive: cleared his airways from the bone fractures, putting him to a sitting position and calling 9-1-1, even though it endangered himself of getting into jail and this time he doubted even Lena would bail him out. Buck probably would've but would he be willing to let Buck know about this, was a completely different story. But it turned out Lena was the one to save his life, lending him her firefighter jacket, so the cops wouldn't suspect him. He really owed her.

As Eddie went to work the following day, he didn't suspect anything was wrong at first, but when the Cap insisted that they needed to talk before he would change to his uniform, Eddie started to feel uneasy. That feeling multiplied as he saw Lena descending the stairs, away from Bobby. 

”What are you doing here?” He asked from her, already fearing to hear her answer.

”Just talk to your Captain.” She only said and started to walk away, but Eddie wouldn't let her leave with that.

”Did you tell him?” Eddie knew that she had told his Captain everything. ”You sold me out, huh? I thought we were friends.”

Lena then turned around and walked to him. ”What's the name of my cat?” She asked and put her arms to her hips, waiting to hear his answer, which she knew he didn't have.

”I don't...” Eddie tried to search his memory, realizing he knew nothing about her. 

”I know about your kid and your dead wife...” Lena challenged him. ”...and your arrest record and the guy you almost killed. So, tell me: what's the name of my cat?”

”I have no freaking idea.” Eddie confessed, starting to feel really annoyed by the conversation. If she was trying to make him feel bad for not knowing her well enough, he didn't have the energy for that.

”Exactly.” Lena only replied. ”It's a one-way street with you, Diaz. We're not friends.” With that said, she started to walk away, but after taking a few steps she turned to face him again. ”And for the record, I don't have a cat.”

Eddie swallowed. He couldn't believe this was happening. He was going to lose his job, maybe do even jail time and worse case scenario lose the custody of Christopher. He couldn't let that happen.

So, when Eddie got upstairs, he was ready to defend himself to the death.

”Look, Cap, I don't know what Bosko told you...” He started but Bobby cut him off:

”Captain Cooper called me last night.” Bobby started, still feeling the inner turmoil inside his guts, when he learned that the one employee, whose judgement he trusted the most, was out fighting in street fights. ”He recognized you from the tsunami. He wanted to give me the heads up about a potential problem in my house.”

”But Lena...” Eddie pointed after her, confused of what she was doing there, if she wasn't the one who had told this to Bobby.

”She was here when I pulled in this morning. Wanted to make sure I had a full picture and that I wasn't too hard on you.” Bobby explained.

Eddie cursed in his mind. ”I guess I owe her an apology.” The only conversations he had had with Lena, had been all about him and his problems. She really made him feel like a shitty friend, or even a colleague. 

”Take a seat.” Bobby told him and sat down to the table.

Eddie followed his example. Not quite knowing what was going to follow. ”It's nothing... it's... I'm fine.” He tried to convince Cap that it would be useless to give him a lecture, but he saw it in Bobby's face that he wasn't buying any of his crap. ”Just needed a place to let off some steam. Things got a little out of...”

”...control?” Bobby finished his sentence. ”That's what this is about, right? You're the guy who keeps it together, no matter what life throws at you. You shake it off, keep moving forward.” Bobby saw a lot of himself in Eddie. Always had and it troubled him. Especially after Buck's leg injury and the lawsuit, Eddie had no one to depend on and Bobby knew just how important that was. He could now look back at the years he had pushed through alone, but having Athena beside him, made all the difference.

”Lots of people have it worse.” Eddie said, knowing that he shouldn't be complaining about his life. He shouldn't be feeling so angry and empty inside. 

”Eddie, I just wanna make sure you don't think you have to lose everything...” Eddie frowned to Bobby's words. ”...before you can allow yourself to feel anything.”

Eddie felt tears burn his eyes, but willed them down and shook his head. ”No. Christopher needs me to be in control. I'm the only parent he got left and I can't let him down again.” Eddie knew he could never forgive himself of the way he was gone while Chris was a baby. He could never pay it back to his kid. Never.

”When did you let him down before?” Bobby asked.

Eddie let out a nervous laugh. ”God, when did I not let him down? I wasn't there when he was a baby. Stayed away too long and it broke his mother. Shannon ran away, I-I... and I couldn't stop her. I couldn't bring her back home. So I brought him here... and let her back into his life.”

”That's what Christopher wanted.” Bobby didn't understand why Eddie blamed himself for that. 

”Yeah, but... but I knew better. She already left once, broke his heart.” Eddie paused for a moment. He knew it was wrong to feel guilty about that, but he did. He remembered the Christmas when the biggest present to his son was having his mother back to his life, he had still felt uneasy, scared. ”You know, I was so afraid she was gonna do it again.” He looked straight at Bobby and smiled sadly. ”She did.”

”She died, Eddie.”

”Yeah, after she told me she wanted...” Eddie had to pause again, feeling a lump rise to his throat. He really hadn't told anyone about this, hadn't he? ”...a divorce.”

Bobby was taken aback. He had never heard about this or even considered it. He couldn't believe Eddie had kept it inside himself for this long. It must've killed him inside. Eddie was a man, who had serious trust issues, Bobby guessed it ran back all the way to his childhood, but this wasn't a time to go through that, and knowing that he had been willing to trust her, only to realize she was going to leave him, broke Bobby's heart.

”And I'm...” Eddie forced his voice to stay stable. ”...I'm still mad. How stupid is that? I'm angry at a dead person and at myself, because I forgave her... for everything, and... and it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough.”

Eddie couldn't help it. Once the barrier around him had been broken, he couldn't stop the tears from getting out. He couldn't build the damn thing up again.

”Hey...” Bobby brought his chair a little closer, so he could wrap his arms around him and give him a hug, which he knew wouldn't fix Eddie, but it had to be the start. 

Once Eddie was calm enough to pull away and wipe his tears. Bobby squeezed his shoulder and caught Eddie's eyes with his own. ”Eddie, I arranged a meeting with one of our therapist starting tomorrow. I need you to go see him, okay?”

Eddie couldn't do anything else, but to nod. He had so much respect for this man. He would never say no to anything Bobby suggested, not even a therapy, which scared the hell out of him.

”Morning, folks!” Buck's voice made Eddie startle and Bobby quickly gets to his feet, meaning to walk straight at Buck, so he wouldn't see in what kind of state Eddie was in, but it was too late. ”Eddie... what's wrong? Did something happen? Is Christopher okay?”

Buck was rambling, but only because he was scared. He had never seen Eddie cry, never.

Eddie wiped the tears away and felt Bobby's presence behind him, leaning against the back of his chair.

”Eddie, you don't have to, but I think you should talk to Buck.” Bobby said with his calm voice, that made others believe that everything was going to be all right.

Buck only stood by the stairs, rubbing his hands together nervously as his eyes darted between Cap and Eddie, not quite sure what he should do.

Eddie was silent for a moment before nodding. ”Yeah, I think so too.” He finally looked up at Bobby and smiled. ”Can you please tell Hen and Chim get up here as well?”

Bobby was a little surprised, but then he nodded and jogged pass Buck, patting his shoulder, to get downstairs. After their Captain was gone, Buck took couple cautious steps towards Eddie, looking like he wanted to say something.

”Oh, just sit down, will ya?” Eddie pointed the chair next to him.

It made Buck laugh a little and he accepted the offer, sitting close enough for their shoulders to brush together and their knees touch under the table, to make Eddie know that Buck was going to be here, no matter what was upsetting him. For a moment they just sat in silence. Buck knew that whatever it was that Eddie needed to tell, he wanted to tell while others were there as well.

”What's going on? Cap said you had something to tell.” Chimney asked as he and Hen got to the second floor, sounding confused. They became to sit opposite from the two men.

Hen had hoped the thing would be something positive and she had almost jumped in joy when he saw Eddie and Buck sitting there, but their serious faces soon made her hopes disappear and she waited patiently for Eddie to start.

”Umm...” Eddie made a insecure sound, before mentally smacking himself to get the words out of his mouth. ”Cap just arranged me a meeting with a therapist.”

”What? Why? Has something happened that we don't know?” Chim looked at Buck, to see if he could read from his expression what was going on, but Buck only shrugged his shoulders at him, making him know that he was as clueless as the others.

”No, I mean... nothing major has happened right now. It's just all the little things piling up and Bobby maid me realize I can't keep it together by myself. I tried.” Eddie let out a nervous laugh. ”I really tried. Bosko introduced me to a... fighting ring and...” Eddie felt ashamed to say it out loud, but he knew he had to tell them.

”To what?” This time it was Hen, who looked at Eddie like he had just lost his mind.

”Yeah...” Eddie sighed, shamefully glancing at Hen before fixing his gaze back to the table. He concentrated on the steady feeling of Buck's knee against his own. It hadn't budged and even without looking at his best friend, he knew Buck wasn't going anywhere. No matter what he said. ”I'm not proud of it. For a while it seemed to work. To get all that anger out, but then I almost killed a guy...”

”You what again?” Buck's voice sounded loud in his ear and he could imagine his horrified expression, but he didn't dare to look.

”I knocked him out and realized that he wasn't breathing. His nose had broken and part of it had gotten to his throat, so I called 9-1-1 and removed the piece...”

”That's rough...” Chimney said absentmindedly, trying to process everything. 

”So, that's why you were all bruised?” Buck said then, not needing an answer to that one, then a light bulb lit in his head. ”And the truck?” He almost yelled. ”You got the money for it by fighting?”

”Yep...” Eddie admitted, feeling like a worse human being that had ever lived. How stupid he had been? Risking everything in his life just for some easy money and a short living feeling that made him feel good.

”Damn...” Buck breathed out.

”Oh, Eddie. Why haven't you told us anything?” Hen felt like a bad friend. She had thought Eddie was doing fine after Shannon had died, but it seemed he had only hid it well.

What Hen was feeling was nothing compared to the inner turmoil going on inside Buck. He listened at Eddie in shock, blaming himself for the state his friend was in. Eddie was broken and Buck hadn't been there to see it. Even the odd fight in the grocery store made so much sense now. Eddie hadn't handled all that was going around him and Buck had only thought he was being unfair. 

”I didn't want anyone to know, but you'll all hear that I've been going to therapy, so I thought it would make sense to just tell you about it.” Eddie said, feeling extremely tired at the moment. Then he sighed and finally looked at his friends. He had expected to see the pity in their eyes, but it didn't make him like it. ”I really want to get to work.” He then sighed and looked at Buck, who smiled tightly at him before nodding.

”Yeah, you go change your clothes.” Buck patted Eddie's shoulder lightly.

”I'm glad you told us, Eddie. I know it was hard for you.” Hen reached across the table to squeeze Eddie's hand.

”Thanks...” Eddie smiled at her before getting up, feeling a little relieved for saying all those things out loud, especially all the things he had said to Bobby. But the emptiness still filled his chest, he wondered if it would ever truly go away.

Eddie told the therapist everything: about the emptiness inside him, the need to be in control in everything. The fear that open and happy Christopher would turn out like him. That was his biggest fear. He didn't want to make Chris like that.

The next day Eddie was watching television on the second floor, but only seemingly, he was truly listening to the conversation going on around him. Hen was under inspection of running over that young girl, who had died on the scene.

”I would tell you if they'd made a ruling, Buck. They haven't.” Bobby told Buck, who kept on pestering him about the subject, wanting Hen to be declared innocent and back to work.

”But shouldn't the investigators be done by now?” Chimney questioned then. ”We all know it was an accident.”

”Saw her yesterday. I was on my ways to Frank's, ran into her outside the building.” Eddie told them. ”She seemed okay. Just... sad.”

”You can't blame her for that.” Bobby said gloomily.

”Or for anything.” Chimney was starting to get upset of the way the situation was being handled. Needing his best friend at work asap.

”How's therapy with Frank?” Buck asked, seemingly lightly, even though he had wanted to question about that from Eddie for days, but he hadn't dared. ”Haven't seen him for a while.”

”Seems good... Though, I'm not really sure he and I are... clicking.” Eddie told Buck, wishing that the conversation would turn to something else. He still wasn't sure if therapy had any positive effect on him.

”You should try talking to Rosemary. I went to her after the stabbing, she was great.” Chimney suggested, not noticing Eddie's reluctance about the whole subject.

”Is that the one I slept with?” 

Eddie couldn't believe his ears when he heard Buck's question. Not only that the guy had the decency to fool around with his own therapist, he couldn't even remember her name.

”No, she doesn't work for the Department anymore.” Bobby answered him and shook his head, still amazed of Buck's ability to astonish him.

”You slept with you therapist?” Eddie turned to look at Buck, trying not to let the jealousy sound in his voice. He wasn't jealous. What was there to be jealous about?

”I was, uh...” Buck had to figure out a way around this. He hadn't remembered that Eddie hadn't heard about that. ”...going through a phase. Hey, didn't you just go through one of those?”

”Yeah, yeah...” Eddie heard Buck loud and clear. He wasn't going to ask any more questions.

Luckily, Athena saved both Eddie and Buck from figuring out a new subject to talk about, when she emerged from the stairs. She told them how May was applying for college.

”I remember the drama when my sister was applying to college. Think that's half the reason why I decided to join the army.” Eddie told them. He knew it would've been extra hard for him, since he had no idea back then what he wanted to do with his life. His sister had had a clear vision, but still she managed to have a fight about it with their parents every single day.

”Well, you tell a 17-year-old kid that their future depends on writing 600 perfect words. The pressure's gonna get to them.” Bobby smiled to even think about it.

”I don't remember what my college essay was about.” Buck wondered out loud, wondering if he should be worried about the subject. Not that he did much studying at there anyway. He was way too busy with his... social life.

”Why don't you call Maddie and ask her what she wrote for you?” Chimney retorted, only half joking. 

Both Bobby and Eddie laughed out loud as Buck wasn't so amused by the throw back. 

”Hey, how about a movie night tonight at my place?” Buck then asked from Eddie, half expecting him to decline. They hadn't spent any time alone since the lawsuit and it was ages ago. Buck really missed hanging around with Eddie and Christopher.

”Yeah, sounds good.” Eddie surprised him by agreeing without any excuses.

Buck smiled and nodded. He was already looking forward to it.

Buck honestly thought about asking Maddie if she would remember what his college essay had been about, but then she called him, asking him for support. It was about that woman she had been rumored to stalk and who she had now went to meet as she had shot her abusing husband. But it turned out the husband didn't turn her to the police and instead forgave her. Buck couldn't understand any of it.

Buck still did his best to explain the turn of events to Eddie that night. They had ordered pizza and watched some odd children's movie with obvious plot-holes, and Buck had enjoyed every minute of it, rolling his eyes together with Eddie and laughed as Chris had found something funny.

”So, she shoots him and then takes him back?” Eddie tried to make sense of Buck's storytelling as he carried plates from the living room to the kitchen counter. He wasn't sure if Buck had left something out or if he had forgotten to tell him something, cause his story was full of some serious plot-holes.

”Yeah.” Buck was just taking beers out of the fridge and turned to face Eddie. 

”And I thought my marriage was complicated.” Eddie commented dryly as he cleared the kitchen. ”How did your sister take it?” 

”It's uh... it's kind of rough on her.” Buck admitted, feeling bad for Maddie. ”You know, I think she thought she could save Tara from Vincent, but, you know, she's realizing that you can't save someone from themselves. Not if they don't want it.” Buck realized himself it was the perfect opportunity to blend in the conversation he had been planning to have with Eddie for a while.

”Ain't that the truth.” Eddie didn't seem to catch on as he only took a long sip from his beer.

Buck's mind worked fiercely to find words he wanted to say. ”Especially, if you aren't around to see that they need saving.” He then looked pointedly at Eddie, wanting to make sure that, this time, he would understand what he was getting at.

Eddie frowned by the tone of his voice and met Buck's gaze. 

”Look, I'm sorry, I wasn't there, Eddie.” Buck still remembered the feeling when he heard about the fighting. He really felt guilty for being such a shitty friend. For letting things go that far for Eddie. He leaned away from the counter and started to walk closer to him. ”You and Chris needed me and I had my head so far up my own behind with that stupid lawsuit...”

”We're way past that, Buck.” Eddie realized Buck was starting to ramble again and with a subject he didn't care to talk about. So, he tried to stop him, but Buck didn't let it go.

”I'm not!” Buck weighted his words to make Eddie see that he needed to talk with him about this and Eddie seemed to get it, as he went silent and just waited for him to continue. ”I should've been there.” Buck felt the guilt gnaw his insides again and he looked down, away from Eddie. ”Maybe, I could have... talked some sense into you.”

This time Eddie couldn't hide his smile. He couldn't believe Buck was being serious about this. ”You talk sense into me? ” He gazed at Buck for a while, still mesmerized of how easily the other man made him smile. ”That had been interesting.” He then looked away and took a sip from his bottle.

”I'd told you not to buy that truck.” Buck still tried to convince him.

”Yeah? You would've talked me into buying something more expensive.” Eddie was certain of that.

”Yeah, fair point.” Buck admitted.

”Look, things got a little out of hand, for both of us. Don't beat yourself up about it.” If Eddie was considered, he thought they were even. 

Buck couldn't help it, he needed to tease Eddie, just a little. ”Why? Cause you'd rather do it?”

”Excuse me?” Eddie felt something flutter in his stomach. Was Buck really talking about what he thought he was? No way.

”Come on, Eddie.” Buck couldn't help but smile. ”If you're not gonna be honest with Frank, at least be honest with me.”

”Who said I wasn't being honest with Frank?” Eddie couldn't help the nervous laugh that escaped his mouth.

”You said you two weren't clicking.” 

”Maybe I'm just not a therapy kind of guy.” Eddie wished they could change the subject. He didn't know what else to reply to Buck, so he, once again, took a sip from his bottle.

”Right, right, you uh... you prefer to work it out in the ring.” Buck lowered his voice and tried to show off his muscles.

Eddie couldn't help but smile to this idiot. ”There was no ring, Buck. There was a fence.”

Buck let out a laugh then. ”Come on, you don't think, while you were going through your phase, just maybe, you were throwing your punches at the wrong guy?” Buck knew he was onto something, even though it made him feel a little uneasy that Eddie would thought about crushing his nose into his brain.

”Seriously?” Eddie couldn't believe the self-esteem of this guy. He was getting pissed off by it. ”You're gonna make it about you, again?”

”Look, I'm just saying, you were pretty pissed. Now I thought for sure that day in the grocery store you were gonna take a swing at me.”

Eddie glanced towards Chris, who was still playing the game console with intensity that wouldn't break easily. ”Not that you didn't deserved it, but I wouldn't do that.” He looked back at Buck again. ”You're on blood thinners.”

”Uuh, I'd still take you.” Buck challenged him. He straightened and looked at Eddie a way that made his stomach act up again.

”You think so?” Eddie could play the same game.

”I know.” Buck said confidently and stepped closer, standing only inches apart. ”You wanna go for the title?”

Eddie took a sip from his bottle, hiding the wide smile that threatened to raise to his face. He could now smell the aftershave Buck was wearing and underneath that, the smell of Buck himself. 

”Bring it on.” He finally said as he put the beer bottle down.

Buck smiled his amused smile, took one last sip from his beer, before walking pass Eddie, unnecessarily close, almost making their chests touch.

Eddie hadn't even noticed how hard he had been holding on to the edge of the counter until he let go, feeling his fingers numb like his blood circulation hadn't worked for a while. He took a deep breath before following Buck. 

Christopher had too much fun watching for them to play with the console. He cheered on the one who was currently winning, screaming and laughing. Buck knew Eddie liked to win, so he eased off a little bit, or so he made himself thought. He pretended to be at least a little bit frustrated for losing, tossing the controller to the table, but his smile gave him away.

Eddie high fived his kid. ”This is my kind of therapy.” He said and nodded his head to the controller. ”One more round, pick 'em up.”

Buck clapped his hands together and leaned away from the comfortable back rest to retreat his controller. This time he would give it his all. 

He still lost.


	12. Towards a better year

Eddie knew he had to tell Christopher sooner or later. He had postponed it for as long as he could, but it was only week until Christmas and he was running out of time. Abuela was more than happy to look after Chris, but as much as Chris loved her, Eddie knew it would be a huge letdown for him. Especially after the year they had had. Last Christmas had been... special.

”Let's make a deal.” Buck had told him. ”If Chris throws a fit, I can stop by to make him feel better.”

Eddie had really appreciated Buck's offer, but he knew he had to deal with this alone. He couldn't keep on relying on Buck's help every time it got tough.

”I hate Christmas!” Christopher had shouted as loud as he could, before slamming the door to his room shut.

Eddie stood in the middle of the living room, still shocked of how big of an impact Christmas had on kids. He nearly took his phone and asked Buck to come over, but in the last minute decided against it.

He tried to give Chris time to calm down, cause that usually worked just fine, but he got a silent treatment for the rest of the day. Christopher even brushed his teeth without a word and went to bed, closing the door of his room behind him, which he had never done before. Eddie decided they weren't going to go to sleep being angry with each other and he gently knocked on the door and when they was no answer, he opened it and peaked inside. 

Christopher was lying on his stomach, his head on the pillow, but it was turned to the wall, so Eddie couldn't see his face. He sighed a little before stepping inside and sitting to the edge of the bed.

”Hey, Chris. Look, I really am sorry.” Eddie started, feeling lost. He wasn't good at talking. Not even with his own kid. He reached out to touch his son's shoulder, but Chris shifted away from his touch. ”You know I would rather spend Christmas with you than working. But sometimes, luckily not very often, I have to stay at work. So someone can put down fires from Christmas' lights or check on calls when someone's ham is burned and smoking.”

Eddie could see Chris relax a little while he talked and he tried again to place his hand on his shoulder, and this time Chris didn't shy away from him. 

”Look, buddy, it's just one day. We can celebrate Christmas a day later. Just the two of us, okay?” Eddie continued his pep talk.

”But Santa will come in 25th.” Chris mumbled to his pillow and then sniffed loudly. He had clearly been crying.

”I know he does, but work is...”

”Stupid work!” Christopher raised his voice again and turned to his side, his back still on Eddie.

Eddie closed his eyes and tried to think a way to calm Chris down. ”Hey, you know what?” He started and even though Chris pretended he wasn't listening to him, he could see his son was holding his breath. ”What do you say if we invite Denny over tomorrow? Wouldn't that be nice?”

”Maybe...” Chris mumbled and turned slightly towards him, but still refused to look at him.

”Should we invite Buck too?” Eddie asked and finally saw a little smile appear on Christopher's face. So much for not relying on Buck anymore, he thought to himself.

The doorbell rang an hour before the agreed time for play-date, but Eddie had seen it coming. So he wasn't surprised to see Buck standing at the doorway, with a huge ass smile over his face.

”Glad that someone is feeling the Christmas spirit.” Eddie retorted dryly.

”I sure am!” Buck told him and lifted up a bag which had the local toy store's logo on it. 

Eddie bit down his tongue, before he could tell Buck to return whatever he had bought. Christmas was coming and they were already suffocating to all the toys Chris already had. But instead, he stepped aside to let Buck in.

”Chris! Buck is here!” He called out to his son, who was drawing in his room.

”Hey, kiddo!” Buck greeted Christopher as the boy walked to meet him. 

”What did you bring?” As Eddie had predicted, the first thing Chris noticed was the toy store's bag.

”A little something to do.” Buck told him with a wink and headed to the living room.

”I want to see!” Christopher followed Buck like the man had just stolen his candy.

”Christopher, don't be rude.” Eddie scolded his son, who ignored him completely.

Buck looked at him, visibly amused by their fight, making Eddie smile a little as well. 

”Only after Denny comes, okay?” Buck put the bag on the coffee table. ”Now show me what you've been up to.”

Chris made his way to his room and Buck quickly turned to Eddie. ”I really messed up today.” He then said, hurriedly, like he had been waiting to share this information with Eddie for a long time.

”What? In work?” Eddie asked, having no clue what Buck was talking about.

”I accidentally revealed to bunch of kids, that Santa isn't real.” Buck told him with a serious face, but Eddie couldn't help but laugh out loud. ”What? It's not funny! I should never be trusted with kids.”

”Oh, come on, Buck.” Eddie managed to say, after the laughter died down. ”I'm sure you ruined a few Christmases, but you just saved my day.”

Buck smiled to that and then almost startled as he heard Chris call out his name loudly from his room. ”Coming!” He said and looked at Eddie in shock. ”I didn't know he could even shout so loud.”

”Yeah, because you're the lucky one.” Eddie shook his head with a sarcastic smile.

Buck frowned to that, but decided it would be best to follow Chris before the boy would get angry at him too and he didn't want to be on Chris's bad side.

Hen and Denny arrived exactly on time, bringing cake and gingerbread with them and Eddie started to make some coffee for the adults and cocoa for the kids. 

”It got ugly.” Eddie told Hen as they had eaten the cake and kids were playing in the living room. ”After I said I had to work on Christmas, he went straight to his room and wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night.”

”It's just new. He'll get over it.” Hen smiled, knowing exactly what Eddie was talking about and that was exactly why Eddie had wanted her to stop by. Buck was great with kids, but around him, Chris was at his best all the time, not showing the other side of him, which made his toys fly around and doors slam shut, so that the pictures shook on the wall.

” _Abuela's_ bringing him to my aunt's. I know he's gonna have a great time. He just... last Christmas was... special. This one's harder.” Eddie confessed to her. He knew Chris would be missing his mother at this time of the year and he regretted for not being able to be there for him.

Hen only nodded, but then smiled. ”Is that why you invited us all here? Trying to cram in as much Christmas cheer between now and then?”

Eddie couldn't help as Hen's smile made the corner of his mouth rise up as well. ”Well, I thought it'd be nice to bring the boys together for a play-date.” He looked towards the living room, where they played around the coffee table.

”All three of them.” Hen laughed as she watched her son, Christopher and Buck sitting on the living room floor, all deeply focused on what they were doing. Buck had bought a huge 'build it yourself'' gingerbread house and the kids were gluing it together and decorating it.

”All right, who needs more cement?” Buck joked as he did the most boring part of the job.

”I do!” Chris lifted up his hand.

”Me!” Denny shouted out.

”Denny we will do you first with this big old piece.” Buck turned towards the kid and tried to help him with one of the walls.

Eddie looked at them with a smile. Chris was clearly enjoying spending time with Buck and Denny. He wished Christmas day itself could be like this. He didn't notice Hen observing his expression with a knowing smile on her face.

”Hey, Buck?” Christopher suddenly spoke out as Buck prepared to help him after Denny. 

”Yeah.” Buck waited for some kind of question related to the gingerbread house, but he hadn't prepared for what Chris was about to ask:

”Can I spent Christmas with you?”

Buck felt his heart drop. He was honored, but after hearing how huge of an argument Chris and Eddie had had made him panic. What was he supposed to say to that? He turned to look at Eddie, who shook his head slightly.

”I'm sorry, buddy, but I-I'm gonna be working on Christmas with... with your dad.” Buck tried to lay it gently.

”Stupid work.” Christopher mumbled as he drowned his anger on the innocent piece of gingerbread, and broke it's corner.

Eddie turned to look at Hen, not so convinced that Chris would just get over it.

”I promise you.” She swore. ”He'll forget he was even mad by New Year's”

That seemed like an awfully long time. Eddie thought to himself. In the meantime Buck had stood up and walked to them. Looking as gloomy as Chris and Eddie. Buck was one of those person's who easily absorbed other people's moods, when his positivity didn't affect them.

”Is it just me, or does Christmas suck this year?” Buck asked, looking at Eddie. He sat down on the table to check if there was any more cocoa left in his mug.

”Definitely not just you.” Eddie sighed and took a sip from his coffee.

”It's been a rough year... for everyone.” Hen told them. ”So I'm happy to immerse myself in the magic of Christmas, and I just look forward to putting this year behind me.”

”I wouldn't be surprised if there's one more smack in the face to come.” Buck said grimly.

This really wasn't anyone of their year and all they could do was to hope that the year to come, would be better.

From that day forward, Buck had this burning need to make Christopher and Eddie's Christmas better. He just didn't know how. So when he got a call from Athena, asking him to help her fix a surprise for everyone, he didn't hesitate to agree. For only a moment he wondered why she had called him of all people. He knew she wanted to surprise her husband. Hen was one of her closest friends, but why not Chim or Eddie. Perhaps Eddie was the one needing a surprise since he had a kid, but Chim certainly didn't have. But Buck was too busy to wonder any further. He had to shopping to do and people to call. 

Buck had asked if Eddie's abuela and aunt would like to stop by the station at Christmas day and they had been thrilled by the idea, but he had asked them not to tell Chris yet. He wanted to be the one to tell him about their plan. He didn't have to wait the opportunity for long, before he managed to sneak in the Diaz household by inviting himself to spend some time with the two. Eddie hadn't questioned it and once he was ordering pizza, Buck leaned closer to Christopher.

”Chris, can you keep a secret?” Buck asked from the boy, who looked up at him sharply, like he lived for a moments like these.

”Yes.” Chris said with a bright smile, but he didn't sound very convincing.

”Are you sure? Because I can't share mine if you tell about this to anyone. Not even your Dad.” Buck said, faking a serious tone.

Chris glanced towards the kitchen where Eddie was still talking to the phone. ”I won't tell even to Dad.” He then promised, a lot more confident this time.

”Good.” Buck smiled, but didn't get the chance to continue, when Christopher asked:

”Is-is your secret that you like Dad?” 

Buck could only stare at Chris. Where had that come from? But he quickly gathered himself and smiled even wider. ”It's no secret that I like your Dad. Everybody likes him.”

”But no one else spends so much time here and you make Daddy smile. When you're not here, he is sad.” Christopher told him, not even understanding how much he had just revealed.

Buck felt his stomach twist, but he had to brush it off. They had great time with Eddie, so it was no wonder that he was smiling a lot when Buck was around. Right? 

”My secret is...” Buck wiped Chris's words out of his mind and tried to concentrate once again. ”...a surprise Christmas party at the fire station.”

Christopher's face lit up immediately and it looked like he was about to shout out in delight, when Buck quickly interrupted him:

”There will be a lot of people from everyone's family, but I think you'd be the most important from Eddie's.” Buck explained to him. ”So will you be there, Chris?”

”Yes.” Chris said, high-pitched, like he wanted to scream the answer but he had to tune it down.

Buck let out a laugh. ”As I told you before, you have to keep it as a secret, okay?”

”I promise.” Christopher nodded firmly.

Buck ruffled the kid's hair. The Christmas had just turned much better.

”Wow, someone's in a good mood.” Eddie commented as he walked in to the living room, tossing his phone to the table as he sat down beside Buck.

”We are just excited about Santa coming.” Buck told him and then turned towards Chris to give him a wink.

Christopher giggled and refused to meet his father's eyes, who looked at his son in confusion. Something was clearly up, but he had no idea what the two had just been talking about and by the end of the day, he had forgotten all about it.

Even when Buck was the one to help arrange the surprise, he still managed to surprise himself: by the incredible performance of keeping it as a secret through out the whole morning, even though he was fidgety all day. That had to be some kind of record. The case with the Smurf lady helped him, giving him a much welcome distraction, but the ride back had to be the longest Buck had ever had. He kept talking about everything and anything, trying to keep his mind from thinking about all their friends and relatives, waiting for them to get back. Chimney chewed on his gum and looked outside the window in annoyance. He hadn't been as pissed about working on Christmas day like everybody else had, but now he was starting to get fed up with this Christmas, as Buck just went on and on.

Buck couldn't stop smiling as Bobby noticed Athena at the balcony and the sweet smell of real Christmas' food lingered in the air. This was what Christmas was about. Not some falafel or Chinese food Bobby had talked about a couple days earlier. 

”We came to save you. Someone said you were ordering takeout for Christmas dinner.” Athena told the team, revealing Buck's involvement.

”I did vote for turkey.” Buck looked at Bobby, who only smiled at him.

”Did she say 'we'?” Eddie was certain something else was going on as he followed the others upstairs. Even more so, when he knew Buck had something to do with this surprise.

”Merry Christmas!” The greeting echoed through the whole station, as all their relatives were there to greet them.

Buck high-fived with Chimney and turned to look at Eddie, who still hadn't noticed his kid and abuela, instead smiling at Denny, who had ran to hug his mother.

”Christopher!” Eddie's smile faltered just for a moment, until it returned even brighter and he hurried to hug his son and kiss his cheek.

”Dad!” Chris beamed in happiness. He glanced towards Buck who pointed his finger at him. Buck was proud of the kid for being able to keep the secret.

”Merry Christmas!” Eddie told Chris before giving his abuela a kiss and a hug.

Buck smiled at their greeting, before he noticed Hen's family standing a little further away and hurried to greet them as well, giving Karen a hug. 

”Cant't believe you did this. Thank you, Buck.” Hen was all smiles as well. This had really saved all of their Christmases and was an fitting end, or almost an end, to otherwise awful year.

”Well, you inspired me. You know, I figured we should all...” He reached up to take the mistletoe, he had hang there earlier, into his hand. ”...get to immerse ourselves in the magic of Christmas.”

”This is great surprise.” Hen admired as she received a kiss to her cheek from Buck, before he left, taking the mistletoe with him.

”Merry Christmas, buddy! I'm proud of you.” Buck told Chris as he found him and his family at the other side of the room. He held up the mistletoe with a mischievous smile and giving quick peck to Christopher's cheek, making the kid shy away a little and giggle.

”Really? A mistletoe?” Eddie asked as he saw the plant.

”It is Christmas, Eddie.” Buck only answered with a smile, took hold of Eddie's face and gave him a quick but deep kiss to his cheek, almost to the corner of his mouth, before smoothly moving over to abuela. ”Merry Christmas, abuela.”

Eddie could only stand there, staring in to the distance with astonished expression. Trying fiercely to will his heart to calm down.

”Merry Christmas, Buck.” Abuela said back at him and patted his cheek affectionately.

”I thought you would go to Pepa's for dinner.” Eddie cleared his throat, still feeling a little flushed, as he talked to his abuela. ”She must've made enough food for you as well.”

”Buck did call us and I knew we couldn't miss this. Josephina is just happy you can see your son during Christmas.” His abuela smiled at him, before winking to Buck.

Eddie finally turned to look at Buck and smiled at him. ”Thank you, Buck.” He opened his arms to give his friend a tight hug. ”I still can't believe you managed to keep this as a secret.” He laughed as they parted.

”I'm excellent at keeping secrets.” Buck boasted and Eddie could only shake his head at him. This man was just too much.

”Buck?” Christopher's voice made Buck turn towards the boy. ”Will you... will you sit next to me at dinner?”

”Of course I will.” Buck said without hesitation. ”But who will be sitting on your other side?”

”Dad!” Chris smiled widely.

”I was quite hoping to sit next to Eddie too, but you know what, I'll let you have him because it's Christmas.” Buck faked a disappointed face, it came easy, since he really was a little disappointed for not being able to sit next to Eddie, but at least he would have his favorite Diaz boy beside him.

Christopher laughed to his joke and Eddie rolled his eyes, his gaze landing on his abuela, who was smiling at him knowingly. He quickly looked away.

The dinner was awesome, just what Buck had hoped for: turkey and all the other stuff that just belonged to Christmas. He ate so much, that Buck feared he wouldn't fit into his turnout gear if a call would come. 

”Can I play with the...” Christopher's voice trailed off as he tried to find the right word.

”The slot machine?” Eddie asked, remembering how much Chris had liked it the first time he had been at the station. ”Sure, kid.” He put down his napkin and helped Chris up from his seat.

He was about to follow Chris to the machine, when he felt a hand grip his arm. He turned to look down at it and saw Buck smiling at him a little hesitantly.

”I-I bought Chris a gift. You'll make him company when I fetch it?” Buck asked and the smile turned confident, as Eddie smiled. ”You can tell him that Santa came by earlier to drop it off.”

”That's...” Incredible, amazing, thoughtful. Eddie could think many words to praise what Buck had did to them, but he trailed off, not knowing what would do it justice. His heart warmed by all that Buck had done to Chris. ”Thanks.” He eventually said and squeezed Buck's hand, before walking after Chris.

Buck hurried up from his seat and headed downstairs to get to his car. He picked up the huge present from the back of his car and sneaked inside, making sure that Chris was still busy with playing the game with Eddie. He almost ran up the stairs and couldn't help but smile as he saw the awe in Christopher's eyes as he landed his eyes on the box.

Buck let Chris rip it open to reveal a toy fire truck. Eddie smiled widely at his son's excited expression. The toy must've been expensive. Christopher hadn't wished one as a present, but Buck had clearly known that would make the kid happy.

”Let's take a group photo!” Athena declared. ”A group photo! Group photo, everyone!” She had to repeat to make her voice audible above the chatter and get everyone behind the table. 

Buck hurried behind Eddie and Chris. He picked the mistletoe from his pocket and tied it to the beam above him, to make sure it showed on the picture. This turned out to be one of the best Christmases he ever had.


	13. Family we chose

Riding on top of the fire truck and trying to catch a skydiver, who was hanging from the plane only by his parachute, was something Buck nor Eddie had ever thought they would do, but here they were. It was extremely difficult to try to balance themselves and at the same time prepare to get hold of the unconscious guy. The first time failed and they heard Bobby tell on the radio, that they had one more shot at it. Talking about high pressure.

But they managed. Buck took hold of the guy's legs as Eddie unfastened the parachute. They both felt like their harnesses would tear off as they clung to that guy before he was free and they fell to the floor.

”We got him!” Eddie shouted out to the radio as they knelt down beside the man. He turned to look at Buck with a proud smile.

Buck couldn't help but smile back, even though he felt like his heart would give in. It was beating so fast by the adrenaline. He had to breathe deep several times to calm his body down. It was good to feel solid ground underneath his feet, as Buck jumped down from the roof. Even though he hadn't been the one flying across the sky, standing on top of a fast moving truck, was close enough. 

”Good job, boys.” Bobby patted both of their shoulder, before letting them take off their gears.

They both sat down to the front bumper of the fire truck, both of their knees still a little weak, as they started to take off their helmets and harnesses.

Buck heard distantly the discussion between the woman and her mother, who had been flying on the plane, but didn't pay any attention to it, until the mother stopped in front of them and asked:

”Are you boys single?”

Buck and Eddie looked at each other, not quite sure what to think of the idea that she was trying to match them with her daughter. Buck couldn't help but smile and he turned to the lady and shook his head, not having the slightest interest of taking on of her idea. 

Eddie saw Buck smile and he turned to look at the woman as well, confusion written all over his face. What was he supposed to answer to that? Then he started to wonder, why had Buck smiled? For the last months, ever since their talk at Buck's kitchen and Christmas, Eddie had started to feel like there was something going on between him and Buck. He didn't believe in them getting together, but there was this strong bond between them and Buck had started to spend even more time with him and Chris, like he was making up the lost time they had had after the lawsuit. 

Both Eddie and Buck felt Bobby's eyes on them, as he followed their reaction carefully. Like he was highly amused by the conversation, even though he should've been the one to interrupt it.

”Uh... no. No, thank you.” Eddie managed to mutter.

Buck glanced at his friend, curious of what that no had been about. He was 99 % certain Eddie wasn't seeing anyone. Maybe he had just wanted to get rid of the woman. All Buck wished to know, did Eddie want to date someone or not. They had been playing a family for quite some time now, and Buck wished it could never end. Maybe Eddie's hesitation meant that he had started to see Buck more than as a friend... maybe?

”No, what?” The woman asked, confused of Eddie's answer as well.

”Mom!” She heard her daughter warn her, but she brushed her off.

”Ma'am, I would appreciate, if you'd let my men work in peace.” Bobby finally stepped in, breaking it to her as gently as possible.

The woman sighed dramatically, before following her daughter, thinking she would never get grandchildren.

”Well, that was something...” Buck let out a nervous laugh as he got up to his feet. ”It felt so bad to lie.”

”Yeah...” Eddie muttered and followed his movement, but avoided his eyes. Were they lying? Really? Eddie certainly didn't think so.

Bobby looked between them, but then gave up and went back to his duties. He was convinced these two would never find each other. They were way too clueless and even though he had been giving hints for... a long time, they still managed to somehow miss each other. It drove him crazy sometimes and he knew Hen and Chim felt the same way.

The day started great. Buck had his doctor's appointment first thing in the morning and he got clean papers. He was almost dancing in joy as he arrived to work after that, gaining an odd expression from Eddie, before his friend realized where his good mood was coming from.

”You got clean papers?” Eddie asked and a huge smile broke to his face as Buck nodded with a self-confident smile. ”That's amazing!” 

Eddie almost ran to him and gave him a huge hug. Buck laughed against his shoulder and patted his back.

”I was planning to celebrate. How about a get together at the bar tonight? Oh, and it's also Chim's birthday! Are you free?” Buck questioned as they ended the hug.

”I have to ask Carla if she can stay longer. _Abuela's_ still in Texas with _tía_.” Eddie explained, feeling a little disappointed if he wasn't going to be there to celebrate with Buck, but Chris always came first.

”You do that. It's okay if you can't make it. I'll stop by to celebrate with just the two of you some other time.” Buck patted his shoulder before going to spread the good news to others.

The good news didn't end there. Chimney's half-brother had come all the way from Korea to see him. Of course, Buck already knew that through Maddie and Chim wasn't even a little bit excited about that, but to Eddie it was another good news. 

”Sure, we share some of the same DNA, but he's still practically a stranger to me.” Chimney told them about his feelings of Albert.

Buck couldn't understand Chimney's reluctance about his brother and he sighed in frustration, making Eddie smile to himself. Eddie could understand where he was coming from. If someone he had never seen would show up to his doorstep, he wouldn't embrace them with open arms. It would take time to know them. But it also seemed, like Chim wasn't even going to give Albert the chance to know him. 

”I keep telling you. Family comes to us in different ways, Chim.” Hen said as she joined them and squeezed her friend's shoulder. ”Lean in.”

Eddie couldn't agree more. He had had a tough time growing up in Texas as his parents had a strict way of raising him. If he didn't succeed in something, he always heard how disappointed they were in him. And if he did succeed... it was faced with a short hug and a pat in the back, some money and... that had been pretty much it. He had always fought with them and the last straw had been for them to try and get Christopher to stay in Texas when he had gotten his job here. That's when he had decided he would never go back. At first it had frightened him, but then he had found the best family there was from here. Under this roof and the house, which had seemed so empty at first with only him and Christopher, seemed like a home too. The paper that Hen placed in front of him, broke him from his thoughts and he frowned as he saw a long list of... things printed on it.

It was one more good news: Hen and Karen wished to become foster parents. She had mentioned it ones or twice, but only as an afterthought, but now they were fully into it and their work family were ready to support them any way possible. Even by using that odd list Karen had made for them. And even when Buck had no idea what bassoon was. Fortunately, he was good at talking, so he could most likely play his way around that.

Later that day, while Chim and Hen were in a hospital with a patient, Albert had shown up to the station. Bobby had confronted him in the middle of the hall, as he saw the young man looking around almost nervously, like he didn't belong there. After learning who he was, Bobby had invited the boy upstairs. Buck and Eddie found the two making Korean dumplings. They had looked at each other suspiciously, not quite sure what those were, but they turned out to be delicious. And Albert was fun to be around. He had so much bizarre stories of growing up in Korea and he gladly told all the differences in their culture compared to United States. Even though Chim had always said his father was a strict and unhappy man, Buck was convinced that the storytelling ran in their family, when he was laughing with tears in his eyes after one of the kid's stories.

”Chim, your-your kid brother is a pistol.” Buck praised the boy to Chim, when he and Hen walked to the dining table.

”Half-brother.” Chim corrected him, before turning to Albert. ”What are you doing here?”

”I wanted to see you. See where you work. Your captain said you were on you're on the way back from the hospital. I uh, heard you saved a man's life.” Albert told his big brother, almost jumping out of his skin, like he was extremely excited to hear storied from his brother.

”Yeah, we don't really talk about that stuff here.” Chim said, almost angrily, even though Hen patted him in the back for congratulation and they all knew his words were big fat lie. ”You can't show up without calling.”

”Come on, he's no trouble!” Buck tried to lighten the mood. ”He even had time to give Cap a tutorial on how to make Korean dumplings. Um... mandela?”

”Mandu.” Albert corrected.

”Mandu!” Buck echoed, like it had been on the tip of his tongue.

Eddie shook his head. He couldn't believe Buck would confuse mandu to mandela. That was just... but that was exactly why they loved Buck. With all the silliness and confusion.

Albert told them how his mother had always made them when he was growing up, so he memorized the recipe. ”Even better, I snak on them at the ball games.” He hinted them with a smile. 

”Wait, you like baseball?” Eddie suddenly joined the conversation, after silently eating beside Buck, almost startling him.

”Very much.” Albert told him.

”We should go to a game together.” Eddie told him, glad that he would have a friend to go there with him. Buck wasn't very interested of baseball and Eddie felt like he was dragging him there forcefully whenever he asked, even though Buck had never hesitated to say no. Of course they could all go together. Eddie never said no of spending time with Buck.

Buck turned to look at Eddie. He thought going to see a baseball games were their thing. Why would he ask Albert, who Eddie had known under an hour? But Buck brushed that thought off, as Hen stepped up to introduce herself to Albert. It was no big deal, he told himself.

After one of their calls, Eddie sat at the back seat of the fire truck and called Carla to ask if she could watch over Christopher a little longer than they had initially agreed on. Carla was more than happy do that. She almost ordered Eddie to go that bar and not show his face at home, until way pass midnight. 

”Is that Carla?” Buck suddenly asked as he climbed to sit beside him and peeked to see his phone.

”Nice to see you too, Buck.” Carla laughed as she saw Buck's face appear on the screen.

Buck waved at her but then his smile disappeared. ”Where's Chris?”

”He's playing a game at the living room. Hold on a second. I'll go fetch him.” The picture shifted as Carla picked up her tablet and walked to find Chirstopher.

”I'd like to speak with my son too...” Eddie commented, barely seeing anything behind Buck's big head.

Buck glanced at him and then smiled a little bashfully, before slightly moving so that Eddie could also fit to the screen. 

”Your dad and Buck are on the line.” They could hear Carla's voice before the screen moved again, before settling to show Chris sitting on the couch.

”Hi, Dad! Hi, Buck!” Christopher called out and laughed out loud, clearly happy to be talking with them.

”Hey, buddy!” Buck smiled from ear to ear.

”Hi, _mijo_.” Eddie's smile was less bright but affectionate. ”I'm sorry, Chris, but I'll be coming home later tonight. Carla will be there with you, okay?”

”Why?” Chris's smile faltered and he frowned to his dad.

”Actually, it's my fault, Chris. I wanted to take your Dad to celebrate tonight.” Buck was the one to reply, taking the blame.

”I want to ce-celebrate too!” Chris complained, even though he had no idea what they were celebrating about.

”Not this late, Chris. I think we can celebrate later with you.” Eddie told his son. ”What book do you want for Carla to read tonight?”

”I don't care...” Christopher crossed his arms across his chest and pouted, still not happy that he was left outside.

”Tell you what, Chris. What if we come back a little earlier, and I will read you that story about bunnies?” Buck suggested, even though he believed that the stories were too brutal to his taste, even more for a kid at Chris' age, but he seemed to love it. ”I bet Carla will let you stay up a little later, since it's weekend.”

Buck didn't notice Eddie side-glancing at him with narrowed eyes. 

”Yeah!” The smile returned to Chris' face.

”Okay, I hope Carla's okay with that...” Eddie muttered and soon the screen shifted again and Carla smiled at them again. Buck only then realized that he had promised something in behalf of other people and smiled apologetically to Carla.

”I'm fine with it.” She reassured him. ”Say bye to dad and Buckie.” She then said to Chris and pointed the screen towards him again.

”Bye!” Christopher yelled and waved his hand.

They waved him too and soon the face time ended. 

”To be heard, I was thinking about you too when I said Chris can stay up longer.” Buck tried to correct his mistake, gaining an doubtful look from Eddie. ”If he gets to sleep later tonight, there's a bigger chance for you to get to sleep longer in the morning.”

Eddie considered that for a moment before giving in. ”Yeah, you do have a point.”

Buck smiled smugly, only then realizing that they were almost back at the station. He hadn't even noticed that they had started moving, let alone that they were almost there.

In the end Buck had managed to ge together almost everybody from their little gang, leaving only Bobby out, who had wanted to spent some quality time with Athena and her kids. Even Albert had joined them, much to Chimney's disappointment. The night was filled with karaoke and pool. Eddie wasn't much of a drinker. He liked to take one beer or another, that would make a pleasant buzz.

Eddie sucked at pool and he blamed it on Buck. Buck, who had to stand just a little too close, as if he did it on purpose, like he knew how much he was distracting Eddie by hovering over him.

”I get it, you know.” Buck started as Eddie finished his turn. ”You... sometimes you gotta put a little mileage between yourself and home so you figure out what you want and who you are.”

Both Buck and Eddie understood Albert. Buck didn't like to share his past, and Eddie never asked, but it was clear he had wanted some space from his parents, to figure out who he was. Same went for Eddie, if he hadn't enlisted in the army, he would've still been working under his dad and hate every minute of it. He couldn't picture himself in that kind of situation, as he had found just the place he wanted to be. But he guessed the Eddie in Texas, would most likely be a very miserable man.

”Hell, if I had enlisted, I'd still be working with my pops.” Eddie then told them, agreeing with Buck's earlier words.

”Eddie, don't encourage him to go out to war.” Maddie scolded him lightheartedly.

”There is as much virtue to the noble warrior, as there is to the most enlightened of scholars.” Albert then said, making Eddie smile in delight. He looked towards Maddie and tilted his head, to show her that she was wrong. Maddie only rolled her eyes and shook her head, but with a smile.

”That. What he said.” Eddie pointed towards Albert and smiled widely at Buck. He had never thought being army like that, but he could get aboard with it. He had always thought he was missing out when everyone else were studying and he was in war, but he knew being in Afghanistan had taught him some valuable life-lessons.

Buck resisted the urge to laugh out loud and instead smiled and took a long swig from his bottle. He was just happy seeing Eddie enjoy himself.

”Listen, everyone has their path. You just do you, Albert.” Hen advised, seeing how much of an impact everyone had over the boy. He was practically absorbing all the words and career choices from them, especially from Chim.

”I will.” Albert nodded eagerly. ”I will do me.”

”Yeah, might wanna watch how you phrase that one, buddy.” Buck was the one giving that advice, before laughing with Hen.

”I just need a little of my brother's courage. He did not let father dictate his life.” Albert said and glanced towards his big brother. ”He took a stand, got out, came to America to follow his dreams.”

Maddie couldn't help but smile at the kid's words, feeling touched by how much he looked up at Chimney. Eddie gleamed at Chim, wanting him to be happy for having such a proud kid brother, but instead of happy, Chimney looked pissed off.

”There was no stand.” Chim then said dryly. ”I didn't get out. I was left behind.”

”I do not wish to take anything from you, Howard. I'm your brother.” Albert tried to reason with him.

Eddie rotated the glass in his hand, feeling the atmosphere crushing down. He glanced towards Buck, who looked as uncomfortable as he did, listening the two brothers argue. 

”You are not my brother.”

Eddie couldn't believe how much of a dick Chimney could be sometimes. He looked at Hen then, wishing she could step in as Chim's best friend and calm him down, but Hen only stood there, observing. She had already tried to talk to him, make him see how much of a delight it was to have an addition to your family, but Chim wasn't there yet. She knew he would be someday, but was it too late by then? Maybe...

”I had a brother. His name was Kevin and he died. Do you see, Albert?” Chimney got up from his chair, still hang up on his brother's death to accept Albert as one. Fearing, that he would somehow replace Kevin. ”You didn't come to me because you wanted to be my brother. You came to me because you needed something from me.”

With that Albert, threw the cue to the pool table and ran out. Eddie lifted his hand up in the air for frustration and Buck ran after Albert. The good news' day had turned out to be not so good in the end.

Both Hen and Eddie glared at Chim, not understanding why he would say such a thing.

”I know. I suck.” Chimney only retorted, before turning towards the bar to get another drink. 

Buck caught up with Albert at the outside. He was leaning against his knees at the pavement and breathed heavily, like he had just ran an marathon.

”Hey, Albert, you okay?” Buck asked as he approached him carefully, like he was afraid that the kid would start running again, if he came on too fast.

”He hates me!” Albert choked out, clearly upset.

”No, no, no.” Buck clapped his hands together as he tried to find the right words to say to him. ”Chimney doesn't hate you. He just doesn't know you yet.”

”And he doesn't even wanna know.” Albert finally stood up straight and turned to look at him. ”I am like a... nuisance to him, who tries to take over his dead brother's place.”

Buck sighed, not knowing how to fix this. ”Maybe he thinks so now, but he'll turn around, you'll see.”

Albert only looked down and shook his head.

”Hey, why don't you come and crash on my place tonight?” Buck suggested, knowing that the kid have to have some place to go, since he obviously didn't want to go and crash on Chimney's couch tonight. ”You-you get some distance, right?”

”Okay...” Albert agreed with a low voice, barely audible.

”Buck.”

Buck turned around to see Eddie walking towards them.

”I think we should call it a night.” Eddie murmured, glancing behind himself. ”It's not very merry in there anymore.”

”Yeah, you're right.” Buck nodded. ”I'm sorry, Eddie, I know I promised to read to Chris but...” He waved towards Albert, who was still staring at the ground.

”Yeah, I heard. It's okay.” Eddie reassured him. ”I'm sure Chris has already passed out. You can read him some other time.”

”Right...” Buck smiled tightly and then turned towards Albert again. ”Come on, kid.” He slapped Albert on his shoulder, trying to cheer him up a little. ”Let's get a taxi. You wanna slip?” He asked then from Eddie who nodded gratefully. ”Does Hen wanna come?”

”No, I think she wants to scold Chimney for a while.” Eddie let out a nervous laugh, which Buck returned. Chim did deserve it. 

As Buck opened the door the next morning, the last person he expected to show up, was Chimney. He eyed his friend warily, clearly not trusting that he didn't have more harsh words on his kid brother, but he still let him in as he saw the defeated look on Chim's face.

”Um, thanks for letting Albert sleep here. I appreciate it.” Chimney said then, and Buck nodded at him.

”Of course. He's your brother.” They both then saw Albert hovering at the kitchen, clearly not sure what to do or say. ”Okay, um, I'm gonna go take a shower. Coffee on the counter.”

Buck smiled encouragingly to both of them, before jogging up the stairs, hoping that those two could make up. Once he returned, drying his hair on his towel, the brothers were already on the door.

”Uh, where are you going?” Buck asked with a frown. He didn't expect them to leave so soon.

”I promised to treat Albert breakfast after last night...” Chimney explained and smiled tightly at him, wishing Buck wouldn't invite himself along.

”Okay, great.” Buck only smiled, happy that things turned out well. ”Have a great time.” Then he looked at Albert and winked at him. ”And I told you so.”

Albert laughed and nodded. ”Yeah, I think you did. Thank you, Buck.”

”Anytime.” Buck shook the kid's hand before letting them leave.

Not long after that, Buck's phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. He picked it up to see a message from Eddie.

' _Albert still there?_ '

' _No, Chim came by. They made up!_ '

' _That's a relief! I feared I'd have to hate Chim for the next two days._ '

Before Buck was able to reply, he saw three dots on the foot of the screen, indicating that Eddie was already writing more, so he decided to wait.

' _Hey, what about a get together at my house... Let's say at Friday? That way we can celebrate a little better and you get to read that story about rabbits... even though I know you're afraid of it._ '

' _I'm not afraid! ...okay, just a little. BUT the party does sound nice!_ '

' _I'll ask others tomorrow if they can come._ '

' _Was Chris mad?_ '

' _No... I think he's already forgotten about it. But it might come up tonight. So thank you for that..._ '

Buck laughed to himself. ' _Sorry... You can always blame it on me. I promise to make it up to you._ '

' _You better..._ '

Their communication ended there and Buck started to roam around his kitchen to make some breakfast to himself, when the phone buzzed again, just when he had started to make himself a smoothie. He looked at a new message from Eddie:

' _Wanna come by for some breakfast?_ '

Buck smiled and was already half way through the door as he answered: ' _Absolutely_ '

Eddie had just finished cleaning the house when the doorbell rang. The party wasn't supposed to start in another hour, but as usual one was early.

”I'm busy!” Chritopher's voice called out from the living room, he was concentrated on some kid's show, even though he hadn't been able to stay in his skin for only ten minutes earlier, telling his dad that he wanted to open the door to everyone.

Eddie shook his head with a fond smile, before going to open the door, already knowing who it would be.

”I brought cookies!” Buck lifted the package of cookies for Eddie to see.

”Why would you bring cookies?” Eddie let out a little laugh as he looked at the package in disbelief. Buck had never brought anything into this house, if Eddie hadn't asked him to.

”Well, Maddie said I had to. Don't ask me why. These are Christopher's favorite... and mine.” Buck explained and passed Eddie as he got inside, their shoulders brushing together.

”Okay...” Eddie closed the door and followed Buck to the kitchen.

Buck put the cookies to the gabinet, where he knew Eddie kept the sweets so Chris couldn't reach to them whenever he wanted. Then he opened the fridge and let out a long whistle.

”Wow, you really went all the way...” Buck said as he examined everything that had been crammed inside. Then he reached out to take one sausage and an handful of grapes, before pushing the door closed, which wasn't an easy task, since his hands were now full and the fridge was so full the door barely stayed closed.

”Well, there's going to be a lot of guests.” Eddie waved him off from the fridge and closed it properly himself. Almost the whole station managed to come, if Bobby and Hen weren't included. They were busy somewhere else.

”Sure, but if you had talked to Maddie, you would've bought only half of that. She's bringing the whole store here by the way she was talking.” Buck smiled to the flash of fear on Eddie's face, before walking to the living room. ”Hey, buddy! What are you watching?”

”Hi, Buck...” Chris only mumbled, only looking away from his show for a moment to see Buck there. 

”He didn't even answer my question.” Buck turned to look at Eddie with a carefree smile, eating the last grapes he had in his hand.

”Yeah, he has important things to do.” Eddie rolled his eyes.

Buck only shrugged and went to sit beside Chris, soon staring at the TV the same way Chris did earlier. Eddie wondered if he should be offended for not having anyone to talk to, but then decided to join the two, since there was nothing to do until others arrived.

Eddie was setting the table, at the same time eyeing Chris and Buck at the couch. They were both laughing loudly, punching each other for whatever reason. Buck gave Chris soft punches, but Chris answered with his full force, which would cause bruises on him later, Eddie knew. Albert was kneeling beside them, they were most likely teasing Chris together. 

”You ever think it's weird we spend 50-something hours a week together and still hang out?” Chimney asked as he returned from the kitchen, where he had been talking with Maddie while he had collected more napkins.

Eddie looked up at Chim, who was staring at Buck and Chris. ”No, what's that saying? The family your born into and the one you choose? Well...” Eddie glanced towards his two favorite people. ”...that's what the 118 is: the family we chose.”

Chimney looked a little baffled by his words but then he smiled, and even though Eddie wasn't directly looking at him, he could practically hear the snarky words coming. 

”Are you saying you chose Buck of all people to your family?” Chim teased and only received a smile and a hit from a pile of napkins. 

”Says the one who's girlfriend is Buck's big sister.” Eddie had grown a little immune to Chim's constant bantering about him and Buck. At first he had been nervous about them, like Chim was somehow outing him with his words, but he had grown to realize nothing ever followed from Chim's words. He would enjoy the thought of Buck being his family for as long as he could. Eventually they both had to move on, willingly or not. But today, Eddie wasn't going to think about that. He just wanted an relaxed day with his family.

”Still no food?” Buck complained as he saw Eddie walk into the living room. 

”Maddie's still busy in the kitchen.” Eddie smiled at him and sat beside him.

”Well, I'm gonna check just how long she's gonna arrange my cookies.” Buck said lightly and placed his hand on Eddie's thigh to get some support as he got up.

Eddie refused to think about Buck's hand squeezing his thigh. He watched Buck go, his eye wandering a little lower than necessary, but as he saw Chimney coming to his way, he quickly looked away, shifting closer to his son.

Buck saw Maddie in the middle of assembling food, not his cookies though, and reached out to steal one cracker, when she slapped his hand away.

”No.” She said perkily and turned to face him, like expecting him to have something to say.

”Uh, you're not gonna put out the cookies I brought?” Buck asked, a little hurt that she had just scolded him like a seven year-old. He looked around to see if the cookie package was somewhere, but it seemed she hadn't found them.

”It's not time for dessert, and why are you acting like you made them yourself?” Maddie had been extremely disappointed to hear that the only thing her little brother had brought was cookies, when everyone else had whole self-made cakes or fresh pizza.

”I drove myself to go buy them.” Buck told her, making her laugh. He had already parked in front of the house, when she had called and had sounded astonished that he had nothing with him. ”Look, I-I really don't get why I had to bring something anyway. You practically shamed me into it.”

”Because it's what you do.” Maddie's older sister mode was on. She knew they didn't learn much from their parents, so Buck had to be spelled out on this one now. ”When someone invites you to their house, you don't show up empty-handed.”

”Uh...” Buck was confused. Did Maddie really think he showed up to everyone's doorstep without anything to bring? But if he had to bring something every time he visited Eddie... the house would be full of food. ”...this is Eddie's house. I'm not really a guest.”

”Okay, I was trying to save you from yourself. Like always.” Maddie would've never guessed the boy-crush Buck had for Eddie would last this long. Sometimes it looked like the two were already dating, but she knew that wasn't the case.

”Well, thanks.” Buck told her, realizing that he had been caught. ”You are a good sister. I'm lucky to have you.”

”We're lucky to have each other.” Maddie agreed, extremely grateful for having such an amazing family. ”All right, now help me carry this stuff.”

”Yes, ma'am.” Buck was more than happy to help on that, when it meant having food wasn't far away.


	14. Trying to move on

Poker night, wine and something stronger. Buck was able to put the pieces together only when Josh literally pointed them out. 

”If I didn't know better, I'd say you were setting us up.” 

”Oh, no, I like you too much to set you up with my brother.” Maddie joked to hide the fact that she had been caught. Not that she expected for the two to get together, she just wished that Buck could talk to Josh about the things going on in his life and maybe realize... there had to bee a change. To her luck, the conversation turned towards the subject she had hoped for.

”Oh, hey, now.” Buck tried to protest, but Maddie cut him off.

”AND I love you too much to let you keep being so incredibly, tragically...”

”Some might say embarrassingly.” Chimney continued his girlfriend's sentence. 

”...single.” Maddie was the one to finish and though she looked at him with fake drama, he also saw real worry behind her eyes.

”Tragic seems a bit much.” Buck tried to joke it off. He didn't even want to go to the embarrassing part. 

”Closest you've gotten to turning on a woman in the past few months is shouting out: hey, Siri!” Chimney's voice made Maddie laugh out loud.

”Well, she's very good to me.” Buck went along with the joking. ”She sings me songs, she delivers me food, she tells me where to be, when and how to get there and that is pretty much love. The rest I...”

Maddie let out a loud noise of disgust and lifted her hand up to silence her little brother. This was not where she wanted the conversation to go. 

”Oh, no, no,no! Dear God, I don't wanna know!” Chimney shouted out loud, sure that if he just talked loud enough, he wouldn't hear Buck's next words if the boy kept on speaking.

Buck smiled in satisfaction. Proud that he had managed to stop the conversation. 

”Alright, alright, just ease up on the solos.” Josh suddenly joined the conversation. ”It's hard out here.”

”See? Thank you.” Buck agreed with Josh.

”It's L.A.. Everybody's always in their car or looking at their phones. Or in their car looking at their phones.” Josh took a long sip from his glass of wine.

”And we're stuck with online dating, which is...” Buck added fuel to the fire, wanting to keep the subject on the single life generally and out of his personal life, including Eddie.

”...an absolute nightmare.” Josh finished his sentence. Maddie was surprised to see those two acting like an old married couple. Maybe she should've brought them together on purpose.

”The craziest, the randos, the catfishes and not to mention the liars.” Buck kept on repeating.

”Profile pics brought to you by Photoshop.” Josh sighed in defeat. ”Face it guys, you two got lucky.”

”They did. You guys have no idea how hard it is out there for the solos.” Buck agreed and toasted with Josh. Buck smiled to the couple sitting across from him. Silently yearning for that too. But he had the next best and probably closest he would ever get: Eddie and Chris.

Eddie thanked god and also Buck for Carla. He just... wasn't a fan of meeting new people. Especially new people with bad jokes. Really bad jokes. 

”Well, hopefully the English teacher has a better shtick.” She joked as they waited for her to arrive.

Eddie was certain no shtick would save this day. After roaming numbers, bandstands and chemistry, he just didn't know he could take any more.

”So sorry to keep you waiting.” A woman's voice made the two look up at the door and Eddie had to look twice. ”My last student's father asked a surprising amount of questions.”

”I'm sure he did.” Carla responded as Eddie seemed to be unable to form words or even thoughts. His reaction amused her.

”Good to see you again, Ms. Price.” She shook hands with Carla before turning towards Eddie. ”And you must be mister Diaz.”

”Please, calm me Eddie. It's short for...” 

”Edmundo?” She guessed.

”Most people guess Eduardo.” Most people, including Buck, Eddie thought. 

”Growing up I had a grandfather named Edmundo.” She told them, while adding: ”He was my favorite.” 

”Mine too.. I mean...” Eddie had to shake himself. He thought she was gorgeous with her long, black and curly hair. She reminded him of Salma Hayek, who he had his first celebrity crush as a teenager. And he was acting like a teenager right now, annoying himself. 

She talked about how Christopher was doing great and even praised Eddie for doing a great job raising him. Eddie felt his stomach flutter a little by the compliment and he smiled widely, but then he felt Carla's stare and he quickly collected himself.

”We gonna talk about that?” Carla asked as they stepped outside the school.

”That I'm basically raising a funny, popular, young genius?” Eddie asked in a good mood, although he knew exactly what she was talking about. But damn, was he proud of his kid, Christopher had the personality that would get him far in his life.

Carla laughed and quickly added: ”That has a pretty young thing for an English teacher?”

”Was she pretty? Didn't even notice.” Eddie tried to fool her, but knew he was doing a terrible job. 

”Oh, I'm sorry, I must've confused you with someone who couldn't stop gazing into Ms. Flores' big blue eyes.” Carla joked and smiled widely.

”They were brown.” Eddie corrected her but again knew immediately that he was caught. He tried to look away, but it was no use. 

”And you're right.” Carla didn't hesitate to catch him either. ”Too bad you didn't notice.”

Eddie knew he kept on smiling like an idiot. It had been too long since he had a crush on anyone and he had almost forgotten how good it felt. But he was still surprised by the reaction the teacher had in him. He hadn't looked at another woman after Shannon. It had been so long since he had just... hold someone. He had close friends, his son, family, Buck... he had content in his life, but he knew he was missing the one piece. The one that Buck would never be able to give him.

Buck washed dishes while Maddie was finishing her drink at the other side of the island.

”What was that? Trying to hook me up with Josh?” Buck teased as he turned around to face Maddie, with a lazy, all knowing smile on his face.

”I have no idea what you're talking about.” Maddie's eyebrows rose and she suddenly got really interested about her drink and put the straw in her mouth like she wasn't able to continue the conversation with it between her teeth.

”Right, you just happened to need two poker players, two days prior the day itself, and those two happened to have the only single men you know.” Buck kept teasing her, but Maddie stayed stubbornly quiet, shrugging her shoulder. Both ignoring the fact that Buck let out one person from the single men's list. Buck had actually asked if Eddie could join once she had told him about the poker night, but she quickly told him that she had already asked Josh.

”Maddie...” Buck lowered his voice to make her know he wanted an answer.

”Alright...” Maddie sighed and put the drink down. ”I know you've had that boy-crush on Eddie for the longest time.” Maddie saw the way Buck's face faltered as she mentioned Eddie and she also knew her brother would do or say about anything to change the course of this conversation, but Maddie wasn't going to turn back now. Buck was the one who started it and Maddie knew this situation couldn't go on much further. ”I know you're bi and I thought that maybe you and Josh could hit it off...” She didn't get the chance to finish when Buck cut her off.

”...and we could have it out of our system?” Buck looked at her with raised eyebrows, like she had finally lost her mind.

”No!” Maddie was shocked to think that Buck thought she would try to get her little brother a one-night-stand. Then she realized what Buck was trying to do. ”I thought you would like each other, but it seems that's not going to happen, cause you keep on pining after your best friend.”

Her words had the effect Maddie was aiming for, when Buck looked down at the floor and his whole body seemed to tense. This was a touchy subject for Buck and Maddie had avoided it to make sure her brother felt good, but she also knew the boy-crush was much more than that and it worried her these days. Buck would always hide his feeling behind jokes and smiles.

”I am not pinin...” This time Maddie cut Buck off.

”Stop it, Buck! I know you have serious feelings towards Eddie and you should totally talk to him about them.” She thought she was giving Buck encouragement and a good advice, but instead of a soft smile and a nod she was expecting, she got a furious look from Buck, the one he gave so rarely.

”Hold it, Maddie! I am NOT talking about those things to Eddie. No way!” Buck even took a step back, as if making space between his sister would end the conversation.

”But you can't keep going on like this.” Maddie heard her own voice rise as well and she knew they were having a fight right now. ”I'm just afraid you get yourself hurt. Really bad.”

”Well, that's my business.” Buck forced himself to calm down and took the step back at her.

”What if Eddie finds someone in his life?” Maddie paused a moment to let Buck answer, but her brother was staring at the surface of the island, so she kept on pushing: ”What then, Buck? You would be miserable for not being able to see Eddie and Chris as much as you're doing now.”

”Then that's how things are going to be.” Buck's voice was low and stern, like he was trying convince himself more than Maddie. ”I am not risking the relationship we have now by bringing my own feelings into it.”

Maddie was glad Buck now at least admitted those feelings to himself and to her.

”I...” Buck let out a suppressed laugh, like he was holding back a sob. ”I know it will happen someday, but until then I'm going to enjoy every bit of time I have left with them. Yes, I will be miserable when it happens, but I'd also be miserable if it happened today and even more miserable if I had to be apart from them, knowing that I could still be in their lives.”

Buck finally met Maddie's eyes and her heart broke as she saw the fear and uncertainty in them.

”Come here.” Maddie said softly and got up from her chair, opening her arms wide to invite her little brother to a hug.

Buck quickly wiped his eyes, hoping that Maddie wouldn't notice as he rounded the island to hug her tightly. 

”You can't go on like this forever.” She whispered into his ear.

Buck stayed silent, not wanting to admit that to himself.

After Maddie had left, Buck remembered the parent-teacher night Eddie was supposed to be in with Carla. He checked the clock and realized it was already over. Without thinking, he went to his call history, but paused just when he was about to select Eddie. Maddie's earlier words echoed through his mind, but only after a moment of hesitation, Buck pressed the screen and put the phone to his ear. 

"Hi, we just got out of the school." Eddie's voice reached his ear, but he sounded off, like he was nervous about something. "Hold on, I'll put you on speaker."

"Hi, Buckaroo!" Carla's voice called out.

Buck let out a laugh, always happy to hear from her. "How did it go?"

"It went great." Eddie replied and Buck waited for him to continue, but there was only silence.

"Just great?" Buck smiled to himself. Sometimes he really had to force things out from Eddie. He didn't always realize when people wanted to hear more. "Come on, gimme something more."

"Well, apart from some really dry jokes from the teachers, it went pretty smoothly. Chris is doing just fine and..." Eddie didn't have the change to continue when Carla interrupted him:

"At least the last meeting went smoothly for you." She smiled at Eddie and ignored the warning look he gave her, telling her not to say another word. "Chris's English teacher got a secret admirer from Eddie. Or actually not so secret..."

"Carla!" Eddie raised his voice and practically stared at her in horror. Of course Carla knew what she was doing and she was doing it willingly. If these two idiots didn't find each other on their own time, she thought putting some fuel to the flames wouldn't hurt a bit.

"Oh, uh..." Buck couldn't speak. It felt like a huge weight had been placed to his chest and he struggled to even breathe. He knew he should say something, anything, to not make his silence seem so suspicious. 

Eddie cursed in his mind. He really hadn't planned to tell about that to Buck, but then he realized it probably wasn't such a bad thing. Buck didn't have any deeper feelings for him, so he would probably just be glad that he was interested about someone. This way Eddie might even manage to make some space between him and Buck. But then he stopped to think did he really want that? 

"You should... You should really do something about... Look, sorry, I-I gotta go... I have some..." 

Neither Carla or Eddie could hear what Buck's last words were as he mumbled them to the phone and ended the call. As they sat down to the car, Carla looked at Eddie long and hard, wondering if she should tease him a little bit longer, but the confused, almost lost, look on the man's face made her feel pity and she decided to stay silent.

As Buck ended the call, he really felt like he needed to sit down. It had already started. The very thing he and Maddie had talked about only fifteen minutes earlier, had now crushed to his life. Buck felt sick.

That night Maddie and Chimney were watching a movie, but she couldn't concentrate on it. She only stared blankly at the TV, while Chim laughed by her side. Once she forgot to put the popcorn she had picked up into her mouth, Chim turned to look at her with a frown between his eyebrows.

”Maddie, what's wrong?” He asked, but the answer was something he wasn't expecting:

”I think I should talk to Eddie.”

”I think you should not.” Chimney hurried to answer, knowing what Maddie was referring to, since she told him about the fight she had had with Buck. ”If you talk to Eddie, he is forced to talk to Buck and if he doesn't reciprocate those feelings that Buck have...” Chimney paused and shrugged his shoulders. ”...then Buck will be miserable AND angry at you. Which I think is much worse than being just miserable.”

Maddie closed her eyes and cursed under her breathe as she knew Chim was right. ”You're right...” 

Chimney swallowed the urge to say that he knew he was, but instead opened his arm to let Maddie sink to his side, giving her the comfort she needed.

”Maybe, next time we should invite both Buck and Eddie to the poker night?” Maddie suddenly sharpened and Chimney shook his head.

”No, that wouldn't work. They already spent most of their time together and are still as clueless as always.”

”Damn...” Maddie cursed and relaxed again.”I hate to see them going around each other like this.”

”Me too.” Chimney echoed.

”You enjoy it.” Maddie turned to face him with a smile.

”Yeah, I do.” Chim returned the smile, but quickly continued with a straight face again. ”But only because I think Eddie does have feelings for Buck. You just need to give them a little more time.” 

Maddie sighed. ”Okay, but I've been giving it to them for months now. How much more do they possibly need?”

When Eddie got the call from Carla, telling him that Christopher got hurt during school day, he had to rush in there to see his son for himself. He had just finished a 12 hour shift, suffered from the lack of sleep and was worried as fuck, which probably didn't help the situation that was about to fold out.

”Carla, what the hell happened?” Eddie asked, sounding almost angry.

”I told you Christopher is fine.” Carla tried to calm him down. ”You didn't have to come down here. It just some scraps and bruises.”

”He hurt himself?” Eddie felt a punch to his stomach, even though Carla had just told him Chris was fine. But the knowledge that his kid had been in pain and he hadn't been there to make it okay, was the worst thing to happen for a parent. ”How?” He turned to look at Chris' English teacher, knowing that she wouldn't be there if she wasn't the one responsible of taking care of Chris at that moment.

”Well, it turns out Christopher and skateboards don't get along very well.” Carla tried to smooth things down, since Ms. Flores seemed to suffer from bad conscience and wasn't able to say anything and she knew Eddie might still have a chance with her if he didn't screw this up.

”You let him skateboard?” Eddie looked sharply at Chris' teacher. Carla was sure if Eddie was a woman, she would be reminded of a lioness protecting her kittens. Or a proper helicopter parent was another imagine. She knew Eddie was a great dad, but boy did he get worried easily.

”I am so sorry, Mr. Diaz.” Ms. Flores seemed to finally find words. ”We didn't know one of the kids had brought a skateboard.” 

”You didn't know?” How Chris could get hurt in a school that was dedicated to take care kids with special needs. Eddie couldn't comprehend that. ”He could've broken his neck.”

Carla rolled her eyes dramatically at the background, but at the same time hoped that Eddie couldn't see it. Although, she knew she was quick-witted and would have no problem of taking on Eddie with a word match, she still didn't want to get to that point. 

”I know and I feel terrible.” Ms. Flores said, addressing the first two words, but she didn't sound sincere. And right at that moment the illusion of her as this beautiful celebrity, good with children -crush of Eddie's collapsed and he felt furious, not only at the teacher but at himself for falling into such a stupid teenager idea. 

”The other kids were showing him how to ride it.” Ms. Flores kept explaining. ”And they didn't know that...”

”Didn't they? No, let's push the kid with CP around on a skateboard for fun.” Eddie couldn't care less of how the fall had happened. He only cared that it had happened and now Chris was hurt just because no one noticed that someone had brought a frigging skateboard with him to school. ”You let them make a fool out of my son...” He had thought everything was fine during the teacher-parent meeting, but now it looked like the other kid's made fun of his boy. Eddie wouldn't allow that to happen.

”Eddie!” Carla's stern, almost like motherly, voice made Eddie stop and look at her. 

”I-I promise you that's not what happened here...” Ms. Flores tried to reassure him, but Christopher arriving from the nurse's care made all their attention turn to the boy.

”Christopher, hey. Oh, my god.” Eddie sighed and leaned down to check on his son. He had a big bruise on his right knee which caught Eddie's attention right away. ”Are you okay?”

”I'm sorry about my clothes.” Chris only replied, he had been worrying about them the whole time he had been cleaned up. He knew his dad didn't have much money to buy new ones.

”No, don't worry about that.” Eddie couldn't care less about clothes. 

”I could run to the house, get some clean clothes for him to change into.” Carla offered, but Eddie shook his head.

”No, we're done for today.” He responded coldly and picked up his son into his arms. ”Come on, we're leaving.”

”But school isn't over.” Christopher couldn't understand why they would leave in the middle of the day.

”It is now.” Eddie glared at the English teacher, hoping that she felt at least partly as bad as he did, before walking away.

”You should talk to him about how he got hurt.” Carla and Eddie stood in his kitchen and she tried to find the right words to make Eddie understand what Chris needed from him next. ”I know Christopher wants to be like all the other kids, but...”

”You want me to tell him he's different?” Eddie looked at her like she had gone crazy. What good would that possibly bring, except hurt feeling for Christopher.

”He already knows that.” Carla said firmly. ”You need to teach him what it means. That he has limitations.”

Eddie felt his heart sank. The subject was something he had refused to think about properly since... since he learned that Chris had CP. He had thought Chris would be happiest if he raised him like any other kid and make him believe that he could achieve anything. Had he been wrong? 

”I'm not going to tell my kid that.” Eddie said abruptly and walked to the kitchen table, where Chris was waiting of his snack. ”Hey, buddy, how you feeling?”

”Dumb.” 

”What? What are you talking about?” Christopher's answer was not something Eddie was expecting to hear and took him by surprise. His son sounded so disappointed.

”Everybody saw me fall.” Chris then explained, sounding so embarrassed that it made Eddie's insides twist again. How could the other kids let his son get this down?

”People fall. It happens.” Carla then said as she stepped into the room and then leaned out to talk to Chris: ”Nothing to be embarrassed about.” 

”That boy should've never pressured you into skating on that skateboard.” Eddie told Chris.

”It was my idea.” Chris replied almost furious at his dad.

Eddie glanced at Carla, who smiled knowingly at him. He started to feel a little bit embarrassed himself for blaming everything on the other kid. ”It was your idea to get on the skateboard?” He wanted to know why.

”It looked fun.” Chris said, his voice rising with excitement, but then he muttered the last words: ”It wasn't.”

”Chris, why would you do that?” Eddie tried hard to comprehend his son's thoughts. ”You had to know it'd be dangerous.”

”You-you always said I could do anything. You-you-you lied.”

Christopher's words were like knives through his heart. He had failed his son. This was all his fault. The self-hatred words kept nagging in his mind. He realized that Chris was still just a kid. A very smart, independent and genius kid, but still... just a kid. He couldn't comprehend yet what he could or could not do. That should be something a parent should teach, but Eddie hadn't. He felt like throwing up.

The next day was full of work, which suited Eddie just fine. It gave him some time to distant himself from the situation and think about other stuff. They even encountered one of the weirdest calls there had ever been in, which said a lot: a woman got stuck on a window, when she had tied to throw her own poop out to the street. 

Eddie wondered how hard it was to date these days when you would go this far not to make a bad impression on your first date. He thought he would never find anyone.

”I've always wanted a bay-window!” 

Eddie heard the date's other part call out from his hallway, which made Eddie smile. Maybe their date wasn't as doomed as the lady in his arms thought. He was busy steadying her as she could breathe freely, but that also meant that she kept on muttering of her worst luck and humiliation.

”He's probably never gonna wanna speak to me again and you have no idea how hard it is to meet someone these days.” 

”Believe me as a fellow solo, I know.” Buck joined her rant. ”Eddie might've finally met someone special. Then he went and bit her head off. Now she'll never talk to him again and will probably flunk his kid.”

Eddie wasn't even a bit as amused as Buck was of the topic and he shook his head at him in disbelief. Buck was unbelievable. They had texted with each other last night and Eddie had explained what had happened at school and if Eddie didn't know any better, it sounded like Buck was jealous. There were million stories Buck could've shared from his own life. Why did he have to choose his failed date-life?

”Well, you kind of did.” Buck only said as he saw Eddie shake his head.

Buck didn't lie to himself. He had been extremely happy to hear about that incident, but at the same time he felt like a hypocrite. He should wish his friend would find happiness, but he couldn't help how he felt. In the end, he still thought he should make it up for Eddie. Think about something nice. Maybe beers at his place since Chris was with abuela.

”Wow.” Buck exhaled as Eddie told him about what Christopher had said to him. Buck felt bad for Eddie, but he also knew that as Chris got older, he would have to get used to some selected hurting words. ”Pretty sure all kid call their parents liars at some point.” He decided to comfort Eddie a little.

”Yeah, well, feels a little different when you hear it coming out of your kid.” Eddie remembered well all his fights with his parents. He had never thought how much it had hurt his parents.

”Just wait til he gets to the 'I don't have to do what you tell me' phase.” Buck joked.

”Aren't you still on that phase?” Eddie couldn't help but to tease the other man a little, especially after this day. 

Buck swallowed his beer and the remark back as he was only happy that Eddie felt good enough to joke back at him.

”The thing is, he's right. I lied to him.” Eddie looked at the countertop. ”Or maybe I lied to myself. Either way, I feel like a fool. I spent years trying to convince my kid to believe in Easter bunny but now I have to tell him none of that is real.”

Buck had to look up at the ceiling for not laughing straight at Eddie's face. He could be such a drama queen sometimes. ”Yeah, I think you might be overcorrecting here.”

”Told him he's no different than the other kid.” Eddie finally looked Buck in the eye. ”But he is, he has CP. There's a lot he can't do.”

”Have you ever heard of Jim Abbot?” Buck suddenly asked.

”The baseball player?” Eddie had no idea where this was going.

Buck hummed in agreement. ”Pitched a no-hitter in the 90's which in itself is pretty crazy, but it's even crazier if you know that Jim Abbott was only born with one hand.” Eddie frowned at him. ”Yeah, really, I read this book while I was in the hospital.” Ever since Buck had learned that Eddie liked baseball, he had tried to keep up with the subject.

”Okay, how did he do it?” Eddie's interest had been peeked.

”He practiced switching his glove to his throwing hang relentlessly so that he could field after he pitched.” Buck explained.

”I like the positivity.” Eddie sighed, that was something that always came with Buck (on his good days), but that wasn't going to be much help to Chris. ”I'm not sure how any amount of practice is gonna help Chris stay on a skateboard.”

They fell to a long silence. Buck noticed that Eddie had hardly drank anything from his beer as Buck's bottle was almost empty. He must've still been feeling guilty. Buck knew he had to find a way to make Eddie and Christopher feel better. He just didn't know what that something was.

Eddie knew he had to have the talk with Chris when his son was feeling bad enough of going to school and pretended to be sick. Some kids would do it just for fun, but he knew Christopher wouldn't. Eddie touched his son's forehead just to be sure, but it felt normal against the back of his hand.

”I don't wanna go.” Christopher admitted as he knew he had been caught. 

Eddie sighed. ”Okay.” He picked his son up and carried him to the couch. ”You still upset about the other day?” He questioned as he arranged Chris' crutches to lean against the couch.

”I just wanna be like everyone else.” Christopher said with his innocent child's voice, like wishing so would make it happen. It broke Eddie's heart a little.

”I know.” He replied and tried fiercely to find the right words to say. ”But you're not. I know I told you you can do anything and that was a dumb thing for me to say.” This was also a good lesson for Chris that adults too said and did stupid things.

”Because I have CP?” Chris asked, clearly trying to understand his difference.

”No, because...” Eddie had to pause a little. ”Nobody can do everything. And yes, there are things in life that you're not gonna be able to do. And there's other stuff that you are gonna be able to do, but it's gonna be a lot harder than it is for the other kids because you have CP.”

”Sorry, I won't skateboard again.” Christopher promised.

”It's not about the skateboarding. I just don't want you to be scared. You tried something and it didn't work out. Maybe the next time it does.” That was the last thing he wanted. The first time he had heard about the skateboard incident, Eddie had feared that his son was bullied and would be scared to go to school.

”But you can skateboard.” 

”You know what I can't do?” Eddie quickly changed the subject. 

”Cook?” Chris replied immediately.

Eddie laughed. ”Hey, that's not nice.” He teased Chris a little and the boy giggled. ”But probably true.” It seemed Chris had tried his meals too many times to know that.

”I have black thumb.” Eddie confessed dramatically, like it was the secret he had never told anyone else. ”I've killed every plant that's ever been given to me. But you science teacher told me that you did the best job out of your whole class growing plants from seeds. So, there's something you're better at than me.” His son was also better at showing his feelings than he was. Eddie had been pining over his best friend for ages and still wasn't any closer of telling him that.

”Really?” That uncertain, but kind of proud, little smile on Christopher's face made Eddie glad.

”Really.” Eddie confirmed and he wasn't lying. He had managed to kill his mother's plant, which she had kept alive for over eight years, in one week. And all the other flowers he had been given during his lifetime, always either forgotting to water them or watering too much. ”I don't want you to ever stop trying. But maybe... until you get a little older, maybe we try new things together, okay?” 

”Okay.” Christopher agreed. 

”You're not like any other kid. You're my kid.” Eddie cupped Christopher's small cheeks to his palms, just to adore the little boy that was in his life. ”I love you more than anything in this world.”

”I love you too, Dad.” Christopher whispered back and gave him a hug. 

Eddie sighed and kissed his son's shoulder. Holding him tight, fearing the day Christopher would one day shy away from his touch. The skateboard incident reminded him that his son was growing up, too fast, too soon, but there was nothing he could do about it but to be there for him.

The next day Eddie decided to do, what he had planned to do ever since his talk with Christopher: talk to his English teacher. He had been a total dick and blamed her for everything. She hadn't deserved that. The good thing was that his crush for her had fainted, so he didn't stammer the way he had the first time they had met.

One thing stood out from his conversation with Mrs. Flores: ”There's a lot to be said for getting back on the horse, but there's also some value in learning that you don't like horses. Sometimes our limitations tell us when to stop, but sometimes they can show us where to look next. Today, he falls off the skateboard, but tomorrow, he writes the great American novel.” 

Eddie couldn't help but feel that she had a double meaning in her words, but he couldn't be sure.

”I know you said he was doing good in class, but...” Eddie realized his jokes had almost gone as low as the teachers'.

”Okay, maybe not tomorrow, but...” Mrs. Flores still laughed.

”Someday...” Eddie continued and smiled, knowing that there was no rush on doing anything, not with Chris, or her, or Buck or anyone else.

As Eddie walked outside the classroom, he felt his phone buzz. He took it out of his pocket and saw a message from Buck.

There was an picture of a realy weird looking structure with a text: ' _Look at this!_ '” 

Eddie frowned and typed an answer. _'What the hell is that? Looks like a big rollator.'_

 _'Open the video!'_ Buck replied immediately.

Eddie just now realized by clicking the picture, he was send to a introduction video. As he watched the few minutes part, he felt his heart grow a size larger. This was perfect for Chris.

 _'Where did you found this?'_ He wrote and waited for a moment for Buck to reply.

'Did some research...' Buck replied with a winking emoji.

Eddie had to think for a moment of how to repay Buck for this. It seemed sometimes that he owed Buck quite a lot these days. He settled to write a simple _'Thank you'_. 

_'No biggie! Can't wait to see Chris' face! We have to wait for a week until it arrives.'_

Eddie could picture the anxiety Buck was feeling right now and he smiled to himself. There was no rush.

Exactly week later, both Eddie and Buck were sitting on Buck's living room floor and placed the pieces together.

”I, no, I just... no, I can't do this.” Buck huffed and stood up fast, frustrated beyond measure. 

”It has to fit.” Eddie muttered as he looked between the poles he was holding and the instruction manual. ”It says right here that A and B should fit together so why doesn't it fit?”

”Why can't they send these already attached?” Buck paced around for a moment, clearly wondering if he should try it once more or just give up. Then he stopped for a second, took a deep breathe and quickly turned around and went to the kitchen.

”I would've come in a huge box and you would've have to pay thousands more to get it delivered.” Eddie laughed. ”It probably wouldn't even fit through your door. Got it!”

Buck was just about to take a beer from the fridge as he turned to see Eddie standing up and looking at the finished ”skateboard”. Then they both registered what Eddie had just said and they shared a look before slowly turning to look at the door of Buck's apartment.

”Shit...” Eddie cursed and sat down again, ready to take the whole thing apart again.

Fortunately for them, they only had to dissemble two parts to get it to fit through the door, but it was still too big to go down the elevator. So, they carried it downstairs, through the narrow and curvy staircase. They were both sweating through their clothes as they finally got it to the lobby. 

”It can't fit into your car.” Eddie mumbled as he looked at the thing. It was bigger than he had imagined.

”But you can't take it home with you. Christopher will surely see it and the surprise would be ruined.” Buck sounded as disappointed as Eddie imagined Chris would sound at that point. ”You'll have to take my car and I'll drive this to the park with yours.”

Eddie had just time to catch Buck's car keys as he threw them to him.

”Is this your big plan of getting to drive my car?” Eddie knew Buck had always wanted to drive his car by the way the other man was sometimes staring at it longingly.

”I have no idea what you're talking about.” Buck tried to act innocent, but the smile gave him away.

Eddie couldn't help but smile back and he shook his head. ”Come on then, we can't leave it here or I can just let you carry it all by yourself.”

”So mean...” Buck muttered as they continued their way. Both feeling anxious about tomorrow.

Eddie could see that Christopher wasn't delighted to come to the skatepark and he really couldn't blame him for it. When he had driven home last night, Chris had been over the moon as he thought Buck had come to visit him. Eddie still felt a little bang of jealousy as he remembered his son's disappointed face as it was only his father who got out of the car. 

”Dad, I don't wanna be here.” Chris complained as they slowly made their way through the skatepark. Eddie looked towards the way they were going, already seeing Buck's overly excited smile gleam at them.

”Trust me, it'll be fun.” He tried to encourage Chris, knowing that soon that downward face would lit up by the sight of Buck and the skateboard. 

”Hey, Chris!” They both looked up to see Buck and Carla call out and lift the hood off from the skateboard. ”Surprise!”

”What's that?” Christoher asked, never seen anything like that before.

Eddie crouched before his son. ”Hey, remember when I told you that if you wanted to try something new, we should try it together?”

”Yeah.” Chris nodded, already smiling and Eddie knew he had figured out what they were going to do.

”Let's try skateboarding.” Eddie whispered in delight and rubbed his son's arms.

”Okayyy...” Eddie laughed to the wary voice Chris said it, but the boy's smile gave him away.

”Are you ready, Christopher?” Buck was suddenly standing behind Eddie and scooped up the little boy. 

”I'm ready!” Chris gleamed and gave Buck a hug.

”First things first...” Buck paused and stretched his hand towards Carla, who gave him a black helmet. Buck placed it to Chris's head and smiled widely. ”Safety. Now you're ready for an adventure.”

Chris laughed and they walked to the skateboard. It took a while for them to attach all the straps to keep Chris safe and when they were done, Chris looked like his nervousness had risen to another level and he looked between the men in excitement.

Buck settled on to Chris's back side as Eddie was the one who would push the speed. ”Ready to ride?” Eddie asked with a wide smile.

”Ready!” Chris declared loudly.

”Away we go.” Buck said lightly and Eddie nodded at him.

They all cheered in unison as they started to push the skateboard. Carla filmed with her phone and she quickly stepped out of their way, laughing with them. The next month, all Chris talked about was that ride with the skateboard and didn't even mention the time he had fell down from one of them. He had even managed to forget surfing.


	15. The decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an short chapter and I thought about adding it together with the next one, but it would've been way too long. Loved to read your thoughts about Ana. I didn't dislike her as a character, but I didn't like the idea of her having an relationship with Eddie. Luckily, they wrapped that up in the same episode. At least I think they did.

The Cap was having a vacation. Which was never a good thing. All four co-workers lingered at the locker room for as long as possible, so they wouldn't have to face their ”captain of the day”. 

”The whole day with Reynolds.” Buck complained loudly and as the other's raised their eyebrows at him, he quickly looked outside to make sure no one had heard him. ”A. Whole. Day.” He then continued, but much quietly this time.

Chimney sighed and looked up at the ceiling. ”I know. It's going to be agony.”

”I like Michael, but stealing Bobby away from us for that long is not okay.” Buck buttoned up his shirt and side-glanced towards Eddie, who was busy changing his pants.

”Technically, Michael stole him only for a day and a half and the rest part he's probably with Athena. You want to complain to her?” Hen smiled smugly at Buck's face of horror.

”Well, we survive... I think.” Buck mumbled. ”I really need to pee before the call to duty starts.” He shifted his weight from his leg to another and once again glanced outside to make sure he could escape to bathroom in peace.

”Then go!” Chim shooed him away, already annoyed of looking at his squirming.

”Fine. Fine.” Buck groaned and swiftly walked outside. 

”Now that Buck is gone, I have to tell you guys something.” Chimney started to explain, glad to be able to chance the subject. ”I woke up in the middle of the night and quess what I walked into?” 

Eddie and Hen shared a look and then both shrugged their shoulders.

”Albert.” Chimney said loudly and once again the two listeners glanced at each other, like Chim had just lost his mind. ”With a woman.” He then clarified. ”In a middle of... you know.”

”Oh!” Eddie and Hen breathed out in unison. 

”What did you do?” Eddie asked then, holding back a laugh.

”Well, I asked the woman to leave and somehow we ended up discussing my relationship with Maddie.” Chimney told and shifted a little nervously.

”And?” Hen looked at him in anticipation.

”Well, he's young and I think exploring... so, he thoughts that me and Maddie are missing the... spark, but only because we don't spent every night with each other.” Chim lowered his voice a little and looked around to make sure the conversation wasn't being overheard.

”And are you?” Hen asked with a raised eyebrows.

”Albert is annoying, but maybe he's right.” Chimney confessed as he buttoned up his shirt. ”Things with me and Maddie are great, but we're not exactly lighting the world on fire.”

”Does it matter what he thinks?” Eddie shook his head in confusion. Why would Chim pay any attention to his little brother who was only sleeping around with women. ”Only you know how you feel about Maddie.”

”I really care about her.” Chim didn't have to chance to even consider what to say next, when Hen made an dreadful noise.

”Ah, the dreaded C-word.” She sighed. ”I really care about good arch support. That's not how you feel about your significant other.” Maybe she should be glad not to have to deal with men and their emotional invalidity.

”Obviously, I care about her more than good footwear.” Chim said sarcastically. 

”Okay, how much more?” Hen waved around her hands to show that she wanted to see and hear how much Chim actually cared. Because, if he was leading Maddie on after the past she had, she was ready to kick her best friend's ass.

”A lot.” Chim confessed and sat down. He just didn't know how to say it out loud.

”Do you love her?” Eddie asked then. He wondered why Chim was making this so hard.

Chim sighed with a dreamy face, which alone would've told it all. ”Yeah.” 

”Does she love you?” Eddie continued the cross-examination. He sensed something was being unsaid between the couple, but it seemed he had to squeeze it out of the man.

”It's unclear.” Chimney heard in his own voice that it sounded bad and he looked over at Hen to see her worried expression tell him that it had sounded as bad as he thought. ”I mean, I feel like she does, but neither of us have actually said said those exact words out loud.”

”You've been together for like a year.” Hen commented, but Chim had to correct her.

”Technically, we have been dating for ten months and three weeks.”

”So, you've been together for like a year.” Hen continued, making them all laugh. 

”With everything she's been through, you know, what we've been through, we just wanted to take it slow.” Chimney said, realizing that they had to move on to somewhere and soon.

Eddie laughed out loud, too loud. He quickly looked away, outside where Buck was standing, talking to someone. This was hitting too close to home, he thought as he felt both Hen and Chimney's eyes on him.

”Glaciers move faster, Chim.” Hen said dryly as she put on her watch. She didn't even want to go to Eddie and Buck's situation. She knew what they had was different since they weren't dating and both were clearly idiots.

”And they're also melting, so maybe fiery is overrated.” Chimney tried to cheer himself up.

”Hey, guys, Reynolds wants to do a lineup.” Buck interrupted their conversation, sounding as pissed off as before. His eyes accidentally landed on Eddie, who was tucking in his shirt and he quickly looked away to Chim.

”I can't believe Cap left us with this guy.” Hen complained as she stood up and headed to the door.

”I sure wasn't gonna do it again.” Chimney called after her, knowing that wouldn't be anyone's wish either. He stood up and started to walk after them, when Eddie suddenly blocked his way.

Eddie made sure the others kept on walking before stopping to talk with Chim. ”Hey, I get taking things slow. But tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. So, if you love her, tell her.” With that Eddie walked away. He saw the others standing in a line and automatically walked to stand beside Buck. For a brief moment, he looked at the side of his face before staring ahead at Reynolds. Why was he feeling so uneasy? But he knew the answer to his own question.

The day was slow and their first call came at noon. A man had shot himself with a nailgun. A simple case, which didn't require more than one vehicle and fortunately for them: no captain. Buck was secretly excited and proud to see Eddie step up as the leader even though he was the inexperienced of them all. He knew Eddie didn't do it purposely, but it seemed his old army habits made it easy for him to take control and of course he was the most calm of them all, so it made sense and none of them questioned it.

Buck smiled a little to himself when he thought back to the first shifts he had had with Eddie. The Buck back then would've jumped all over the walls to see Eddie take control. Now it only tugged a little in his chest, but Buck didn't let himself think why. He only gladly secured the weapon, a.k.a the nailgun so no one else would get hurt. After that, it was only waiting for Hen and Chimney to do their work.

It didn't take long for them to get their patient in the ambulance. Eddie and Buck jumped inside the truck to follow it. The drive there was mostly silent, on Eddie's part, since Buck kept talking something about nailguns and renovations he had done, which Eddie paid only a little interest. Not that he was being rude, he just had other things to think about and Buck didn't seem to even notice that he wasn't paying attention to his rambling.

”It was sticking out from her eye and Chim almost passed out when he saw it...”

What was Buck talking about again? Eddie faked a laugh, sounding awfully like in the morning at the locker room. Not his finest moments, he should say. He was screwed. Even thought he didn't see his workmates' faces back then, he could imagine them. He knew they were catching on with him and knew he couldn't keep it as a secret for much longer. But what he and Buck had was too special to be broken and Christopher... Christopher would be miserable if Buck decided to stay away. It would broke the boy's heart... and his. Eddie bit down his lip. That was the worst case scenario, but he was pretty sure Buck felt something towards him too. Eddie glanced at his friend sitting next to him, but Buck was still talking, waving with his hands and looking everywhere else but him. Eddie felt his chest tighten a little and he knew he had to tell Buck. This couldn't go on forever. Giving advises to Chimney really made him see that.

They stepped outside the truck as they reached the hospital. Buck had finally finished his story, which usually indicated that he was getting hungry. Eddie was walking slightly ahed of him, his mind still racing. 

”You hungry?” He asked then, purposely not looking towards Buck, not wanting to see the expression on his face, the insecurity. This was the perfect opportunity, now that Bobby was gone. They would go out for a dinner, just the two of them, without Christopher. Maybe to that revolving restaurant? He could take it from there... at least so he thought. Damn, why did he have so little experience from first dates. Shannon had always been the one to lead him. But how should he proceed with Buck? If there even was somewhere to proceed. ”Wanna grab a bite after we drop him off?” Eddie continued and managed to keep him facial expression neutral as he finally looked at Buck.

”Definitely. I haven't had a proper meal since Bobby left.” Buck said, already looking forward of having lunch with Eddie.

They opened the back of the ambulance and both froze by the gross sight that opened up to them. The whole ambulance and the people in it were covered in blood, splattered blood, making it look like someone had been slaughtered in there. 

”Whoa.” Buck gaped at the scene.

”What happened here?” Eddie didn't sound as shocked, but more concerned.

”He started coding. We had to start CPR.” Hen explained as they got the man out of the ambulance. ”Things got a little messy.”

”Yep, but now his ticker's pumping like Old Faithful.” Chimney continued. ”80 BPM with normal rhythm.”

Buck looked up and down the ambulance. ”And I just lost my appetite.”

Eddie looked at Buck in disappointment. Buck was always hungry, so why did this have to happen now? When would be the next chance to talk to Buck in peace?

”And I just found mine.” Chimney said half to himself as he lifted his phone to his ear and started to walk away.

Buck looked after him in confusion. He shared a look with Hen, but she seemed as lost as he was and was wiping the blood off her face, making Buck quickly look away again.

”Hey, where are you going?” He then called after Chim.

”To ask your sister out on a proper date so I can tell her I love her.” Chimney explained as he kept on walking.

Well at least one of them got the chance to do that. Eddie thought as he watched Chimney's retreating back. Hen smiled proudly and Buck heartwarmingly, resisting the urge to pick up his phone and ask immediately from his sister where they were planning to go.

”We missed a lot, huh?” Eddie looked at Hen, wishing she could have an explanation for Chimney's sudden burst of love, but she only smiled at him. ”So no lunch?” He then looked at Buck, still hoping a little that the man had changed his mind.

Buck huffed out loud. ”Not for me, thanks. I think I'll try and eat that salad I bought yesterday a little later.”

”I didn't know you could be so sensitive.” Hen said dryly as she stepped down to the pavement.

”I didn't know you could be so snarky after having someone's blood all over your face.” Buck said back, crossing his arms across his chest.

”Fair point, please take me back to the station as fast as possible. I need a shower.” Hen already started to walk towards the truck, when Buck's voice stopped her.

”Oh, no, you're not going inside the truck like that.” Buck looked at her like she had lost her mind.

”You're making me walk like this, then? I'm sure I'll get arrested in half way.” Hen looked at the boy with a raised eyebrow.

”We'll ask if you can shower at the nurse's locker rooms and bring you new clothes. You'll need to have tested for any blood infectious diseases anyway.” Eddie was with Buck, although not with the same reasons.

”Fine.” Hen sighed and they settled on waiting for Chim to finish his call.

”So, where are you taking her?” Hen asked once he joined them.

”I have no idea.” Chimney replied, but that didn't seem to downside his mood.

”How about that revolving restaurant? I've been curious to go there so you can fill me in afterwards.” Eddie suggested, regretting it immediately, when he felt all three eye pairs at him. ”What? Well, I haven't had anyone to go with... so...” He started to stammer and knew he wouldn't think of an excuse to be thinking about romantic restaurants.

”Actually, that's not a bad idea.” Chim put him out of his misery, since Eddie's talk had been the push he needed to confess his feelings for Maddie.


	16. Clinging to life

The weekly radio-testing. It was one of those things on Bobby's checklist, which he loved, maybe a little too much, and that was partly why he got such snarky remarks throughout it: Chimney talking about his coffee, Hen answering with a voice full of sarcasm and Buck... was Buck, doing everything else but concentrating on tests. Eddie was one of the few, who had actually replied like he was supposed to, but Eddie was the only one who had first-hand experience of how important having a working radio connections was. Not that the others had never needed their radio on the job, but Eddie's life had once depended on that small device.

”We have visitors, Cap...” 

Eddie frowned at Buck's odd tone as he walked beside Captain and looked up at his friend on the balcony.

”Hey, did I pass? Over.” Buck then smiled his childlike smile, making Eddie's heart twist a little. That man was something else.

”Close enough.” Bobby said to the radio, sharing a look with Eddie. The Captain was done with this testing.

Eddie's eyes wandered back to Buck, when he heard Christopher's voice call out:

”Dad!”

”Hey, guys!” Eddie said as he saw his kid and Carla walking through the station. So that's what Buck had meant by the visitors. He had just thought he was having some kind of inside joke, who no one else understood.

”Five alarm school emergency.” Carla said with a warning tone, but Eddie could see that she was joking. ”He's supposed to tell Ms. Flores today what he's presenting for show and tell on Friday.”

”And so he suckered you into stopping here on the way.” Eddie looked at his son with a knowing look and Christopher only laughed, knowing full well how charming he could be.

”You know I can't resist a cute face.” Carla laughed with Chris.

”Okay. Show and tell. I thought you were bringing in your new hamster.” Eddie remembered Chris being all excited about it. He had gotten that hamster from his abuela and Buck had bought all sort of stuff for that little thing. To make him feel like home, Buck had said.

”Oh, the new hamster is old news.” Carla told him and picked up a small box from her purse and handing it to him. ”Somebody's been snooping in your closet.”

Eddie recognized that thing immediately and he felt a cold chill run down his spine and his jaw tightened just by the sight of it. He still took it in his hand and opened it, half hoping that the thing inside had somehow vanished, but it was there, reminding him of his past. The memory he had tried to repress for the last four years came floating back: the noises, the smells and the feeling of near death. His heart started to pound harder in his chest, he couldn't breathe.

”Is that what I think it is?” Buck asked as he had descended the stairs and was now walking towards them, eyeing the object in Eddie's hand curiously. Eddie had never told him how and why he got the silver star, but Buck was sensitive enough not to pry.

Eddie managed to tear his eyes away from the star and he glanced towards Buck, closing the box, hoping he wouldn't get any questions from his friend. He didn't want to deal with those right now.

”It's a silver star 'cause my Dad's a hero.” Christopher told proudly to Buck.

”We don't need jewelry to know that.” Carla then said to him and smiled at Eddie, making him feel a bit flushed.

”Do you ever just wear that?” Buck then asked, intrigued by it. He wondered why Eddie didn't wear it in his graduation few months back. It would've been the perfect opportunity.

”Never found an outfit to go with it.” Eddie said, trying to make it sound light, but his voice was tense. Buck was pushing his buttons and he tried to warn him to stop.

But Buck only took the medal from his hand and looked at it in awe. ”Ooh, if I had medal, I would never take it off.” Eddie would look good with it, he thought and lifted his gaze at him.

”We know!” Eddie snathced the medal from Buck's hands, smiling. 

Buck's smile didn't falter. He had accomplished what he had set to do as he had seen the medal. Eddie had looked paralyzed and he must've gone back to the Afghanistan after seeing that thing. So making Eddie relax and smile, was everything Buck had hoped for.

”You sure this is what you want to bring to school on Friday?” Eddie then asked from Chris, hoping that he would still go back to the hamster, but he knew he wouldn't.

”And you, so you can tell the story.” Christopher replied, already excited for his class mates to meet his dad. The hero.

”Is that a story you can tell fourth-graders?” Buck questioned, not sure if it could save Eddie from the situation, but at least he had tried.

”Not really...” Eddie only sighed. If it was anyone else but Christopher to ask, he would've said no immediately, but now he didn't really have a choice. 

”Please, Dad, please...” Chris smiled up at him, using his charm again.

Buck looked at Eddie from underneath his eyelashes. He already knew that he was going to agree and he laughed out loud as Eddie gave in.

”Okay...” Eddie shook his head, not quite believing he was actually going through with this. ”I'll figure something out.” 

The alarm went off.

”You promise?” Something about Chris's voice made Eddie's stomach tug. This was a voice of a boy, whose dad had promised him things and had let him down too many times. He wasn't going to let Chris down this time, he just had to figure out a child-friendly story.

”Yes, yes, I promise.” Eddie said hurriedly, knowing that he didn't have much time as all the other's were nearly at the trucks, but he still crouched in front of his son, giving the medal to Carla at the same time. ”You and me. Friday morning, telling 'appropriate for fourth-graders' war stories.”

Eddie started to head towards the truck. But before he could get there, he turned to run backwards to call out to his son: ”Love you!”

”Love you!” Chris called back right away, making Eddie smile and head to their destination.

Eddie hated when their call was about a kid. He could never shake the thought of how it would feel like if Christopher was the one in that situation. Like now, when they were searching a 5 year old boy, who disappeared in his own yard. His mother had hold her daughter like her life had depended on it, both crying silently inside the house. It had broke Eddie's heart.

Maybe because Eddie had a young child of his own, he knew what clues to look for. Footsteps weren't important, the yard was full of them anyway, but a curious little boy could easily open a gate, even though his mother had told him not to go there. That's what first got Eddie's attention and he got his reassurance, when he noticed that the gate wasn't closed and could easily be opened by a kid. Then his eyes were caught by a small tank toy on the ground. He crouched over it and picked it up, worried when he didn't hear a sound. He walked further and found a rubble of junk and on the bottom was wooden panel, which looked like it had been moved.

”Hey, guys, over here!” Eddie shouted out to the others. He knew he had found the well. The kid had probably climbed over the stuff and and it had gave in under him. 

They all started to clear the area and soon saw the hole. Eddie knelt over it and shouted out Hayden's name. He turned his head slightly so he could hear better if there was any sound answering to his call, but there was nothing.

”Hayden, can you hear me?” Still nothing.

They decided to drop a camera down there, to see how far the kid had fallen. It seemed like the well went on forever as Chimney kept saying the numbers of how far down the camera was going. Finally, on 45 feet, they could see Hayden's head and he was alive.

It soon started to get dark, making the mission harder and more dangerous for the boy. He was in danger to get hypothermia down there, not to mention all the other damage he might have after the fall. They gathered inside the house to talk with the commissioner, to figure out a plan to get the boy up. 

”The well sits on a water table that's about 50 feet down. Fed by reservoir here about a half mile over.” The commissioner told them, scrolling a huge map on the table.

”Right now the boy is trapped at 45 feet.” Bobby told the man.

”He falls another 5, he drowns.” The commissioner said the grim words.

”Can't pull him up from above. No way to access him from the side of the reservoir.” Eddie clarified, mostly to himself, wishing to know what the possibilities were, because in his mind there were none.

”There could be some intersecting feeder pipes down there, maybe some drainage tunnels, but frankly, this system predates our maps. We have no way to know.”

”So how do we get him out?” Buck asked, his voice full of worry.

Bobby just had a mad idea, but he knew it was the only possible solution. ”We dig.” He then said out loud and felt all eyes on him, so he started to explain: ”We set up a drill rig south of the well. We use it to dig a parallel tunnel, wider, slightly deeper, then we go down. Punch across by hand to access the well. Hopefully, we can pull the boy out.”

”Punch across by hand?” Buck said out loud what everyone were thinking. ”Feels like a lot of distance to cover when you're 40-something feet down.”

”We drill our tunnel any closer, and we risk compromising the integrity of the well pipe.” The commissioner stated and looked between the firefighters.

”If it cracks, the whole thing could collapse.” Bobby said then. 

”Right on top of the kid.” Eddie would never let that happen.

They had the plan, but now all they needed to do, was to wait. Buck wasn't good at waiting, but neither was Eddie in this kind of situations. The night was going to be a long one.

Before they started drilling, they lowered a radio down, so that Hayden's mother could talk to her son. Eddie listened to their conversation with a lump in his throat. Imagining just how scared the kid was right now. As the mother's voice started to crack, Eddie stepped forward to talk to Hayden himself.

”Hey, Hayden. My name is Eddie. I'm a firefighter. I'm here with your mother and a whole lot of other people. We're all working to get you out of there. Just stay calm, Hayden, okay?” Eddie spoke softly and calm. He understood the mother's reaction, but he knew hearing her cry would only make Hayden more scared. ”It might get a little noisy. Don't be scared, we'll be there soon.”

”Thank you.” Hayden's mother said to him, clearly understanding why he had taken over.

”Thank us later. When we give you back your son.” Eddie only replied. This was nothing compared to what they had ahead of them.

If the mission didn't sound impossible enough, the weather wasn't doing it any easier. It promised lightning and heavy rain and wind for hours to come. They were all soaking wet in minutes the rain started falling. 

”It's barely a mile away. We gotta pull the plug.” The commissioner was convinced they should lower the drill, before the thunderstorm was too close, potentially striking right at it.

”Hey, no, no,no! Come on, no way!” Buck protested loudly, looking at Bobby with bleeding eyes. They couldn't just leave the boy to drown or freeze to death.

”We got a five-story lightning rod sitting in an empty field out here.” The commissioner continued, ignoring Buck. He tried to be the voice of reason.

”It's still a mile away.” Bobby reassured the man. They just needed to be quick.

”It get any closer...”

”I know.” Bobby told him firmly before turning to his employees. ”Okay, get the winch and the harnesses and once we hit depth...”

Bobby didn't get to finish his sentence, when Eddie already shouted out: ”I'll go in.” 

Eddie knew that if he didn't speak fast enough, Buck would offer to go down there. ”I'm the one that was talking to him on the radio. He knows my voice. Makes sense that it's me.” That was a weak excuse, and Eddie saw it from Bobby's eyes as the captain tried to find a way to make a man with a son to stay above the ground. But Eddie had made up his mind. He needed to save that kid. ”Suit me up. I'm going down.”

For a moment longer, the Captain clearly tried to find an excuse to make Eddie stay, but the way Eddie looked at him, without any hesitation in his eyes, Bobby knew all counterarguments would be in vein. He could use his card as the captain and order Eddie to stay up, but he knew it would only cause problems between them. And if Eddie wasn't the one to go... the second choice would be Buck and as much as Bobby trusted Buck these days, he always had that nagging feeling at the back of his head which wondered that Buck could do something reckless. 

Buck didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Eddie to stop being foolish and let him go down there, but he also knew how important it was for Eddie to do something important at the moment. With the way Eddie cared for kids, it would be agony for him to just stand on the ground and wait. So, Buck stayed silent and only nodded firmly as their eyes met before they went to retrieve the harnesses.

Bobby did the best he could to prep Eddie what to do while he was down there. This wasn't something they usually drilled, so it was extra dangerous just because of that alone. 

”All right, extra oxygen, in case you need it. Water's rising fast down there. Green light: full supply. Yellow light: two minutes. I wanna see you topside before you see red.” Bobby did mental check list for himself, so nothing could become as a surprise for Eddie. ”You have 30 minutes to dig yourself across, not one minute more. After 30 minutes, you're gonna feel two strong tugs on your line, then we're pulling you out. Same goes for you: you find that boy first, you tug on that line twice.”

The ground was starting to get muddy and slippery under Eddie's shoes as he listened at Cap's speech while they walked across the yard. A lightning flashed on the sky and once again, Buck had to protest against the commissioner, not to abort the mission.

Buck was put in charge of lowering the line. He was actually glad, since it gave him something to do than just crouch around the well and wish for the best. This way, he could concretely feel Eddie go down there and follow his progress.

It was the longest 30 minutes of Buck's life.

As Eddie was down there, he tested the radio, but in vain. He got only static for a reply. A thing they had expected, but it still made him feel quite alone down there. But he quickly busied himself by starting to dig his way to the well. With every shovelful, he feared he would hit a rock that would make it impossible to get to the well, but that didn't happen. It took him over 20 minutes to get a big enough tunnel which he could fit through, before he could saw a hole to the wall of the well.

When he finally put his head through to see inside the well, Eddie thought they had drilled to a wrong depth, but as he turned his head around, he saw Hayden's curly hair just an arms reach away from him. He felt his heart sing in joy.

”Hayden!” He called out and the boy looked up, squinting his eyes from the bright light that came from his headlamp. The kid was pale and shivering with cold, but alive and responded to his call. ”Hey, it's me, Eddie. I told you we were coming for you. Are you doing okay down there, Hayden?”

”Cold...” Hayden answered with a shaking voice.

”I bet.” Eddie knew he was, but the most important thing was that he was soon going the get out from there. He tried to radio again, in case it was only him who couldn't hear the others on the top. He told them he got Hayden, hoping that the message went through, cause he needed more time to get him out of there. 

”I'm gonna reach down for you now, okay?” Eddie asked from Hayden, who nodded stiffly for a reply. ”Try not to move. Let me do all the work.”

He reached his hand down and took hold of Hayden's small hand. So small. 

”There we go. There we go.” He encouraged the boy, at the same time lifting him up. ”Almost there. You're gonna be...”

Just then Eddie felt a thug on his harnesses and it pulled him forcefully out of Hayden's reach. 

”No, no, no, no!” He yelled as loud as he could, desperately trying to cling onto anything he could to stop the pulling. He had been so close. Only a minute more and Hayden would've been there with him. 

”No! No! Not now!” He was now dragged to the bottom of the tunnel and felt the line starting to lift him up. ”Hayden!” He tried to call out to the boy, but he didn't answer. He must bee too scared again. He promised to get him out of there now and then he was dragged away from him. So, there was only one thing left to do: Eddie took out the knife from his gears and cut the rope with it.

”Prep the rig. We're bringing him up.” Bobby told Buck. 

”No, Cap, can't we give him more time?” Buck protested. ”He could have the kid or a-almost have him.”

”Or he could be suffocating in mud five stories below ground.” Hen tried to make Buck visualize the worst scenario. They needed to get Eddie up when the time ran out.

Her words made Buck stomach turn by the image. But if Eddie was suffocating, he would tug on the line and not try to contact them through the radio. Wouldn't he? They had all heard the static, coming most likely from Eddie's radio, but they couldn't make out what he was saying.

”We're almost down to one minute!” Bobby shouted out, preparing them to get Eddie back up. ”Time's up! Pull him out, now!”

Reluctantly, Buck did as he was told. He knew Eddie wasn't going up from down there without the boy. That's just how Eddie was when a kid was in distress. He remembered the gas fire, where Eddie had climbed the water pipe to get to the kid inside. So Buck knew Eddie wasn't ready yet. He hadn't pulled the line twice. 

Buck already knew what Eddie had done, once he lost the weight from the other end of the line, but he refused to believe in it until he saw it with his own eyes.

”He cut the line!” Hen said in disbelief. She would've expected a stunt like that from Evan Buckley, but not from Eddie.

Buck just sat there, staring at the cut rope, feeling like his world had just turned upside down. This couldn't be happening.

Bobby went to Chimney. ”Chim, I want you to gear up. I'm sending you down there now.” 

”Copy that.” Chim said without a question and went to change his clothes. 

Buck had finally managed to find his feet and ran to Bobby. ”Cap, I should be the one to go down!”

”So we can end up with two cut lines?” Hen asked and Buck didn't really care from the tone of her voice. She was certain if something had gone wrong down there, Buck wouldn't come up without Eddie. 

Buck frowned at her, but his attention was caught by Chim, who informed that the camera was back on again, but it was under water. Buck felt his stomach drop. Was Eddie under water now too? 

Eddie had fallen quite fast, even though he had tried to slow it by pressing his arms and legs against the walls of the tunnel. For a moment he just sat down there, exhausted and his mind swirled back to Afghanistan. To the moment that afforded him his silver star.

It didn't take long for him to realize he had a job to do. Hayden was still down there, cold and alone, calling out to his mom. Eddie quickly crawled to him and helped him all the way to the tunnel, wrapping him into a warming blanket.

”That better?” He asked, but got no answer and instead Hayden reached down to pick something up.

”What's this?” It seemed Hayden was a stubborn little boy, since once he was up on his feet, but still deep in the ground, he still noticed Eddie's St.Christopher's medal on top of a rock. Eddie hadn't even realized he had dropped it.

”Thank you, buddy.” He whispered to the boy as he clenched his fist around the medallion. 

”Eddie can you hear me?” Chimney's voice echoed from somewhere through the tunnel. 

”Almost home.” Eddie encouraged Hayden. Just a little way up and the kid would be back in his mother's arms.

Eddie had never been so glad to see Chimney, as the other man was lowered to the bottom of the tunnel, if the time when he had seen Chim awake on the hospital bed after the stabbing didn't count. 

”Thank God, you're okay.” Chim smiled widely as he saw the two alive and seemingly well. ”I was afraid I was gonna have to save your life.”

”No. Hayden and I are just fine, right?” Eddie squeezed the little boy's shoulder, who was still shivering in his hold.

Eddie gave Hayden to Chimney, who wrapped his arms securely around the little boy. ”They are gonna send another line down for you. Try not to cut this one.” Chimney said jokingly, but at the same time serious, not a bit amused by Eddie's actions. He tugged the line twice and Buck started to raise him up again.

Eddie could only smile in relief. Hayden was going to be safe and soon, he could get out from his hell hole and breath the fresh air again. Even the soaking rain wouldn't mind him, he was certain of that.

Then the ground started to shake violently, like in an earthquake and a loud roaring reached his ears. Eddie pushed the talk-button on his radio and called out for Chim, in case he was in the middle of raising up, but he didn't get an answer and instead rocks started to fall down. Eddie had to dug from underneath them into the tunnel he had dug and raised his arms and legs up, fiercely trying to support the walls around him.

Buck felt like he could breath easily for the first time since he had seen that cut line hanging above the tunnel, when he heard Chimney say that Eddie was okay after giving Hayden to Hen's care. Everyone were clapping and Buck smiled from ear to ear, by the sound.

”He just needs a ride.” Chim said, glad to be above the ground.

”All right, I need to drop another 50 foot line to get my guy. Buck, let's pull Eddie up and let's all go home.” Bobby said and Buck was glad to obey, when a loud roar of thunder made him look up and see a lightning strike the drill rig, making it groan and tilt dangeroulsy.

”Cap! Cap!” Buck moved in instinct and ran to Bobby, tackling him down on the ground to shelter him. He laid there with his hands lifted up above his head to shelter himself from the possible falling objects as the horrible noise circled all around them as the rig fell down. 

Then it was silent. For a moment, all Buck could hear was the sound of his own breathing, then he lifted his head up in horror. Eddie. Buck looked to the direction of the well and saw only fallen equipment and mud. His heart stopped beating.

”Eddie! Eddie!” He yelled and half ran, half crawled to the spot where the tunnel had been. Desperately, he started to dig on the spot with both hands, but all he could feel was more wet mud.

”No! Eddie!” He yelled again, even though he knew his friend wouldn't be able to hear him, and kept on digging. He had to find the tunnel. It had to be there, so they could get Eddie up, but he all he saw was mud. ”Eddie... Eddie, no...” 

Buck felt like throwing up. The tunnel was gone and Eddie was down there, trapped or... He barely heard Bobby call out his name and felt arms wrap around his armpits, attempting to lift him up. 

”Buck, get up.” But Bobby's feet slipped on the muddy ground and he fell down, but still held onto Buck tightly, needing to get him away from the tunnel, to safety and to start think rationally again. ”Come on, Buck.” He encouraged Buck to get a hold of himself, but all Buck could do was to cry and Bobby tried fiercely to keep himself together.

”Cap! Buck! Are you okay?” Hen's voice reached his ear, but Buck didn't have the strength to reply.

”We're fine.” Bobby was the one to answer, still trying to get back to his feet from underneath Buck.

Buck kept his eyes closed, wishing this would be just a bad dream and he would soon wake up from it, but all the noises and the horrible feeling he had in his guts told him otherwise. 

”Buckaroo, please, get up.” Hen wasn't ordering him, but pleading to him. Knowing just how Buck must feel right now. ”It's gonna be okay.”

No. No, it wasn't going to be okay. Eddie was down there. Eddie was 45 feet down on the ground, alone and helpless and he just wanted to see him. Buck felt like he was suffocating and finally his lungs forced him to draw a breathe and he did. One breathe. Two breaths. He forced the air into his lungs as he felt his friends picking him up onto his feet. He almost fell over once more, when he tested his legs, they were numb.

”Easy there, Buckaroo.” Chimney said then patting his back, trying to get him into his senses again.

Buck just stood there, staring at the place the tunnel had been, devastated. How could this happen? How could Eddie, of all people, get trapped down there?

”All right, let's go inside for a briefing.” Bobby said once he was on his feet as well. ”Come on, Buck.” He patted Buck's shoulder, before leaving his arm there and pushed him towards the house. Bobby glanced towards the space as well, before quickly turning around and setting his mind on the task ahead of them. One of the hardest tasks he had ever faced.

As they kept on walking, Buck seemed to get back alive, step by step. Hen and Chimney let slowly go of him, but stayed close by, in case he would collapse again. 

”I'm texting Maddie.” Chim told, mostly to Hen, but his sister's name made Buck wake up a little more as well.

Soon, Buck found himself standing in the middle of the bathroom. He vaguely remembered not feeling well and coming here to throw up. He stepped outside and stopped for a moment. People were bustling around him, murmuring with each other. Buck saw Bobby walk downstairs and quickly followed him.

”Cap, we gotta go dig!” Buck called out, not understanding why they had to come back inside. They needed to be out there, doing something, anything.

”We don't have a drill, Buck.” Bobby stated the obvious, not having the time to hear Buck's nonsensical ideas right now. ”And even if we could get another one up here, their access road is flooded.”

Buck followed Bobby to the porch. ”Okay, well, then we dig by hand.”

”Not with all this rain.” Chimney was the one to cut him. ”We could trigger another collapse.”

”How long can he last down there?” Buck asked from the other team's captain. He needed some kind of confirmation that Eddie would be alive for longer than he thought was possible.

”We're talking 30 feet of wet earth coming right down on top of him.” The Captain said and Buck felt like throwing up again. He imagined all the weight crushing Eddie under there, suffocating him, and his whole body went cold.

Bobby observed Buck closely, feeling bad for him. He knew how much Eddie meant to all of them, but especially for Buck. The words were like a slap to his face and Bobby feared Buck would lose it again.

Buck looked first at Chimney, who only stared back at him with pity filled eyes, and then at Bobby. This time Buck's eyes were filled with anger. ”Wait, you all think he's dead?” He couldn't believe this. Were they giving up on Eddie so easily?

”Nobody thinks that!” Bobby cleared quickly, but he knew this was something Buck needed to hear. The chances of them finding Eddie alive were extremely thin, or nonexistent, but that was something Buck wouldn't be able to handle right now.

”We just don't know how to get him out.” Chimney explained. They all had their fears about it, even Buck, but they had to try.

”Nobody's giving up on him. Nobody.” Hen reassured Buck. He needed their support. Eddie needed their support. They couldn't give up. Buck looked at her with blank expression. ”We're gonna find him.” Hen told him. Dead or alive.

At some point something must've hit his head, since Eddie woke up in a deadly silence. He was lying in a pool of water. His first instinct was to get in contact with his friends, to make them know that he was alive. He reached out to his radio, but it was gone. He felt fear rise in his guts as he thought he had lost his only contact to the outside world, but then he saw it lying just at his reach on top of a rock. 

”This is Diaz. Can anybody hear me? This is Eddie.” He still tried, over and over again. It was his only connection to the upper world, his only salvation. But again, all he got was static.

He reached out and felt the walls close around him, but the tunnel was long gone. He was alone, 45 feet down, where no one could hear him. He started to feel his breathing increase and his heart beat faster in his chest.

”I'm alive.” He said to the radio again, but still only silence greeted him. ”I'm still alive down here!” He banged desperately to the rocks, until his hands were sore. ”I'm still alive down here!” He was panicking and he knew it.

”Anyone?” He tried one last time, feeling his voice break. He was going to die down here. He remembered his Dad's words, telling him he was over his head to leave to L.A. And taking Christopher with him. Maybe his Dad had been right. He hated when his parents criticized him, but maybe they had been right and now he was going to die alone 45 feet below the ground. Leaving Christopher alone. Failing his son.

The water started to rise. Eddie knew it had to be coming from somewhere, like the commissioner had said. He just had to find out where. So he put on his oxygen tank and dived under the water, following the current that hit his face as he swam. A glimmer of hope grew inside him. He had promised to Christopher that he wouldn't leave him alone, so he'd damn better keep that promise.

It seemed like he had swam forever. The tunnel he was now in, seemed to just go on. There was no end. The light on the oxygen mask caught Eddie's attention: it had turned to yellow. He had two minutes left. So, he started counting: one, two, three, four, five, six... When he started to reach 100, he began to swim up, in hope to find an air pocket. One hundred and ten, one hundred and eleven... one hundred and seventeen. Finally, he felt his hand touch the surface and he quickly made his way up to get his head above the water. Just then he saw the red light turn on. Now he was on his own.

Eddie took the oxygen tank off. It didn't weight much, but even a little less would be crucial. The feeling was odd as he let go of his life support, letting it fall to the bottom. He then took a long breath before diving back down and starting to move forward. He remembered the commissioner's words: intersecting feeder pipes, drainage tunnels. Then Buck's skeptical voice: feels like a lot of distance to cover. 

The green light showed him the way, but no matter how much he swam, he saw nothing but endless water. He felt the air in his lungs grow thinner by every passing second and he was still no closer of finding a way out. As he stared at the icky light, he suddenly stopped. 

Eddie then knew: it was over. He was going to drown here, only hoping that they would someday find his body. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to panic. He felt like screaming and crying. Then he started to remember the one that meant to him the most: Christopher. Buck's voice rang through his memories: You got a kid? Christopher. He remembered the way Buck had reacted when he had told him he had a kid. The moment Christopher had walked without his crutches to give him his helmet and Buck looking at the scene with teary eyes. Chris hanging with them at the fire station, making them all laugh. Sitting behind the fire truck and asking silly questions. Hugging Buck at his party when he was coming back to work. Receiving a group hug from his team. Hugging Bobby after Shannon had died. 

His heart was breaking, as he realized he wouldn't be able to see them ever again. He remembered the horrific feeling when he knew Shannon was going to die. The moment he had to tell Christopher about it. He wondered if Buck would feel the same. He didn't want Buck to feel the same. It was too painful.Who would tell Christopher that he was gone? He had wanted to come back home to him, but he wished Christopher knew that he had tried.

The moment when he had told Chris they would be okay, just the two of them. Carrying Chris on piggyback after the earthquake. He would miss Halloween with Chris and Christmases. He and Buck sitting beside the fountain as Chris was seeing Santa. Mornings with his son. He was so proud of Christopher. Gliding down the fireman's pole to his and Buck's arms. Walking to school in his first day. Skateboarding together with Buck. Reading Chris a bedtime stories.

”Eddie, Christopher needs you!” Shannon's voice broke through his mind like a lightning, like she had been right there next to his ear, making Eddie startle back to the reality. She had been right. Christopher needs him. He can't let his son down. 

When Eddie opened his eyes, he saw that the green light had gone further away from him, raising towards the surface. And Eddie followed it.

He would always fight to come home to his family. Like he had done in Afghanistan, he was going to do so now. 

To his 118 family: Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Buck. 

To his family: Christopher... and Buck. 

The 118 was the best family he ever had. He would get back home to his son, or die trying. There was no other way around it. He would fight to the end and not let himself just fade away.

The rain had stopped and everyone had gathered back to the yard, listening the strategy that they had come up with.

”Okay, listen up.” Bobby raised his voice so everyone could hear him. ”Buck here is gonna get some thermal cams. We are going to fan out and do a grid search.”

Buck just stood there, barely hearing a word Bobby said, only reacting when he heard his name being called out, but soon returned to his dark thoughts. They had lost so much precious time. Time that Eddie didn't have. The word thermo camera circled around his mind. How could they found Eddie with those? How could they? It would be a miracle and Buck feared they had ran out on those. Soon, he would have to call Carla and tell her Eddie was missing. God, how could he tell Chris that his dad was gone and would never return home? Christopher had already lost a mother. Losing Eddie would break the little kid.

”Chimney is gonna have oxygen tanks and warming blankets standing by. I wanna start at the well and go outward in concentric circles.” Bobby tried to keep up a brave face, especially for Buck. But he knew they were searching a nail from the haystack. It would be pure luck if they ever found Eddie. And even more if they found him alive. Then he heard someone's stunned voice and he looked pass all the people to see a figure, who resembled Eddie a lot.

”Eddie?” Bobby called out, not quite sure if he was only seeing things.

”I'm pretty cold.” Eddie breathed out and tried to take a hold of the nearest people's hand for support, but before they could reach him, his legs gave in underneath him and he crashed to the ground with his whole weight. 

”Eddie!” Buck couldn't believe his eyes. It was Eddie. Barely walking and looking like he had gone to hell and back, but he was alive. At first he couldn't even move. His worry didn't decrease however, once Eddie fell to the ground. He quickly ran to him and helped him up together with Bobby. Buck took a hold of Eddie's hand tightly. It was numb with cold, but he felt Eddie squeeze back at him and then Eddie turned to look at him, making Buck smile in relief, as he saw the beautiful brown eyes.

”Come on, buddy.” Hen had ran behind Eddie and was now hugging him from behind, knowing that he desperately needed warmth which her body could provide for now. ”Let's get you checked out, buddy. So we can get you home.”

”Yeah...” Home. That's all he wanted at the moment. To get home to his son. ”I got a big date Friday.” Eddie breathed out. He felt like his lungs were full of needles but he managed to get some air into them. Buck looked at him in concern, fearing that he would crash in any second. 

Then a smile appeared on Eddie's face. ”I can't miss it.” He managed to say and Buck let out a relieved laugh, finally feeling like he could believe his Eddie was back with them. Safe and sound.

”All right, come with us.” Bobby said and they started to drag Eddie towards the nearest ambulance. He still didn't let himself to celebrate until Eddie was properly checked up and officially out of danger.

Chimney had heard the commotion and was walking towards them when he saw Eddie in between his friends and a huge smile appeared on his face. ”Eddie!” He yelled out in delight and ran to meet them. Together with Hen, he wrapped the warming blanket around the man. ”Welcome back, buddy.”

Eddie only smiled tiredly and he breathed out, but couldn't form any words. More and more, he gave his weight to the ones carrying him, finally trusting to let go. He didn't need to fight anymore. He was home with his family and soon he would get home to his son.

”Okay, lift!” Bobby instructed as they got to the ambulance and lifted Eddie's body in it. Eddie tried to help, but his legs were useless at the moment. He was hauled to sit on the edge of the stretcher. ”Hen will check you up, Eddie. I'll go have a talk with the captains and send them home. I'll be here in a minute.” Then he turned to look at Buck. ”Buck, you'll stay here.”

Buck hadn't even thought he would have to do anything else and only nodded at Bobby absentmindedly, still keeping a close eye on Eddie. He sat down beside him, still holding his hand, like Eddie would disappear if he let go.

”Okay, buddy, let's get you out of that wet suit.” Hen started to take off the clothe from Eddie, letting Buck help with the hand he had claimed to himself. 

As they got Eddie's upper body bare, Hen wrapped a dry warming blanket around his torso before getting the dripping wet and cold suit completely off.

”Your temperature is 91,04 and I think you feel like it as well.” Hen pointed out as she looked at her friend, who was shivering on the bed. ”Let's get you laid down.” She reached out to take hold of Eddie's shoulders, but the man shook his head fiercely.

”N-no...” Eddie said, voice shaking with the cold. ”I umm... I wa-want to stay awake.”

”You need to rest, Eddie.” Hen said firmly, but let it go for now.

”How is he doing?” Cap had come back and was examining Eddie worriedly. 

”He's hypothermic, but will survive. At least he's as stubborn as ever.” She then glared at the man, but found out it was useless to bark at him, since Eddie was now staring into a distance, not hearing a word.

”Okay, Chim is driving and I'll meet you all at the hospital.” Bobby told them before closing the doors and soon they heard two taps on the glass.

For a moment Hen sat there, examining Buck and Eddie. Buck was still holding Eddie's hand and his another hand was wrapped around Eddie's shoulder, rubbing Eddie's arm to get him warmer.

”You know you should be tied up.” Hen then said quietly, as if afraid to break the harmony of the moment. But Buck only looked at her with confused eyes, like he hadn't understood what she had said. ”Never mind. I'll tell Chim to drive slowly.” She shook her head with amused sneer. 

Buck turned his eyes on Eddie again. He was fully aware that stupid smile was still plastered over his face, but Buck was just too happy. Too relieved, to see and feel Eddie alive beside him. His hand was still ice cold and he kept on shivering, but still alive.

The ambulance took off, slowly like Hen had said, and it rocked from side to side, as they went on the muddy road. As soon as they came to a paved road, Eddie's eyes started get heavy and his head nodded back and forth. Then he suddenly sat up straight, like he had just remembered something.

”I need to call Carla...” He looked around, as if searching for his phone.

”I already send her a message. Chris is asleep and they'll talk to you in the morning.” Buck told him. It seemed to reassure Eddie as he went back to his dozing, soon his head lolled to rest on Buck's broad shoulder, the warmth and comfort making him fall asleep properly.

Buck glanced at Eddie's head, resisting the urge to place his cheek against it, to give Eddie more warmth. But instead he looked outside, happy to see all the lights from the hell they we traveling from, to disappear, one by one, into the distance. He still felt the panic inside himself, like his body was still in the mode of trying to survive through the horrific experience. 

From the corner of his eyes, Buck saw Hen move her arms up and he frowned at her as he saw a phone in her hand. 

”Did you just take a photo?” Buck asked in disbelief.

A wide smile appeared on Hen's face. ”I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.” She checked how the photo had turned our. ”I'll send it to you as well.”

”Who else are you going to send it to?” Buck narrowed his eyes.

”Karen.” Hen answered simply. ”She was worried and this tells her that we are okay. And also Chim.”

”I send it to Maddie!” Chim's voice echoed from the front seat.

Maddie. Buck hadn't even thought about informing her. He already knew she was waiting to check on him, but that would have to wait. Buck felt his phone buzz and he took t out of his pocket, careful not to wake Eddie. He looked at the photo with a small smile, feeling his heart warm.

”Eddie.”

Eddie faintly heard someone call out his name, but he was way too comfortable to wake up. 

”Eddie.” This time little louder and he felt his pillow move slightly.

Eddie startled awake and looked around in confusion. He soon realized where he was and why and the exhaustion washed over him. He looked up to see Buck staring at him.

”Can you stand? Hen is bringing you a wheelchair.” Buck explained. Feeling bad for having to wake Eddie up.

Eddie opened his mouth, but not a sound came out. He closed it and cleared his throat to get the dryness off. ”I... I can...” He mumbled and slid down from the stretchers. At first he thought he would do just fine, when his knees gave out, but Buck was there to hold him up.

”Okay, not so great.” Buck mumbled and took the same hold on Eddie like he had done as they had found him, or as Eddie had found them.

”Thanks, Buck.” Eddie whispered as Buck helped him out of the ambulance and onto the wheelchair. He really meant it.

An ER nurse came to receive Eddie and she was about to start steering the chair inside, when she suddenly stopped and stared at Buck.

Buck was used to have women stare at him and most of the time he was flattered, but there was something odd in the way she looked at him, like she expected him to do something.

”Uh, Buck...” Hen said beside him and glanced down.

Buck followed her gaze and realized she had been signaling towards his and Eddie's hands.

”Sir, I need you to let go of his hand. I promise you'll get to see him soon.” The nurse then said and smiled encouragingly.

”Uh, yeah, s-sure.” Buck stammered and quickly let go, feeling empty immediately, like his mind didn't believe in Eddie being alive without the physical contact. He stared after them as the nurse took Eddie inside, who was already nodding on his chair.

”Let's get inside, Buckaroo.” Hen placed her chin on his shoulder and rubbed his back reassuringly. ”I think we've deserved some warmth ourselves.”

”Yeah...” Buck said, feeling a huge lump in his throat now. He had almost lost Eddie.

Bobby came to hospital almost half an hour later than they had, even though Chim had driven like an old man. The captain soon explained the reason, since he gave everyone change clothes which he had picked up from the station. 

”Any word?” He asked then. Hen and Chim shook their heads.

”They're still checking up on him. Probably getting him a room ready and do MRI on his head, in case he hit it. He did have a huge bruise on his nose.” Hen explained and looked down the corridor just to check that the doctor wasn't going to join them and explain in details.

”God!” Chimney then sighed tiredly and leaned his head against the wall. 

It was already ten p.m. Their shift would end officially in nine hours, but Bobby had fixed them the rest of the day off. They all deserved that and needed it, especially Buck. Bobby looked carefully at the man in question, who was yet again staring into a distance, looking like his world had ended.

”Buck?” Bobby called out gently to get his attention. ”You okay?”

Buck stared at him for a while and nodded. ”Yeah... I just...” He then looked down on his hands and realized they were shaking.

”It's the shock.” Hen said softly and covered Buck's hands with hers to calm him down. ”Eddie is okay.”

”B-but we... we almost lost him.” Buck had to swallow. He felt the tears burn his eyes. Then his voice suddenly sharpened. ”He was 45 feet down, under all that mud and rocks. He was soaking wet when we got him. He must've dived down there. He didn't have the oxygen tank anymore. He had to use it till it ended. He must've been so afraid and all we did was... stand there!” 

As Buck rambled on, his voice rose and he was almost shouting at the end, spitting the last words out in disgust.

”Buck!” Bobby raised his voice over his. ”Eddie survived. That's all that matters. We should focus on that instead of wondering what he went through. The time for that comes later.”

Buck looked around the waiting room. There were only four people besides them and they were all staring at him.

”It's okay to feel angry and scared, Buck.” Hen told him and Chim nodded on other side of Buck. ”But we're going to see Eddie soon and I'm sure he doesn't want to see us crying beside his bed.”

”Are you Eddie Diaz's work colleagues?” A man in a white coat, clearly a doctor, asked and they all turned to stare at him.

”Yes, I'm his supervisor.” Bobby stepped forward. ”Is he okay?”

”Mr. Diaz is currently resting in his private room.” The doctor explained. ”He had a mild concussion and a middle range hypothermia. He had also broken his nose, but it will heal in time.”

This time it was Bobby who led out a sigh, like he only now believed that Eddie would be okay.

”You can go see him, if you promise not to disturb him.” The doctor said with a small smile, but Buck saw the way he looked at him, like he was the one who especially needed to hear those words.

”Thank you, doctor.” Bobby nodded at the man before turning to his friends. ”Shall we?”

Buck was still a little shaky. As they all entered the room, the others took places around the bed, leaving the only seat beside it empty, like silently giving it to Buck. Buck didn't notice it, he only sat down willingly, feeling the exhaustion hit him. He was used to physical weariness, but mental one, at this rate, was new to him.

Eddie was sound asleep. Maybe in a good pain medication as well. His body was still shivering every once in a while, even though he had been covered by an electric blanket which warmer his body slowly.

”He looks so worn out.” Hen said sadly as he looked at their friend. Eddie was pale and dark circles rounded his eyes. 

”Yeah, so would we in his situation.” Chim smiled tightly. ”Do we have any idea when he's going to wake up?”

”We'll just have to wait.” Bobby smiled, visibly relaxed now than only few minutes ago before meeting the doctor. ”I think I'm going to get something to eat from the canteen. Does anybody wanna join me?”

”I'll come.” Chim lifted up his hand as a volunteer. ”What do you want Buck? Buck?” He had to repeat his name until Buck teared his eyes away from Eddie.

”I'm not so hungry...” Buck mumbled, still feeling like his stomach would repel everything he tried to get down. 

”I'll bring you something to drink then.” Chim patted his shoulder. ”Hen?”

”Coffee and a small sandwich. I'm going to call Karen.” She informed and all three walked out of the room.

Buck was left there, staring at Eddie. There was a turmoil of emotions going through inside him. He couldn't pinpoint them all, but one was clearly guilt for letting Eddie go down there, second was fear, then the panic and one was definitely love. He had no idea how he would've survived if they hadn't found Eddie alive. The mere thought was too much for Buck to handle. He started to take deep breaths, reminding himself that he could breathe now easily. Eddie was here. Eddie was okay.

”Is he okay?”

Buck almost startled when he heard a child's voice behind him. He turned to look at the little boy, Hayden, standing in the middle of the room, examining Eddie carefully. The boy was holding a thick blanket, which was wrapped around him. He was now clean and a healthy glow had emerged to his cheeks, but Buck knew he must've still felt cold.

”Hey...” Buck whispered and crouched in front of him. ”You're Hayden, right?”

The boy looked up at him and nodded slightly.

”I was there as well. I'm a firefighter too, just like Eddie.” Buck told him and pointed towards their mutual friend, still sound asleep. ”What are you doing here?”

”I told Mom I wanted to thank him.” Hayden said with that little boy's arrogant and firm voice, which made Buck smile.

”You know what? Eddie's still very sleepy, but I'd think he'd like that very much.” Buck talked softly, so he wouldn't wake his friend.

”It's okay...” A croaked voice came from the bed as Eddie stared at them, his head popped up just a little, so he could see the two on the floor.

Buck felt a smile spread to his face as he saw Eddie awake. ”Come on, then.” He picked Hayden into his arms and carried him to the bed, carefully laying him to sit on top of it, so he wouldn't touch any of the wired going in and out of Eddie.

”Hi, Hayden...” Eddie was smiling too. ”Y-you okay?”

”Are you cold too?” Hayden asked instead of answering to Eddie's question.

”Yes, I'm very cold, but you know what? I think it'll pass soon.” Eddie told the kid, who nodded.

There was a long silence as Buck just waited for Hayden to say what he had come here to say, but the boy just stared at Eddie and all the equipment around him.

”Uh... Hayden?” Buck then said out loud to get the kid's attention. ”You said you wanted to tell Eddie here something?”

Eddie looked at Buck and smiled at him before turning back to Hayden.

”Dad always told me to thank someone who had helped me a lot.” Hayden then said with his serious tone again. ”I think you helped me a lot, so thank you.”

Buck laughed out loud with his found laugh, making the corners of Eddie's mouth curl up even higher too.

”Well, thank you very much, Hayden.” Eddie said and with a great effort, lifted his hand from underneath the blanket to ruffle the kid's hair.

”Okay, bye.” Hen stepped in and was just finishing her call to Karen, when she noticed the third member in the room. ”Hayden!” She gleamed in joy as she came to stand beside Buck. ”What are you doing here little boy?”

”He's a true gentleman, coming here to thank Eddie even though he isn't healed up completely himself.” Buck explained, proud of the kid.

”That's so sweet of you and Eddie was even awake to hear that.” She then turned to look at the man in bed, who smiled tiredly at her. ”But where's you mother? Don't tell me you disappeared on her again?”

The guilty look on Hayden's face told them all they needed to know.

”Okay, it's time to go, champ.” Buck told the kid and picked him up. ”I'll take him back to his mom.”

”You sure?” Hen looked Buck up and down worriedly.

”Yes.” Buck said slowly. ”I'm not gonna drop him if that's what you think.”

”That's not...” Hen sighed in frustration as Buck only left.

”Say bye, Hayden!” Buck waved at them from the door and Hayden waved with him.

Hen heard Eddie let out a tiny laugh and she turned to look at him. ”How are you?”

”Just a little cold. I think the pain medication has started to kick in.” Eddie smiled, already waiting for the permission to go home.

”Uh-huh...” Hen nodded and then looked long and hard at her friend.

Eddie sighed, cause he knew what was coming. ”I know. I know. I cut the line. I'm sorry.”

”Well, you should be.” Hen said firmly, but then smiled softly. ”I'm giving you a proper lecture when you're completely healed.”

”Waiting forward to it.” Eddie joked, making her smile.

”You really are fine. Making us worry like that for no reason.” She winked at him.

”You guys were worried?” Eddie teased her, but instead of a smile, Hen got serious.

”We were scared to death.” She said with a straight face. ”Especially Buck. You should've seen him.”

”Really?” Eddie asked, looking towards the door, as if waiting to see Buck there already.

Hen laughed dryly. ”He would've dig you out of there by hands if we let him.”

Eddie just frowned at her. He couldn't imagine Buck being so frantic about the situation.

”It took quite long to get him settled down. He was so worried about you.” Hen continued and smiled again. ”How was it?”

The memories were raw in Eddie's mind. He closed his eyes for a minute, knowing that Hen didn't want to push him, that he could just as well be silent and never talk about it to her, but he opened his mouth: 

”I tried to tell you, through the radio, that I was alive. But you couldn't hear me. Then the water started to rise... I knew it was coming from somewhere and I just... had to follow it. I... I thought I was going to die.” He said, whispering, like it was a big secret that no one else was supposed to know, even though everybody would've thought the same after getting 45 feet of earth on top of them.

Hen felt tears rise to her eyes and she quickly blinked. ”I'm glad you didn't.”

”Okay, Hayden is officially back with his mom again and she was horrified when she hadn't found him.” Buck interrupted their moment, but stopped in the middle of the room as he saw Hen crying beside the bed. ”Did I... interrupt something?”

”No, no...” Hen shook her head and wiped the tears that had fell down from her cheeks. ”Everything is fine.”

Buck was about to say that she certainly didn't look like everything was fine, when Bobby and Chim walked into the room, followed by Eddie's aunt and abuela.

”Eddie, my boy!” Josephina cried out and hurried to hug her nephew and kiss his cheeks.

”Pepa, please...” Eddie tried to protest but in vain. 

”You're ice cold, boy.” Josephina said in horror as she ran her hand from Eddie's forehead to the side of his face, before taking his hand into hers.

Buck smiled as he watched Eddie's family fuss over him. He then saw movement in the corner of his eye and turned to see Bobby handing out a sandwich towards him. He opened his mouth to decline, when Bobby shook his head.

”Take just one bite and I'll eat the rest.” He insisted and almost forcefully thrust the bread into Buck's hands.

Buck did as he was told. The sandwich tasted like ash in his mouth, but he managed to swallow the one bite down and to his surprise it even stayed there. He took another, just in case, before giving it back to Bobby, who smiled his self-conscious smile.

Eddie fell asleep soon after his family visited him and one by one, everybody headed home, until it was just Buck and Bobby there. Buck glanced at his captain, who yawned widely.

”You can go home. I'll give Eddie a ride home.” Buck told him. All their other workmates had offered to ride his car to the hospital and Eddie's back at his place.

Bobby tried to shake his head and say no, but another yawn interrupted him. ”Are you sure?” He then said instead.

”Yeah, I'm not sleepy at all.” Buck told him the truth. He was exhausted, but he didn't feel like sleeping. He was too anxious. 

”Okay. Call me if they want to keep him here longer, okay?” Bobby patted Buck's shoulder and took one last glance at Eddie, before walking to the door, but Buck suddenly interrupted him.

”Oh, Cap!”

Bobby turned around and looked at Buck with raised eyebrows.

”You really need to have a talk with Eddie.” Buck said, laughing a little, but Bobby could see the worry behind his eyes.

”About what?” Bobby frowned, not quite sure what was on his mind.

”About his need to save every child, no matter the cost.” Buck explained. He knew even Bobby's scolding wouldn't most likely change anything, but at least he would know that he had tried.

Bobby smiled a little and nodded. ”Noted. I thought about that too.” There was a short silence. ”Anything else?” He then asked, wishing Buck would open up to him about his own feelings, but Buck just shook his head.

”No, good night.” Buck smiled and Bobby returned it, before walking outside.

In the end they released Eddie at noon. His body temperature had risen well in the last hours and the concussion didn't seem to have huge effect on him. If Eddie hadn't been so exhausted, he would've jumped in joy to be able to finally see his son. Buck smiled as he saw the happy expression on Eddie's face as the doctor told him he was free to leave.

Buck made a quick phone call to Carla, to let her know that Eddie was coming home. She said she'd be out with Chris, so Eddie could get some sleep without his son hassling over him. Buck saw the disappointment in Eddie's face as he told him that Chris was out with Carla, but he guessed it was better, so his father's worn out expression wouldn't worry Chris.

”You do look terrible.” Buck had said to Eddie, who at first glared at him, but then caught a glimpse of himself from the rear mirror and he had to agree with Buck.

When they arrived home, Eddie headed towards the shower. Wanting to wash the previous day off his body and feel the warm water run over him. But as he was about to open the door to the bathroom, he saw Buck standing in the middle of the entry, looking lost and exhausted as well. Eddie wasn't sure if Buck had gotten even an eyeful of sleep last night.

”Hey, Buck.” Eddie called out to him. ”You can crash on the sofa. I'd offer the guest bedroom, but I think Carla still has all her stuff in there.”

Buck was about to protest, but then he took one look at the inviting furniture, and he knew he really needed the rest. He knew where to find pillows and blankets for himself, keeping himself busy as Eddie took a shower. He wanted to make sure that his friend got out of there in one piece and managed to get to bed. Finally, Buck laid down on the couch, which normally would be the most uncomfortable place to sleep on, but at the moment it felt like heaven on Buck's tired body. He fell asleep immediately.

Buck woke up as he felt something heavy against his stomach. With a small grunt he opened his eyes to see Christopher sitting at the edge of the couch and slightly leaning against his body, looking at him carefully.

”Hey, Chris.” Buck mumbled and rubbed his tired eyes. ”Where did you come from?”

”Why are you sleeping on our couch?” Christopher asked curiously, smiling to Buck's tired expression.

”We had a rough day yesterday, so your Dad said I could sleep here.” Buck explained with a hoarse voice. He really needed something to drink.

”Then why-why don't you sleep on the guest bedroom like you do every other time?” Chris asked then.

”Why?” Buck had to search his memory for a reason. ”Because Carla is using it at the moment.”

”Mmmm...” Christopher hummed in understanding. 

”Have you seen Dad yet?” 

Buck then sat up, suddenly wide awake, needing to know if Eddie was already up. He had no idea how much the clock was.

”Is Daddy home?” Christopher smiled widely, clearly not knowing. 

”Yes, I believe he is sleeping at the moment.” Buck told Chris. ”Do you want to go sleep with him?”

Christopher nodded eagerly and got up from the couch.

”There's one thing you should remember. Your Dad had a rough day as well yesterday and he got a few bruises on himself. He might look a little bad right now, but know that he's going to be just fine.”

”What happened?” Buck really wasn't prepared to explain Christopher about the horrors that they had gone through the previous night and he froze for a moment.

”Christopher! What did I tell you of disturbing Buck?” Carla saved him as she came to stand by the doorway with her arms crossed.

”I was just sitting here.” Chris only smiled at her, making her smile as well. Buck knew everyone were goners against this kid. 

”It's true.” Buck confirmed his statement. ”I woke up by myself. Christopher here was silent until then.”

”Really?” Carla asked with raised eyebrows, but she decided to let it go.

”Okay, buddy, let's go see if your Dad is still fast asleep.” Buck told Chris and they made their way to the corridor and peeked inside Eddie's bedroom.

Eddie was still asleep, curled to his side with his face towards the door, covered with his blanket from head to toe. He must've forgotten to close the curtains, since the sun beamed inside, lighting the whole room, but it didn't seem to bother him.

Christopher gave his crutches to Buck and walked inside silently, climbed to the bed, under the duvet and next to his dad.

Eddie felt the bed dip and a warm body cuddle against his. Eddie opened his eyes to see Chris laying beside him with a smile on his face. 

”Hi...” Eddie whispered and wrapped his arms around his son, to keep him close.

Christopher caressed the side of his face gently, as if comforting him, before settling into his embrace and they fell asleep together. Buck watched them silently from the doorway, before sneaking inside and carefully closing the curtains, so they could get a better sleep, before slowly closing the door behind himself. 

”How are you, Buckaroo?” Carla's worried voice greeted him as he walked to the kitchen and she gave him a huge hug.

Buck smiled to her. ”I'm fine. Still a little shook up, but fine.” He admitted, knowing that he hadn't handled almost losing Eddie yet, but it could wait.

”I watched the news. Was it really Eddie who was buried down there?” Carla hadn't known it was someone she knew, only hoped it wasn't. Then Buck had called to tell her that Eddie would be taken to hospital. She had been worried sick, but didn't want it to show to Christopher, but she knew he had sensed something.

”Yeah... it was... horrible.” Buck told her, not wanting to go to the details. ”But he'll be all right. He just needs some rest. Speaking of witch...” Buck headed to the living room and picked up his phone from the table where he had left it in the morning. ”...I think I should go home. Will I be able to trust you to take care of the Diaz boys for me?” Buck joked, knowing that Carla was more than capable of doing that.

”Of course.” She smiled brightly at him. ”I'm just afraid that Eddie won't talk to me about what happened.”

Buck's smile faltered a little and he nodded. ”Maybe not, but I'll keep pestering him until he gives in. I promise you that.”

Carla laughed wholeheartedly before giving him a quick hug again. ”I hold on to that. Just promise to take care of yourself as well.”

Buck nodded at her with a smile before walking outside. The day was bright, making the horrors of last night seem like a distant nightmare, although Buck still felt that lump in his throat and his heart ached in his chest. But he would be all right and Eddie would be all right. That was all that mattered.

Now it was official: Buck hated natural disasters with all his heart. All they were ought to do, was to take the people he loved the most away from him. Tsunami, Christopher and lightning, Eddie. After the tsunami, Buck had googled and watched all sort of documents from different natural phenomenons. Eddie had even joked to him about it. But this was the last straw. Every time he accidentally switched to a channel about volcanic eruption or floods, he quickly changed the channel.

After the close call, Buck had nightmares about the time Eddie was buried 45 feet under. In his dreams, he would crawl to the tunnel and start digging with his bare hands, and he would keep on digging and digging, but in vain, and his panic rose higher and higher. He woke up to his own yell, shouting out Eddie's name. His heart beat fast in his chest and the shirt was covered in sweat.

Eddie had the same kind of nightmares, only 45 feet deeper. It always started with him banging on the rocks around him and yelling to the others that he was alive, but no one ever heard him. Then the water would rise in a matter of seconds, and Eddie suffocated. That was when he startled awake, always checking up on Chris, to make sure he hadn't woken him up.

Buck had invited himself to Eddie's house one night, a day before Eddie was supposed to come back to work. The doctor had given him two days off, even though Eddie had tried to protest. 

Christopher was asleep and they had talked about what Buck had faced at work while Eddie was away and about Chris's presentation at school that Friday. Carla had recorded a video of Chris's speech and Eddie's kid-friendly story about the time he had earned the silver star. Buck had watched it with an affectionate smile on his face. He wished, one day, Eddie could share him the true, uncensored story, but for now, this was enough. 

”You want another beer?” Buck asked as he saw Eddie drink the last drop from his previous one.

”Sure.” Eddie smiled as he put the bottle down and watched as Buck got up from his seat to walk into the kitchen. He had made a promise to himself to tell Buck about that night and he tried to find a way to start. 

Buck soon came back with two beers and he handed the other to Eddie, who examined the bottle for a moment, like something interesting had been written on it.

”I almost gave up.” Eddie then said bluntly, not looking up, but he heard Buck almost drop the bottle from his hands. ”You once wished that I could talk to you about anything, but if you don't...”

”Of course.” Buck only said quickly and sat down again, forgetting the beer and just staring at Eddie, waiting for him to continue.

”I uh...” Eddie knew this would be hard, but he also knew he would have to get this out of his system, before he went back to punching people in the middle of the night. ”I tried to contact you all, through the radio. To let you guys know that I was alive.” He started with the same thing he had told Hen. 

Buck didn't say a word. He only imagined Eddie under all that rubble, scared and alone. Like he had done many times before.

”I knew it would take you too much time before you could make your way to where I was. I remember wondering if the air would last so long, but that wasn't my first concern for long.” Eddie swallowed. He was fiddling with the label on the bottle nervously. ”The water started to rise.”

Buck closed his eyes for a moment. He could feel the anxiety grow inside him. He didn't want to imagine Eddie in that tight space with raising water's surface, but he had no choice.

”I had the oxygen tank Bobby gave me. I thought I could find the source from where the water was coming from, so I started diving.” Eddie was silent for a moment, reminiscing the feelings he had had in the darkness. ”But it... it seemed neverending. No matter how long I swam, the water never ended and once the tank emptied and my lungs started to...” Eddie hated the way his voice broke and he cleared his throat.

Buck felt tears rise to his eyes. His heart ached for the thought, but he still didn't say a word.

”At that moment... I just gave up.” Eddie shrugged his shoulders, finally sparing a glance at Buck. ”I thought that was it. There was no way out and I could never see my family again. Never see Christopher grow up... But then I realized that I had promised my son to fight. I wouldn't... let myself to die without fighting and I kept on pushing and then I saw the lights. All the flashing lights from the fire trucks and the spotlights and I made it.”

Buck let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and ran his hand through his face. ”God, Eddie...” He whispered and shook his head. 

Eddie breathed out as well. For the past couple of days, he had just been clinging to the joy of being alive and spending time with his son, but the nightmares were an indicator that he needed to handle the trauma somehow.

”I have to admit...” Buck then said, after a moment of silence. ”...that I almost gave up too.”

Eddie frowned and looked at him, only now realizing how agonizing it must've been for others to be above the ground and wonder if he was alive or not.

”After the lightning strike and the drill falling... I panicked. I just thought that we needed to get you out as fast as possible.” Buck leaned forward in his chair, like he was ready to bounce off any second. ”But it seemed like... everyone thought you were dead and I didn't want to believe it.”

Eddie nodded slowly and looked back at his bottle.

”But then... then no one had the answer to how we could get you out. It got to the point that the thermal cams were the only option and the last that we knew was that you were 45 feet down and...” Buck closed his eyes, since the memories became too painful.

”It's okay. Tell me.” Eddie's reassuring voice made Buck look at him again and continue.

”I... just thought we had lost so much time. That we would be too late. I didn't know... I didn't know what I could've said to Chris if...”

To Buck's surprise, Eddie smiled warmly, but before he could ask him why, Eddie answered himself:

”I just... I just think it's sweet that you felt like you should be the one to tell about that to Chris.” Eddie admitted, he knew exactly how hard that would've been and how horrible it must've been for Buck to even think about that.

For a moment of confusion, Buck eventually smiled to it as well. ”Well, of course I would've wanted to do it myself. Just... just don't do it again.”

Eddie let out a tiny laugh, just like Buck had done a few months back. 

”You got yourself a deal.” Eddie leaned forward with open arms and Buck was happy to reply to his hug. It was brief, like both of them were scared to hold on too long.

Eddie knew he had to tell Buck about his feelings, but right now, they were both too exhausted and however Buck was about to react, Eddie knew he didn't have the energy to face it. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. The words he had spoken to Chimney only few weeks earlier, meant even more to him now than it had back then, but then again, Buck was already here beside him. He didn't need anything more. Not right now at least.


	17. Living without you

Eddie watched with raised eyebrows as Buck practically celebrated alone once their shift ended, after putting down a huge apartment building fire. It was clear he had some extra adrenaline still running through his veins.

”A fire that big, and no fatalities. We should celebrate!” Buck beamed, looking between his friends. Waiting for all of them to catch up with his high spirit, but they all stayed unnaturally quiet. ”We should hit up that bar on Pico, you know, the one with the loaded fries. First round's on me!”

”Wish I could, man.” Eddie said as he slammed his locker shut. He really did, but having a kid meant that he couldn't just go to some bar on Pico whenever he liked. ”Christopher's holding his first sleepover tonight. Hey, you're more than welcome to come and celebrate with a bunch of nine-year-olds.”

Buck's heart sank as he heard Eddie couldn't make it, but then again, as much as Buck loved kids, he wasn't desperate enough to celebrate with their rescue with Chris' friends. A night with only Eddie and Chris would've been a totally different story. So, Buck faked a laugh and brushed his sad mood of not being able to celebrate with Eddie off with a sarcastic remark: ”The rest of us will toast your absence.”

If Buck had only known that everyone else would decline his offer, he would've gladly joined Eddie and the bunch of nine-year-olds. But he had enough pride not to call him afterwards and plead to be invited again. So he was alone. That feeling had become quite familiar to him in the past years and it always caught up with him when the work was finished and he had no one to talk to about it.

”Okay, Buckley. Guess we celebrate alone.” Buck mumbled to himself as he shut his own locker and left the station behind.

Eddie had really hoped Buck would've taken up his offer when he left the station. But he REALLY hoped that two hours later, when five nine-year-olds screamed over each other, not realizing just how loud they were talking about the most oddest children's' movies Eddie had ever seen. It was about a baby, who was able to talk and walk immediately after birth and ran around a jungle. He had seen only pit and pieces of it, but he had imagined laughing to them together with Buck, whenever there was a scene which kids didn't understand anything about. He had planned to text Buck and ask how his celebration was going, but he was kept too busy serving the kids some food and cleaning after the little hurricane they had made in his house.

Buck had known he would find someone to chat with at the bar, but he would've never guessed to find another firefighter. Red was retired now, but boy did he have some amazing stories about his career. Buck thought he could listen to them all day and still wouldn't get bored. What was even amazing, was that he got to tell Red everything that had happened in his day and everything that had happened before that. He even helped the guy to his apartment, when he saw that the man's speech started to blur a little and he repeated the same things a little too much to be able to drive.

Red lived alone, just like Buck did. The guy had lived alone for a long time. He didn't have kids or siblings. It was just him. He had had a family. Just like Buck did, but according to Red, everybody else had moved on. They only saw each other when one of them died. The thought made something dark pass through Buck's mind. That same thought went through his head only at the end of the day, when he was all alone in bed, waiting for the sleep to catch up with him. During daytime Buck was able to push those thoughts to the back of his head and leave them there.

As Buck had helped Red inside the door, he noticed the picture on the wall about his house: 134. Red was even the same age he was right now. Then he saw another picture of a young man and a woman, holding each other with a fond smiles on their faces. When Buck looked at the picture with Red and his lost love, like Red himself had put it, Buck couldn't help but see himself and Abby. It felt like he was staring into a mirror, into a far future yes, but still, he could see his life folding out just like Red's and it scared the hell out of him.

”You got anybody, kid?” Red had asked him.

Buck had wanted to say that he had his family. His 118 family. He had Eddie and Chris. But they weren't really his, weren't they? And the night he spent with Red, made Buck realize that he shouldn't depend on that thought, because they were going to disappear. Of course Buck knew that. 

He knew that Eddie would some day find someone, who would become Chris's stepmother and he would be... just Buck, who would occasionally visit. He still remembered too raw Eddie's crush on Chris' teacher. Eddie's near death didn't help Buck's line of thinking either. He remembered that feeling, when he stood there in the middle of the field, feeling completely alone. He didn't even want to think how his life would've been like, if Eddie hadn't made it. Christopher would've probably send back to Texas. He would've never seen the boy again. And 118 without Eddie... it would still be a family, but much emptier one.

Buck told everything about Red to his co-workers at their next shift. Everybody could see that the man had left a great impression on their Buck. But then he started to complain the way Red lived, alone and no family to take care of him. Even after doing such a great career at the fire station.

”Well, from the way you described him, it sounds like he's okay with that.” Eddie told him as he prepared to make his move on the pool game they were playing.

”Well, I'm not okay with that.” Buck mumbled and to Eddie it sounded dangerously like Buck was planning to go change Red's life without the man even asking it to be changed.

”Nice one, Eddie.” Bobby smiled sheepishly at him, when he managing to get the white ball to the pocket. He really sucked at this.

”So, it's all about you.” Chimney voiced what Eddie had feared earlier. He wouldn't have put it as bluntly, but still he was glad that someone brought it up.

”No, come on. Th-that's not what I'm saying.” Buck quickly defended himself. A little annoyed that they always assumed he thought only about himself. 

”It does seem like his situation is bothering you, more than it bothers him.” Bobby said then as he did his own turn.

”Yeah, I mean, it does bother me.” Buck hadn't denied that. ”Look, Red has no friends, no family. All the guys from the 134, they don't talk anymore. Like they just left him behind.”

”I'm sure they didn't mean to, Buck.” Hen tried to calm him down. It wasn't like Red was the same as Buck. She often wondered how exhausting it would be like to live in Buck's head. The constant worrying and interfering on other people's lives. Why couldn't he just once, step back and relax? ”Life gets busy. It's easy for people to lose touch, especially when you don't work in the same firehouse anymore.”

”Well, that doesn't make sense to me.” Buck replied with annoyance in his voice. Then he suddenly realized something. The cold feel of fear settled inside him. ”I mean, that would never happen to us?” He turned to look at Eddie.

”Of course not, we're family.” Bobby was the one to answer.

”Yeah, it's never gonna change.” Eddie agreed with Cap and looked at Buck with a fond smile, sounding confident.

”Yeah, like if Bobby retired.” Buck made an example, mostly to himself than to others.

”You know something I don't?” Bobby teased him.

”Some day.” Buck clarified. ”You know, or one of us got moved to another house, we would still all stay in touch.”

”Exactly, like you two.” Eddie agreed and looked between Hen and Chim, but something in their expressions told him that his upcoming question was about to backfire. ”You still keep in touch with the guys that used to be here, right?”

”Umm... I don't know if we'd call some of them friends.” Hen confessed.

”I spoke with Tommy last year. I was calling to ask for a favor, but...” Chimney then trailed off, when he saw the way Eddie was looking at him, willing him to shut up.

Eddie glanced at Bobby, hoping that their pep talk wasn't a complete disaster. ”Anyway, that won't happen to us.” He then said and turned to look at Buck, really meaning it.

”Better not.” Buck was willing to hold Eddie to those words. But the fear that had gnawed at him from the inside since he had met Red, only got worse. The thoughts that he had pushed aside during days, came floating back at him. The fear of loss. 

Buck couldn't fix his own love life, but maybe he could fix Red's. It made him feel excited. He hadn't felt that for a while now. The unsettling fear he felt these days only got easier when he tried to figure out a way to help Red. Finding Red's lost love wasn't as easy as finding Heidi Shatsky, since older people rarely had any social media accounts. But Buck managed to find the woman's grandchildren and through some asking, he managed to find out that her husband had died a few years back. Perfect, Buck had thought to himself, but yet again, life backfired on him.

”Just stay away from me. I'm not sure I can survive your help anymore.”

Red's words hit too close at home. The one Buck had tried to ignore. The one that he told himself that he wasn't. ' _You're exhausting.'_ Eddie's words echoed through his mind. 

Buck couldn't talk about this to Eddie. He just couldn't. Eddie had enough on his plate without him whining about his own feelings of loneliness. The one he turned to in a situation like this, was his sister.

”Thought I was helping him, but just made everything worse.” Buck told as he walked to sit down on one of the stairs in his apartment. Feeling completely useless.

”But you didn't mean to and I'm sure he'll realize that once he calms down.” Maddie tried to reassure him. She was sitting on the window sill. Buck had called her half an hour earlier and asked if she could drop by. She had known from the tone of his voice that something was wrong, but Maddie knew it had to be something more than just Red snapping at him.

”She didn't even know who he was. For a second it was like, she was afraid of him.” Buck told her, still remembering that face of horror on the woman's face as she realized she was sitting on the table with two complete strangers. ”You don't get over that so easy. Abby's mom would have moments like that. You know, Abby would always just take it in her stride, but I know it hurt to have someone you love so much look at her, not see her.”

”You still think about her a lot?” Maddie asked. She had thought Buck had gotten over her a long time ago. He hadn't even mentioned Abby to her in ages, but this must've brought up some memories.

”Abby's mom?” Buck asked, making them both laugh. ”Yes, fine, sometimes I still think about Abby. But that isn't what this is about.”

”Okay, so you don't think this business with Red is hitting a little close to home?” Maddie stood up from where she sat and walked closer to lean against the railing. ”A lonely, hero firefighter who's pining for his lost love?”

”I mean, that's ridiculous.” Buck tried to shrug it off. ”You think I'm lonely?” He then asked, like he was afraid to hear the answer.

”I think that you tried dating a few times after Abby left.”

”Which did not work out.” Buck nodded his head, already knowing where she was getting at.

”So you just stop trying?” Maddie asked in disbelief. Buck was still young and he had so much to offer. She wanted to ask Buck if he had thought about telling Eddie about his feelings, but she knew her brother didn't want to have that conversation again. ”Look, I know how hard this is.”

”Do you?” Buck looked up at her, like he was certain she had no idea what he was talking about. ”I mean, no offence, but you're never the one getting left behind. You're the one who leaves.”

Buck saw the hurt in Maddie's eyes and the way her mouth twisted only by the thought and he quickly hurried to correct his words.

”And not-not with Doug.” He raised his hand to calm her down. ”Okay, Doug you definitely should've left.” The rage Buck still felt towards that man made him fell silent for a moment. ”All the guys you dated before him. The girl you were best friends with in high school, Mom and Dad... me.”

”Buck, I...” Maddie tried to find a way to explain herself past the lump that had rose to her throat, making it hard to form words, but Buck cut her off.

”Look, Maddie, I'm not mad.” Buck reassured her. ”I'm just saying maybe you don't understand. You're always the one who leaves. You don't know what it's like to watch someone you love walk away.” 

Buck knew his words made Maddie feel bad, but that was the truth. He knew she only wanted to make him feel better, but she couldn't understand. And that was okay. He hoped she would never have to go through that feeling of someone leaving her. He would kick Chim's ass if he ever as much as thought about doing that to her. But Buck had been left, several times, and he still didn't know why. It was slowly killing him inside. 

Abby was the only person he had loved. Because what was love if you didn't get that in return. Buck had gotten that from Abby, not as long as he had wished, but still had. With Eddie... it just wasn't the same. But even Abby had left him. Even though he had tried so hard to impress her, to make her happy. Was there something wrong with Buck? Was that the reason he didn't have anybody? Even his own parents hated him, didn't want to have anything to do with him.

Eddie had always known Buck had a big heart. Yes, he could sometimes be selfish and relate his own feelings to others so much, that other's problems suddenly had something to do with him. But Red's case reminded Eddie of the energy Buck had for every person he knew. It blew him away sometimes and once Buck suggested to them that they would arrange Red an aisle of honor, Eddie felt the warmth in his chest and he had smiled at Buck, hoping that he knew just how much of a good man he was.

Buck just wanted to make sure Red left this world, knowing that he was cared about and that people around him respected the sacrifice he had done for his work and would miss him when he was gone. Buck hoped he would remember that himself, once it was his time to leave. It took all of Buck's strength not to burst out to tears as Red saluted him from the Captain's seat in the fire truck and somehow he managed to do that. He only broke down when the fire truck was out of the sight and he felt Eddie's hand squeeze his shoulder tight.

Buck glanced at Eddie and only then lowered his hand, letting out a smothered sob. Eddie swayed him a little, allowing him to get support from his side. Buck tried to wipe away the tears, but they just kept on falling. Then he felt Hen hug him from behind, placing her chin to his shoulder. She smiled and told him he did great. Chimney walked to Eddie's side and nodded at Buck. Tears burning in his eyes as well.

Buck had been there to keep Red company. He had hold the older man's hand as Red had passed away. Buck had felt... empty. Like his own life had ended for a while. He had send a message first to Maddie, then to Bobby and Eddie. He got a respond from his sister immediately, telling him that she would come visit him when her shift ended. Bobby and Eddie both asked if he needed someone to talk to or if they could do something for him. To both Buck replied that he was grateful, but that he was okay. 

”He passed away at 5:23 this morning. The department's gonna to pay for the funeral.” Buck told Maddie once they had sat down to his dining room's table. He had been crying all day and knew that his eyes were red and swollen, but he wasn't afraid to show that to Maddie.

”At least he wasn't alone in the end. You were a good friend to him.” She told him, hoping to make her little brother feel a little better and know how much he had done to the man.

”Or did I just do that thing that... I always do and make it about me? Try and fix him... to make myself to feel better.” Buck had been thinking about that for days and the voice in his head, that told him he was selfish, had only grew louder today. Making him believe in his doubts even more, cause he was supposed to only grieve for Red and not think this way.

”Maybe.” Maddie answered truthfully, but that was something everyone did. She didn't know a single person who did something to others, if it didn't make them feel better. But that was just how human nature worked. ”But you were there when no one else was.”

”You know, all he ever wanted to do was to talk about the job.” Buck paused for a moment. ”Really was his whole life.”

”Evan, you are not Red.” Maddie told him soft but firmly. It was breaking her heart to see him so afraid of his own life. ”His life is not your future.”

Buck waved his hand in disbelief. ”You don't know that.”

”Yes, I do. Because he didn't have a sister. He didn't have me.” Maddie then told him and smiled when Buck smiled. And she was damned if she ever left her little brother alone. They would always stick together. No matter what. ”I know that I left you twice. Once with Mom and Dad and once when things got rough with Doug, but I came back. Because you're my brother. And I love you.”

”I love you too.” Buck said, a little embarrassed, since they rarely said those words to each other. 

”You're never gonna be left behind.” Maddie assured him. ”Okay? No matter what.”

”You promise?” Buck asked, even though he knew no one could keep that promise. No one could choose how or when they left this life behind and would always leave alone, but until then, they would have each other's back.

Maddie put her elbow on the table and held her hand at him with her pinky raised. Buck couldn't help but laugh at her childish gesture. 

”I promise.” Maddie promised him with a laugh and Buck entwined their little fingers.


	18. With my little family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been trying to figure out how to spend my free time when I'm not writing this. It's been two months since I started, but I really enjoyed doing it. The only thing I regret is that I didn't read this through a few times before starting to post it. Looking back, I would've add some things and change others. Personally I think buddie will happen next season, but we'll still have a long wait ahead of us. Be safe and healthy and I hope you enjoyed the story!

”It looks so romantic till someone has to call 9-1-1.” Buck said as he gazed up to hot-air balloon floating through the sky. He looked at Eddie, who was frowning at him with a smile lingering on his face. ”I heard dispatch gets a lot of calls from these things.” He explained, wishing Eddie wouldn't ask any questions.

”Maddie tell you that?”

And Eddie had to ask. Buck froze for a moment. ”Uh, no. Someone else.” He hurriedly replied and gave Eddie a nervous smile. He didn't want to discuss about Abby with Eddie, not when his insides were still turmoiling from all the thinking. He just needed to put some space to his past, to his feelings for Eddie and the hopes those feelings caused for the future that would never come. He needed to figure out his own life at the present.

Bobby listened at the conversation from the front seat, knowing exactly what Buck was talking about. But he also knew that Eddie had caught on, because he had once mentioned to Eddie about Buck arranging a date with Abby at the hot-air balloon. He had caught up some jealousy in Eddie's voice. Maybe Buck's patience was growing thin and Bobby hoped it would mean that those two would finally realize what they meant for each other and that they couldn't keep on like this forever.

”Summer camp?” Buck was crushed as he received the brochure from Eddie. Camps lasted for days and now Christopher was going to one of those? How could Eddie let this happen? He would miss that kid like hell. 

”It's all he talks about. Some of the other kids from school are going.” Eddie said as he checked his watch as it was his job to take time while Hen did her school work. 

As Chris had come home carrying the pamphlets of that thing, all excited, Eddie's stomach had dropped and he already threatened the day he would have to let Chris go to that place. The brochures made the camp seem amazing and Eddie knew he could never deny that experience from Chris. ”It's only two weeks.”

Buck lifted his gaze from the brochure in horror. Two whole weeks? He turned to look at Eddie, but the other averted his gaze. ”Two weeks away from home? Isn't Chris kind of young for that? I mean, what if something happens? What if he gets homesick?” Buck tried his best to talk Eddie out of the idea, but he hadn't seen how much Chris already waited for that thing to start.

”I'm pretty sure I brought in the brochure so you guys can make me feel better about him going.” Eddie should've known he shouldn't have trusted Buck with that job, but at the same time he felt a little flicker in his chest to know that Buck went through the exact same feeling he had.

”Clearly, you did not think that plan through to its logical conclusion.” Chimney commented as he stirred the soup they were making.

”I started going to sleep-away camp when I was eight. I loved it.” Bobby was the man for the job. He could imagine how hard it was for Eddie to be without Chris for two weeks straight, but at the same time it would do the man some good. ”Camp weedeewagen.” Then he let out a sound which made them all turn to look at him, but neither one of them knew what to say to that. ”Looked forward to it every year.”

Every year? Eddie thought in horror. He hadn't even realized that once Christopher would love the camp, he would want to do it all over again next year. He actually started to consider for not letting Chris go as Buck had suggested, but he kept on checking Hen's papers to see if there were any mistakes. 

”Well, but Christopher's a city kid.” Chim tried to counter.

”So was I.” Bobby only replied, but got a wry look from Chim. ”St. Paul is a city.”

”If you say so.” Chim turned to look at Buck with a smile on his face. 

”I'm just trying to imagine trying to sell Denny on the idea of two weeks without the internet.” Hen joined the conversation, trying to keep her mind off the paper which Eddie was checking for her. 

”It's pretty exciting.” Eddie told her. Knowing it wouldn't be a deal breaker for Chris with all the things they could do there. ”They even have this farm-to-fork program where the kids pick veggies and cook 'em for dinner.”

”Yeah, sound a lot like child labor.” Buck groaned, still not sold to that camp. He didn't notice the disappointed look from Bobby or the way he and Chim shared a look.

”Okay.” Eddie sighed as he finally finished the test and wrote the points to the top of the first paper. He handed the pile to Hen. She had done good, but she had always been hard on herself. They all tried to reassure her that she was doing great. Even Chim joined in, although a little hesitantly. He really didn't want to let go of his partner.

Just when they had downed the soup and fresh bread, the alarm rang and they all cursed, since going to calls with a full stomach could be a nightmare. 

”I swear to you, one day I'm gonna throw up the food I eat, just so I don't have huff and puff during calls.” Buck spoke out his thoughts, making them all shook their heads in disgust.

”Yuck, Buck, don't even joke about that.” Hen said with her nose turned up. She knew how big of a problem that was for some people, even kids. 

”It's a mass casualty situation. A train crash.” Bobby interrupted them as he explained the situation, making them all look at each other gloomily. This was going to be a hard night, their stomachs soon forgotten.

They weren't the first ones to appear on the scene. Ten units were already working their way around the train cars. One of them were even sticking upside down. It seemed like it had crashed to the previous cart and the one coming from behind had made it's tale lift up from the impact. There were train parts lying everywhere. Buck and Eddie shared a look, already frightened of how many people they had lost, but also afraid of how dangerous it would be for the others.

”We've had our hands full with all the passenger cars down here, but there are reports that folks are trapped up there. We just can't get to them yet.” Captain Reese from 153 explained to Bobby.

”Buck, Eddie, go have a look. See if there's a way to secure that car, so we can get those people out.” Captain ordered to them and the two were off. 

They started to round the cart from different sides to see where it was leaning on and wonder if there was any way to secure it, but it seemed to be impossible. Eddie saw two firefighters form 153 trying to keep a woman out of the cars. She clearly had someone she cared about inside. Eddie hurried to them, knowing that the cars were now his responsibility and the others had other things to do. 

”Guys, guys...” He got the firefighters' and the woman's attention and stepped in front of her. She had to calm down. ”Ma'am, I'm sorry, we can't let you inside. It's too dangerous.”

”I know it's dangerous. I need to get up in that cart.” She kept on insisting.

”I hear you. I'm sorry.” Eddie repeated.

”Wait, are you from the 118?” The woman suddenly asked as she noticed the numbers on his helmet.

”Yeah...” Eddie was put off by that. Was she perhaps one of their men's relative or something?

”Abby?” 

Buck's voice made them both turned around to see him standing few feet away, taking his helmet off and just staring at the woman.

”Buck?” 

Eddie now turned to look at the woman again and then it hit him. This was Abby. Buck's Abby. The woman he had only heard about and now she was standing there. He had never even imagined what she looked like. The moment he had met Buck, he had known she wouldn't be back and hadn't thought about her more than was necessary. But now she was here. Standing in front of him and the way... the way she looked at Buck and the way Buck looked at her, it made Eddie's stomach turn. 

Buck couldn't believe his eyes. It really was Abby standing there. He glanced at Eddie and then back at her. Abby standing beside Eddie was something Buck had never thought he would see. Then he realized she had to be one of the victims. The cut on her forehead confirmed his thought. ”Wait, you were on the train.”

”Yeah, I've got...” Abby tried to explain the situation, but Buck cut her off, walking to her and taking hold of her arm, ready to drag her to the paramedics.

”We need to get you checked out.” Buck insisted, but Abby tried to get away from him.

Eddie watched the scene fold out. His mind had gone blank. But he realized that if Buck hadn't known that woman, he would've let her be, since there were people dying inside, which were more important than a woman, who was able to walk and talk. The only thing they needed to prevent was for her rushing inside the car.

”No, no, no, I'm fine. I need to get up there.” 

”What? No, that's crazy.” Buck couldn't understand why she would try to get to the cart. She knew how things went in these kind of situations, but she tried to get there almost forcefully. ”No, no, Abby stop!”

”I'm trying to find somebody!” Abby finally snapped, yelling to Buck's face. 

”Okay, well, just tell us who.” Buck tried to calm her down. There was no reason for her to barge in there. ”We'll go ins...”

”My fiancé!” Abby cried out, to make Buck stop and see that she was desperate to get him out. ”He fell asleep and I went to the bar...” Her voice broke down.

Eddie glanced at Buck, who had taken a step back from her, like she had just slapped him on the face. He looked shocked and Eddie knew he should step in and take the lead. ”Okay, can you give us description?”

Abby took out her phone and showed it to Eddie. ”That's him. We were- we were in that top car right there all the way in the back.”

Eddie nodded and hurried pass Buck towards the cart. Instinctively, he lifted his hand to pat Buck's shoulder, but Buck was still staring at Abby and instead, he just let his hand fall down.

”We'll find him.” Buck promised. He was just about to head after Eddie, when he realized something and turned around. ”Uh... what's his name?”

”Sam.” Abby answered, feeling sorry for Buck finding out this way. ”Egan.”

”Sam. I got it.” Buck echoed. He was still shocked and confused. He hadn't expected to meet Abby again like this and even less to hear that she actually had a fiancé. He knew they would never get back together, but still he knew that somehow this man, who was trapped up at the cart, was better than him. He hadn't expected to feel so many emotions after seeing her. It made his head spin. 

”Thank you, Buck.”

”Oh, don't worry about it. We'll uh... bring him back to you. I promise.” Buck reassured her before finally hurrying after Eddie.

They found Sam in the back of the cart. He was pinned behind a seat by a massive support beam. Making his rescue harder than it already was; already in a difficult position, 15 feet above the ground.

”My fiancé. She's on the train.” Sam managed to say as Buck tried to keep him awake. 

For a moment Buck just stared at him. He only snapped out of his trance when he saw Eddie look at him, wondering why he didn't tell the poor man that Abby was all right. ”Uh... yeah, hey, hey, she's okay.” He hurried to say as Eddie continued to examine the beam.

In the end Bobby had to climb up the cars as Hen and Chim were needed elsewhere. It was a pain to get that far with two heavy equipments slowing him down, but that was exactly why they needed to keep their shape up. Buck and Eddie were ready to help him the moment he was arm stretch away. Eddie pulled him up as Buck took the jaws from him. 

Buck had to use hydraulic ram when the jaws didn't work, when they heard a cry of pain. There was a young woman, trapped at the other side of the cart by the same beam as Sam. She had an open fracture. Both Eddie and Bobby retreated to the middle of the cart and Buck followed them.

”What's going on?” He asked as he reached them, not liking the way that they weren't up there to get those two out and instead planning something.

”They're both trapped by the same beam.” Bobby explained to him. ”We take the pressure off of him and we're squeezing her. Which one has the better shot?” He then asked form Eddie.

”Injuries are different. The risk is the same.” It was an impossible decision. To the outside it seemed like the girl's injuries were worse, but he was worried about Sam's internal bleeding. There was a huge possibility that he would die the moment they eased the pressure, making him bleed to death from the inside. 

”Wha-what are we saying?” Buck looked between the two. If they were talking about what he thought they were, he didn't like it one bit. There had to be another way. ”We gotta pick who we save?”

”I'm saying I don't think we can save them both.” Cap told him.

Eddie climbed back up to put i.v.'s to their patients and give them a doze of morphine. They were going to need it. ”Keep him talking.” He told Buck, wishing he could keep the man awake talking about Abby. Eddie made his way to the girl to do the same.

”It's her... or me, isn't it?” Sam breathed out. 

”No.” Buck declined. ”No, that's not what we do. So, tell me about your fiancé. When's the wedding?”

”June.” Sam told him with great difficulty. ”She wants to wait... till the girls are done with school.”

”You're... a father?” At that moment Buck knew they had to at least try and save this man. His mind reminded him of the thought of him telling Christopher that his dad wasn't coming back. He didn't want anyone else to have to go through that.

”Yeah... Tess... Natalie...” 

A smile appear on Sam's face as he talked about his daughters. From the corner of his eye Buck saw movement as Eddie climbed back down to Bobby and he quickly followed him. Not wanting to miss out on their conversation.

”Okay, I'm calling it. We start with the girl, we get her out.” Bobby was already telling Eddie.

”Copy that.” Eddie agreed.

”No, no, no, no.” Buck interrupted them. This was not how they were going to do this. ”It's gonna crash Sam's other lung. He's gonna die.”

”I am aware of that.” Bobby talked as loud as he dared without their patients hearing them. ”The protocol dictates that we save whoever has the better chance and Eddie's saying that's the girl.”

”No.” Buck looked at Eddie like he had just betrayed him.

”Her vitals are stronger. He's starting to decompensate.” Eddie told him. That was his only way to make the decision. He couldn't understand why Buck was so ready to save Sam over a young girl. Did his promise to Abby mean so much to him? ”If we have to choose...”

”We do.” The Cap told them. They couldn't question that anymore. ”We can't move that steel beam.”

The carts started to shake again and they all clung onto the seats, making Bobby more certain that they needed to get out of this place as soon as possible. Any minute they spent there longer than necessary, was putting them all in danger.

”Okay, okay, you're right. The-the beam is steel.” Buck started to explain his plan. ”But the skin on this thing, the skin is stainless. That's much thinner. I-I could go outside, I could cut a piece out, pull the girl through, and that would buy us enough room to save Sam.”

”No.” Bobby said firmly. ”This cart hasn't been secured, that's why we're working on the inside. If this thing topples, we can ride it down, but if you're on the outside...”

Eddie didn't even want to hear what he was about to say next.

”Yeah, I know.” Buck interrupted him. ”I will be crushed by 100 tons of train car, and I know that's a lot heavier than a fire truck. But Bobby...”

”Buck, stop!” Eddie suddenly shouted. He really didn't want to hear this. He couldn't even stand the idea of Buck being crushed. Even the thought of it made him feel sick. He wasn't going to let Buck endanger his life for his promise. No way. ”All right, I know you made a promise.”

”What promise?” Bobby felt like he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear. He could sense the tight atmosphere between the two boys. Something was wrong.

Eddie looked at Buck, waiting for him to explain the situation to their Captain.

”To his fiancé.” Buck said hesitantly. ”I-I promised I would bring him back to her.”

”What?” Bobby had no idea what this was about.

”Abby...” Eddie spat out and looked at Buck almost in disgust. ”His fiancé is Abby.” 

”Okay...” Bobby breathed out and hang down his head. This was going to be a problem. If he had known, Buck wouldn't have stepped inside the cart at all. He needed to have chat with these two for keeping secrets from him.

Eddie was done with this. He wasn't going to listen here of Buck talking how he should save Sam and kill himself in the process, just because he made a promise to his ex, who had done nothing for him. So he climbed to the girl to check how she was doing, pushing Buck's shoulder as he went.

”No. Look, it's just not about her.” Buck started his explanation. He glanced after Eddie as almost had to jump out of his way as he passed him. He couldn't understand why he was so furious about this. ”Okay, he's a father. He has two daughters.”

”Stop. You're too close to this. This is too risky.” Bobby commanded, they really had no time for this. 

”Well, I am willing to take the risk.” Buck insisted.

”It's not yours to take.” Bobby raised his voice. He was going to put Buck to where he belonged and that was under him. He was the captain. He made the decisions, not Buck. ”You can't just rush into any dangerous situation and assume it's going to be okay. 'Cause sometimes it's not and I'm tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital visits.”

”Bobby! I am not Athena.” Buck was the one to yell now. Bobby couldn't put him to the same position Athena had been while she had been beaten up. He was saving lives and Bobby had to see that.

”What did you just say to me?” Bobby was getting sick and tired of this.

”Enough!” Eddie stopped their fighting. ”We don't have time for this.” He looked between the two, as they were challenging each other with their eyes. ”Buck, come on.” He tried to blead one more time. 

”I'm going out there.” Buck said, this time with a lower voice but with even more certainty, still glaring at Bobby.

Eddie cursed under his breath. He looked between their two victims, before closing his eyes, the frown between his eyebrows deepening for a moment. Then he opened them and said loud and clear: ”Let's do it.”

”What?”

Eddie turned to look at Buck. He was going to support him, no matter what he decided. ”I've never said no to you, Buck. That's the only way to save them both.” He then turned to look at Bobby, who knew was disadvantaged. 

”Fine.” Bobby sighed and took hold of his radio to give instructions to the ones outside. ”But we have to move fast.”

Buck nodded and climbed up to break a window as Eddie made his way down to get him harnesses. Bobby climbed after Eddie and instructed two of their men to be ready with the equipments and help Buck from the roof of the nearest car.

Back inside, Eddie helped Buck put on the harnesses and adjusted the rope and other equipments as well as possible so they wouldn't slow him down. They did that all in silence, both knowing what had to be done.

”Okay, you're set.” Eddie finally said as he connected the rope to Buck.

Buck turned to look at him and nodded.

”Promise to be careful.” Eddie said then and patted Buck's shoulder this time.

”Yeah, I will.” Buck nodded once more and gave him a tight smile.

Eddie held on the rope as Buck climbed to the roof to find a spot to tie the rope to. 

”All set.” He soon heard Buck's voice from the radio and he dropped the ropes to the guys below. Now all he could do was to make sure their patients were alive and hope that the car wasn't going to fall and take Buck with it.

It didn't take long for him to hear the screeching of the saw from the outside. 

”You're not missing on anything. We're going to get you both out.” Eddie told the two victims as they started to talk with each other. There was no turning back now.

The whole cart jerked again. Eddie took hold of the seats and waited. His heart was beating fast and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Then he heard the screeching again and the forced a breath into his lungs. Buck was okay. Then the huge piece fell from the side of the train and Eddie could see Buck's smiling face from the outside. They didn't say a word as they started to prepare the girl for moving.

After the hole had been made, Eddie felt like he could breath a little more freely, since now he had the sense of feeling that he could reach out and touch Buck, to get him to safety in case the train cart started to move again. 

They managed to get the two out without the car moving any further. As Buck had Sam in the basked, he looked through the hole, to make sure Eddie would get down from there as soon as possible. Eddie seemed to know what he meant and he nodded with a tight jaw. 

Buck was the first one with his feet on the ground and he walked to the exit of the cart, but still kept eyes on Sam as he was readied to get to the ambulance. Buck saw Abby hurry to his side and he knew he wanted to talk to her, but he could catch up with them. He looked up to the cart to see Eddie made his way down. Buck trusted that even though Eddie must be exhausted, he would still find secure footing and not stumble, but he still wanted to make sure his friend was back on the ground before going after Abby and Sam. 

As Eddie was down enough for his legs to dangle outside, Buck took hold of his waist to support him as he jumped down. He squeezed briefly Eddie's sides, to remind him that he did a good job, before he started to jog after Abby and her fiance. 

”Buck? Where are you going?” Eddie called after him. They still had work to do, but not at the direction Buck was heading. But he knew the answer before Buck even turned around.

”Just a second!” Buck told him before continuing.

Eddie swallowed. He could almost feel Buck slip away from his grasp. Like his vision of him and Buck together just shattered in his mind. Buck had always been caught up with Abby. From the first moment they had met. The first words they said to each other, were because of Abby. Eddie hated the way Abby managed to make Buck a stuttering and desperate mess. Even after all this time. Maybe Buck had never even thought about them as a family, like Eddie had imagined. The mere thought made Eddie sick and tried to take deep breaths through his nose. This was not a right time to go through personal things. Once Eddie felt the threatening lump in his throat to disappear, he followed on Buck's footsteps. He still was Buck's best friend. He would always be Buck's best friend, which meant that he needed to make sure Buck was okay. Hearing that your ex had a fiancé was hard. Eddie could only imagine what it would feel like. He hadn't even dared to ask Shannon if she had had anyone while they were apart.

”Hey, hey, man!” Sam reached his hand out to him as Buck finally caught up with them, just before they were about to step inside an ambulance. ”Thank you.”

Buck couldn't say anything to Sam. He was too out of breath.

”Buck, thank you.” Abby had turned towards him and smiled at him gratefully. 

”You're Buck?” Sam asked then, looking at him with new light.

Buck let out a tiny laugh. The thought that Abby had told about him to Sam, made him feel a little more important. ”Good to meet you, Sam.” He told the guy, glad that Abby had met someone like him. He seemed genuinely a great guy.

Then they were being taken away. Buck couldn't describe the feeling. Like a part of his life had come to an end. He felt sad, but at the same time... hopeful. He then saw someone walk beside him and without even looking, he already knew it was Eddie. Abby took a one last glance at him, before climbing to the ambulance after her fiancé.

Eddie turned to look at Buck, trying to read his expression, but it gave nothing away. ”You okay?” He asked, but Buck only looked at him briefly, before going to work mode.

”What's next?” He only asked and headed towards their captain.

Eddie looked after him, that sick feeling rising in him again. He quickly collected himself and followed Buck once more. He would always follow Buck, no matter what.

The following day, Buck got a call from Abby. He hadn't expected it, but at the same time it made sense that she wished to talk with him. They agreed to meet at the park, overlooking the city. Buck had always liked the place. It made him feel... calm. Even though the voices of the city echoed all around him, it felt good to be at least a little further away, knowing that those noises weren't calling to him. 

Once Abby arrived, she told him that Sam was going to be okay. It made Buck sincerely happy. 

”Good. He seems like a great guy.” He told her what he had thought back at the accident site.

”He said the same thing about you.” Abby smiled at him. ”And I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did.”

”Just doing my job. That's all.” Buck told her, which was the truth. He would've done the same even if Sam had been a complete stranger to him. 

They fell to a silent. It was weird to sit so close to Abby, but still have the space between them. They had used to talk so freely and had known each other so well. Now it felt like they were two acquaintances, catching up on each other's lives.

”I'm sorry that you had to find out about it this way. I had actually wanted to talk to you about everything while I was in town.” Abby then apologized. 

”That's what you're sorry for?” Buck hadn't realized it until this moment that he had been mad at Abby for all these years for leaving him like that. But Abby only stared back at him, loss of words. ”When did you know that you were... leaving me for good?”

”Well...” 

”You know, was-was it uh... was it Marocco or Paris or Dublin or... or did you know when we were at the airport and I was kissing you goodbye and promising you that I would wait for you?” Buck hated the way his voice sounded, but at the same time he wanted Abby to see just how much her actions had hurt him. ”Did you know then that you were never coming back to me?”

”I thought I would.” Abby said quickly, not wanting for Buck to think that way any second longer. ”Look, I was a person whose life revolved around everybody else's problems. I had no identity other than... the people I was helping. My 9-1-1 calls, my dying mother. I just had no sense of self. I had to leave everything that I knew so that I could remember who I actually am.”

”And you did, right? I mean, you did remember, but... you still didn't come home.” Buck hadn't thought about him and Abby together for a long time, but these questions had lingered at the back of his head. The questions he didn't know answers to and that put down his self-esteem.

”Yeah, I know.” Abby confessed, feeling guilty but she knew she couldn't have done things differently. ”I think I was afraid that if I came back, I would become that person again. Because I missed you, I wanted to see you. But I didn't trust myself.”

”Because being here, being... with me... you might lose yourself again?” Buck needed to clarify these things to himself. He had never broken up with anybody before and the way they had departed... hadn't been a proper breakup.

”Yeah...” Abby whispered. She felt bad for even say it out loud, but Buck had had package. He still did, she could see that, but somehow... Buck seemed more mature.

”I'm glad to see you happy, Abby. You deserve it.” Buck then said, really meaning it. He hated the feeling that he had been a burden to her. That she hadn't felt like she could trust him enough to tell these things to him over a year ago. But then again, was it really him she didn't trust, but only herself? Could it be he wasn't the reason Abby hadn't come back. It didn't excuse the way she had left things, but slowly Buck started to understand and that voice in the back of his head silenced down, making an odd peace settle on it's place.

Abby smiled at him and once again they fell to a silence. Then she sighed slightly and turned to look at him again. ”What about you? Are you happy, Buck?”

Buck stayed silent for a moment longer, pondering about his answer. ”Yeah...” He eventually nodded and was surprised to see that he was telling the truth. He still felt sad to think that this was their last conversation together, but in the end, he had people who cared about him. Maybe they couldn't be there for him all the way to the end, but right now... he had some special people in his life.

Abby smiled to his reply. ”Yeah?” She clarified. ”Do you have someone special?”

Buck let out a small laugh and he licked his lips, looking firmly at his hands. ”I uh...” He glanced towards Abby, who was still smiling at him. ”I have a really important person in my life.” He then confessed. ”I don't think they... feel as much towards me as I feel towards them, but... I'm glad to be able to be part of their lives.”

”They?” Abby questioned, frowning a little.

”Uh... he has a kid. Christopher.” Buck confessed then, looking a little embarrassingly at Abby, not knowing how she would react, but after a moment of surprise, her face returned to normal. Then she suddenly let out a small laugh. This time Buck frowned at her.

”Is he... that other firefighter from 118? What was his name...?” Abby seemed to search her memory.

”Diaz.” Buck told her.

”Yes.” Abby smiled brightly then. ”He seemed... to look at me oddly. I didn't think much about it then, but later on, I thought he didn't like me much.”

Buck laughed out loud. ”Well, he isn't your biggest fan for sure.” He told her and they both laughed.

”Is he seeing someone?” Abby continued her line of questions.

”Uh.. no, no he isn't.”

”The mother?” 

”Dead...” Buck whispered the answer. Shannon was something Buck rarely thought about. She was a person he had barely known, but who had caused Eddie great deal of pain. Buck didn't quite know how to deal with that.

”Oh...” Abby whispered. ”Has he been single for long?”

Buck had to stop to think. ”Ever since she died... year and a half ago? Longer than me..”

”He was a good looking guy. Maybe you're not the only one with those feelings.” Abby smiled slyly at him before standing up. ”I wish you all the best, Buck. I really do.” She then said and hugged him fondly when Buck stood up as well. 

The hug was brief and she left the way she had came from. Buck looked after her for a while before taking his phone out. He should really go get changed so he could get in May's graduation party in time.

Buck had wished he could arrive at the same time as Eddie and Christopher, but the traffic was worst than he had thought, which made him come a little later, but that was okay. After congratulation May and his parents, he found the Diaz boys among the others, smiling widely tp him.

”Buck!” Chris beamed as he saw him, making Buck forget everything bad in the world. Still thinking that this kid was the most amazing one in the whole wide world.

After giving Chris a quick hug, Buck settled to stand beside Eddie. He soon felt Eddie's shoulder nudge at his, trying to get his attention.

”How was it?” Eddie questioned, knowing that Buck had been talking with Abby. Eddie was proud of himself for keeping his emotions at bay.

Buck looked at Eddie and smiled. ”It... didn't go the way I thought, but I'm relieved.”

”Yeah?” Eddie looked Buck more closely, wondering if he really meant it.

”Yeah.” Buck smiled at him, feeling his chest tighten a little. He wondered if Abby had been right. Could he and Eddie have the same feelings. ”It made me realize that there's nothing I could've done to make our relationship work. It helps.” Buck almost forgot to stare at Eddie's deep eyes, only snapping out of it when a bottle of champagne was opened and everybody had gathered around the hero of the day.

The party was exactly what Buck needed. Even more so when he got to spend it with the Diaz boys, his 118 family and his sister. The photo booth was great. They took some horrible photos of everybody. Buck even managed to get Eddie along after few drinks from the punch. He helped Chris write a congratulation text to May as Eddie watched them from afar, smiling to himself.

”You doing okay?” Bobby asked from Buck, once he got to apologize to his captain for his behavior in the train.

Buck couldn't help but smile by the same question he had heard only an hour earlier. ”Yeah... I think I am.” He answered honestly and received a proud smile from Bobby. 

”Good.” Bobby said and before they could continue their conversation, Buck saw Eddie wave at him from the other side of the room.

”Buck! Buck!” Eddie called out hurriedly and Buck patted Bobby's shoulder as he passed him to get to his friend.

”What's so urgent?” He asked with a wide smile as he got to Eddie.

”I was just wondering...” Eddie started, but stopped to find the words. Buck could see that he was a little drunk, not too much, but enough to become a little goofy and make him a bit loosened than usual. ”Aren't you angry at all?”

”Angry?” Buck looked at Eddie like he had just lost his mind. Why would he be angry in the middle of amazing party?

Eddie sighed in frustration. ”To Abby? Aren't you angry at Abby for leaving you like that?”

For a moment, Buck had to think about what to answer to him. He knew how he felt, but putting it to words Eddie would understand was more difficult. ”I-I don't want to hold on to anger. I just want to put that all behind me.” He then said and looked at Eddie to see if he understood.

Eddie nodded, seemingly in thoughts. ”Can I do it for you?” He then asked.

”If you want to.” Buck couldn't help but smile to this man.

”I would do anything for you, you know that right?” Eddie said with a straight face, suddenly looking like he hadn't drank at all. But before Buck could reply to that, Eddie continued: ”In return, you can keep my anger towards Shannon, okay? It's a sweet deal.”

”I'll do that...” Buck smiled, a little uncertain of what that deal really meant, but he was just happy to have Eddie's back.

From that moment on, Eddie decided to keep his glass full only with water. Buck watched him danced around with his son and then decided to join them once the song changed. They goofed around for a moment, until Eddie leaned to speak to his ear: 

”I need to go pee.” 

Buck nodded to the information as Eddie disappeared from sight. He continued to dance with Chris until the kid was more stumbling than dancing, so he picked the kid up his arms. 

”When are you leaving to the camp?” Buck asked and even wider smile appeared on the kid's face if that was even possible.

”The day after tomorrow.” Chris announced proudly. Buck could feel him tense with excitement and probably with a little nervousness too.

”I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.” Buck confessed, still not quite understanding how he or Eddie could make it through two weeks without this kid.

”I know – I know Dad will be sad while I'm gone.” Chris then said, the smile faltering a little. ”Can you take care of him for me?” 

”Sure, buddy.” Buck promised without hesitation. ”What does your Dad like to do for fun?” 

”He-he likes ice cream.” Chris told him with a newly found smile.

”Then I will get him some ice cream.” Buck told him. ”What else? What about amusement parks?”

”Yeah! And movies but don't go see that movie I've talked about, because I want to see it with you together.”

”I promise we won't.” Buck said firmly. Certain that he and Eddie couldn't care less about that movie and would go see it only with Chris. They preferred something more action packed films. ”Umm... the beach?” He then asked. 

”Dad loves to swim and I know he loves baseball.” 

”Then I will take him to a game and this time I'll remember everything you taught me.” Chris had once told Buck some basic tules of baseball when he had confessed that he didn't know much about it. Buck's father had never taken him to a baseball game. But Chris looked doubtful at him. ”I remember...” Buck paused for a moment and pretended to think hard, making Chris smile. ”I remember Eddie cheers on El Paso Chihuahas and LA Dodgers. Three strikes and the batter is out and with three outs the teams switch, right?” 

”Good, you've learned something.” Chris announced loudly, making Buck laugh.

”Learned about what?” Eddie's voice was suddenly very close to Buck's ear.

”You'll see.” Buck told him with a sly smile, making Eddie doubtful, but he was smart enough not to question any further.

The dreadful day arrived as Eddie had to escort Chris to the bus which would take his son far away from him for two whole weeks. But he couldn't be sad about it, when Chris was so happy to go there. Eddie was certain he wouldn't even remember to miss his father while he was there. 

As he waved his son goodbye, he opened the card Christopher had given him. Chris had especially told him that he could open it only when he's gone.

 _'You're going to have a great time. Love, Christopher.'_ Eddie felt his heart burst. He loved his son so much. The kid was leaving to his first great adventure all by himself and he still had the energy to think about his father's feelings. 

For a moment, Eddie just stood there. Staring after the school bus, already missing Chris like crazy. He really didn't want to return to an empty house. Knowing just how hollow it would feel for the next two weeks. Eddie was just about to return to his car, when a truck parked where the school bus had stood only a minute earlier and Eddie recognized the car right a way. The door was opened and Buck's wide smile greeted him from the driver's seat.

”Hop in!” Buck called out to him and waved for him to come inside. 

Eddie looked around in disbelief, wondering if he should protest and tell that his car was on the parking spot, but instead, Eddie just sat down.

”You know, I do have a car of my own.” He said with a wry smile as he pulled the door shut.

”I know, but you don't know where we are going, so I figured it would be best to pick you up.” Buck explained with a smile and Eddie knew he had something planned for him and he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach. He also realized that Buck didn't talk about Chris leaving for purpose, not wanting him to feel down.

”Today is warm and sunny.” Buck declared, looking at Eddie with wide eyes, like he wanted him to guess where they were going.

”Uh... inside? Under the air conditioner?” Eddie thought that would be the best solution, although he knew that wasn't what Buck had planned.

”Noup...” Buck confirmed his doubts as he started to drive forward. ”We are gonna go driving for a bit.”

”What a nice way to sit in traffic in a day like this.” Eddie crumbled, but Buck only smiled, keeping his eyes at the road.

Once they reached the highway, Buck suddenly nodded towards the glove compartment. ”Open it up.”

Eddie frowned, but did as he was told. Inside, laid a pile of tickets. He picked them up to see what they were. ”Baseball tickets?”

”To every game of L.A.Dodgers from two weeks forward. I already talked to Bobby and he promised to make sure we have time off on every game night.” Buck explained and for a moment Eddie was speechless. He loved this guy so much. The next two weeks were going to be pure torture, if he was going to keep his mouth shut about his feelings.

”I thought you didn't understand baseball.” He finally managed to open his mouth and looked at Buck with glimmer in his eyes.

Buck glanced at him and smiled a little bashfully. ”I didn't. And... I still don't for the most part, but I hold you on for teaching me.”

”Hmm...” Eddie pretended to ponder the answer. ”I guess we can make that work.”

They drove surprisingly long. Eddie tried to ask several times where they were going, but Buck kept it as a secret, clearly enjoying to keep him in the dark. Finally, they stopped to a remote parking lot, but Eddie could already see the mostly deserted beach.

”Wait a moment.” Buck said as he got up from the car.

Eddie looked after him, but Buck disappeared out of his sight. He looked through the tickets again, already looking forward of going to the first one tomorrow. Then he felt a little bad for already having fun, when his son had left only an hour ago. He was pulled back from his thoughts as Buck sat down again.

”Here.” Buck said and handed him a cone of ice cream. ”Chris said you liked ice cream.”

”Uh... thanks.” Eddie said, a little confused. ”Actually, I only eat it when I'm out with Chris...” He then saw the smile falter from Buck's face and quickly continued. ”...but I appreciate the thought, Buck. Really. Thank you.”

The smile returned and they made their way to the beach. There were only few people around. Probably because it was so far away from the larger beaches and wind was catching up, making clouds gather to the sky.

They sat down to the still warm sand, eating in silence. Eddie looked at the shore, reminiscing the time he had spent with Shannon and Chris at the beach. He had been so confused then. Scared, of the need to have his family back, but having that nagging feeling that it all would destroy in his hands. And it had, but as Eddie looked back at everything that had happened in the between, that had lead him here, sitting beside Buck, eating ice cream, made him realize that he was actually happy. Being here with Buck didn't feel... forced or confused. He felt content.

Eddie glanced towards Buck who had finished his ice cream long before him and was now gazing at the sea. Eddie made him look up as he suddenly stood up and started to take off his shoes.

”Last one in the water is a loser.” Eddie said with a playful smile, already taking his shirt off, before Buck caught up with his words and fiercely tried to get his shoes off. 

”Cheater!” Buck yelled after him as Eddie sprinted towards the shore, but Buck wasn't far behind. He only abandoned his shoes, before following Eddie as fast as he could, tossing his shirt while running.

Buck caught up with him just when Eddie was knee deep, and tackled him to the shallow water. They both got their eyes and mouths full of salt water, making them both cough and blinking fiercely. Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck's neck and dragged him deeper. They decided to swim around for a moment, even though their jeans were weighting them down. The uncomfortable feeling only caught up with them as they got up from the water. 

”Your car is going to get wet.” Eddie said a little apologetic for sitting down on the seat with his wet clothes.

”It's okay.” Buck laughed, still a little out of breath. ”Where to?”

Eddie hadn't thought about his house for the last two hours and now he faltered as he thought about going there. ”Weren't you supposed to have everything planned out?” He then asked from Buck, wishing he could come up with something.

Buck ran a hand through his wet hair, which was now curled from the moisture, clearly thinking what to do next. ”What about a bar and then a movie at my place? And this time we can watch anything we want.”

”Sounds perfect.” Eddie breathed out. He leaned against the seat and closed his eyes for a moment. The next two weeks were going to be different for sure, but they didn't seem as terrifying as they had at the beginning of the day. Eddie looked over at Buck, not even realizing he was smiling. Yes, the next two weeks were going to be great. Just like Chris had wrote to him.


End file.
